Baby, It's You

by ~Silk

Part 3

To say Jim was stunned would be an understatement of the worst kind. His face flushed, it was hard to tell if it was embarrassment or excitement. But one thing was certain. He was nearly speechless.

"Wha--? You--" Jim's mouth opened, as if he wanted to say something, but words never came out. He shook his head, like he needed to clear his senses, and for a moment, it seemed as if he would zone again. But somehow, he held onto a shred of control.

"This isn't over with, Chief. Not by a long shot." Jim's cell phone rang shrilly, interrupting whatever else Jim might have wanted to say.

Frustrated beyond reason, Jim whipped open the cell phone and barked, "What?"

"Ellison? Is that you?" asked Simon. Simon Banks was a good captain and a good friend, but Jim could have wept over his timing.

"Yes, sir." His anger spiraling out of control, Jim settled for terseness.

"You are coming in to the station, aren't you?" This was the point where Simon usually pulled rank, asserting his authority over Jim. But Simon's voice was anything but authoritarian, and that wasn't sarcasm he heard either.

"I--" Jim swallowed the words that came up in his throat. He stole a glance in Sandburg's direction, abruptly realizing that he was gone.

You little chickenshit. Cut and run. Jim closed his eyes and focused on his Guide's heartbeat. He gave a sigh of relief. He was still here. Somewhere. He hadn't gone far. But his heart was beating like a triphammer. Jim didn't have much time. As soon as he could, Sandburg would take off.

"Jim? Jim?" All at once, Jim realized that Simon was calling him. Repeatedly. Shit. He swiped a hand over his face. He must have zoned on Sandburg's heartbeat. Not surprising, given the circumstances.

"I'm here, Simon. I'll be there as soon as I can. We need to talk."

"Yes, Jim. We do." Simon's voice sounded sad, resigned. He knew what he was going to say was going to make his good friend very unhappy. But it couldn't be helped. It was out of his hands.

Jim hung up, and the phone dropped out of his hands, hitting the carpet with a soft thud. No heartbeat. Sandburg was no longer in the loft. He automatically dialed up, wincing at the assault on his senses. But a quick search of the immediate neighborhood turned up nothing.

Striding slowly to the balcony, Jim looked out blindly, seeing nothing but the last expression on his Guide's face. "Where are you, Chief? I can't hear you."

After the initial shock wore off, Jim's anger faded away until nothing was left but an overwhelming emptiness. He couldn't even call it sadness. It was like there was a gaping hole inside, where Sandburg used to be. Where he used to fit. Just right.

"How could you leave me, Chief?"

***

Ellison didn't even stop at his desk enroute to Simon's office. He didn't wave back to everyone who hailed him, he didn't smile, and he didn't speak. He wasn't sure he was capable of speech right now. A mournful wail kept echoing unintelligibly in his head. It wasn't a result of his earlier sensory overload. He was convinced it was the keening of his spirit guide, grieving the passing of his mate. And if that wasn't a sure sign that something was terribly wrong, he didn't know what was. He had always had trouble buying into the spiritual and mystical themes Sandburg espoused, even where they related to the Sentinel-Guide thing. Okay, maybe especially where they related to that. But this was one time that Jim couldn't deny seemed to confirm Sandburg's theories.

He felt the loss as sharply as though Sandburg had died.

Simon slowly closed the door behind Jim, his face solemn. "Where's Sandburg?"

That got a reaction from Jim. "What do you mean, sir?"

"Where...is...Sandburg?" Simon repeated painstakingly.

Jim shook his head, his blue eyes still a bit dazed. "I don't know, sir."

Simon looked exasperated. "He's *your* partner, Jim. How could you lose him?"

"Lose him, Simon? He left me!"

Now it was Simon's turn to look puzzled. "He left you? But he's the reason I called."

"Yes, sir, he told me. You pulled his ridealong privileges. I wanted to talk to you about th--"

"Pulled his--? Jim, what's going on here? I didn't pull his credentials."

