"I love you so much, I am so glad I had Tuesday with you (12/30/97).  I will always treasure that.  I know you didn't have penguin with you at the hospital, so Sean and I bought you one.  I will miss your smiling face and our my side, you side table fights.  It shouldn't have been this way for you.  You should have gotten your braces off.   This shouldn't have been your last birthday.  You should have made it far into the next millennium. Don't worry about us, we will get through this.  Take  care of Danielle, protect her as usual. Look over Christine and Maureen and the rest of their and our family.  I’ll keep playing our duet and other songs we both enjoyed Nessa.  Look over your friends, you have all the time now.  Make the most of  eternity.  Like your life on earth you will be missed greatly.  Don’t worry abut Mom.  Your presence on the fields, in the locker rooms, in the halls, and in our lives will be missed.  I love you always, you will live forever in our hearts.

You were the sun in everyone’s cloudy day.  You have touched so many people’s lives.  Personally, we have been through a lot.  I can remember all the way back to the day you were born.  I have loved watching you grow into the wonderful young lady you are today.  I loved being your older sister.  It was such an honor to know you looked up to me.  It only encouraged me to be a better person, just to give you one more thing to aim for.  But, I think you achieved everything you possibly could in your short 14 years.  I enjoyed being your roommate.  I hope you understand that when I went away to college, I never left you.  I know you were disappointed that I left you but I know it’s because you missed me.  But do you know what?  I missed you too!!  There were plenty of times I cried because I missed you. It is going to be so hard without you.  You were a doll to have as a younger sister.  This is not good-by forever it’s just on this part of our lives together.  You were loved very much.  Watch over all the important people because we are all going to be looking up to you.

I love you so very much.  Together, just the two of us with Nora as the three girls or as a family.  I don’t want anyone feeling sorry for us, Vanessa wouldn’t want it that way.  Instead, take this horrible tragedy and make it something positive….That’s what Nessa would want.  You’ve been my roommate for as  long as I can remember.  I even remember when I was the taller one.  There are so many memories that the two of us will have.  You really did a great job keeping the spirit of  number "9" alive.  You had so much going for you, I wish it didn’t have to end like this.  I want you to rest and look over all of us.  Don’t worry about me, I am going to help mom get through this and she is going to be once again the Krazy Glue (yes, she’s strong as glue and crazy).  Chicklet will be taken care of. 

You have made me so proud as an older sister.  I plan on continuing my life - only bettering it to make you proud.  I have family and friends here who loved the both of us very much and are going to help me through this.  Vanessa, you are going to be missed but your spirit will go on forever.  As we lay you down in the earth today, know that one day we are all going to be together……. only this time in Heaven - 
G-d’s perfect world.

What you achieved in your fourteen years, all the lives you touched, all your successes, more than most people achieve in a full lifetime.  You made everyone who knew you stand tall, go that extra bit and reach a higher standard than they would have.  Your smile, your warmth, your magnetic charm, your positive attitude made you on a higher level than most of us.  We have no doubt that you are back with Hashem now and there is a purpose to all this madness, but right now I don’t know why we couldn’t have our beautiful angel.  I hope He will somehow send us the answer.

Vanessa, I will talk to you every day and if there is e-mail in Heaven where you are, I will send you that letter we sent each other every day, just look for your e-mail.  Vanessa, we love you and only hope we can be half as nice in life as you.  That would be a tribute to your life.

Vanessa did that to all of us.  She somehow managed to touch the heart of everyone, be it with a kind word, a helping hand, words of encouragement or a beautiful smile.  Vanessa held her head high, stood tall, walked proudly, had confidence in herself and others yet she took the time to smell the flowers and enjoy the simple wonders in life.

So many of the basic facets of life were such an important part of her world.  The love of family, friends and religion, the constant quest for knowledge, the true meaning of  being a team player, helping others less fortunate than herself, lending an understanding ear and not passing judgment when someone confided in her and keeping that trust.  These are the admirable qualities in Vanessa that attracted so many people to her.   If we could emulate those qualities, we all could make our world a friendlier, better place.

