Title: Access Denied

Author/pseudonym: Silk

Email address: silkn1@worldnet.att.net

Rating: NC-17

Pairings: Jim/Blair

Date: 2/28/01

Series/Sequel: Technical Problems; this file is a sequel to Invalid Entry.

Category: Series: Technical Problems, First Times, Romance

Author's website: https://www.angelfire.com/ny4/tinsel/

Disclaimer: All things Sentinel belong to PetFly and Paramount. Not me. This work is purely for pleasure, not for profit.

Summary: A revelation threatens Jim and Blair's newfound relationship.

*****

Access Denied

By Silk

It was the most beautiful night of my life.

I woke up in the middle of the night. Blair was nestled under my chin, the stubble of his beard abrading my neck. His arms wound around my chest, he clung to me with a fierceness that might have embarrassed him if he were awake.

With a sigh, I realized that he had invaded my heart and soul a long, long time ago. Too bad I was too stubborn to notice. Caught up in my own fears and anxieties, some of which were perfectly valid, I almost let the best thing that had ever happened to me slip away.

As if he sensed my thoughts and feelings, Blair moved restlessly in his sleep. I stroked a long curling tendril of his dark auburn hair back from his face and murmured, "Ssh, it's okay."

"Jim?" he queried drowsily.

"Yeah, Chief?"

"I love you."

Christ, how was it that those three words had such power? How was it that I could feel their intensity inside me like a physical ache, but I could never voice them to Blair?

I dragged my lips across Blair's temple, reassured by his immediate relaxation back into sleep. Maybe I couldn't say them yet, but that didn't mean they weren't true.

***

When morning came, sunlight came with it, streaming in through the skylight, painting our bodies with warmth. Coming slowly awake, I opened my eyes, splaying my arms across the width of the bed in an expansive stretch. For the first time in a long time, I looked forward to getting up for a completely different reason than the simple survival of another night.

Being in love changed my entire perception of things. Maybe it shouldn't have, given the length of time we had already spent together, but it did. Making love was like coming full circle. It was both an ending and a beginning. And it was nice to feel something other than the usual dull ache in my knee, a leftover from Zoeller's shot all those many days ago.

I turned my head, fully expecting to see Blair. But he wasn't there. Not lying next to me.

An unconscious shiver edging its way down my spine, I told myself that he was merely in the bathroom. My senses temporarily derailed by the impatient fluttering of emotion running through me, I couldn't focus well enough to search for Blair's heartbeat.

Then all at once, sweet relief. For there he was, standing at the top of the stairs, looking at me.

"Blair..." I whispered, certain that everything I was feeling, everything I had been unable to show until now, was there for anyone to see on my face.

"You fucking son-of-a-bitch."

If he had yelled, maybe it wouldn't have hurt so much. But Blair was considerate to a fault. His tone muted and even, there was no way to read what he was feeling from his voice.

I sat up, the yellow bed linens pooling around my waist. "What's wrong?"

"Don't you know?" Oh, God, there were tears in his voice, if not in his eyes. How did we get to that from-? I closed my eyes and imagined the feel of his lips on mine. It was probably the only way he was likely to kiss me again.

When I opened my eyes, he was sitting on the bed, directly in front of me. He looked as bad as I felt. "Why didn't you tell me that you *were* Jack?"

Shit. Between playing one-upmanship with the Maitre D' and trying to show Blair how much I really cared last night, I forgot a crucial detail. Blair assumed that I chased away his dream date. I should have confessed the truth as soon as I had a chance. Now it was too late.

"How did you find out?"

"For God's sake, Jim, you used *my* laptop to send the emails. Did you think I wouldn't find out eventually?"

"I meant to tell you."

"When? Before or after you got me in bed? You stupid son-of-a-bitch! How could you do that to me? How? How?" Blair tried to punch my chest, but his blow had no real force behind it. I grabbed his wrist, stopping him before he struck me again. His lower lip trembled with the effort to hold back tears. I couldn't help myself. I leaned forward to kiss him, but he jumped back so quickly, I couldn't reach him.

"Blair-" My hands closed on air. I had never felt so bereft in my life. To be offered my heart's desire, only to have it snatched away, was too cruel for whatever Fate ruled my pathetic excuse for a life.

"I love you." Now I found the words surprisingly easy to say. Desperation clogged my throat and fought with desire.

Blair sprang to his feet, instantly poised for flight. "Don't."

"Does it really matter?"

"That you're a controlling bastard who can't resist meddling in every aspect of my life?"

"That's not why I hid behind Jack! I wasn't trying to manipulate you! I love you!"

"You'd do anything to keep me with you, wouldn't you, Jim? Even sleep with me?"

How had things gone from bad to worse? I stood up so suddenly, the covers fell away, revealing my nakedness, and with it, an erection that had nothing to do with morning and everything to do with Blair. Taking my dick in my fist, I advanced slowly on my lover. "Does this look *real* enough for you?" I asked hoarsely.

"Or do I have to fuck you with it to prove my point?"

Blair looked torn. He wanted to believe me. I never should have tried to hide my identity from him. It cast doubt on everything I said or did.

I was scared. I was sure that I was going to lose him. Since when had Fate seen fit to be kind to me or anyone I loved?

I didn't know how persuasive a naked man in love could be. I only knew how important it was for me to convince Blair that I wasn't lying about my feelings for him. "Blair...whether you chose Jack or you chose me, it's the same thing. I don't know what that tells *you*, but it tells *me* that...we were *meant* to be together."

Blair's blue eyes widened, then shut briefly, spilling their silvery contents all over his face. "You fucking romantic," he whispered.

"So what's the verdict, Chief? You think we can work this out?"

His hand closed over my rigid length with a deceptively weak grip. "I think you owe me, Jim. One punishment. My choice."

"What did you have in mind?" I asked silkily.

His grip abruptly tightened. The kid was definitely stronger than he looked.

"Get me your handcuffs, Jim, and we'll see who fucks who."

End