Disclaimer: All characters in this story are the property of NBC, Warner Brothers, John Wells, and whoever else. I just borrow them and promise to return them. Don’t worry, I won’t hurt them. I make no money off these fics, I write them for fun.

The music in this story is “Goodbye Is Forever” by Arcadia

Feedback is always appreciated-> DougandCarol@hotmail.com

Writer's Notes: I can't even remember if I said this back when I wrote part 1, but this whole series takes place at the end of season 8 ok? I want to see Luka and Abby's relationship grow more before they get married and have a baby. besides, none of this will actually happen, it's just what my screwed up brain comes up with ;)

********************************

Sometimes you have no choice
sometimes you've got no voice to say
say if you will the words--
say if your world is so gray

********************************

Morning dew sticks to everything, making it unbearably stifling when you step outside. The humidity in the air, chokes you like two big hands, squeezing your neck. That's how it felt that mid September morning. It was the day everyone remembers, the last really hot day before the weather breaks, and the rain begins to fall, allowing everyone to escape the wrath of summer.

School was again in session, meaning there were no longer the shrieks of young children as they ran around outside. No more playing in pools, running through sprinklers, playing baseball in the street. Things were again relatively quiet, aside from the construction a few blocks over.

Abby awoke early that morning, as the sun peeked through the window, hitting her directly in the face. Turning over, she found the bed next to her empty, realizing Luka had been on at 6, and it was now 8:30. Lifting herself with her hands, she pulled herself upright slowly, hoping to avoid the nausea that came every morning. But, no such luck.

She let out a soft moan as she reached the toilet, and hung her head, as her stomach contents emptied- again. This was a daily thing. She was already close to 10 weeks, and the sickness seemed to get worse everyday. Most days, she felt almost too weak to walk, even open her eyes. Her head was in constant pain; it felt as if someone were taking a hammer to it. She spent hours in the bathroom, of either their house, or at the hospital.

Luka was constantly watching her, worrying himself to death as he watched her. She could barely keep any food down, and the smell of most she could made her queasy. She knew that morning sickness was usually a part of pregnancy, but she has never imagined it would be as bad as it was.

"Damn it." She mumbled to herself, as she settled back against the tub, her knees pulled up to her chest, awaiting the next bout of nausea to wash over. The vomiting lasted on average a half hour in the morning. Then it would return later at night, before bed. "You know, I know you don't seem to like food, but I do, and I'd like some," she mumbled quietly to her stomach, reaching for a magazine that was set next to the sink. Flipping through it, she skimmed an article on 'The Best Ways to Seduce Your Man."

Pushing her hair from her face, she looked at the model in the picture and sighed. Her hair all-perfect, perfect teeth, the perfect body. She wanted to smack her. "I bet she never had morning sickness," she said aloud, as the feeling of nausea again swept over her.

After again vomiting, Abby made her way to the sink, where she rinsed her mouth, and grabbed her toothbrush. As she reached for the tube of toothpaste, she could hear the phone begin to ring in the bedroom. She dropped the tube of toothpaste and almost tripped on a bath towel as she shuffled toward the night table. Picking the phone up to ear, she could hear the muffled sounds of sobs on the other end.

"Hello?" she said, debating whether or not to hang up, thinking this was a prank call.

"Hello, may I speak with Luka Kovac please?" the voice on the other end asked.

"He isn't here right now. Who is this, can I take a message?" Abby replied, grabbing Luka's dirty socks from the end of the bed and tossing them into an empty laundry basket.

"This is Viktor. I am a friend of the Kovac family. Who am I speaking with?"

Abby closed her eyes, as another feeling of nausea swept over her. "Abby, Luka's wife."

"Oh yes." the man replied, as he mumbled something inaudible to someone at his end of the line. "I really must speak with Luka."

"He's at work, now can I take a message or not?" Abby asked, getting annoyed. The room was spinning before her, she wanted to crawl back under the blankets, and fall asleep for a long time.

"I'm calling to inform Luka that his brother, Dmitri, was killed yesterday in a car accident. Please tell him his whole family is here."

This news sent a cold shiver down Abby's spine. Her eyes instantly flew open; the nauseous feeling was suddenly gone. "Is this some kind of joke? Why isn't Luka's mother or father on the phone?"

"Neither of them speak enough English to make the call. They are right here, along with some of Luka's other relatives."

"Oh," was all Abby was able to reply. Luka's brother was dead, killed in a car accident. Luka would be crushed; he would need to go to Croatia today.

