No Place To Hide

By Silk

Part 1--NC-17

They were just boys. Doing what boys do. Or were they?

The taller of the two boys was the older. About 19. Just entering

University. Dark brown hair. Dark brown eyes. Handsome. Charming. He was...experimenting. On

the younger of the two boys. About 15. Gifted. Also just entering University. Hair and eyes a similar color. They might have been brothers.

But they weren't.

"Let's go to my room."

"N-no," the younger boy said, his breath coming in harsh gasps. "Why can't we stay here?"

"Cause we're in the corner of a dark, deserted hallway. But any minute now, that could change. You wanna get caught?"

"Hell, no. This is dangerous enough."

"What is?"

"What do you mean?" The younger boy's lip trembled.

"Tell me. Say it." The older boy's mouth caressed the other's ear, and the younger boy's dark eyes slid shut on a sigh of passion.

"I-I l-like what you're doing to me, okay?"

"And what am I doing to you?" the older boy whispered, his voice just above a mere hiss of sound.

"K-kissing m-me."

"You know why I like to kiss you, don't you?"

The younger boy shook his head.

"You know why I like to stick my tongue in your mouth...don't you?"

"N-no...it just..."

"Feels good, doesn't it?"

"Yeah." But the younger boy, despite his quivering form, was not completely unfledged. There were certain things he knew. For one thing, he was at the age where it wouldn't matter if he fucked girls or boys. He had hormones raging throughout his system. Anyone would do. Honestly.

Even though he had never ever in his life fucked anyone, he knew that. Still...

He had a feeling he was in deep trouble.

Cause for the first time in his young life, he wanted to fuck someone. And it wasn't a girl.

And it wasn't just fucking. For him.

Though he suspected that it probably was. For his friend. Friend. What a pale word to describe how he felt about the older boy. Oh, there was a fair amount of hero worship involved here. He looked up to the older boy, though there was logically little reason to do so.

"Do you care about me?" the younger boy asked the older one.

"Sure," he answered off-handedly.

Crushed, the younger boy turned away, only to have the older one wrench him backwards, pulling him against the growing arousal nestled at his groin. "I didn't say you could go."

"Please...I don't think I can--"

"What? You want words of love first? You need to be romanced before you get fucked?"

The older boy's derisive tone ate away at the younger one, like acid dripping onto silk. "Yes," the boy admitted, certain that the older one would use that information like a club, to force him to submit.

The older boy's arms wrapped around the younger one's chest. His breath warm and sweet against the back of the younger boy's neck, he whispered, "Good."

Surprised, the younger boy turned to face the other, his heart rising expectantly in his chest. "Why?"

"Why not?" the older boy quipped flippantly. Seeing the hope dashed from his would-be lover's eyes broke something inside him. He brushed his lips against the younger boy's, hearing his sigh at the same time that he registered the tears.

"Don't cry." Suddenly the older boy looked impossibly conflicted.

His fingers splayed across the younger boy's face, he kissed him. Tenderly now.

"Don't cry."

"Don't...hurt me." The younger boy's words did not fall upon deaf ears.

His hands moving restlessly through the younger boy's hair, the older boy began kissing him more ardently, pressing kisses to his face, his hair, his neck. "St-stop, please. It's too much," the younger boy begged.

The older boy looked down at the younger boy's pants. A small wet stain was spreading across the front of his pants. The older boy's eyes met the younger one's. Triumphantly. Satisfied.

"I'm not going to hurt you," the older boy whispered. His hand felt for the wet spot, and the younger boy fought briefly to remove the older boy's hand. To no avail.

"I'm going to love you."

*****

Part 2--NC-17

Cole pulled on Sasha's arm, effectively dragging him to his room in the

University dorm. "C'mon, you can't leave looking like that," he said,

pointing to the warm, wet spot between Sasha's legs. "You can change here."

Sasha reluctantly let himself be led inside the older boy's bedroom. "You

don't have a roommate?" he asked.

