Warning: This fic contains sexual situations. This fic may
offend some people (especially Leo fans). Please don't take it seriously
and please don't hunt me down and kill me. It's just an idea I had to get
off my mind. Just read and enjoy!
"Ooohhh...ooooohhhhh.......ACK!! DON'T TOUCH ME!"
"What did I do wrong?" Leo asked whinedly (I don't know if that's even a word or not but I don't care!).
"Oh never mind!" Tina snapped as she got out of bed and quickly began putting her clothes on. Leo just sat there hyperventilating. He didn't want to be abandoned. He gave Tina the puppy dog look as she pulled her shirt over her head.
"I'm..I'm..sorry.it's my first time..." Tina ignored his apology.
"Good-bye Leo!!" She said as she slammed the door. Leo looked down at his feet feeling nothing but shame. He had dishonored Tina, himself, and even his family. After that night, Leo could never go home. He wasn't the same turtle anymore. He needed to get as far away as he could. He got up and walked out into the darkness of the night. He looked up at the clear skies.
"I gave up my virginity in a dishonorable way. There is no turning back for me now." He noticed the constellation, Orion, and looked at the three stars that made up his belt.
"I wish I would've just kept my pants on like Orion. It would've been more honorable to remain a virgin for the rest of my life."
Leo could hear a honking noise from behind. A truck behind him nearly hit him as it veered out of the way. Leo stood there stunned and finally said to himself: "I would have deserved to be hit. I live in shame. You hear me, truck!?" Leo looked up to the mountains (didn't know there were mountains in New York but oh well, works for the story line, right?)
"I must go up to the mountains and live there until I am totally clean of this shame."
So that's what Leo did, he hiked up to the mountains and lived up there for 20 years. After many hours of meditation and communing with nature, he felt more peace and control but he still didn't feel all better. That shame still gnawed at his very soul and his groin. He still wasn't totally purified. As he sat around meditating and feeling a bird shit on his head, he tried to find where the origin of the shame was coming from. It finally came him. He knew what he had to do. Leo drew one of his swords and held it still as he cut it off. Leo yelled out in pain as the birds flew away. One of the birds ran into the mountain and fell down unconscious but that's not really an important part of the story. (who cares!!?) Well, I the author cares deeply about this. A little birdie ambulance was sent out to carry the little birdie away. His mommie cried for him as he died in the little birdie emergency room. SO YES I DO CARE!!
A little package arrived at Tina's house a couple of weeks later with the return address: The Mountains.
"Hmmm..I wonder who this could be from" Tina shrieked in horror at the thing in the package. It was a dried up, rotting penis. It looked like it had been getting moldy by the green color of it. She dropped the package in horror. A note fell out. She went over to pick it up.
I'm sorry for the dishonorment that I have caused you. I have cut it from me because I don't know how to use it properly. I am not worthy of your love.
Leo
Tina looked at the package in horror. Was he insane? It made her sick to look at it. Did he think that she would pick it up and love it? Did he think that she would appreciate this gesture of insanity!?
A few weeks later, she got a visitor. It was Leo of all people! (er mutants..turtles..whatever!) He had a big grin on his face.
"Hey wuz up babe?" he said. She gave him a confused look. He looked different since the last time that she saw him twenty years ago. He was much older (obviously) and he seemed to have acquired a strange happiness. Before that, Leo was very serious and now he was freely being happy. His smile made her shiver. He gave her the creeps. She wanted him to get out of her life as soon as possible.
"Leo!? What are you doing here?" Tina asked angrily. Leo pushed his way into the house.
"I thought I would stop by to apologize for dishonoring you. It's been twenty years since I've been here, ya know? I like your house." Leo caught something out of the corner of his eye. There was a framed picture of a green person sitting on her fireplace among other photos.
"Hey..who's that in the photo?" Leo said pointing to it.
"Oh..that's nobody." Tina said quickly .
"He looks like he could be my son." Leo said.
"Okay, he's my son but he's not your son."
"Well then how come he looks like me?"
"I had him with my husband."
"You're married?"
"Yes...what? Did you think I'd be sitting around idle while you were away. You never mattered to me." Leo noticed a picture of her and her husband.
"But your husband is human. How can you two have a child that looks like me?"
"Hey! Two humans can have a child that's a mutant. It doesn't mean he's your kid!" she said angrily.
"Oh..."
"Leo? Why did you come here? Why can't you let it rest? Why does what you did twenty years ago matter so much? And why must you continue to harass me?"
"It's the first and only time I ever did it. I messed up. I can't even perform right. I dishonored everybody." Leo looked down sadly. Tina looked in that area too. How the hell can he stand to not have that thing any more. She shuddered at the thought.
"Well, I'd appreciate it if you could just leave me alone. I have moved on. Why can't you?" Tina said. Leo smiled.
"I have, finally. I realized that by cutting it off, the evil has left me. I am purified of my shame. No longer must I suffer..and no longer will I have the need to live in the mountains. I just wanted to say my last good-bye and let you know that I'm better." Better?? He was worse now then he was twenty years ago. He's insane now! Oh well, whatever floats your boat. I guess it's a male thing or something to get so upset over what seemed so stupid to her.
Just then, Tina's husband walked in.
"Oh, hello" he said. Leo looked familiar to him then he nodded with recognition.
"You look a lot like my oldest son."
"I guess I do." Leo said uncomfortably.
"So you're the one who freed willy." He said as he laughed at his own joke. Tina gave him a stern look.
"What??" he asked innocently.
"Tina has told me all about you and your poor performance. Glad to see you're doing better these days." he snickered.
Leo didn't like this guy very much.
"Well I have to go now. Have fun with your little chit chat." He said as he walked out.
"That was my husband." she said quietly.
"Looks like a real winner." He said under his breath. "Well, ummm...I'm leaving you now. I have to figure out what to do with my life now that I'm free of this burden." Leo smiled then grabbed her and kissed her. She fought to get out of his embrace. She slapped him right across his face. He moved a hand to rub his face.
"Ow...I guess I deserved that." he laughed insanely as he was escorted out the door. Leo walked off into the distance humming to himself. He watched as the sun set and thought to himself: "Maybe I should go live on the sun now, since I'm so happy."
The End!