Disclaimer: All characters in this story are the property of NBC, Warner Brothers, John Wells, and whoever else. I just borrow them and promise to return them. Don’t worry, I won’t hurt them. I make no money off these fics, I write them for fun.

The music in this story is "Miracle" by Whitney Houston

Feedback is always appreciated-> DougandCarol@hotmail.com

Writer's Notes: I decided to try something new with Part 5. I wrote it from Abby's POV. I plan to write Part 6 from Luka's if you guys all like it ok? So tell me which way you like it better!

Thanks: Major thanks to adrienne464, bittybell, er_fanbelle, and mauratierneyfan who all took the time in one of the Luby chats over at Carolina's club to help me write the NC-17 scene in this story! Thanks you guys! :)

WARNING; This fanfiction is rated NC-17. So I have warned you, if you are under 17, or feel you cannot deal with sexual situations, don't read this.

++++++++++++++++++++

How could I throw away a miracle
How could I face another day
It's all of my doing
I made a choice
And today I pay
My heart is full of pain
How could you understand
The way I feel
How could you relate to so much pain
Seems as though nothing can comfort me
So today I pray
That someone should listen for

++++++++++++++++++++

I wonder all the time why the hell I bother doing what I do. Normal people spend their days talking on cell phones, watching stock averages, teaching children to read, putting criminals in jail. I watch people die. Sometimes I think it’s because of the way I was raised. There was never much love in my house; no one really cared what I did. Maybe now I want to be able to help people I see who need it.

It’s October 31st, Halloween. There ER is already full of Looney’s and it’s only 9:30am. I’ve been on since 2 am, and I was suppose to have today, along with the next two days off. But Lydia had some kind of family emergency so I offered to cover for her. Luka and I can use the money.

I just finished up with some horny old man who was complaining his ears were too big and his girlfriend doesn’t like them that way. He wants me to cut them off, make them smaller. Where do these people come from?

“Abby, start an IV in curtain area 3.” Mark calls to me, as I walk down the hallway. Cleo passes by me, chasing a screaming boy. He’s dressed in a batman costume, yelling how he has to save the world. I hope to god it slows down soon, I need a break.

+++++++++++++

There was a major trauma earlier this morning, at about 5. A car accident only about 3 blocks from here. We managed to save them all, and now they've all gone to various units. It's finally slowed down; all the patients left are minor injuries, maybe a sprain or an earache. After finishing up with a chart, I head down to admit where I drop it. Dave is there, no matter what, I always manage to run into him. He's busy telling Carter something about a date he had the other night.

"Hey Abby." Carter greets me as I walk up. I lean over the counter and take a deep breath. Looking up at him, I see Dave grinning.

"Hi Carter." I reply, looking oddly at Dave, who just keep grinning that devilish grin. "What?" I asked.

He shakes his head. "Nothing."

Carter's looking at him now as well. Dave turns away as we both look at him, laughing as he walks toward the lounge.

"You look tired." Carter tells me, as he sips from his cup of coffee.

"Yeah, well, I haven't been sleeping well." I reply, which is the truth. I haven't. The sickness seems to be over, except for the occasional bout. But now I have insomnia. I sit up at night, staring at the clock, or at Luka. I've tried watching TV, but there's nothing but infomercials on at 3 am. And if I have to watch that program for NADS one more time, I think I'll shoot myself.

"You want me to write you a prescription for something?" he asks, setting his cup on the counter.

I shake my head. "No, I'll be ok. I think we need a new mattress." I lie. The truth is, nobody knows I'm pregnant yet, aside from me, Luka, Dr. Finch, Dr. Chen, and Haleh. We want to keep it secret for a while, until we know everything is ok.

Carter shrugs as I start to walk away. "I'll see you later."

Pushing through the door to the lounge, I spot Dave on the couch, staring at some magazine. His stethoscope is on the floor, along with his shoes. I try and ignore him as I open my locker, and grab the bottle of prenatal vitamins off the shelf. He turns his head as I run the water and fill a glass with it. I open the bottle and swallow a pill, dumping the remaining water down the drain.

"What was that?" he asks, poking his nose again where it doesn't belong.