"Nope. I hate sharing. Anything," he emphasized, glancing meaningfully over

Sasha's body. Sasha flushed bright red.

"Must be what comes from being an only child," the boy continued.

Cole lay back on his bed. "Have a seat." He patted the mattress next to him.

"What about my pants?" Sasha hesitantly asked, reliving the shame of coming

in his pants like a little kid. A few kisses and it was all over. And yet,

he still felt wound so tight, he couldn't stand up straight for the rigid

erection he had.

"Take 'em off," the older boy said casually.

Sasha gave Cole a long, searching look. "What happened to the romance you

promised?"

Cole sighed and shrugged. "What would you like to hear?"

Sasha's hand froze on the snap of his jeans. "This isn't going to work. I

think too much of myself to sleep with someone who barely gives a shit."

Sasha had reached the door of the room by the time Cole leaped off the bed.

In an instant, Cole was there, blocking the way. "Don't go."

Sasha pulled the hair out of his face with both hands. "We played this scene

already. Try something else."

Cole looked lost for a second. "Like what?"

"Like being real for a change," Sasha snapped. Suddenly their roles were

reversed. Sasha might have been the younger of the two, but he was, in many

ways, more mature. Cole had the arrogance and casual grace of youth as well

as someone born to beauty. He was used to manipulating events to suit

himself. Too used to it. He'd never attempted a relationship before. His

encounters were just that. Brief. Passionate. Flaming brightly while they

lasted, but not too long. Because he felt empty inside. And there was always

the risk of someone like Sasha discovering that.

Cole dropped the mask he wore and Sasha gasped. The pain etched into the

older boy's face was as undeniable as it was real. "Stay with me," he

pleaded with the younger boy.

"Give me one good reason."

"I don't want to let you go."

"Not good enough."

"I-I l-like you. A lot."

"Enough to kiss in a dark hallway, huh?" Sasha taunted.

Cole's hand, which until then had been reaching out to Sasha's cheek,

dropped sharply to his side. "You don't like me."

Sasha shook his head.

"You want me to lie to you and tell you I love you desperately, just so you’ll sleep with me?"

"No, I don't want you to lie to me." Sasha kissed Cole on the mouth, and

Cole looked like he'd been struck by lightning. "But I do want someone to

love me desperately," he said in an impossibly husky voice. "I've never been

loved like that."

"You're younger than me. It'll happen."

"Has it happened to you?" Sasha asked.

Cole dropped his gaze. "Not yet."

"But you're not looking for it...maybe you'll never find it that way."

Cole glanced at Sasha hopefully, even wistfully. "I'm afraid."

"Of not finding it?" Sasha asked.

"Or finding it?"

*****

Part 3--NC-17

Cole sneered. "Don't be stupid. Why wouldn't I want someone...to love me?"

Sasha considered that. "Maybe you don't think you deserve it. Hell, how

would I know?" He shrugged and moved closer to the door.

Cole pretended an insouciance he was far from feeling. "Look, I'm sorry. You

need to change your pants. Borrow one of mine. They'll be long cause I'm

taller, but it's better than getting laughed at."

His face crestfallen, Sasha nevertheless said crisply, "Unlike you, I've

been laughed at before. If that's the worst that ever happens to me,

well...so what?"

Without even a look back, Sasha left. The door slammed behind him. Cole

stared thoughtfully at the door. Well, that was a hell of a turnaround.

***

Two weeks went by. Cole didn't see Sasha at all, except for the occasional

glimpse as they passed in the hall at the dorm. Cole told himself he didn't

care. Why should he? He didn't need any one person to care about whether he

lived or died. This wasn't even love or something like that. So...why was he

still thinking about this kid? And he was a kid, make no mistake about it.

Cole kept reminding himself he was well out of it. Thank God I didn't sleep

with him. He had jailbait written all over him. Best not to get involved.

Two more weeks went by. Cole was in a quandary. He could not forget this

boy. No one else even remotely interested him. This had never happened to

him before. He didn't know what to do. How could he exorcise him from his

mind? He was starting to dream about him. Meeting him. Kissing him. Being

with him. How could this be?

