Gemini Rising
By Silk
Part 3-R
It was going to be a
long night. Jim pummeled his pillow into submission several times, muttering
under his breath that he should have been asleep long ago. Only the fact that
Blair didn't have Sentinel senses kept him from going over the edge. At least
he can't tell that I can't sleep. Not that he would know that I wasn't sleeping
because of him. I mean, it's not. It's-
--oh, who the hell am I
kidding here? My body knows something my head evidently doesn't.
With one last tug of the
pillowcase, Jim felt his weary mind relent, and he began to dream.
***
Blair was wearing his
backpack. It was filled to the brim with stuff. Blairstuff. His suitcase sat
obediently at his side. Right by the door.
"Chief?" Jim
queried with a worried look. "Where are you going?"
"Away," his
Guide answered sadly.
"Away where?"
"Away from you,
Jim."
"You can't,
Chief."
"Why not, Jim? It's
what you want. Isn't it?"
"No! No, it's not
what I want, Chief. I swear."
"Then what do you
want, Jim?"
"I-I...uh...."
Blair nodded in slow
motion. "Thought so, Jim. Bye, Jim."
Blair turned away from
Jim, and suddenly Jim caught him by his shoulder, wrenching him backwards.
"Don't you go, Chief! Don't you go!"
Blair's lips parted as
if to speak. Jim's heated blue gaze fell upon those lips and he was lost.
Digging his fingers into Blair's shoulder, he used the leverage to pull Blair
even closer. His hands slid up and under Blair's hair, tangling themselves in
the silky curls. His hands looked huge on Blair's neck, and he thought, I have
to be gentle. He's so-
--damn beautiful.
"You can't go,
Chief." Jim fought the urge to claim what was rightfully his, but he was
losing the battle with himself. He brushed his mouth against Blair's, gasping
at the way even that brief contact made him ache. "You belong to me."
"I belong to
myself, Jim. No one owns me. Least of all, you."
"I love you."
The words reverberated inside Jim's head until he began to twitch in his sleep.
First his foot, then his arm. "I love you."
The restlessness grew
until it took shape in his dream.
Suddenly he was no
longer holding Blair. He was staring at himself. Face in the mirror. "What
do you fear?"
"Losing...Blair."
"You cannot lose
what you never had. What do you fear?"
"Living the rest of
my life...without him."
"Your choice. What
do you fear?"
His voice but a hollowed
out shell, he whispered, "That he doesn't love me the way I love
him."
The mirror image smiled
mysteriously. "Only one way to find out."
***
It was a groggy Sentinel
who made his way down the stairs in the morning. He froze in mid-yawn when he
saw Blair's suitcase set out neatly by the loft door. "Chief? I thought
you were grading papers all night. But it looks like you managed to find time
to pack, after all."
"Yeah,
well...." Blair ran an impatient hand through his long hair, inadvertently
exposing the gold hoop earring in his left ear. "I hate to leave things to
the last minute."
"But Chief, you're
never on time. For anything." Why now? Why this time? You can't wait to
get away from me?
"First time for
everything, I guess," Blair said with a weak laugh.
"I don't suppose
I-"
"Maybe you-"
Both of them laughed at
their attempt to speak at the same time. Jim recovered first. Which was nothing
short of amazing, considering how tired he was. "Chief?" He paused,
then concentrated. Hard. "*Blair*. Maybe you could hang around a couple more
days? Give me a...little time to get used to the idea?" Of what, Jim? Of
losing Sandburg? Of losing your Guide? Of losing the love of your life?
"Well...."
Blair sounded conflicted.
Christ, Jim told himself
sternly, it's fucking obvious that the kid doesn't want to go. What's the
matter with you? You're a fucking detective, aren't you? Detect!
Blair bit his lip.
"A clean break is probably best, Jim. I don't think long goodbyes are in
anyone's best interests."
Blair started to turn
away, and suddenly, it was just like Jim's dream. Jim reached out to touch
Blair's shoulder, his touch becoming a vise-like grasp that pulled Blair
inexorably into Jim's embrace.
"I don't want you
to go, Blair." God, was that his voice? Did he really sound that desperate?
"Blair, huh?"
Blair smiled despite the icy grip that fear and anxiety had on his heart.
"You must really want me to stay, man."
"You have no
idea."
"No, Jim, I don't.
Maybe that's what's wrong with this picture. Maybe you-" Blair sighed. "You
don't give anything away, man. Not even the tiniest piece of yourself. That's
all I'm asking for."
"Stay...and I'll
work on it. Hell, we'll work on it together."
Blair shook his head.
"You make everything into a fucking project, man. Why can't you see how
simple things really are?"
"Why can't you meet
me halfway, dammit?"
"Halfway? Jim, look
at us!" Blair pointed to the mere inch or so of space between their
bodies, and Jim's hand abruptly relaxed its hold on Blair.
It was just like his dream.
Except for one thing. One fucking thing. One big fucking thing.
Jim couldn't say the
words that came so easily to his alter ego.