"We made a lot of great memories here," he thought pulling shirts from hangers and tossing them towards his suitcase. Four birthdays, two anniversaries, two Christmases, a New Year's celebration...all had taken place in this house and now he was leaving it all behind him. Justin would be there to pick him up in an hour and that was fine by JC. The less chance of running into his former love the better. His days of keeping secrets and lying to friends and family were over. Only the guys knew who he'd had a relationship with for the past five years. Lance was so wrapped up in protecting his reputation that he didn't even notice the effect it had on his relationship. Looking back on it now as he stood folding clothes, JC realized that he should have forced the issue more often. But how could he talk to Lance about his feelings of lonelieness and abandonment if Lance was never home to begin with?
**********
"Lance, love, I'm home. What do you say we...um...Lance?"
"Yeah, I'm up here, JC. Look, I have a business dinner thing tonight, so Laura and I won't be home until three or four."
"Wait a minute, you have a dinner and you won't get home until three in the morning?"
"We've been through this before and I don't have time to go through it again, JC."
"Of course you don't have time for your boyfriend. You never have time for me when your heterosexual life calls. I mean, can't let anyone know that Lance is anything but the perfect young Hollywood star...let alone son!"
"Do you have to be an insecure little bitch every time I go out? You are such a diva, JC." His words carried a horrible bite with them and JC backed away defeated.
"Forget I even said anything, Lance. Just...forget it," he said setting his keys on the table and quietly going upstairs to the bedroom that he was spending more time alone in than with Lance.
Lance always did know which words would cause JC to back down...which ones would wound the deepest. JC zipped the suitcase closed and turned to walk out of the bedroom when he noticed Lance standing in the doorway.
"You...uh...going on a trip?" JC watched the man he loved shift uncomfortably under his hard gaze. It was as if Lance was surprised by his actions.
"You could say that. I'm going home, Lance. Justin should be here soon to bring me to the airport."
"I, um, I thought this was home."
"It's your home, Lance, but it hasn't been mine for a very long while."
"Jace, what does that mean?"
"You're a smart guy, Lance, and I think you know what I mean." Lance's mouth dropped open and he struggled to find words.
"You're just...you're leaving me?"
"Why not? You left me a long time ago. I can't live like that anymore. Your own parents think you're dating Laura. It's been how many years and they don't know the most important thing about you? I can't do that, Lance. I can't lie to people as easily as you can. I won't live like that."
"Tell me what to do to make you stay, please!"
"I wish I could Lance." The two men stood staring at each other...one nursing a battered and bruised soul, the other realizing how wrong and messed up he'd let his life become. Justin honked the horn and Lance looked down at the floor.
"Goodbye, Lance. I'll see you around sometime. I love you...I think I always will." The Escalade was already clearing the security gate when Lance found his voice.
"I still love you..."
********************
The Path of Thorns (Terms)
I knew you wanted to tell me
In your voice there was something wrong
But if you would turn your face away from me
You cannot tell me you're so strong
Just let me ask of you one small thing
As we have shared so many tears
With fervor our dreams we planned a whole life long
Now are scattered on the wind...
In the terms of endearment
In the terms of the life that you love
In the terms of the years that pass you by
In the terms of the reasons why
Through the years I've grown to love you
Though your commitment to most would offend
But I stuck by you holding on with my foolish pride
Waiting for you to give in...
You never really tried or so it seems
I've had more than myself to blame
I've had enough of trying everything
And this time it is the end...
In the terms of endearment
In the terms of the life that you love
In the terms of the years that pass you by
In the terms of the reasons why
There's no more coming back this way
The path is overgrown and strewn with thorns
They've torn the life-blood from your naked eyes
Cast aside to be forlorn...
In the terms of endearment
In the terms of the life that you love
In the terms of the years that pass you by
In the terms of the reasons why
Funny, how it seems that all I've tried to do
Seemed to make no difference to you at all...
Shades of Grey
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