"The funeral will be in two days, we will be awaiting his arrival." Viktor informed her. "Thank you."

With that, the connection went dead, as the dial tone started again in Abby's ear. Setting the phone down, she just sat staring for a moment, her hand set on her knee, squeezing it. Without even thinking, she pulled on a pair of old black shorts that were slung over a chair, and one of Luka's t-shirts. Rushing down the stairs, she checked the kitchen counter for her car keys and sighed, finding they were not there. Looking through a pile of newspapers, she finally found them on the floor next to the garbage can.

The heat hit her with a stifling blast as she stepped outside. Her stomach began again as she pulled the car door open and started the engine. Pulling the car out of the driveway, she turned the air conditioning on, allowing it to hit her full blast. Her head was still spinning; she felt it would never stop.

***************************************

Pushing through the ambulance bay entrance, Abby found herself surrounded by a mass of people. Most were drenched with sweat, waiting in chairs, bickering with each other, hitting the soda machine, or many even asleep. Pushing through a group of teenage girls, Abby made her way to admit, where Randi sat, a phone in her hand, tapping her fingers impatiently.

“Randi, where’s Luka?” Abby asked, stuffing her car keys into her pocket.

“Dr. Kovac?” Randi replied, looking up from her daydream, pushing a strand of hair out of her face.

“How many other Luka’s do you know?” Abby asked impatiently.

Randi thought for a moment, “Just making sure. He’s down in…….. Exam 2.”

Immediately turning, Abby hurried toward exam 2. Pushing through the door, she came face to face with Dave, who was talking with a patient. “Dave, where’s Luka?”

“Oh, hey Abby.” Dave greeted her. “Wanna help me with this guy? He was trying to break the world record for sit-ups. Made it to over 8000.”

“No. Where’s Luka?” she practically yelled.

Dave snickered. “Go check the supply closet.”

“Thanks.”

Turning from exam 2, Abby walked toward the supply closet, where she found Luka, bent over searching the shelves. He pushed over a few boxes, before grabbing a bottle of medication.

“Luka.” Abby said, as he stood up, seeing she was standing near him.

“Abby, why are you here so early? You said you were not on until 11.”

“Luka, I have to talk to you.” She said seriously, closing the door behind her, in an attempt to have a private conversation.

“Is everything ok, is the baby ok?” he asked, suddenly sounding very concerned.

“The baby’s fine.” Abby assured him, as she stepped closer to him. “Luka, a family friend of yours called. Viktor.”

Luka nodded, putting down the container of medication. “He is a friend of my fathers.”

Abby sighed, and closed her eyes for a second. “Luka, Dmitri was in a car accident yesterday.”

As the words passed through her lips, the color began to drain from Luka’s face. His looked went from one of seriousness, to one of sadness. “How is he?” he asked, struggling with every word.

Abby just looked up at him, grasping his hand in hers. “He didn..”

“Don’t say it.” Luka said, cutting her off. He took a deep breath, trying to keep his composure. “I have to go.” He said very quickly, pushing past her, and through the door. She followed him down to admit, calling his name.

“Luka, will you wait?” she called, as he erased his name from the board and threw his charts on the counter.

“Kerry, I have to go. I need to take a few days off.” He said, to Dr. Weaver, who was going over labs in the computer.

“Luka, you can’t just take days off whenever you want. I need you here.” She replied, sounding annoyed.

“I need to go. Ask Dr. Greene or Dr. Carter if he can cover for me.”

Without another word, he walked into the lounge, leaving Kerry at admit with Abby.

“Dr. Weaver, I need to take a few days off too.”

“What is it with you people? Did someone instigate some system I am unaware of that allows you to just take days off whenever you feel like it?”

“Luka’s brother died.” Abby blurted out. “He needs to go to Croatia for the funeral. I am not going to let him go alone.”

Kerry understood immediately, and nodded. “Take as many days as you need.”

Abby just nodded and turned quickly. “Thank you Dr. Weaver.”

Pushing through the lounge door, she found Luka standing at his locker, his head leaning against the door. He had his wallet in his hands.

“Luka.” Abby whispered, walking toward him. “Luka, I’m sorry.”

He turned his head to face her, and looked at her with a gaze she had never seen before.

“Why again?” was all he said. “They took Danijela, Marco and Jasna. Now they’ve taken Dmitri.”

