Baby, It’s You

By Silk

Part 4

Jim was starting to lose hope that he would ever find Sandburg. After three trips around the block, he was no closer to discovering his hiding place. He could hear his heartbeat, but for once, he felt like arguing with his overly powerful Sentinel senses. He's not here, he felt like screaming, but his senses disagreed. He should be right about...there.

There. There? That huddled mass of humanity? Against the wall? In the alleyway?

With a jolt, Jim brought the pickup in for a hard landing. The truck slammed over the curb and up onto the sidewalk with a dull thud. Luckily, there was no one around to witness the ongoing disintegration of Jim Ellison. He flew into the alleyway with a loud cry. "Sandburg!"

His heart sank. This didn't look good. Sandburg looked unresponsive. It wasn't that cold a night. But then he remembered, he's always cold, my Chief. Without checking to see if Sandburg was awake or unconscious, Jim hefted his dead weight into his arms and over his shoulder, employing a fireman's carry.

"I'll get you warm again, Chief. I swear," Jim kept muttering under his breath.

"Jim..."came the answering murmur.

"Yeah, Chief. I'm here. You okay?"

"Cold...so cold, Jim." Sandburg's head flopped weakly against Jim's back. "Don't feel good, Jim."

"I'm here, Blair. I'll take care of you." Jim had never meant anything more in his life.

"Hey, Jim?" Sandburg sounded like he was holding back a giggle.

"Yeah?"

"You called me Blair." This time, there was a distinct giggle.

"Blair, are you laughing at me? I'm pretty damn worried, and here you are, laughing at me."

Jim reached the truck and shifted Sandburg's weight to the other side in preparation for opening the door to the pickup. Once he had the door open, he lay Sandburg down on the bench seat. For a moment, Sandburg just lay there, staring up at Jim with those big blue eyes that seemed so knowing and yet so innocent.

"Jim? I wasn't laughing at you." Christ, now Sandburg sounded like he was about to cry.

"It's okay, Chief. I understand." Jim closed the truck door, making sure it was locked before striding around to the driver's side. When he was settled again, he heard Sandburg's voice coming out of the darkened cab.

"Do you?"

Losing track of where the conversation was headed, Jim sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. Squinting, he felt his eyes begin to water.

"Headache?" Blair asked, always solicitous of his Sentinel.

"Yeah, Chief. Headache." Not to mention every other kind of ache there could possibly be. Christ, what was the matter with his senses? It was as if his sense of touch had gone completely off the charts. Like he had dialed up. But he hadn't. Had he?

Jim swiped a hand over his face before turning the key in the ignition. Maybe he had. He had the strangest urge to touch Sandburg. Not that way, his mind skittered away. Yet, his mind darted back and added. Leaving him with his thoughts and feelings all in a jumble.

Somehow Jim managed to drive back to the loft. Somehow they made it upstairs, though Sandburg was still too weak to walk on his own. He stopped in front of the door, key in hand, uncertain why. Then he realized that the threshold was a virtual stand-in for the line they were about to cross. Hoped to cross, Jim corrected himself.

"Jim?"

Jim turned his head slightly, but he couldn't quite meet Sandburg's eyes. "Yeah?"

"It's okay."

"What's okay, Chief?" he asked softly.

"Whatever happens. If you, like, need me to leave, or something...I mean...." Sandburg tried. He really did. But he just wasn't up to a good obfuscation. Cause his heart was screaming, Hell, no, it's not okay! You want to leave the Big Guy? Like, voluntarily?

Jim didn't say a word. He just pulled on Sandburg's arm until he was safely inside the loft. He moved briskly into the kitchen, grabbing the kettle to fill it with water. Sandburg liked tea. Tea would warm him up. Damn, there was this running commentary inside him. Racing ahead, trying to fill in all of the blanks. Yeah, tea would warm him up, but what he really needed was...Jim. Now where did that come from?

