Disclaimer: ER, and its characters are the property of Warner Brothers, NBC, and anyone else who may have helped in creating them. I don't own them; I borrow them for fan fiction. I'm not making money off my stories, I write them for my own, and other fans pleasure.

The music in this story is "I Promise You (With Everything I Am)" by The Backstreet Boys

Please send me feedback, tell me what you think. -> DougandCarol@hotmail.com

Background: The story takes place about 6 years from now. Doug and Carol are still in Seattle, Tess and Kate are 7 years old now. About 2 years ago, Carol was diagnosed with Breast cancer. Chemo and Radiation therapy have failed, and she is reaching the end.

************************************

I promise you
From the bottom of my heart
I will love you 'til death do us part
I promise you
As a lover and a friend
I will love you like I'll never love again
With everything I am

************************************

Rain pattered against the glass windows as the wind blew fiercely outside. Puddles lined the street, water splashing high as cars drove through them. There was a cold chill in the air, cold enough to see your breath outside. Inside, it was nice and warm, the smell of wood burning in the fireplace.

A Christmas tree stood in the living room, decorated with colorful lights, tinsel, and lots of ornaments. Many were homemade. 4 stockings were hung over the fireplace, each with a name stitched across the top. Tess, Kate, Doug, and Carol.

But though it was the Christmas season, and the house was decorated, nobody was celebrating. No one was in the mood to celebrate. Not when their family felt the way they did.

Doug was in the kitchen that night, cleaning up from dinner. He had just loaded the dishwasher when Kate called him from the table, looking for help with her homework. Tess was sitting with her, coloring a picture. He looked over and told Kate he'd be there to help in a minute. He placed the last plate into the washer and turned the dial. Closing the door, he sighed and looked up at the clock. It was 6:30pm, which meant there were only 10 days and a few hours left until Christmas. Dropping the dishtowel he was holding on the counter, he walked over to the kitchen table and sat across from both girls.

"What do you need help with?" he asked, tickling Tess' arm as he sat down.

"My math homework." Kate sighed, dropping her pencil. "I'm the stupidest one in my class. I can't add and I'm dumb." she sulked. "And Billy makes fun of me cause of it."

"Hey." Doug said, looking at the girl. "You are not stupid. Do you hear me? Neither of you are, and don't you ever listen to someone if they say you are. You two are the two smartest kids I've ever seen."

"Then how come I can't add?" Kate replied, staring back at him. "Tess can. You can. Mommy can."

"Because you can spell and I can't." Doug joked, grinning a goofy grin. "Now, you'll learn to add, I promise. But you've got to work at it."

*************************************************************

After the homework was finished and put away, Doug wandered into the living room and started folding laundry. Setting the basket on the coffee table, he flipped the TV on and found a Bull's game. Turning the volume up a bit, he set the remote down and grabbed a pair of pants that was on the top of the basket. Settling back into the couch, he began folding. Putting the shirt to the side, he grabbed a pair of pants, Carol's pants.

*********Flashback*********

The sun was just setting that blustery summer night. The moon shown in the distance, and you could hear the chirping of the crickets in the brush.

"Hey sexy." Doug teased, stepping out of the house onto the porch back in Chicago.

"Mmm, hi." Carol greeted him, looking up from the book she was reading.

"Whatcha reading?" he asked, sitting down next to her.

"'A Time to Kill', by John Grisham." Carol replied, leaning over as Doug wrapped his arms around her. "You can read it after me if you want."

Doug laughed. "Nah, once I graduated Med School, I made a New Years resolution that following year."

"What was that?" Carol asked.

"Never to read another book again," he replied, kissing her cheek. "And I don't think I've ever broken the resolution."

Carol laughed, folding the book page down, and setting it on the floor. "I bet you haven't."

Tickling her side, Doug leaned over and grabbed the book. "What's this about anyway? Anything good?"

"Would I read it if it wasn't good?" Carol asked, in a mocking tone. "I made a resolution never to read another book."

"Watch it." Doug replied, continuing to tickle her.

"Doug stop!" she laughed, squirming around. "Stop!"

"Oh, ticklish are we?" he laughed, continuing. "You'll have to kiss me to get me to stop." he told her, as she continued to squirm.