Abby sighed, and stood next to him, as he wrapped his arm around her shoulder. His grip was tight, it seemed as if he were gripping for dear life. She could hear the waver in his voice; she could see the sadness in his eyes.

“It’ll be ok.” She whispered, trying to assure him. She watched as he locked his eyes closed tightly. He let out a loud sigh, and he gripped her tighter. She was at a loss for words. She knew nothing she said could ease the pain he was feeling right now. “Come on, leave your car here, I’ll drive home.”

****************************

we can decide this
there'll be no tears--
no tradgedy
Sure I wouldn't break and cry, if...
you walk away--
believe me

****************************

As they pulled into the driveway of their house about an hour later, Luka opened the front door and went straight to the kitchen, where he picked up the phone. Abby followed quietly, taking a seat at the small island in the center of the room, next to him.

“Do you want me to pack for us?” she asked quietly, as he looked through the telephone book for the number of the airport.

He shook his head, searching for the number. “You aren’t coming Abby.”

“Luka, I’m going with you.” She said, sounding hurt. “You can’t go alone.”

“No.” he replied. “Abby, it isn’t safe.”

She looked at him and reached out to his hair, where she fixed a piece of it. “Nothing is going to happen to me Luka. But I’m not letting you go to your brother’s funeral, all alone. We’re married, remember?”

He sighed, his hand shaking as he pressed the numbers into the telephone. “Not again, I can’t lose anyone else Abby. What if something happens while you’re there? To you, or the baby?”

As she listened to him speak, she understood why he was so afraid to take her with him. He had already lost so many people in Croatia. The war had taken his previous wife and his children. It had taken so many of his friends. And now, years later, his brother had been taken.

“The baby and I will be fine Luka.” She assured him. “I’ll be with you the whole time. I promise, it’s safe now. But I can’t let you go alone.”

He looked at her hard as the phone stopped ringing and the person on the other end picked up. As he listened to her, Abby got up and grabbed a pad of paper and a pen. Scribbling a quick note down on it, she folded the paper up and stuck it on the refrigerator. Leaning over, she kissed Luka and gave him a reassuring hug.

“I’m going up to pack.” She mouthed, as she turned to leave the kitchen.

In their bedroom, she pulled a large duffel bag from the closet and set it on the bed. Pulling open drawers, she pulled whatever she could grab and sorted through it. Socks, underwear, bra’s, pajamas, in it all went. Opening the closet, she found a pair of Luka’s good pants and folded them, and stuffed them in. She grabbed one of his good shirts and in that went. Looking through her side, she finally found a pair of nice black pants, and a blouse to go with it. There was no way in hell she was going to fit in the one dress she owned. She may have only been 10 weeks, but she could already feel the bloating and bulging beginning.

She was just pulling the zipper shut as Luka walked in, seeming as if he were dragging each foot, like it was a major physical task.

“I got us plane tickets for 3 o’clock.” He said, walking over to the window and sitting in a chair, staring at the street below. He could see their neighbor across the street, Mrs. Bankman. She was an elderly lady who loved to talk. She spent much of her time in the front yard, watering her flowers and sitting on her porch, watching the cars go by and the children play. She often talked about her husband, who had died years earlier of lung cancer. She told Luka once of the time they had gone back to Italy, to visit the town where she had grown up. It had been this best trip of her life, they had gone for two weeks, and enjoyed every moment of it. Her life seemed so full of happiness, even after her husband had passed on. She had so many wonderful memories with him, that she told him, ‘I can feel him with me everyday. I know he is watching me dear. And anytime I think of him and miss him, all I have to do is close my eyes, and I see him.”

He sighed as he watched her. She was sitting on her front step, her old cat in her lap. She was so old, yet so full of life.

He could feel Abby’s arms wrap around him as he continued to watch her. He could feel her breath as she lowered her head to rest it on his shoulders. Her hands were like silk, as he reached up and grabbed them.

“Thank you,” was all he said, it was all he needed to say.

****************************

Hey, goodbye
goodbye is--forever
Hey, forever
goodbye is--forever
and ever...

****************************

Did you ever notice how loud airports really are? Between the announcements, the music, people yelling, babies crying, baggage terminals, you can get a headache you think will never go away. Or at least that’s how you think it is.

As they got ready to board the airplane later that day, Abby felt as if her head were going to explode into a million different pieces. She had just spent the last half an hour standing next to a man screaming into his cell phone, on line at the ticket counter. Luka had been in the bathroom at the time, and if she knew he wouldn’t have returned at any moment, she would have gladly smacked the screaming man with her purse.