***

The next time Sasha passed Cole in the hall, Cole stopped him. He literally

reached out and placed his hand on Sasha's chest. Sasha looked right through

him without speaking.

"Sasha..."

"Take your hands off me," Sasha said quietly.

"Or what? You'll scream? Wouldn't that attract everyone's attention? Is that

what you want?"

"I guess I have less to worry about than you do," Sasha replied stonily.

"Cause embarrassing you or myself doesn't particularly bother me."

"Sasha, we have to talk," Cole said urgently. Sasha stared at Cole's hand on

his arm. "I'm just a kid, remember? What do you care what I think about

anything?"

"Sasha!" Cole whispered, the sudden realization of how much he needed to

make himself understood to Sasha flaying his tortured soul.

Sasha tried to move past Cole, but he refused to let go of Sasha. "Talk to

me, please. I can't stand this!"

"Stand what?"

"I think I'm--Oh, God, this can't be happening!"

Sasha looked into Cole's dark eyes and almost laughed at the irony. "No way.

No fucking way."

Cole swallowed hard. "Do you think this is what I want?"

"I don't know. Maybe you're obsessed with me cause you can't have me. How

does that sound?"

Cole almost breathed a sigh of relief. "Great. Except for one thing."

"What?"

"What the fuck do you think?" Cole looked as disturbed as Sasha now felt.

His emotions were being turned upside-down. "I can't be in love with you!

You're a fucking kid!"

Sasha blinked hard, tears unwillingly coming to his eyes. "Yeah. That's what

I thought, too. Pretty dumb, huh? I didn't even know I might be gay until

you kissed me. Oh, well, maybe I'll grow out of it. Right?"

Cole abruptly grabbed Sasha and pulled him down the hall to his room.

Pushing the door open, he flung Sasha over the threshold. Leaning his back

against the door, Cole started to cry. Tears of frustration. Tears of

unrequited love. Tears of discovery.

How awful to finally discover true love, in all its glory, only to find out

the object of his affection did not return those feelings.

*****

Part 4--NC-17

Sasha watched Cole cry for almost a minute. Was this for real? Was he being

manipulated yet again? But as tough as Sasha was, as streetwise as the

younger boy could legitimately claim to be, he found Cole's crying hard to

take.

"Cole?"

Cole stopped sobbing for a moment. "What?"

"Why did you bring me here? To talk? Or to try to get me into bed?"

"I-I don't know."

Sasha snorted and turned away. Cole grabbed him by the shoulder. "I swear. I

didn't bring you here to seduce you. I just--I just realized how I felt, and

I know you don't feel the s-same as me."

Saying that not only brought Cole's thoughts and feelings into sharper

focus, but it made the ache in his heart deepen. "And I-I didn't want to be

by myself. That's all."

Sasha realized the irony of the situation. He had gone from occupying the

lowest rung on this particular ladder to the highest. No longer prey for

Cole's ardent but manipulative wiles, Sasha was now in control. But of what?

He couldn't call it a relationship. Yet.

Did he want one? And if he did, did he want one with Cole? Suddenly it

seemed to Sasha as though he were the one who needed to make a decision. A

decision that would change the direction of how things would be between the

two of them.

Sasha's face never gave away what he was thinking, but his mind was working

overtime. "You're used to being in charge of things, aren't you, Cole?"

Cole nodded tearfully, swiping at his eyes with the back of his hand. "I've

never been with anyone longer than a few days."

"Because you get bored?"

Cole's eyes filled with tears again. If they were finally trading truths

here, could he afford to come clean once and for all? "Because we never want

the same things."

"You mean they want love and you want sex, right?" Sasha was so certain he

was right, he wasn't quite prepared for the reply he received.

Cole's eyes looked almost black with pain. "That's what I always tell

myself. But it's not true," he whispered.

"Then you've been in love before?"

"No." That was the loneliest 'no' Sasha ever heard.