"Stop!" she laughed, trying to get away. "I'll never kiss you again if you don't stop!"

"Oh really?" he replied, leaning over and kissing her. "I'll just have to kiss you," he said, as he stopped tickling her. "Wanna come watch the Cubs game with me?" he asked, playing with a strand of her dark hair.

"No, made a New Years Resolution, to never watch a Cubs game again." she joked, smacking him in the head with the book.

*********End Flashback*********

Doug was brought out of his daydream by the sound of screeching voices in the distance.

"Nuh uh!" Kate yelled from the kitchen, where she and Tess were now playing JR. Monopoly. "You can't buy that one! The card says so!"

"Yes I can!" Tess screeched back at her. "You can't tell me what to do!"

"You're a cheater! I'm not playing anymore!" Kate shot back, as he heard her little footsteps coming down the hall. She entered the room with her hands on her hips. "Daddy, Tess is cheating!"

"Quiet down." Doug told her, matching socks. "Now you, over here." he said, nodding to the floor in front of him. "Tess, get in here!" he called, as the patter of her feet came trotting down the hallway.

"What? I didn't do it!" she protested, before she even appeared.

"Sit down," he told her, as he pointed next to Kate who was playing with her pajama top sleeves. Taking a seat next to her, Kate immediately smacked her arm.

"I'm warning you both." Doug said, sounding angry. "I am in no mood to put up with this right now, you hear me?"

Tess nodded slowly, "Ok daddy."

"Now, either you both play right, or put it away. And stop the yelling. Mommy is trying to rest, and you're giving me a headache."

"I'm sorry." Kate apologized, standing up.

"Me too." Tess said, as she ran over to Doug. "Can I help you match socks?" she asked. "Mommy, used to let me help her." she said, suddenly sounding sad.

"Is mommy gonna get better soon?" Kate asked, sitting next to Doug, knocking a pile of clothes over. "I miss playing dolls with her."

"Me too." Tess said, pulling a sock on her hand. "When she gets better, can we go to Disney World? Please daddy, please?"

Doug sighed, setting the socks in his hands down. "Well see Tess.. We'll see."

*******************************************************************************************

I see you look at me
When you think I'm not aware
You're searching for clues
Of just how deep my feelings are
How do you prove the sky is blue
The ocean's wide
All I know is what I feel
When I look into your eyes

*******************************************************************************************

Upstairs, in the bedroom, Carol lay in bed; the TV turned on, but muted. There was some game show on the screen, but she was paying no attention to it. Instead her mind was elsewhere. She could hear Doug downstairs, telling the girls to quiet down, that she needed to rest. But actually, she enjoyed hearing them fight. Just hearing their voices, whenever possible, no matter what they were saying, or yelling, seemed like music to her ears.

Turning onto her side, Carol pulled her comforter over her, her body shaking from the cold. Once she had, she closed her eyes, dreaming of better times, when she hadn't been sick.

*********Flashback*********

The snow was falling outside the hospital that Christmas Eve. Most of the patients that had filled the ER were now gone. Either discharged or had been found beds in the proper units. For once, it seemed quiet. Christmas music was playing, and everyone was gathered around the admit area, enjoying a small party before going home to their families, or their lonely apartments.

She had just pulled Doug out to the party where she announced that they had in fact been seeing each other again. She'd been expecting a surprised reaction from everyone, only to find out that just about everyone had known, some even placed bets on when they would finally announce it.

She had been satisfied with getting their secret out in the open. But no, Doug always had to top her. Always. What did he do? Went and proposed.

"And I think it'd be great, if she were to marry me."

That one sentence, it was all it took to make chaos. Congratulations had been shouted, Carter had approached them telling how happy he was for them both. Once, everyone had calmed down, and the party had been moved outside, Doug pulled Carol into the empty exam room.

"So that's a yes?" he asked, leaning over to kiss her.

"Mmm, yeah. It's a yes." she replied slyly, wrapping her arms around him. "You sure you want to have a Mrs. Carol Ross?" she asked.

"Positive. I've never been so sure of anything," he said, leaning over for another kiss. "I'm gonna get you the biggest ring you've ever seen." he told her. "So big you'll have to wheel a cart around with you to keep your hand from breaking." he joked.

