Affirmation

By Silk

Slowly but surely, Blair crept into the darkened loft. At first, before his eyes completely adjusted, he thought that Jim wasn’t there. But though he might not have Jim’s Sentinel senses, Blair had his own form of Jim Radar.

The bathroom door was slightly ajar.

His eyes widened as he took in the sight of Jim staring into the mirror. He thought, Holy shit, he’s zoned. Then he saw Jim’s lips move.

What was he saying? He couldn’t quite make it out. Then suddenly, he got it. In all its full Technicolor glory.

It was all he could do not to laugh out loud.

“I’m smart enough….” Um, Jim, there’s some question about that in my mind, man. You are talking to yourself, big guy, and what you’re saying is so fucking eerie.

“…and I’m good enough….” Uhhh, well, Jim, see, here’s the problem I have with that. You don’t fucking have a clue how I feel about you. You don’t fucking love me that way. You don’t fuck me. Period. Now maybe if I could sample your wares, we could discuss just how good you are, man. But I am so not into martyrdom anymore. You need to get rid of that fucking hair shirt, man. It’s got fleas.

“…and doggone it, people like me.” Blair huffed gently. Hell, yes, finally something he could agree with wholeheartedly. Or it would be with his whole heart if he still had one. But he didn’t. Cause Jim held the other half.

He wished he would give it back.

Then he could have some closure, get on with his life, and get the fuck out of town. Maybe it was time to stop waiting for Jim to jump on the clue bus. After all, Blair practically lived in the older man’s pocket. Jim didn’t seem inclined to throw him out, but he wasn’t exactly welcoming him home with open arms either.

The fact that Jim didn’t respond to Blair’s presence made Blair wonder if this was some new type of zone-out. Then Jim turned to face him, a sardonic grin on his lips.

“Hi, Chief.”

“Uh, Jim. I don’t know if you noticed or not, but you’re standing here, in your sweats, making positive affirmations at your mirror image. Now maybe it’s just me, but that seems just a little strange….”

“You don’t think I’m in need of affirmation, Chief?” Jim said softly, his eyes a lambent blue that made Blair think of heat and smoke and summer nights.

“Well…uh…you just never seemed like the type who lacked for confidence, Jim. You know?”

“Appearances can be deceiving. You of all people should know that,” he chided the younger man.

“Are you trying to tell me something here, Jim?” Blair frowned, but even the deep crease across his forehead couldn’t mar his masculine beauty. With a sharp toss of his long brown curls, which exposed the gold hoop in his left ear, Blair regarded the older man for several seconds, his extraordinary blue eyes fixed on Jim’s face.

“I don’t know. Am I?”

Suddenly it was as if a wall came down. Debris tumbled this way and that, filling in the blanks as it fell.

“Who do you want to be good enough for, Jim?”

“I think you know, Chief.”

“Who do you want to be smart enough for, Jim?”

Jim smiled, and the heat left his eyes to warm Blair’s face. His fingers tugged at the curls that threatened to fall over Blair’s ear, his breath whispered across Blair’s mouth….

Continuing as if Blair hadn’t spoken, Jim asked softly, “Do you like me, Chief?”

“Whoa. What a stupid question, man. Like what’s not to like? You gave me a fucking place to live. You gave me a fucking reason to finish my dissertation. You even saved my fucking life.”

“So this is just gratitude I’m feeling here, Chief?” Jim’s hand slid down between Blair’s legs, cupping his arousal. He fit perfectly inside Jim’s palm. He resisted the urge to thrust against that hand. No way he would take advantage of whatever freaking brain seizure Jim must have been having. No way.

“Wh-what’s this got to do with your funky affirmation, man?”

Jim’s eyes grew thoughtful. “Maybe I thought if I wished…and hoped…and prayed…a whole lot, you would…like…me.”

“I do like you, Jim. But you were saying, people like me. People, not me.”

Jim moved closer to Blair, reaching out for his ear with his tongue. Licking Blair’s earring, he gently tugged on it, provoking a surprised gasp from the younger man. “You’re a people, Chief.”

“Are you saying you were like chanting some kind of mantra to make me like you?”

Jim buried his face in Blair’s hair then, groaning as the chestnut-colored silk met his cheek. “Oh, Christ! Jim!”

“Maybe you have an affirmation of your own that you’d like to add? Chief?”

“Um…I’m smart enough….” Blair’s mouth opened as he felt Jim push his shirt up to expose two flat male nipples. Jim’s mouth closed around the nub, and Blair backed into the half-open door.

Jim’s chuckle vibrated against Blair’s skin. “Not too smart, Chief. You’ll hurt yourself if you try to think right now.”

Blair’s smoky blue eyes trained themselves on Jim’s face. “…I’m good enough….”

“Prove it, Chief.”

“Damn, Jim.” Blair’s mouth went dry as Jim shucked off the heather gray sweats that covered his long powerful thighs.

“One more, Chief.”

“And goddammit, you’re in love with me!” Blair blurted out, his heart sinking at the way his mind volunteered that information to Jim.

Jim began kissing Blair’s face. Cheek to cheek. Temple to temple. Chin to forehead. And finally…he captured Blair’s mouth as though it were one of those exquisite Thai delicacies he loved.

“What took you so long, Chief?” he whispered against his mouth.

“What took me--? You—“

Another heart-stopping kiss rendered Blair speechless. Melting into the embrace of the muscular arms that held him captive, Blair smiled, knowing the grin he wore was as broad as it was inappropriate.

“Jimmm….”

“What, Chief?”

“Nothing. Just Jimmm…” Blair sighed dreamily.

“Need a little help with your affirmations, Chief?”

Blair shook his head. “Nope. I already got what I wished for.”

“What was that, Chief?”

“The other half of my heart.”

End