Sandburg watched Jim wordlessly. He had run without thinking. When Simon called, he didn't hear what he was really saying. His mind played tricks on him, his guilt surged to the fore. If the Chief rides with us all week long, he'll see, he'll know. And then he'll tell Jim. Sandburg started to breathe harder just thinking about Jim's reaction. Your neo hippie witch doctor punk partner is in love with you, Ellison. What's up with that?

How the hell did that happen? Sandburg closed his eyes, seeking control in vain. How do you think it happened? The usual way. First, they were friends, then they became best friends, and then...he wanted more. Wanted to kiss Jim, make love to him, belong to him.

But Jim...he was like a walking embodiment of all that was male. Strong, terse...okay, arrogant. Arrogant fit. But hey, Jim made it work for him, and it wasn't as if he took liberties with Sandburg's self-esteem. Well, yeah, he did. But he didn't know that he did. Cause he didn't know that Sandburg thought Jim Ellison hung the moon and the stars.

A solitary tear crept out from under one eyelid, and Sandburg opened his eyes, attempting to stay in the moment.

"Tea, Chief. Just what you need to warm you up." Jim offered the cup to Sandburg, and Blair reached out shakily to take it, just missing connecting with the cup's handle. In slow motion, they both watched the cup fall to the carpet, spilling its contents across the floor at their feet.

"Oh, God, Jim, I'm so sorry," Blair blurted out, unaware that he was almost in tears.

"It's just tea, Chief."

"But your carpet!" Blair protested.

"Fuck the carpet, Blair. Don't you know you're more important than the goddamn carpet?"

"No, Jim. I didn't know that," Blair whispered, his smoky blue eyes suddenly seeming too large for his face.

They stood inches apart, the tension between them almost a physical thing. "Well, you are. Important, I mean. To me."

"Yeah?" Blair raised hopeful eyes to Jim's face. How important, Jim?

Suddenly Jim turned on his heel, heading for the stairs that led to his bedroom. Blair couldn't move. He didn't know what Jim expected him to do now. Shouldn't they talk...or something?

Jim leaned over the railing and called down to Sandburg. "Hey, Chief! You coming up?"

"I-I don't know. Am I?"

Jim's face softened as he contemplated the younger man who stood so uncertainly in his living room. "No more running, Chief. You belong up here. With me."

"I do?"

Jim laughed, throwing his head back. It was the first genuine laugh in days for him. "Shit, Sandburg! How'd you ever make it through grad school? Your powers of observation need serious work."

Blair moved towards the stairway like he was treading into quicksand. Jim decided that Blair needed more encouragement. He clearly wasn't getting the full picture. "Chief, you look like you're walking to your death here. I'm not going to yell at you for running away."

"You're not?"

"No. Cause I found you. Now if I didn't find you, that would be another story."

"You always find me, Jim. I should have known I couldn't get away from you." There was such utter sadness in Blair's voice that Jim couldn't bear it. Sandburg was still laboring under the delusion that Jim didn't care.

"Come here, Chief." Blair had finally reached the top of the stairs. He seemed hypnotized by the sight of the huge bed that dominated the room.

Jim's eyes followed Blair's to the bed. "Hey, don't let it scare you, Chief. It doesn't scare me." Anymore. I should have said, anymore.

"Jim? I'm lost, man."

Jim enveloped the smaller man in a snug embrace, and for several moments, Blair resisted. But Jim could feel the warmth of his skin. He could hear Blair's heartbeat speed up. He could smell his arousal. "No, you're not, Chief. You're with me."

He could feel the moment when Blair relented, his body capitulating at last. A soft groan escaped Blair as he wrapped his arms tightly around Jim. "Jim...."

"It's okay, Blair."

"What's okay?" Blair asked, hearing the echo of their earlier conversation.

"Whatever happens."

Jim sat down on the bed, taking Blair with him. Blair hid his face against Jim's chest, his grip on Jim's back even tighter now. "You want to know why I ran away." It wasn't a question, really.

"Only if you're ready to tell me."

"I'm such a coward, man. I should have told you, no matter what. But I was so afraid."

"Afraid of what, Chief?"