"Every time I've been with someone," he said, rubbing at his cheek, "I've

always been in control. I'm the one who starts it, I'm the one who finishes

it. It's always gone that way."

"That way you can't get hurt," Sasha nodded in understanding. He didn't

agree with him, but he understood why Cole would protect himself that way.

Cole bent his head, overwhelmed by the glimpse inside himself he was just

given, courtesy of Sasha. "I never loved any of them...but none of them ever

loved me either."

"Did you even let them know you? Like this?"

"No."

"Then how could anyone love you? You've got to be willing to take the risk

of being rejected. Or you'll never find real love. You'll just stay a taker

and a user. Is that what you want?"

Cole buried his face in his hands. "I took the risk this time," he sobbed.

"I tried to tell you how I feel about you, but you keep pushing me away. You

won't listen."

"You didn't tell me, Cole. You shouted at me, you called me a fucking kid,

for Christ's sake. How do you think that made me feel?" It briefly occurred

to Sasha that he was suddenly the more articulate of the two. But then, he

was used to having this type of interior monologue with himself. It kept him

grounded in his own feelings. It kept him real. He didn't know for sure, but

he had a feeling that Cole had never felt real in his entire life.

Cole sank down to the floor, his back flush against the door. Drawing his

knees up to his chest, he hid his face against them. "I really screwed up,

huh?" he asked softly.

"Yeah," Sasha said, surprised Cole even acknowledged making a mistake in the

first place, much less owning that it was one of such magnitude, it could

not be ignored.

"I'm sorry."

Sasha's dark eyes flickered over Cole's huddled form. "I've got class in a

few minutes. Will you be okay here alone?"

Cole closed his eyes against the wave of pain that Sasha's leaving brought

him. "Sure," he said lightly, without meaning it.

As if Sasha realized what was going on in Cole's head, he pulled on the

older boy until he was standing again. Forcing Cole to lean on him, Sasha

helped him to the bed. Depositing him there, Sasha said, "Why don't you take

a nap? It might make you feel better."

Cole shuddered. Being alone for any length of time seemed an impossible

task. If he were alone, he would be unable to avoid thinking. That could be

distinctly unpleasant. For instance, he already knew he wanted Sasha. But

Sasha didn't want him back. He was in love for the first time, joy of joys,

but Sasha didn't return his feelings. How was this supposed to make him feel

better?

Turning onto his side, away from Sasha, Cole pulled the pillow over his

head. Sasha pulled the pillow away. "And stop acting like a kid who wants to

throw a temper tantrum because he can't have the toy he wants. You're not a

kid, and I'm not a goddamn toy. I'm a real person, you stupid fucker, and

the sooner you deal with that, the better off you'll be."

Cole stared at him, his eyes reddened from the countless tears he'd already

shed. "What do you mean?"

"I mean...this is the way it's going to go. I'm not cutting class to stay

with you, Cole, and if you want to get anywhere with me, you're going to

have to work for it. I don't come cheap."

"I have more money than you could possibly imagine."

"Bzzzzt! Wrong answer! Did I mention money? We're not talking money here,

Cole, we're talking effort. And we're not talking about me being with you

anymore, either. We're talking about you being with me. Cause let's get one

thing straight from the get-go." Sasha sat on the edge of the bed, looking

down at Cole.

"I may be younger than you, but I'm a helluva lot smarter about you are

about people. I'm in control now. If we end up together...it'll be because I

say it's okay. Not you." Sasha looked like he had developed nerves of steel

in the past few minutes. Cole fell back on the pillow Sasha had dropped.

Sasha traced a finger along the side of Cole's handsome face. The older boy

tried to reach for Sasha's finger with his mouth, but Sasha moved too

quickly for him. "Oh, and one more thing. I like being on top. If you think

you're going to fuck me, don't hold your breath. I'm going to fuck you. As

hard and as often as possible."

