Gemini Rising
By Silk
Part 2-R
"So this job would
mean relocating?" Jim asked casually, feeling as though his entire body
had gone numb.
"You could say
that." The job was at the other end of the Earth. Or it might as well be.
Anywhere away from Jim was too far away. Blair's eyes flickered briefly with
some unidentified emotion.
Or at least, Jim told
himself that he couldn't identify it. My whole life is being turned upside
down. He knew he was being selfish, even egotistical, just like Blair accused
him earlier. But he couldn't help it. So much of his life revolved around
Blair.
Blair was right. He did
take him for granted. He did want him to be there when he needed him.
Which...lately...seemed to be most of the time.
But Jim couldn't see
himself standing in the way of Blair pursuing his career. It wouldn't be fair.
He had no...right. What compelling reason could he give Blair not to take this
job?
"I...."
"What, Jim?"
Blair looked expectantly towards the older man he considered his partner in
very nearly every sense of the word.
Jim shut his mouth so
tightly, Blair could see his jaw clench. "Nothing," Jim said, his
voice so soft, Blair could barely hear him.
Blair sat back against
the couch with a muffled thump. He hadn't even realized that he was sitting,
quite literally, on the edge of his seat, waiting for Jim to say something,
anything.
The silence stretched
out until it was painful. On the verge of zoning on the sound of Blair's
heartbeat, Jim abruptly cleared his throat. "So," he said with false
cheer, "what kind of job are we talking about here, Chief? Did Rainier
finally wise up and make you head of the Anthropology Department?"
Blair huffed gently, as
if to say to Jim, You just can't bring yourself to take me seriously, can you?
"Actually, Jim, the
job isn't with Rainier."
"Oh, that's right.
You said it would involve...relocating." There was that dreaded word
again. It made Blair's heart race, and Jim refused to let himself wonder why.
"Well, that's not
exactly true."
Jim shook his head, a
puzzled look overtaking his handsome face. "It's not?"
Blair looked mildly
discomfited. "The job's in the private sector. With a corporation. Here in
Cascade."
"Then why would you
need to move?"
Blair heaved a great
sigh of exasperation. "It's one of the conditions of the job, Jim."
"That you move out
of your home? And correct me if I'm wrong, Chief, but you do think of this as
your home. Don't you?" Jim almost stopped breathing, using his senses like
a virtual lie detector to monitor Blair's response.
"You know I do,
Jim," Blair whispered, staring at his suddenly restless hands as they
twined together.
"Chief? No one's
making you do this, y'know."
"I know, Jim,"
Blair said sadly. "But I'd be a fool not to accept their offer. The
prestige alone outweighs the salary, but shit, the money's astronomical, Jim.
Really."
"That's it, then.
You're going to take it." Jim couldn't believe that Blair was going to
take another job without even talking it over with him. Didn't their friendship
mean anything to him? How can you leave like this, Chief? How can you
leave...*me*?
"Yeah."
Jim swallowed hard,
feeling panic spread throughout his formerly numb body with frightening speed.
"When do you think you'll be...*gone*?"
Blair refused to meet
Jim's eyes. Jim tuned in to Blair's heartbeat, the pulse beating like a
hummingbird in flight. "Chief?"
"They want me
pretty much right away, Jim," Blair said in a curiously neutral tone.
"So...no notice?
Just a flick of the wrist and bye-bye? Four goddamn years get wiped out, just
like that?" Jim snapped his fingers, and the resounding crack made Blair
flinch.
"Not...just like
that, Jim. We'll still be friends." Blair spoke the words, but he couldn't
make himself believe in them, any more than he expected Jim to.
"Right. We'll do
lunch," Jim quipped caustically.
Jim stood up, his great
height making him loom over Blair like some kind of nightmare figure.
"Guess I'm on my own now, eh, Chief?"
"You'll have your
space back, if that's what you mean, Jim," Blair said, pretending not to
understand. They might as well be talking at cross-purposes, for all he cared.
The important things, the things that remained unspoken between them for almost
four years, would forever be left unsaid.
"Yeah, that'll be
great, Sandburg," growled Jim.
Jim backed up a couple
of steps, meaning to turn away, but his body operated on a completely different
level from his brain. "Are you going to stay here tonight?" he asked
hoarsely.
"Well, yeah.
Listen, I have all those final exams to grade tonight. Otherwise, I could pack
now."
"No!" Blair
blinked, not knowing what to make of Jim's outburst. "I mean, no need to
pack right now, Chief. You'll be...*gone*...soon enough."
"Yeah. I guess I
will."
Jim did turn away then,
but when he got to the staircase, he turned back, determined to catch one last
look of his best friend before going upstairs. "Chief?"
"Yeah, Jim?"
Blair replied without looking back over his shoulder at him.
"I...."
Disgusted with himself for being such an emotional coward, Jim gnashed his
teeth at the way his mouth refused to utter the words he wanted to say.
"I'll help you pack in the morning," he finished lamely.
"Gee, thanks,
Jim," Blair responded, wondering at his own ability to transcend sarcasm
sometimes.
Jim's hand reached out,
seemingly in Blair's direction, but then, it quickly closed on empty air. I
don't need you. I never did. But I think there might be something else I want
to say here, Chief. If only I knew that it would make a difference to you....