"Nothing." I reply shortly, as I toss the bottle back in my locker and slam the door.

I can hear him mumble something to himself as I do so. He's got that stupid grin on his face again, just looking for trouble.

"What?" I asked, as I get closer to him. "What did you say?"

He laughs, and closes his magazine. "Nothing."

"You're a jerk Dave." I tell him, going to leave the room. I go to pull the door open as he starts coughing loudly. "What the hell is your problem?"

He hops up off the couch, and sprints for the refrigerator, grabbing a can of soda. "So Abby, when's the big day?" he asks, opening the can and taking a big sip.

I freeze as he asks me that. I don't turn around, I just stand there for a second, trying to keep my face as calm as possible. "What are you talking about?" I ask coolly, turning around.

"You know what I mean." He says, moving closer to me. "It's so obvious."

"What is?" I ask again, trying to keep as calm as possible. Luka and I wanted to keep this a secret for a reason; we didn't want people knowing yet, especially Dave. He has the biggest mouth in Chicago.

"The little Kovac you two got on the way." He says, setting the can of soda down. "So, when are we gunna get to see the little bugger?"

"Who told you?" I ask, walking over to him, and kicking his shoes out of my way.

He whistles and grins. "Nobody told me. I'm not as stupid as you think Abby. I noticed everything."

God how he manages to piss me off just about every time I talk to him. I often wonder how I survived those months of being his med student. I also wonder why someone hasn't yet hit him, god knows I'd like to sometimes.

"You noticed everything huh?" I repeat, looking down at my watch. 4 more hours and then I have two days off.

"Yup, you sure didn't try to hide it. I mean, come on, either you gained some weight or your scrubs shrunk in the washing machine. And no more coffee, or cigarettes? I know you smoke, and I haven't seen you light up in months." He babbles on, as I glare at him for the weight comment. He really doesn't know when to shut up.

"Fine, you know, ok?" I snap, getting annoyed. "Just don't say anything to anyone, Luka and I are trying to keep it quiet."

"No problem." He replies, crossing his fingers over his heart like some third grader who promised not to tell his best friend a girl has a crush on him.

He continues to laugh as I leave the lounge, and pass by Dr. Greene who's talking with Dr. Coburn. He's waving his finger at me, and I sigh, only wondering what she has found to bitch about today.

"Abby, Dr. Coburn came down to ask me if you'd mind working up in OB for the rest of your shift." Dr. Greene tells me, as I approach them.

"Dr. Greene told me that things are relatively quiet down here, and we're swamped upstairs." Dr. Coburn explains to me. "There are 11 women in labor, 6 of them actively."

I listen to her as she tells Dr. Greene that she can really use the help, she never really waits for my answer. But then again, I'm only a nurse, I don't get a choice. I feel as if she's pulling a Kerry Weaver on me. Except Dr. Weaver was pulling me to work down here.

She practically tugs me upstairs, and hands me a chart. I listen to her as she explains the patient’s current state, rambling on and on.

"36 year old, gestation period at 38 ½ weeks. She was last checked about an hour ago, when she was at a 2 plus station, 75% effaced, and 7 centimeters dilated.” She tells me, as I take the chart.

I nod as she continues. “Now I’ve got a woman down the hall who’s about ready to deliver twins, so if she starts moving faster, I want you to call Johnson ok?”

“Got it.” I say, as I look down at the chart. “What room is she in?”

“509.”

I pass by the nursery as I walk down the hallway. Inside, there are about 15 newborns, some crying, some yawning, and some just staring into the bright lights above them. I miss it up here. Up here, just about everything you see if pure joy, it is so rare that anyone dies. And when they do, you want to cry just as hard as the parents who have lost the child. Pushing open the door of room 509, I can hear a woman’s screams as I see her husband sitting next to her, wiping her face with a cloth.

“Rachel Cleary?” I ask, as she nods, taking a deep breath. “I’m Abby Lockhart.” I tell her, as I shake hands with her husband.

“Tom Cleary.” He introduces himself as I set her chart down on the counter. “I thought the other nurse said Dr. Coburn was coming.”

I smile as I check her monitors. “She got called in to deliver twins, but don’t worry, we still have some time.” I assure them, checking to make sure her IV is still set.