"Of losing what we have. Our friendship. Once you knew...."

"What should I know, Blair?"

"That I love you." The moment the words actually left his mouth, Blair gasped, certain that Jim would order him to go.

"Is this where you think I'm going to pack up all your stuff and tell you to get the hell out of Dodge, Chief?"

Blair burrowed deeper into Jim's embrace. He couldn't help himself. To be this close to the man he loved and admired was a dream he never thought he had a hope of realizing. "Isn't it?"

Jim finally allowed himself to touch Blair's hair. It was every bit as silky as he thought it would be. He twisted a strand around his fingers, bringing it to his nose, gently sniffing it. It smelled like Blair. God, he could zone on the smell of it. Of him.

It was as if something deep inside gave and fell away. Jim released the captured lock of hair and buried his face in the curls that tumbled loosely around Blair's shoulders. "Jim? Are we okay? You never answered me, man. And all this sniffing and all, which is nice, in fact it's very nice, damn nice, if you ask me, but you didn't ask me, I know. Jim?"

Jim smiled. Suddenly he heard Simon's voice in his head. Not in the literal sense, but inside him, like the voice of reason. Take pity on the poor kid, Jim. Tell him. Tell him already before he busts a blood vessel trying to talk you to death.

He pulled back slowly, unwilling to give up too much distance. Now that he'd come this far, he wasn't giving up anything. "Blair...."

Blair smiled anxiously, the urge to bounce right out of Jim's arms warring with his desperate desire to stay. "I'm yours, man. I mean, you always knew that, right? You could do anything to me, anything, and I just keep right on coming back to you. It's not a Sentinel-Guide thing, though, I want you to know that. This, this is a love thing. A for real love thing. You know, I've never really belonged anywhere, all my life, and I always wanted to belong somewhere, with someone. And I never ever had that, man, until you let me in. And I, like, don't want to lose that. So if you don't feel the same way I do, that's okay, only just don't, please, don't push me away. I couldn't stand that, man. I think it might even kill me or something, Jim."

Jim pressed a fingertip to Blair's lips, trying not to zone on the touch of his warm, moist mouth. "Shut up, Sandburg," he said affectionately. "And that's the last time I'm going to call you that."

"Wh-what are you going to call me instead?"

"What's wrong with your real name?"

"Nothing. Except you never call me that. I always wondered why you-But that was okay, cause it was you, and I love being called Chief, and-are you going to, like, kiss me or what? Jim, you're so fucking close."

"I love you, Blair," Jim whispered, watching the heat grow in those smoky blue eyes.

It wasn't every day he was able to render Blair Sandburg speechless. But he was. It left that deliciously sensual mouth vulnerable, and Jim sensed that now would be as good a time as any to start exploring new territory.

Jim closed the gap between them and captured Blair's mouth. This was no light, experimental kiss, but a solid, possessive claiming. When Jim reluctantly broke away, it was only to breathe.

Blair looked as stunned as he felt. "Wow, man, Jim, that was so, like, territorial. Are you, like, saying I belong to you now?"

"Yeahhh...," Jim growled. "You got a problem with that, Chief?"

"No, no problem, Jim, can I, like, sign up for life?"

"Blair Sandburg wants a commitment?" Jim gave the newly acknowledged love of his life a bemused look.

"Hell, yeah. What kind of guy do you think I am? You think I just want to have my way with you? And-and what was I saying, Jim?" Blair gazed raptly into Jim's eyes, noting how clear and determined they seemed right now. He was okay with this. Better than okay.

Jim kissed him again, this time insinuating his tongue between Blair's lips, and Blair groaned even as he opened further. "Jeez, how come it feels like this is the first time I ever did this?"

Jim whispered against Blair's mouth, "Maybe cause it's the first time we ever did this."

"Boy, are we losers or what? Wasting three years like that? Three years we could have been-"

Another kiss, hotter than the first two, cut off what Blair was going to say. "You want to waste more time, or you want to cut to the chase, Darwin?"

Part 5