Cole's eyes held a new admiration for the younger boy. He sounded like a

Young warlord planning a campaign. He would have been stunned to learn that Sasha

was making this up as he went along. He had never fucked anyone. But he

would do it in a heartbeat if it meant making Cole his lover.

"Do you understand?" Sasha demanded.

"Oh, yes," said Cole, wondering how Sasha had somehow figured out the key to

controlling him. It was what he'd always dreamed of. That someone would take

care of him. That someone would have enough strength to depose him from his

self-appointed role as despot.

Unlike some people, Cole didn't crave equality in a relationship. He'd been

the power behind everything that happened in his life for so long, he didn't

know any other way of reacting to people. But he no longer wanted to be top

dog.

If Sasha wanted to fuck him, so be it. He wasn't going to argue with the man

He loved.

*****

Part 5--NC-17

Sasha opened the door to the darkened room and crept inside. He saw no sign

of Cole, but then, he hadn't gotten to where he'd left him. The bed.

Feeling a tiny tongue of flame licking at his stomach, he vaguely wondered

just what his mouth had talked him into. He was a nervous wreck. Sitting in

Chemistry class had been an exercise in futility. His professor, Mr. O'Keefe, eventually tired of addressing questions to Sasha that were never answered. So he hit him. Well, not literally. But he managed to make a piece of chalk fly across the room. And it was aimed at Sasha's head. It just didn't connect with it. Not that it wasn't close. Sasha could still hear the

whoosh as it zinged past his ear.

Sasha didn't have a room at the dorm. He still lived at home. His parents,

although they were a gay couple themselves, did not believe that Sasha was

old enough to live on his own. They were afraid he would get into trouble

before he figured out whether he wanted to embrace their alternative

lifestyle or not. They were right to be afraid. Sasha had ventured outside

his safe little world and found trouble, all right. In the form of Nicolas

Sideau.

Nicknamed Cole by his friends, Nicolas was Colar to his French-speaking

adoptive parents. But Sasha had other ideas. Some of which he was afraid to

act upon. But he was equally terrified of not discovering just where these

feelings and impulses might lead.

He made sure the door was locked behind him. Now that his eyes had adjusted

to the dark, he could see the outline of Cole's body under the sheets. He

was asleep. Good. Maybe he could do a bit of experimenting himself.

Undressing slowly, he began to disrobe in preparation for bed. Never mind

that this wasn't his room. Or his bed. Or that he was expected at home in

about two hours. A lot could happen in two hours. A boy could become a man.

Sasha bit his lip anxiously.

This felt right to him. He was pretty sure that this was what he wanted. But

that didn't really make doing it any easier.

Cole drifted in that nether region, halfway between sleep and wakefulness,

Quite pleasantly for a long time. Unaware that Sasha had even returned, much less

considered seducing Cole, Cole dreamed of the younger boy. They were

touching each other. Kissing. Fondling. Caressing each other.

Cole's semi-erect member quivered briefly as it began to come to attention.

Cole sighed sleepily, turning onto his side, away from Sasha. That should have

made things easier. But it didn't. Suddenly, Sasha was confronted by the

image of the very thing he wanted to possess. Cole's creamy white buttocks.

Oh, they weren't visible yet. But he knew they were there. Sasha's mouth

went dry. He didn't have the slightest earthly idea how to fuck another

male. Oh, he'd read about it. But he wasn't sure of how his by-now massive

erection was supposed to fit inside that narrow channel.

Sasha stood there in the dark, kicking away his pants from where they lay

around his ankles. Clad only in his T-shirt, and nothing else, Sasha

silently approached the figure in bed. Sliding under the sheets very, very

slowly, Sasha savored the feel of the linen against his skin. Of course, at

this point, very nearly anything turned him on.

Reaching around Cole's body, Sasha lightly clasped his arms around Cole's

chest. When Cole did not stir, and alarm bells and sirens didn't sound,

alerting everyone to what Sasha was about to do, Sasha felt safe to proceed.

It was true. He didn't have a clue how to do this. But perhaps love and

enthusiasm would make up for that.