He nods as Rachel moans. “I can’t do this much longer.” She cries, as another contraction starts.

“Breathe through it.” I instruct her, as she grabs her husband’s hand, I can see her nails digging deep into his skin. “That’s it.”

I look up at the clock in the room, as the minutes tick slowly by. Luka’s at home right now most likely. He has today and tomorrow off. I know he was planning to wait for any trick-or-treaters that came by until I got home. When I called him at 7am, there had already been 3 groups of kids at the door. I had an OB appointment scheduled for 3. He was planning to come with me.

It’s another 2 hours by the time I check Rachel again and she’s reached 10, ready to push. Dr. Coburn is still in with that woman having twins, so I call for Johnson, who is nowhere to be found.

“Well find me someone, she’s ready to push.” I tell the woman down the hallway through the phone. “Call Hansen, or Parilla.” I order her.

“Why the hell didn’t I get drugs?” Mrs. Cleary is screaming, as another wave of pain washes over her. “I swear to god Tom, you’re having the next one if you want more.” She barks at him.

I laugh in amusement as I pull a fresh pair of gloves on. “Ok, Rachel, when I tell you too, I need you to push ok? The doctor will be here in a few minutes.”

She nods as she grabs her husband’s hand. “Ok, good. Now.. push.”

She’s been pushing for about 15 minutes when Dr. Hansen finally arrives. As she pulls a gown on, I continue to coach her, as I see the baby’s head begin to crown. “You’re doing great.” I assure her with a smile, as Dr. Hansen takes place for me.

She screams one final time about 10 minutes later, as I help Dr. Hansen, who’s holding the new baby. “It’s a boy.” I announce, as Tom cuts the cord, and they place the wailing baby on Rachel. She’s crying now, and so is Tom. As I watch them, it makes me wonder what it’s going to be like for me and Luka. Are we going to cry? Is everything going to go ok?

I take the baby from them and carry him over to the other side of the room where I place him in the small scale. “8 pounds, 8 ounces.” I announce, as I lift him, and place him in the bassinet nearby. I grab a baby hat and carefully pull it on his head, as he kicks his legs, staring up at me. “Hey you.” I whisper, as I wrap a blanket around his body. “You’re a cutie.”

I’m about to clock out as I take one last look into their room, to make sure everything’s ok. Rachel’s already fast asleep; Tom is sitting next to her, the baby in his arms.

“She did great.” I tell him, grasping my coat in my arms. I stare down at the baby, making sure he’s ok. “Did you guys name him yet?” I ask, adjusting my bag on my shoulder.

Tom nods, not even lifting his head to look at me. He’s too busy watching the baby. “Daniel Ryan.” He tells me, as the baby’s arms flail from the blanket, and he yawns. “Thank you Nurse Lockhart.” He says, looking up for a second.

I smile as he looks at me. “Abby.” I tell him. “And Congratulations.”

“Thank you.”

I wave as I turn to leave, and sigh as I step out of the room. Being back up in OB today has made me wonder what it’s going to be like. Half of me am so excited about this baby. The thought of him or her excites me more than anything imaginable. But there’s half of me that’s scared to death. I am scared that somehow, I’ll mess up like my mother did. I don’t want my child to have to grow up in the kind of family I did. What if I can’t do it, what if I’m not cut out to be a mother?

As I reach the elevator, I press the button for the ground floor and lean against the wall as the doors shut. I feel tired enough to fall asleep right here on the floor. Maybe someone will wander by and carry me to a bed. Maybe I should do that; maybe I’ll get a little sleep. Because I know as soon as I get home, I won’t be able to sleep anymore, I’ll be tired, but I won’t fall asleep.

++++++++++++++

Nothing should matter
Not when love grows inside you
The choice is yours
There's a miracle in store
Nothing should matter
Not when love grows inside you
A voice of love is crying out
Don't throw love away
There's a miracle in store

++++++++++++++

Later that afternoon, it’s almost 2;45 as Luka and I arrive at my OB’s office. The waiting room is packed with other women, a few with their husbands. Every one of them is visibly pregnant; some have other children with them. There are about 5 of them in a small play area, all dressed in costumes. There’s a princess, a pumpkin, and witch, some kind of super hero, and a Dalmatian.

