Preface
Those who know me, whether to loathe me or like me as a consequence, know that I abhor sadomasochist power dynamics, regardless of where or when such dynamics may appear; I abhor them whether they exist as a function of racism, sexism, paedophilia or anthrocentrism; whether resulting in familial tyranny, economic tyranny, global tyranny or sexual tyranny. I do not believe that things which are rightly condemned, such as sadism, sexism, cruelty and Nazism, somehow magically become acceptable when circumscribed exclusively to sexuality. Nor do I believe that it is somehow more acceptable to fantasize about raping women than it is to fantasize about raping Jews or any other hated group of people; nor do I believe that it is somehow more acceptable to fantasize about donning Nazi regalia and forcing a degraded and exploited people into complete subservience when such fantasizing results in sexual arousal, in fact I believe it is disgusting to find something like that sexually arousing. Nor do I believe that sexual encounters between people are distinct from other kinds of encounters between people, and not subject to the same scrutiny or ethics. Nor do I believe that human sexuality is discontinuous and differentiated from the rest of human existence. I draw no arbitrary distinction between events occuring within the context of human sexuality and events occuring without it.
Sexual encounters between people are not "fantasy", either, they are reality, and what happens in sexual encounters between people is as real as what happens in any other sort of encounter between people, and the same egalitarian principles and ethics apply here for me as they do in any other case. When feminist principles are transgressed in sexual encounters, they are not transgressed in some distant "fantasy-land" -- they are transgressed in reality, in a real and tangible world, and so the transgression means something real. It is no less a transgression for having orgasm as its raison d'être than it would be for having profit or egomania as its raison d'être. Sexual encounters between people do not exist far and away from the material world in some mystical and magical fantasy land where everyday rules and ethics no longer apply; sexuality is real; it is real and material in existence; it is as real as working in a factory or cooking a meal. When we talk about sexuality, we are talking about reality, not fantasy, and a slavish sexuality is no more defensible than slavish working conditions. Nor do the standards for "consent" somehow become more relaxed when we talk about sexual consent versus any other kind of consent.
So those who know me also know that I am against sadistic exploitation, whether sexually or otherwise.
People have often asked me, "Then what do you think a feminist sexuality would look like?"
I have been alive for eighteen years to date, not relatively long, but long enough. The first time I saw what I now know as "pornography" was about twelve years ago, when I was approximately age eight. It was a videotape belonging to my mother's boyfriend, entitled (and I still vividly remember), "Asses to Die For". The cover featured several women bending down, their anuses pointed towards the viewer suggesting immediate accessibility for the generic penis, and nothing else about them save for their legs was visible. He cajoled my mother into watching this kind of shit with him, but I remember it being quite taboo that I had discovered it. He found it especially hilarious.
Since that time I have not once found any sexual depiction anywhere, whether heterosexual or homosexual, which completely eschewed misogynism or sadomasochism. Not once. In fact, all depictions of sexuality I have seen since then have been the same sort of cheap propaganda, based on the premise of the dehumanization and degradation of a feminized object-person by a masculinized sadist (sometimes present in the depiction, sometimes just the viewer/reader), always with the point that women are only sexual objects meant to be used by men, and so even when men are used by men this makes them feminized as substitute women. This depressing presentation of human sexuality is ubiquitous.
I am often demonized as hating all men and being a ridiculous pessimist when it comes to sex; I actually believe I am ridiculously optimistic about both males and sex considering that nearly all males I have ever met have been masculine abusive jerks and all depictions of sex I have ever seen have been excercises in sadism! I still believe that human sexuality can be rescued from the sadomasochist craptrap[sic] and that male sexuality is not innately sadistic, or innately anything, in spite of patriarchy's insistence to the contrary. To believe this flies in the face of everything the status quo says is true about both human sexuality in general and male sexuality in particular, and as such it is an astoundingly optimistic position for me to take. In fact, some people are, understandably, so dispirited by the endless barrage of patriarchal propaganda, that for them eliminating all males from the face of the planet is a more achievable goal than ending the dominance of patriarchal sexuality in males; but not I, I have hope for ending that patriarchal dominance, a crazily optimistic hope. Of course, I'm still young and naive, so say what you will....
As a writer, I believe that any serious story has as its underlying goal to humanize its characters, to make the reader empathize with its characters, to make the reader care about what happens to its characters. These are the goals of serious authors. Any story which has as its goal to dehumanize its characters is a form of propaganda meant to destroy all empathy in the reader with the targetted group whom the characters represent. It is nothing more. That is what pornography does to women.
So what do I think a feminist sexuality would look like? I believe it would look the same way any feminist relationship between humans would look; I believe it would look mutual.
The reason behind the following short story I have written here is to present an example of how I envision human sexuality, ideally, that is, in the feminist sense. If there is one incontrovertible proof of my boundless optimism with regards to human sexuality, cynical though it may often be, this story is the proof. You're welcome to be aroused or not aroused by the story, but your arousal is not the point of it. I ask that you pay close attention to the power-dynamics present in the relationship and the sexual encounter between the two main characters here, for an answer to the question people have often asked me about how I envision mutual, feminist, sexuality.
mikey rosario,
September 23, 2000
