|
Title: Penance:
It All Came Tumbling Down
For one fleeting moment, looking towards the slight form standing at the other end of the library, Willow thought that everything could become _normal_ again. Buffy was back. Buffy, who brought knowledge of fear and pain with her, while giving them all the strength to hold their own against those monstrously expanded nighttime horrors. Buffy was back, and they could scrub away the darkness that had been encroaching upon their lives. They could be Slayerettes; friends bound together by love and loyalty, fighting the good fight. Buffy, with her boundless energy and strength, could pull them back into the slots in which they had so comfortably resided. And then, she looked into the Slayer's eyes, and her dreams crumbled to dust before her. She could feel Angel behind her, a constant presence, an unwavering shadow that had blotted out her own image. He was growling softly, a rumble of half confusion and half hostility. She had been the only one lost in fantasies of regaining those last slivers of innocence they had held. Giles stood slightly before Buffy, keeping her away from her former lover, a territorial display that Willow doubted the Watcher was aware of. Xander wore his anger around him like a cloak, his eyes hard as they were only around Angel. And Buffy... no anger, no passion. She looked so very weary, as if she'd forgotten to include her strength and vitality when rebuilding herself. There was muted horror in her eyes when her gaze briefly rested on Angel before quickly dancing away. Willow would have welcomed anger from the Slayer, a demanded explanation of why Angel pressed behind her close enough to steal the light away from her. She wanted to see passion and love from the other woman, she wanted her to fling herself at the vampire... She wanted Buffy to take him away. At the beginning, when things had still been a confusing melee of sensation and emotion, she had told Giles that even had there been another to take care of Angel, she would not have relinquished her duty to him. She had still been so very foolish then, before she had witnessed her previous life slowly drift away while she watched over the vampire; before she had learned in full what it meant to lay her body out for a touch devoid of love; before she had realized that her guilt-driven pledge would stretch beyond weeks or even months, but into the greater expanse of her life. Everything she was had become so very much more than she had anticipated. _Take him_. But Buffy already knew, didn't she? She'd felt those cold lips against her, draining away her warmth. She had known the feel of his darkness wrapping around her, drawing her away from the normality she had so craved. Crouching, hidden away in the dark, her love and warmth eagerly consumed to fuel his search for redemption. Eating away at her as surely as had her blood flowed past his lips.
_Mine_. He remembered her scent, sweat glistening against a body made for motion, soap clinging to her flesh as she tried to scrub away herself as well as the perspiration that gathered against her skin. He remembered nuzzling his face between smooth thighs. The sound and feel and scent of blood surging beneath delicate skin as blunt teeth scrapped lightly against the base of her throat. Buried inside her, hot, wet, pulling him further into her. Cold steel, sliding through dead flesh, between his ribs while her kiss still lingered against his lips. Something flickering at his back, hungry and angry, pulling at him... He could smell the other's tears as his strong fingers dug into her hips, holding her against him. Her heart hammering, her steps slow and hesitant -- prey attempting to evade the hunter, slipping away from him while his attention was divided. Red hair that smelt like flowers slid across the smooth expanse of her white neck. Small puncture wounds, an angry red, a constant presence against the flesh stretching across her throat. The taste of her still against his lips. Deep furrows from her nails still stinging against his back. _Mine_.
He had protested when she had tried to leave, of course. Small, distressed growls had rumbled in his throat when Willow had peeled his fingers off of her. There had been something new in his dark eyes when she had turned to comfort him. Confusion, lust, need, those she had come to know and rage against in his familiar eyes made foreign by experience she could never begin to imagine. There had been something almost... frightening lurking in them as he looked between she and Buffy. Willow wanted nothing more than to break free from Angel, to place the Slayer squarely between her and the vampire. 'You love him, you can have him!' Willow silently screamed at Buffy. She had paid her dues, taking care of Angel, protecting him, soothing him, listening to him cry out Buffy's name as he collapsed against her. "I'm glad you're back, Buffy," Willow whispered past the mingled pain and relief that threatened to choke her. Her voice broke, tears springing to eyes burning with weariness. Willow determinately scrubbed away the moisture with the palm of her hand. Buffy smiled weakly. "It's... good to be back." The blinds had been pulled shut over the window to Giles' office. Buffy laid her open hand against them, watching the window as if she could see Angel through the plastic slats. She could see Willow faintly, reflected in the glass. The red head stood stiff, shadows filling her sunken cheeks. "And... Angel?" Willow stared at the back of Buffy's head, forcing her voice to lighten. "Getting better. Now that you're back... Well, I know that having you at his side is going to give Angel quite a... boost. You'll have him back to himself in no time." Her hands twisted against each other fearfully as Willow saw the Slayer's shoulders stiffen. "I _can't_ Will," Buffy murmured softly. "You _can't_?" Willow echoed blankly. Her knees trembled, her breathes coming out in short puffs. "What the Hell do you mean you can't!" the words escaped her as an agonized shriek. Buffy turned to face her friend slowly. "When I sent Angel to Hell... I just broke down. I couldn't handle it. Nothing made sense anymore. _I_ didn't make sense. It was like I was trying to pull myself of this nightmare I hadn't even realized I was living... I love him. God, how I love him! But I can't put myself through this anymore, Willow. Tell me you understand. Please!" Willow barely felt her nails digging into the soft flesh of her palm. "When Angel got out, the Council wanted to destroy him. They couldn't have him running around doing God knows what, you know? And I knew that I couldn't let them kill Angel. Barring Angelus, he'd been..." He hadn't been a friend. Not to her. "One of us. A good guy. And you love him -- Damn it, Buffy! You were supposed to come back and make everything _better_!" "Maybe I can't!" Buffy snapped. "Maybe I don't want to make everything all better for you! Maybe I can't even make my own life go right." She wanted to slap Buffy, claw at her face until she was as raw and hurting on the outside as Willow was inside. She settled for savagely throwing Giles' phone at the wall as Buffy fled the room, leaving Willow to deal with the Watcher and Xander's questions. And Angel. Always Angel. ~end~
|