"I don't need a ring," she had protested, resting her head on his shoulder. "I need you, that's all."

"Maybe, but I want you to have the ring. I want something you can show off, and say 'Look what I have.'"

Carol laughed and decided to leave it at that. She didn't feel like discussing the ring. She wanted him, and him only right there.

*********End Flashback*********

A sudden shot of pain that ran through her back brought Carol back from her daydream. She looked over at the nightstand next to the bed; at the ring Doug had gotten her. Even after her weeks of protesting, he had insisted on it. Finally she caved. And just as he'd promised, the ring was huge, and gorgeous. And just like he'd said, she'd shown it off to everyone she possibly could have.

**********************************************************************************

"Now, close your eyes and go to sleep." Doug whispered that night, as he pulled the blankets up over Tess. "One more day of school and then you have two whole weeks to stay up late." he said as he kissed her goodnight.

Turning around, he walked across the room to where Kate's bed was, and gave her the bear she always slept with. "You too." he said. "Go to sleep." he kissed her goodnight and turned the overhead light off. "You both said goodnight to mommy right?" he asked, before shutting the door.

"Yes." was whispered from the two girls and he shut the door behind him. Walking down the hallway, Doug turned off the light that was left on in the bathroom and opened up the door to his bedroom. He quietly entered, not wanting to wake Carol. He made his way over to the closet and pulled out a pair of flannel pants and sweatshirt. Pulling the shirt over his head as he walked, he made his way over to the window and looked out at the water. It looked so beautiful that time of night, so peaceful. It made him remember all the great times he'd had out there over the past few years......

******Flashback******

It was July, only two months after Carol had moved herself and the girls to Seattle. That warm summer day, they'd dressed Tess and Kate in their new bathing suits, and decided to spend the day out on the water. They'd piled into Doug's boat, with a radio, basket full of food, and two baby seats, and set off. The whole day was spent on the water, just having fun. Doug himself couldn't remember a day when he'd enjoyed himself more. Just him, Carol, and their two daughters.

*******End Flashback*****

Doug smiled as he remembered that day. He could still remember it like it was yesterday, yet it was over 6 years ago. Closing the curtains, he walked over to the bed where Carol was asleep. His heart ached as he looked at her. A light blue scarf was wrapped around her head, as her hair had fallen out from Chemotherapy over a year and a half ago. Her skin was pale, just about as white as a ghost, she had dark circles under her eyes, and she had track marks up and down her arms from all the needles she'd been poked with.

Pulling the covers back, he climbed into bed with her and kissed her softly on the cheek. Her skin was ice cold. She didn't stir as he did so, and he pulled the comforter up over her a bit more.

"I love you Carol," he whispered as he settled back against his pillows. Carefully, he wrapped his arm around her and fell to sleep.

*******************************************************************************************

That's what you always say to me
And late at night I feel the tremble in your touch
What I'm trying to say to you
I never said to anyone

*******************************************************************************************

Another two days passed. As it stood, it was now December 22; Christmas was only 3 days away. Doug was working frantically, not only at the hospital, but with finishing the Christmas shopping; making sure Helen was going to arrive on the right day, etc.....

Doug was working that afternoon, which left Tess and Kate home with Carol. He'd called Mrs. Fraklin, their neighbor, and just asked her to check in once in awhile, to make sure everyone was ok. She had gone by the house at about 11:00am, before leaving to go shopping. Tess had answered the door, and assured Mrs. Fraklin everything was ok, that she and Kate were playing Nintendo 64, and that Carol was upstairs. That she and Kate had just been up with her, and given her the pictures they had colored for her.

"It's your turn." Kate told Tess as she returned from the door.

"Can we play Mario instead?" Tess asked, picking her remote control back up. "I don't like this game."

"Fine." Kate sighed, changing the game. She quickly adjusted the settings and the girls began the new game.

Half an hour must have passed when the phone rang.

"I'll get it!" Kate shouted, running for the den. On her way, she heard Carol's faint voice from upstairs.

"I have it." she had called. Hearing that, Kate made her way back to the den to finish the game.

