Title: This is How it Happened.
Author: Northlight
email: uzenet@videotron.ca
Summary: This is more than likely going to be rather confusing.Anyway, Xander
and Buffy give their views on how Willow and Angel gottogether.
Warning: There's a tiny bit of language.
Type: Sillyfic? Badfic? 'Northlight, you are seriously disturbedfic'? In any
case, it isn't quite normal! :)
Distribution: Ask -- I'll say yes.
Disclaimer: Joss'.
Date: Aug 13, 1999
Note: I'm sorry -- I've been neglecting Angel terribly for myWillow/Spike fics.
But other than Dark Souls, and maybe Undercurrents,my W/S fics seem ever so
much better... Anyway, bad girl! Bad! :)
"Willow and Angel. Yeah, you heard me right. My bestest bud and DeadBoy, together. As if lip locked... maybe pelvis locked to. Oh man.That's more than even my sex crazed teenage boy mind wants tocontemplate. But that's not what you're here for, is it? You want toknow what happened.
Well, it went something like this..."
Angel practically oozed into the library, leather pants shimmeringunder the soft library lights. He slunk across the room, his hipsrolling and a suggestive leer on his face.
Willow was watching him with wide eyed fright, her eyes shinning withgentle innocence. She clutched at the hem of her fluffy pink sweater,blushing beneath Angel's perverted gaze...
"Hey! That wasn't it at all, Xander! Ignore him, his overactivehormones are playing havoc with his memory. _This_ is what _really_happened..."
Angel stepped into the library, his soulful eyes eagerly scanning theroom in search of Buffy, the woman to whom his heart, mind, body andsoul rightfully belonged. His search was interrupted when Willow rosefrom her seat behind her computer.
She sashayed over towards the confused vampire, her hands running upand down her body in a suggestive manner. Angel, gentleman he is,averted his eyes at the girl's shameless display. He was horriblyembarrassed. In the time of his youth women didn't act like suchback-stabbing, boyfriend stealing sluts--
"Whoa, Buffster! Delusional, or what! Don't pay any attention to thesnarling blonde. I think she's still in shock or something. I don'tknow _where_ she gets this kind of stuff from... Anyway. The point isthat Angel, the lecherous old man, was prowling towards my lovely,defenseless friend..."
His hands dropped onto Willow's trembling shoulders. Angel leaned downuntil his lips were even with the shy young woman's ear. "Hey, baby,let's skip this joint and I'll show you a real good time..." Hiseyebrows waggled suggestively.
"I... I d-don't know w-what you're... talking... a-about," Willowwhispered, flustered. She tried to pull away from the walking corpses'groping hands, but he pulled her back --
"Xander! God, give it a rest! Angel wasn't the bad guy in here!"
Willow stalked towards Angel. When she reached him, she began rubbingher scummy, boyfriend snatching hands over his chest. "Forget Buffy,sweets. It's me you want. Buffy's better in bed, and prettier and moreinteresting, but there's some sort of reason for you to--
"Geez, Buff! Do you actually believe _that_! Are you even listeningto yourself? Like we can't all tell you're the jealous ex in all ofthis."
"And you'd be the scorned would be lover?"
"The concerned best friend. So, back to what _really_ happened..."
Angel roughly pulled Willow to her feet, bringing her towards him untiltheir chests were mashed together. Willow looked at him with fearfuleyes, whimpering slightly, which only got Mr. I'm an Evil Demon allworked up. He bent his head down and --
"No! No! No! Like this..."
Willow tore Angel's shirt to shreds while he protested, in vain. "Oh,God! No! I love Buffy. Please, stop it, Willow. I don't desire you!I could desire none but my sweet Buffy!"
The man stealing slut ignored Angel's heartfelt pleas, and pulled hishead down. She kissed him -- _sloppily_.
"Which is when we came in."
"Well, at least you didn't mess up our entrance. Forget the part aboutWillow mauling Angel, and Buffy's story isn't totally off... They werekissing..."
Willow pulled away from Angel's suction-like lips. "Thank God you'rehere! Help me, Xander! Please!" she cried out while futilely beatingat the vampire's chest.
"Yeah, right! This is how it went..."
"Get her off of me, Buffy, please!" Angel cried out as Willow tried toclimb up his body, rubbing herself against him in a skanky display.Willow turned to sneer at her best friend before turning to lick at theskin she had exposed when she tore away Angel's shirt.
"I don't recall Angel's shirt having been torn off, Buffy. And forthat, all I can say is thank God!"
"...The library? You want to know what happened to the library? Oh.Well. It went like this..."
Angel looked at Willow with wide, betrayed, puppy dog eyes. "I thoughtyou were my friend, Willow. But you tried to take me away from thewoman who deserves to have my luscious bod in her bed."
"Luscious bod?"
"Shut up, Xander!"
Willow glared at Angel, who was safe in the comforting circle ofBuffy's arms. "No!" she screamed, enraged. She turned on them, liftingher crowbar high in the air, and brought it down upon the table.
"A _crowbar_, Buffy? _Ri-i-iight!_"
Angel howled. "No! You have interrupted me before I could have mywicked way with the sweet, virginal Willow!"
Sweet, virginal Willow was weeping in her brave saviour's strong arms."You shall never have your wicked way with Willow, you monstrous corpse,you!" Xander cried out.
Angel growled and picked up a table, throwing it to the ground...
Giles looked back and forth between Buffy and Xander, and then let hiseyes roam about his library. His very... disorganized library. Ah,hell. It looked like there had been an all out brawl.
"So, am I to understand it was either Willow with the crowbar, or Angelwith the demon who destroyed my library in a fit of anger?"
Buffy nodded. "It was Willow. The traitor."
Xander nodded. "It wad Dead Boy. The perverted walking corpse."
Giles desperately wished that he had not stashed all of his alcohol athome. "Thank you both for you... invaluable input," Giles said.Neither teen appeared to note the heavy sarcasm dripping from the lasttwo words. "Although perhaps it would be best if I went directly to thesource for a less..." biased "emotional report."
"Right. Sure. Fine. Just don't trust what Willow has to say. Lying slut," Buffy grumbled as she rose.
"Good with me. Just be careful around Angel. Quite the temper,there," Xander countered as he too rose.
Giles sighed. "Well, this will certainly make for an interesting few weeks..."
~End~