His only fear was that Cole would realize he had lied to him. About

Practically everything. Except the fact that he wanted him. And truly cared for him.

Pressing his lips to the nape of Cole's neck, Sasha kissed him several times

there before moving on to another part of his body. His erection nudging the

cleft between Cole's buttocks, Sasha rubbed against him, the feeling rising

inside him making him breathless.

Unaware that he was panting, Sasha's hands caressed Cole's nipples, tweaking

them into attention. Cole came awake with a raging hard-on, certain he was

still dreaming.

But he knew he wasn't imagining the warm lips against his neck. They gave

away all his secrets, even as they made new and better promises.

Cole didn't know if he should respond or not. But Sasha's nearly breathless

voice in his ear made him jump. Suddenly galvanized by forces beyond his

control, the older boy twisted to face Sasha.

"What did you just call me?" Cole asked, uncertain whether to jump for joy

or not.

Sasha colored, but he stood his ground. Almost lip to lip now with the older

boy, Sasha refused to retreat. "Nicky," he repeated softly, wrapping his

mouth around the syllables lovingly.

"No one's ever called me that," Cole mentioned needlessly, obviously in awe

of the way Sasha continued to pick the things he most desired out of the

air, presenting them to him as gifts.

"Kiss me," Sasha commanded.

"I..." Cole stammered, unable to take his eyes off Sasha's full sensual

mouth. The fact that Sasha had only kissed him with that mouth registered in

all its pulse-pounding intensity.

"I said...kiss me, Nicky."

Cole wished vainly that there was more light so he could see Sasha's eyes.

Meanwhile, Sasha breathed a sigh of relief that the room was as dark as it

was.

Cole's eyes slid shut, his eyelashes lightly scraping Sasha's face. They

could not be any closer if they were one. If they were one. If they were

one?

The moment Cole's mouth met his, Sasha closed his own dark eyes on a wave of

feeling so strong, he thought he would come. God, if it happened again, he

didn't know what he would do. His mouth opened involuntarily, and Cole's

tongue swept inside.

There was something qualitatively different about this kiss. Sasha's brain

demanded to know what it was. It would not rest until he figured it out.

What was it? What was it? Oh, yeah....

A satisfied smile crossed Sasha's face. Cole drew back. He could feel Sasha's response. Literally. His cock was throbbing against Cole's abdomen. "What is it? You look like someone with a secret he's dying to tell."

Sasha buried his face against Cole's neck, the tip of his cock tracing a wet

trail across Cole's stomach. He shuddered, managing to control the urge to

come for yet another moment. "Mmm..."

Cole grew frustrated with Sasha's silence. "What? What is it? Tell me."

At that exact moment, Sasha bit Cole's neck, not hard enough to draw blood,

But certainly harder than either of them had anticipated Sasha would. Cole's

erection sprung to life, and their arousals touched, as tantalizing as it

was intermittent.

"Hey, you'll leave a mark. Everyone'll see." Yet Cole didn't sound nearly as

worried as he could have been.

"Good. Cause you belong to me now, Nicky."

Cole's eyes widened. He was claiming him? Exclusively? It was like a dream.

Maybe it was. Maybe he was still asleep. Dreaming this.

"I-I do?"

Sasha licked Cole's ear with his tongue. Heat suffused Cole's face in

reaction. Sasha grasped Cole's earlobe between his teeth and nibbled, none

too delicately. Cole would have protested but for the very next words out of

Sasha's mouth.

"I love you, Nicky." Sasha's whisper caught Cole by surprise, and he just

knew he must look stunned.

This time it wasn't Sasha who lost control. It was Cole. Cole came,

apparently without any warning, splashing his hot life essence against Sasha's

stomach. That was a first. Cole had never lost control with anyone

before. But then...Sasha wasn't just anyone.

Cole threaded his fingers through Sasha's long dark hair almost anxiously.

As if he felt Sasha would suddenly disappear. Or he would wake up and find

it was a dream.

It wasn't. Was it?

"Nic-ky...."

to be continued