We feel blessed to physically have had Vanessa for fourteen years.  Spiritually, Vanessa will always live on in our hearts.  How wonderful to be able to say, Vanessa made a difference in this world.  How proud we are of you, Vanessa!!

On behalf of Denis, Nora, Abbey and myself, I would like to thank everyone for their overwhelming support and love during this tragic time in our life; but, please help us turn our loss into the positive world that Vanessa knew.  Let us all take a bit of Vanessa’s bright light and compassion and make it an integral part of our own lives.  For then….we each in our own way keep the wonderful memory of Vanessa alive.
 

 

My Darling Vanessa,

Your wonderful smiling face will always be in front of me.  How will I ever forget your loving helpful ways?  I will always be grateful for all your assistance at Heshy’s Bar Mitzvah.  I couldn’t have done it without you.  The respect  and love you gave me in your fourteen years will be with me forever.  There is so much more I want to say, but it won’t come out. 

Until we meet again.
All my love,
Aunt Shelley
 

 

Vanessa was a loving cousin to me.  She always acted kind to me and all my siblings.  At least she tried to do her last good deed before her last moment on the earth.

There aren’t any words to express the overwhelming loss that I feel right now.  I will always remember your gorgeous smiling face and infectious laugh.  Your warmth on the phone, as well as in person made me feel as if I was the most special person in your life.  This is how you treated everyone that you came in contact with.  Your cousin Amy will never forget you.  I love you and will always miss you. 

To one human who cared about other people first and respected everyone, was brilliant in school and life.  Vanessa had a kind word for everyone.  She said to me at Uncle Martin’s house this summer how proud she was of her sisters and remarked how well her sisters can pitch softball.   She is the best!  We will all miss her and always have love and respect for her.  You have the best parents on earth.

You are and always will be a very special young lady in everyone’s heart.  You will be deeply missed by family, friends and anyone who over the years has had the pleasure of meeting you.

What can anyone say about a child with so much going for her?  She was a beautiful, energetic and intelligent child.  She was a role model to her peers and to her elders.  I loved this child.  Always brought a smile to everyone's faces and always had a wonderful word for everyone.  There is so  much that reminds me of Vanessa.  Songs, sayings and games.  Vanessa is the type of child you can’t forget.  What Vanessa means to me is an energetic, promising piece of my heart.  I will never forget the fun times and the triumphs this child had.  She had everything going for her.  I will miss her so deeply.  I wish I could truly express all that I feel for Vanessa.  She could have done anything.  To the moon and back sweetie.   There will always be a place for you in space camp, I will come and tell you all about it.  You can always come and visit me.  My heart is open to you always.  Love you sweetie.

I am so sorry I can not be with you and your family today, to say my final goodbyes.  My thoughts, love and prayers are with you, your parents, your family and friends.  As a physician, practicing pediatrics, for nearly twenty-five years, it is far to often that I have to deal with the death and dying of a child.  For some reason, unbeknownst to me, your tragic death has affected me more than any other.  Perhaps it is because it came during the holiday season; the season for joy and giving, not the season for grieving.  Or, is it because it came on the eve of the New Year when we all resolve to make ourselves better people.  While you are in heaven, perhaps you can ask G-d the logic or reasoning for taking the life of a young, beautiful innocent child.  This is something that I have never been able to understand.  If there is supposedly something good about children dying, I have yet to find the answer.  But, the one thing I know I am feeling today is inspired to value the beauties of life, for which you are one.