"Who was it? Was it your boyfriend?" Tess teased, as her character died. "Your turn."

"No!" Kate replied. "I don't have a boyfriend. Boys have cooties."

"Daddy doesn't have cooties." Tess promptly responded.

"Daddy isn't a boy! Daddy is..... Daddy." Kate replied. "Mommy got the phone."

"Oh."

Upstairs, Carol had picked up the phone.

"Hello?" she asked weakly, struggling to sit up. "Who's calling please?"

"Carol, is that you?" the voice on the other end said. "It's Elizabeth."

"Oh Elizabeth, hi." Carol replied.

"How are you doing?" Elizabeth asked, sounding deeply concerned.

"I'm ok." Carol lied, sighing.

"Don't lie Carol. I'm not stupid." Elizabeth replied, laughing. "Are you still nauseous?"

"Not really." Carol replied, adjusting the blanket on the bed. "Just tired, and in pain."

"Has the doctor written you a script for anything for the pain?"

"Yes, but it doesn't work. Elizabeth, you know it won't."

"Yes I know, just..." she didn't finish.

"I know, it's ok. I'm learning to deal with it." Carol replied. "How about we change the topic ok? How are Mark, and David?"

"They're both wonderful. Mark took him Christmas shopping for me the other day. When they returned home I asked David jokingly what they'd gotten me and he promptly responded 'A bathrobe'. It was adorable. You should have seen Mark."

"I can imagine." Carol replied, laughing.

"How are Tess and Kate? And what about Doug? How's he holding up?"

"Tess and Kate.... they're beautiful Elizabeth. They've gotten so big."

"They are Carol. We got the Christmas card you sent out the other day. They really take after you with the hair don't they?" she joked.

"Yeah, both have full heads of dark curls."

"And Doug, what about him? How is he?"

"He's ok. He's tired though, but he won't admit it. I feel as though it's my fault. He works 5 shifts a week, plus does everything for the girls, plus the housework. I don't know he does it. Plus taking care of me. It's not fair to him." Carol said, sounding tired.

"He's strong Carol. You're strong. You've got to keep fighting ok? I hate to cut this short, but you sound exhausted and Romano just paged me, the jerk. He's after me, wants me to work Christmas so he can attend some conference in New York."

Carol laughed. "Ok, thanks for calling Elizabeth. It's nice to hear from you, not many people think to call anymore. I think everyone figures I've died already."

"Don't talk like that. You're strong Carol, just keep fighting."

"I will." Carol replied, her eyes feeling heavy.

"Good bye Carol."

"Bye Elizabeth."

************************************************************************************************

I promise you
From the bottom of my heart
I will love you 'til death do us part

************************************************************************************************

"Tess, Kate, come on." Helen guided them later that night. She took each of their hands and took them upstairs, to where Doug was sitting next to Carol. He was stroking her face, whispering to her.

"Daddy, Mommy?" Tess whispered, looking scared. She looked up at Helen, who gave her a little nod. Taking each other's hands now, Tess and Kate made their way over to the bed, where Doug lifted each of them carefully up.

"Hi sweetie." Carol whispered, touching out to Kate who was closer to her. "Tess, hi baby." she whispered; now reaching out to touch her.

"Hi mommy." Kate whispered back, moving closer to Carol. "Mommy, why are you crying?" she asked, looking at Carol's face, which was stained from tears that had dried, and tears that were still falling.

"Did we be bad?" Tess asked, looking up to Doug, who shook his head.

"Oh, oh no" Carol replied, wiping her eyes. "No, neither of you were bad. I'm just.. Mommy is sad right now." Carol explained, closing her eyes.

Watching her daughter, Helen too broke down into tears. Quickly leaving the room, she ran down the hallway to the bathroom and shut the door behind her.

"How about you two tell mommy what you did today." Doug suggested, as you could hear the sound of exhaustion, and sadness in his voice.

He expected this to cheer them up a bit, but as he said that, Kate looked up at him with her big brown eyes and a tear fell down her face.

"Mommy, are you gunna die tonight?" she whispered, wiping the tear from her face.

"Mommy, don't die!." Tess yelled, as she too began to cry. "Please mommy, don't die."