"But he said that you called and--" Jim broke off, trying to make sense of what happened earlier in light of what he knew now.

"Why would he lie to me, Simon?"

"I have no idea, Jim. Why did you say he left you? What do you mean?"

Jim ran a hand over his face and huffed softly into his palm. "One minute he was there, all upset, and the next, poof! He disappeared."

"What was he upset about?"

Jim's expression grew shuttered, and his entire face closed down. Simon recognized that look. Jim was digging in for the long haul. Withholding information. Usually something he was better off knowing.

"I can't tell you that, Simon."

"Was it personal?"

Jim hesitated for a second, then groaned. "Yeah, I kinda think it was."

Simon watched the younger man rub the back of his neck, and suddenly he could see how weary Jim was. Jim was unaccustomed to dealing with his feelings, and he was an expert at stuffing them. Only problem with that was...the inevitable explosion.

"I'm glad."

Simon's simple statement perplexed Jim no end. "What kind of cryptic nonsense is that? What the hell are you glad about?"

"That you finally realized you have personal feelings for Blair."

"Don't be stupid. Of course I have personal feelings for him. He's my Guide.'

"More, Jim."

"He's my best friend."

"Jim...." Simon gave him an impatient look that clearly said, You call yourself a detective?

Jim's eyes flashed blue fire at Simon, but a moment later, he sank down into a chair, burying his face in his hands. "Oh, God."

"I gather you haven't told him how you feel."

"I-I didn't want to ruin our friendship, Simon. I don't know what I'd do without him."

'Turn back into the Grinch, I suppose. You were a cold, arrogant bastard before Sandburg came along. Mind you, I like that in a detective. You were efficient, and you got the job done. Even if you weren't much in the personality department."

"Sandburg changed me." Jim sounded like he was stunned. Like it was something he barely recognized as the truth.

"I'll say. Does that bother you?"

"Hell, no. I-I think I'm in love with him," Jim whispered.

"Well, glory hallelujah. You have finally seen the light."

"You knew?"

"I suspected."

"What about everyone else?"

"I assume that by everyone else, you mean Joel, H, Connor...." Simon continued to count off his people on his fingers, one by one.

"All right, all right. It's that obvious?"

"Jim," Simon chided him. "We care about you. We notice everything. We know when you've been bad or good, so be good, for goodness' sake," Simon added sarcastically."

"I never quite pictured you as Santa, Simon," Jim said with a sardonic smile.

"Get over yourself, Ellison. For whatever reason, Blair thinks you don't care. That's why he lied to you. That's why he's gone. If you don't want to grow old without him, I suggest you get your ass in gear and find him."

"Ah. Easier said than done."

"Well, you won't find him in my office, so get lost, Jim. I mean that in a nice way, of course," Simon said, his dark eyes twinkling.

"Simon?" Jim suddenly remembered that Simon wanted to see him, to tell him something. "What was it you wanted to tell me?"

"Oh, that. The Chief, *my* Chief, not yours, Jim," Simon added sotto voce, "wanted to see firsthand how the observer program was working. He scheduled himself for a ridealong with you and Blair all this week. I *knew* how happy you were going to be over that, so I was fixing to prepare both of you."

"Warn us, you mean."

"Yeah, well, that, too. Like everyone else here, Jim, I assumed that you and Sandburg were together. You know...*together*."

"Oh...oh! Gotcha, sir, together, sir." Jim nodded, abruptly concluding that this was one of the most bizarre conversations he and Simon ever had.

"So I didn't want the Chief to discover you and Blair in a...compromising position, if you catch my drift."

"Oh, drift caught, sir." Jim bobbed his head up and down, like one of those little toy birds that keeps dipping its beak into a glass of water.

"Compromising position, sir. Got it, sir." Jim backed himself out of Simon's office and turned on his heel, heading for the elevators at breakneck speed.

That's exactly where I want him, sir. Just as soon as I fucking find out where he went.

Part 4