As they found their seats on the plane, Luka allowed Abby to get in first, where she found herself seated next to a middle aged man, who was busy trying to set his laptop up.

“Are you sure you don’t want the aisle?” Luka asked, as Abby attempted to buckle her seatbelt.

Abby nodded. “I’m ok.”

Settling back into his seat, Luka looked around at the many other people on the airplane. They were all smiling, laughing, talking with the one’s they knew. How, he thought, could they be doing this? Didn’t they understand his brother had just died? That yet another loved one had been taken and would never be seen alive again? No, why would they care? They hadn’t known Dmitri, they didn’t know Luka. They all had their own lives. Like everyone today does.

Abby gripped his hand in her own as the plane began to take off. He pressed his head back into his seat and closed his eyes. As soon as he did, he could see Dmitri. His dark brown hair, the big grin he always wore. He was much shorter than Luka, only about 5’8”, and was very thin. But he always loved to have a good time. Luka could remember the time Dmitri had snuck out during the night when they were much younger, and climbed down the tall tree outside their apartment building. He had made it almost to the bottom, when his pants got caught on a branch, and he got stuck. His father had gotten so angry when he found Dmitri in the tree the next morning. But all Dmitri had done was laughed, thinking he was hysterical.

Luka smiled as he thought of that. Turning to Abby, he squeezed her hand and gave her a small smile.

“Are you ok?” he asked.

She nodded. “I’m fine.”

Turning his attention across the aisle, his eyes locked with those of a small baby girl, maybe only a year or so old. She had bright blue eyes, and a head full of short blond curls. Her hands flew up as he watched her, and a loud shriek came from her, as she began to laugh, clapping her hands.

In less than 9 months he’d have one of those again. A baby to hold, to rock to sleep, to sing to, to love. It had been so long since he had been able to say that. That he was a father. That he had a wife, a family.

Turning back to Abby, her eyes were closed, and he head was turned toward him. She looked absolutely exhausted. Pushing a strand of hair out of her face, he settled back, and began to think of Dmitri again, and everything he had missed with him.

****************************

Sometimes it makes no sense,
this side of cruel coincidence
caught up in our own barbed wire
to set us free
belive this--

****************************

“Chicken or pasta?” the flight attendant asked later, as she appeared, pushing a cart full of what looked exactly like hospital trays.

Luka looked up to her and tapped Abby. “Abby..” he whispered, trying to wake her up.

“Ergg… what?” she asked sleepily, as she opened one eye. “Are we there?”

Luka shook his head. “What do you want to eat?” he asked. “Chicken or pasta?”

Turning to look at the flight attendant, Abby rubbed her eyes and sighed. “I guess pasta.”

As the tray was placed in front of her, the attendant placed an exact tray in front of Luka and moved on to the next aisle. Removing the cover, Abby looked at the food and turned her head. As the smell of it reached her, her stomach immediately began to turn, and she pressed her hand to it. Lifting her tray without a word, she pushed passed Luka, and practically sprinted to the bathrooms in the back of the plane. As the man seated next to her watched, Luka pushed his tray up and grabbed both trays of food. He quickly handed them back to the flight attendant and went after Abby.

“Abby?” he called into the line of bathrooms as he knocked on the doors. “Abby?”

Leaning closer to the fourth one, he could hear the sound of gagging and knocked harder. “Abby?” Trying to turn the small knob, he fumbled with it, as a woman passed by and gave him an odd look.

He could hear the water turn on and off, and the door opened, Abby stepping out. Her face was pale, and she looked ready to begin throwing up again.

“I’m sorry, but that smell.” She managed to mumble, and he wrapped his arms around her, helping her back to their seats.

“It’s ok.” He murmured, as he sat down next to her. Wrapping his arm around her neck, she leaned over, resting her head on his chest. The nausea was horrible right now. Her stomach was turning and turning, she felt like she was on a roller coaster.

“I’m sorry.” She whispered, as she closed her eyes. Her head was spinning, faster and faster.

“For what?” he asked, resting his head on hers.

“For this. You just lost your brother Luka, you shouldn’t be worrying about me, chasing me to bathrooms on airplanes when I throw up.”

His hand wandered down to her stomach as she spoke, and came to a stop. Letting it sit there, pressed up against her, he kissed her forehead and replied, “You don’t have to be sorry. You did nothing wrong.”

She smiled as his hand touched her stomach. “I’m sorry about Dmitri.” She whispered. “I know you two were close.”