“You ok?” Luka asks me, as I sit next to him after checking in with the receptionist.

“I’m fine, just tired.” I reply, as I stare across the room at diagrams on the wall. I’ve seen them all before, but sitting here they all look so unfamiliar, it all seems so strange.

“Are you excited?” he asks me, as he brushes his hand on top of mine. He’s grinning now, I can see he’s giddy with excitement.

“Yes.” I reply happily, as I take hold of his hand. We’re having our first sonogram today, and at 16 weeks, we’ll be able to hear the heartbeat for the first time as well. “I’m scared too.” I confess.

“I know.” He replies, as we discussed this last night. We’re both so deathly afraid that something will be wrong, though the chances of something actually being wrong are so slim. “But it’ll be ok.” He assures me.

We only have to wait about 20 minutes before they call my name and lead me down a long hallway to an exam room. Inside, I find a gown sitting on the exam table, and sigh as I head to change into it. It’s a paper gown that makes me feel totally exposed as I walk back out in it. Luka’s staring at me, smiling as I hop up onto the table. I try and cover myself as much as possible, which isn’t much at all.

“You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?” I ask him, as he continues to smile, and laughs.

“I didn’t say anything.” He replies, trying to act innocent.

As he says this, Dr. Lindmen walks in, my chart in her hand. She smiles and shakes Luka’s hand as she sets the chart down on the counter. “Hello Abby.” She greets me.

“Hi.” I reply, as she immediately begins asking me a thousand questions.

“How has the morning sickness been?” she asks, a pen in her hand.

“It’s pretty much gone.” I tell her, as Luka watches me, my feet dangling off the side of the table. “Except now I have insomnia.”

She’s nodding, writing notes on some paper. “Ok, that’s normal. How about weight gain?”

Luka’s standing next to me now, as I stare at the floor. “I’ve gained about 10 pounds.” I tell her, looking at Luka’s sneakers.

After what seems like another 25 questions, she’s finally done and I’m lying on the exam table. She’s covered me with one of those horrible blue sheets and my gown is pulled up, my stomach exposed to the world. Luka’s got my hand wrapped in his now, he’s grinning more than I’ve ever seen him do before. She’s got the ultrasound machine pulled over now, fiddling with some buttons.

“You guys ready?” she asks, as she turns the machine on.

Luka nods excitedly, as she pressing the machine to my stomach. It only takes her a few seconds before she stops moving it and turns the screen. “There’s your baby.” She tells us, pointing to the screen.

Luka’s squeezes my hand excitedly. “Our baby Abby.” He says, staring at the screen. I’m staring too, amazed at what I see. This isn’t some other woman’s baby that I’m looking at while examining her. This is my baby. It’s Luka’s baby, our baby.

“Does everything look ok?” I ask, as we both continue to stare. I can see its heart beating; I can make out the baby’s head, and its body.

“Looks great.” The doctor replies, and she turns the screen off and hands Luka a picture. “This is for you.” She tells us, as she grabs a small Doppler and turns that on. “Now, do you want to hear the baby’s heartbeat?”

Luka and I don’t answer; we both just nod as he looks at the picture in his hand. His hand is still wrapped around mine, and he’s grinning wider and wider. He leans over and kisses me as the sound of the heartbeat fills the room.

“That’s a good steady heartbeat.” Dr. Linden tells us, as she runs the machine over my stomach. “Everything looks great.”

“That’s great.” I reply, as she pulls my gown down and I sit up.

“Now, Abby. I want you to continue to take the prenatal vitamins. Everything looks great so far, I want you to keep it that way ok?” she tells me, as if I’m stupid.

I nod as Luka helps me off the table. The floor is like ice as I shuffle toward the bathroom and yawn as I open the door. I can hear her telling Luka to make another appointment in about a month as I get changed. When I step back out, Luka looks ready to break into song and dance as he wraps his arm around me. He’s got the picture in his hand, and is gripping it for dear life.

“This is going on the refrigerator.” He tells me as we walk toward the car. He opens the door for me, and kisses me as I move to get inside. “It’s our baby Abby.”