Every day I find myself and others complaining about the most meaningless trivial problems.  Instead of  complain- ing, we should be thankful for how beautiful and bountiful our lives are.  We must learn to appreciate what we have and not to complain about what we think we are missing.  Your passing should teach us how fleeting and short our lives are and how we must learn to appreciate and capture the beauty of  every day.  Though I will never rationalize the death of a child, I refuse to allow your death to occur without meaning.  You and your spirit will remain forever in my mind and heart.  Every New Year will be Vanessa’s New Year.  I will not make idle resolutions, but I will remind myself how lucky I have been, and how rewarding the New Year will be.  I have been blessed to know you, and I am thankful that your family allowed me the privilege of taking care of your medical needs.  All the people here today, should resolve not to let your tragic death be a meaningless act.  Each New Year’s eve, or any time they are feeling low or feeling sorry for themselves, they should think of Vanessa.  Think how loving, caring and full of life you were.  Then resolve, that instead of feeling so down, feel how lucky and blessed they are.  If  we all do that, then Vanessa lives in all of us.  G-d bless you Vanessa, and thank you for teaching me how precious every day is.

Less than one year ago I stood on this Bimah to give a Torah blessing in honor of Vanessa’s Bat Mitzvah.  Today, I stand here to pay tribute to Vanessa in her memory.  As a teacher and principal for most of my life, I had the privilege every once in a while, of  having a student come through my class or school having what the media has termed ‘Star Quality’.  As Vanessa’s uncle, I saw this star quality early.  Vanessa was a bright young lady who achieved at a high level, only she didn’t think that she was something special.  She was a hard worker, but she believed that was what she was supposed to do.  Vanessa was timely, everything was done on time, and where ever she went, she had to be on time.  She did not like being late.  That was something that was inherited from her grandfather, for whom she was named.  Most of all, Vanessa was a people person, she truly cared about others.  She was kind to everyone; her family, relatives, friends and anyone she met.  She tried to help.  She shared her ability with others without question, such as helping young people with challenges to learn to play softball.  She didn’t think that she was special, she was just doing what she had to do—what was right.  When the letter arrived announcing her induction into the National Honor Society, her comment was, why the fuss, all I did was what I was supposed to be doing.  I spoke to her principal at Seneca yesterday, he remarked that as principal’s we spend most of our time with students that have problems and need all of our attention.  We do not always know or spend time with the Vanessa’s.  He said, "I was fortunate to know Vanessa.  I and all of her teachers and fellow students will miss her greatly."  My regret is that I didn’t spend enough time with Vanessa.  I will miss talking to her and listening with interest as she told me about the things that she was doing.  I will miss calling the house and when Vanessa answered the phone, she always engaged in a conversation asking how I and my family were doing.  She always told me something about herself.  Like her sisters, Nora and Abbey, Vanessa was the product of truly caring and nurturing parents, Candy and Denis, who gave her great support and taught her great values.  Vanessa truly had star quality, she could have been anything that she wanted to be.  But, I believe she would have chosen a life helping others.  If she left us anything, she left a star that will always shine.  Each of us in this sanctuary, should take something from that star and leave here wanting to be a better person.  Vanessa also gave something else.  She gave the gift of sight.  Someone will be able to see again, because they have the cornea from Vanessa’s eyes. As I said, if we each take something from her star, and like her care about others, we will all be better people thanks to Vanessa.

I as Vanessa's aunt feel a tremendous unbearable loss.  The tears are always there ready to brim over and often do.  To tell you the truth I hope that this will never go away because to me it means that the essence of Vanessa is very real.  It will mean that my memories of her are vibrant and alive.  What a pleasure to be in that child's company.  The joy that her smiling face brought to me cannot in any way be measured or described in words.  My only regret that I didn't see that face as often as I would have liked.  I will always be grateful for her friendship with Heshy.  She in no small way contributed to his developing self confidence over this past year and as a result his successes in school were partly due to the attitude that Vanessa conveyed to him; that being, "you can do it if you only try".  Candy, I feel that a part of me was taken and the only reason I am telling you this is that so you and Denis know just how much I love your children.  Sometimes it is to overwhelming to comprehend what has happened.

With this letter I also wanted to convey how I feel about you   I feel completely inadequate.  How can I help my "baby sister" when she hurts so badly?  I feel a very special and separate grief for the pain you must endure.  Candy, the only thing that I can think to tell you is, "I love you".

~VANESSA'S HONORS~

~FRIENDS~