“Don’t be sorry, it wasn’t your fault.” Luka assured her, his voice practically inaudible. “It was his time, I just wish I would have known.”

****************************

It had been only 2 days, yet those 2 days felt like a lifetime. Returning home to Croatia had brought back such a wave of emotions, Luka realized in less than 2 hours of returning, why he had left. The trees, the plants, the ground, the air, the smells, they all brought back such horrible memories, he wanted to break down and cry each time he saw one, or smelled it.

Early the morning of the funeral, Luka awoke to the familiar sound of Abby in the bathroom. The gagging was a typical sound now, one he heard every morning. He hated to watch her like that, spending hours huddled over a toilet; he felt it was his fault. He got her pregnant, if she weren’t pregnant, she wouldn’t have morning sickness, wouldn’t be tired all the time, wouldn’t be so dizzy she couldn’t walk at times. But when he thought of all the negatives, it made him think of the positives. A baby, their baby was causing this all. In a few months, it wouldn’t be just “a baby”, it would be a person. A boy or a girl with a name, that they could both love and care for together.

As they dressed later that morning, Luka pulled his shirt over his head slowly, looking at a photo of Dmitri that sat on the dresser in the small room. They were staying at his parent’s house, in Luka’s old bedroom. It was amazing that during the entire war, the house had not been touched. Everything was the way it use to be, nothing had changed.

“Noooo.” Abby moaned, as she tried to pull on her pants. Grasping the button and the button slot, she tried desperately to get them to close. Holding her breath, she sucked her stomach in and attempted, with no promising result.

“Do you want some help?” Luka asked, a small grin on his face as he watched her.

“They don’t fit, nothing fits.” She sighed unhappily, falling back onto the small bed. “I won’t even be able to fit into my scrubs soon.”

“You still look beautiful.” Luka assured her, playing with her hair as he sat down next to her.

“What am I going to wear today Luka? I didn’t realize that none of the clothes I bought fit anymore.”

He watched her for a moment and smiled, as he began to speak.

“Don’t even say it.”

“My mom may have something you could borrow.” He offered, standing up. “Come here.”

“I don’t have any pants on, I’m not leaving the room.”

“Your shirt is long, come on.” He guided her down the hallway, knocking on his parent’s bedroom door. “Mama?” he called, peeking his head in.

A crying woman sat in a chair by the window as he let himself in. “Mama, it’s ok.” He comforted her, as Abby stood in the doorway watching. “You’ll be ok.”

“Luka.” Was all she said, as she blew into a tissue.

“It’s ok.”

Abby looked on as he continued to comfort his mother. She watched him closely, all of his movements, what he said, how he managed to calm her down so quickly.

“Mama, do you have a skirt Abby could borrow?” he asked softly, as he handed her another tissue.

The old woman looked up to Abby and nodded. Pulling open a dresser drawer, she pulled out a simple black skirt and handed it to Abby.

“Thank you.” Abby said to her, as Luka smiled at her.

The old woman nodded and took her seat back, and began to look out the window again.

****************************

Hey, goodbye
goodbye is--forever
Hey, forever
goodbye is--forever
and ever...

****************************

There is nothing more somber than a funeral. All around you, people are crying, and crying, and holding each other. Many grieve in their own ways. Some cry, others are silent, some get mad, and some take shelter, and hide from everyone. It seemed that at Dmitri’s funeral, everyone’s intentions were the same, everyone cried.

As Luka watched his brother’s body being lowered into the ground, it brought back horrible memories. The memory of watching his family, Danijela, Marco and Jasna, all being buried. It had snowed that day, and he could remember the doll that lay atop Jasna’s casket. It had been her favorite doll. She was never seen without it. She held the doll at dinner, brought it with her in the bathtub, gripped it tightly at night when she was in bed.

When the casket was lowered, and the family began to walk away, Abby slipped her hand into Luka’s and stood close to him. She could hear him whispering in Croatian, but didn’t understand a word of it. When he finished whispering, she looked up at him, the hot sun hitting her eyes.

“You ready?” he asked her, looking at the casket one final time, low in the ground, awaiting the piles of dirt to be thrown upon it.

“Yeah.” She said, as they both turned away from the grave and walked up the small hill.

“I miss him.” He sighed, his voice as if he were ready to cry.

“I know.”

****************************

Hey, goodbye
goodbye is--forever
Hey, forever
goodbye is--forever
and ever...

****************************