I laugh as I kiss him and wrap my arms around him. “I guess you’re excited?” I ask, as I again yawn.

He nods happily as he makes his way around to the driver side and climbs in. “You’ve made me the happiest man in the world.” He tells me, as he starts the car.

I smile as we pull away. Luka’s humming as we drive along. I can only imagine what he’s thinking right now. This baby has excited him more than I could imagine. I know that he can’t wait for it to get here. He talks about it every night, how he isn’t going to leave my side. He wants to make sure he’s there more than anything. He told me that he missed both Jasna and Marko’s births. Jasna had been born by C-Section, and even though he was a doctor, they had not allowed him in the delivery room. And Marko had come so fast he told me, that by the time Danijela had called the hospital to tell him to come home, Marko was born, in their kitchen with the help of their neighbor.

I catch him sometimes at night, when he thinks I’m asleep. He’s down next o my stomach, whispering things to it. Talking to the baby about different things, like what I look like, or telling it different stories about him or me. I never tell him that I see him, I’m afraid if he knows I hear him, he’ll stop. I don’t want him to stop.

++++++++++++++

How could I let go of a miracle
Nothing could ever take its place
Thought I was looking
Out for myself
Now it seems the pain
Is all that I have gained
I wonder if I could be your miracle
I wonder if I could spare you pain
Seems as though nothing will comfort me
Less today I pray
That you should come listen

++++++++++++++

After we arrive at home, I feel as if I’m about to pass out. I am so tired; I could fall asleep standing up if I had to. Luka wandered into the kitchen for a moment, to see if there was anything we needed to buy for dinner. While he’s gone, I fall into the armchair and wait for him, my head resting on the arm as I wait.

When he returns, he sees that I am really exhausted, and he picks me up and gently carries me to the bed. He lays my head gently on the pillow and then rips his shirt off. He kisses me softly and I pull him closer to deepen the kiss. He probes my mouth with his tongue and I in his.

Carefully, he picks my head up to remove my shirt as he continues to kiss me passionately. He cups my breast with one hand and kisses the other. He slowly unzips my pants and removes them along with my underwear. He finds what he knows will put me into orbit. He caresses my clit with his lips and I can see him stare, as my nipples get hard. I watch him as he takes two of his fingers and inserts them slowly.

I moan as he does this, he's moving so slowly. All this slowness is driving me crazy! I want to take charge and make mad love to this man! But, God, I love what he is doing to me!

"Oh Luka." I moan, as he continues. I'm gripping the pillow behind my head to keep from going crazy as I close my eyes. "Oh God!" I cry, squeezing the pillow. I know Luka is throbbing in his pants, I can feel it as he is on top of me.

"Oh god Luka!" I cry again, as I feel my mouth getting moist. He knows I'm reaching my climax and he begins to probe harder and faster. I cry out again in ecstasy as he begins working his way up my body. As he does, I find my way down to his crotch and unzip his pants, revealing his hardened penis.

He's planting kisses all over me. My pelvis, up to my stomach, my ribs, my breasts. I reach down and grab hold of him, as I kiss him. He starts moaning in delight as soon as I do. I wrap my mouth around him and I can tell he loves it. Up and down I go as I watch his reaction. I'm teasing him, he hates when I do that.

I take over, as I turn him around and lay on top of him. I am in complete control as I pin him to the mattress. I smirk as he watches me, and I lower myself onto him, slowly up and down. I watch as he closes his eyes and opens them again. He's watching my breasts rock.

"You're beautiful Abby." I hear him mumble, as I lose myself. I throw my head back and moan. I continue to lower myself onto him, and finally lean over, kissing him. He's moaning in Croatian, I can understand when he says he loves me.

I can feel him getting harder, and I know he's ready to come. I start pumping faster and faster, as I feel him come inside of me. As he does, I collapse on top of him, sighing as I lay my head on his chest.

"I love making love with you Luka." I whisper, as we both sigh with exhaustion, and contentment.

"I love you,” he says, as he runs his finger up and down my back.

"I love you too."

+++++++++

Don't ever throw away your miracle
Don't let it slip away
Nothing should matter

+++++++++

4/15/01