Seeing her children like this only caused Carol to cry more. "Come here," she whispered, as she got Tess and Kate to cuddle next to her. As they did, she wiped the tears from their faces as they continued to cry. "I love you two more than I love anything in this world. And I always will love you, even when I'm not here anymore."

Both Tess and Kate let out sobs as Carol spoke to them. Even Doug, who was still sitting at the end of the bed, looked misty- eyed. Helen had now returned to the room with a handful of tissues and was sitting in a chair by the window.

"But I promise, I'll always look out for you. And I'll always be with you." Carol continued. "I'll always love you two, and your dad," she said, continuing to cry. "I promise."

"I love you too mommy." Tess cried, clinging to Carol. "Don't leave mommy."

"Mommy, when you die, will... will you still be our mommy?" Kate whispered. "I don't want to get a new mommy."

"I'll always be your mommy." Carol replied, as she squirmed in her bed. "Even when you're 35 and married with your own family, I'll be your mom." Carol assured her.

The girls and Carol continued to cry for a few more minutes. Finally, Doug picked them up and carried them over to Helen.

"How about you two go with grandma ok? Mommy needs her rest." he told them.

They both just stared at him and cried. "Daddy, I wanna stay with her! please!" Kate pleaded, "Please daddy."

"Come on, go and say good-bye to mommy ok?" he replied, leading them back over to the bed.

"I love you mommy." Kate whispered, leaning up and hugging Carol who did not want to let go.

"I love you too mommy." Tess told her, leaning over for her hug.

"I love you both, more than you'll ever know." Carol cried, as Helen led the girls from the bedroom. Carol cried for what seemed like forever after the girls disappeared down the hallway.

As she did, Doug sat next to her and wrapped his arms around her. "Shh.. It's ok," he said over and over again.

"Doug, I don't want to.. I can't leave them yet," she sobbed, as he held her close. "I have to be here for them. To see them grow up. They need a mom. When they were born, all I could think was how I was going to see them go on their first dates, their first heartbreaks, their weddings, be a grandmother. I.. I'm not going to get to do any of that." she sobbed. "I.. I don't want to leave you. Doug, I love you... I love you more than I could ever imagine. All that time we wasted years ago acting like teenagers, I just wish we could get it back. I'm not ready to go yet."

"I'm not ready to let you go." he replied, as for the first time since he was a little boy, he began to cry. "Carol, I love you, and no matter what, I'll always love you. But you can't leave me; you can't leave Tess and Kate. They need you, I need you."

"Doug, you don't even know how much I don't want to leave you all. But I can't do it anymore, it's too hard. I can't fight this anymore. It's not fair to you, or the girls either. Me, laying up here, not able to do anything. You, having to work, plus care for me. It's time for me Doug."

"Carol, please no, not yet.." he pleaded.

"Doug, the tapes. Make sure they get the tapes I made them. Please, I put them in the closet." she explained, as her voice began to get strained.

"What tapes?" Doug whispered, wiping his eyes. He stroked her face again, her skin like ice.

"The tapes I made when I found out it was terminal Doug. For Tess and Kate." she replied. "I.. I knew I wouldn't be here for the important times, when... when they would need me to talk too. So, I put everything on the videos. There's one for their periods, one for boys, for starting high school, things like that. And... there's one you can give them now. It.. It's just me, telling them how I love them, telling them stories about me and you, when they were born, things they did when they were little." she finished, her breathing getting labored.

"I'll make sure they get them." he replied, gripping her hand.

"I love you Doug. I've loved you since I first laid eyes on you. And I'll always love you. And the girls, I love them too." she said, as she closed her eyes. "I love you."

"Carol, please no.. Carol." he again pleaded as her eyes shut. "Carol, I love you." he whispered as he began to sob.

Taking her hand, he kissed her as he heard her last breath escape. "Oh god, Carol, .. I love you," he sobbed, as he laid his head on her chest and cried, cried harder than he ever had in his whole life.

*********************************************************************************************

I promise you
As a lover and a friend
I will love you like I'll never love again
With everything I am




I'd really like to hear what everyone thought of this one! Plz, send me an email, even if its only 2 words!!
01/03/01