“I said he could go, Michael.”
“I thought we discussed things before we made decisions.”
Nikita took a step back, a purely involuntary movement precipitated by the abrupt change in Michael’s mood. It wasn’t as if she thought he would hurt her. She knew he would suffer the tortures of the damned rather than subject her to the slightest pain. Nevertheless, there was something distinctly menacing about Michael’s demeanor.
“We do. We are.”
“This is *not* before. You made a unilateral decision without consulting me.”
“He’s not going to the moon, Michael. He wants to go on an overnight field trip with the rest of the kids. We can’t just wrap him in cotton wool and expect him to grow up without resenting us. He’d hate it. *You’d* hate it. And he’s just like you.”
Michael stared at her without speaking. But his eyes looked wounded.
“Besides, I told him that *you* had to approve as well.”
“Luc didn’t mention that part. He just told me that—“
“—I said he could go. Michael, Luc may be young, but he’s pretty good at manipulating us. *Both* of us.”
Michael’s hand found its way into the long pale hair that concealed the side of her face. “I’m sorry I—“
She grasped his fingers and kissed them. “I know, love. Just remember. We’re stronger together than we ever were apart.”
Michael smiled. “So who got the job of chaperoning?”
***
“I did *not* volunteer us.”
“Did, too.”
“Did not.”
“Did, too.”
“Did not.”
“If you say that one more time—“
“What’ll you do? Hit me?”
Declan surveyed his partner, noting his casual state of dress. Or undress, as the case actually was. “Oh, no, acushla, I have no intention of *hurting* you, but I can think of one or two ways to make you beg for mercy.” His clear grey eyes flashed knowingly mere seconds before he moved in to trail tiny kisses down the side of Sey’s face and neck.
“You don’t play fair.”
“I don’t play at all. I work damn hard at pleasing you. The least you could do is pay attention.”
Sey chuckled merrily, his laughter filling Declan’s ears and heart. “I do, Dec, I swear.”
Turning his head so that Declan’s lips grazed his mouth, Sey smiled triumphantly. “I’m sorry I’ve been such a beast. You’re such a sweetheart to put up with me when I’m like this.”
“Mmm…” Suddenly Declan froze. “Did you just call me sweetheart?”
Sey nodded, his dark eyes lit with a special light that only Declan put there. Declan wrapped his arms around his lover’s waist, his hands automatically fisting the thin material that guarded Sey’s manhood. “Damn, it’s a good thing I taught Emmy to cook then, isn’t it? Cause we’re going to be dangerously late to breakfast.”
***
“Where are we going?” Luc asked for what seemed to be the tenth time in as many minutes.
“I told you, Luc. Now shut up,” Faith whined.
Connor glared at the girl who had been the love of his life for more years than he could remember. “That’s not the way to talk to your brother, Fee.”
“No,” she stuck out her tongue at Connor, “must be the way to talk to you, though.”
“You’re gonna regret that, Fee. Just see if you don’t.”
“You might think you know just what buttons to push, but I know better. I know where *your* buttons are. Don’t think I won’t use them.”
“You’re just saying that. You’re such a wuss, Connor.”
Connor’s eyes were bleak, but he stood his ground. “You’ll be sorry, Fee,” he whispered.
“Not today I won’t,” she said blithely.
Connor turned away and stared out the window. She wanted things both ways. She wanted him at her beck and call when she needed him. She wanted him to be invisible when she didn’t. He couldn’t believe he had ever let things get so out of control. Dammit, she knew how important she was to him. That’s how she got away with it. But no more. Things were going to be different. They had to be.
***
“Wow. Is this our hotel?”
“Yeahhhh. We get to stay here overnight?”
Declan glanced at Sey, who acted more like one of the kids than they did sometimes. “Aye, you’d think you’d never been in a hotel before from the look of you.”
Sey gazed around him in wide-eyed wonder. “Not like this one.”
Declan snorted. “The chateau is fancier than this.”
“Yeah, but this—this is different.”
“Why?’
“Cause it’s away from home? I don’t know, Dec.”
“Well, we’re only staying overnight. We’re heading out to the Louvre first thing in the morning, then—“
Adam grimaced. “I’ve seen it. Does that mean I can sleep late?”
Declan gave him his best Section “don’t fuck with me” look. “No. Everyone stays together. No one gets to be…alone.”
Jazz managed not to laugh at that admonition. “We’re not a bunch of little kids, man.”
“Some of us are,” Declan replied.
Chris held onto Emmy’s hand tenaciously. If it had been anyone else, Declan might have seen it as defiance. But Chris was not that type of boy. “Will we be able to see anything else? Or are we spending all day at the museum?”
“The Louvre is not like any other museum you’ve ever seen, Chris. Do *you* think you could see everything there in one day?”
Chris cocked his head at Declan, somehow capturing the essence of one of Michael’s blank stares.
You too, Chris? Declan sighed in exasperation. Taking a bunch of hormone-laden teenagers into Paris for twenty-four hours was somewhere between being cancelled and being an abeyance operative on his last mission. The only difference was the degree of certainty about dying.
“Do we each get our own room?” Sasha asked, clearly impressed by the fine décor.
Sey shook his head. “No, kiddo. Da and I have our own room, but you guys are in two bedrooms, the girls are in another.”
“Like a dormitory at college? Cool.”
Adam almost rolled his eyes at Sasha. If he thought for one moment that Sasha was brown-nosing, he would have said something to him. But Adam knew that he wasn’t. It wasn’t in his nature. Sasha was as honest as the day ran long.
“It’s going to take us a little while to get checked in. But it’s already late so don’t go far and whatever you do, don’t leave the lobby.”
With a casual gesture, the groups of adults and adolescents separated from each other. Emmy sat down in an oversized wing chair, Chris perched on the arm protectively, apparently daring anyone to say anything about the two of them becoming more inseparable than ever. Faith chose to stand. Connor barely gave her a passing glance as he took a seat nearby. Sasha stood behind Skye and gently rubbed her shoulders, seizing the opportunity to be close to her like the rarity it was. Adam was the picture of nonchalance, indifferently posing as he sat opposite Emmy. Jazz tried to escape more obvious notice, but Adam pulled the younger teenager onto his lap. Now that was an act of daring at once more calculated and yet more artless than anything Chris might attempt. As for Luc, he was the only one of the younger children who came. Kady was deemed too young for such a trip by Madeline, and the Davenport twins were rarely out of their parents’ sight.
Declan crossed the lobby floor with long strides that brought him to Adam’s side in short order. Grabbing Jazz by the wrist, he literally yanked the teenager off Adam’s lap. With a daunting look aimed directly at Adam, Declan hissed, “This is not the place for a pissing contest, Adam. If you have a problem with following your father’s direction, I suggest that you take it up with him.”
Adam regarded the older man coolly, a restless index finger tapping at his temple the only sign that he was not as calm as he seemed. “We’re allowed to see other.”
“Don’t play that game with me, Adam. I’m better at it than you are.”
Adam muttered something under his breath. Declan counted to five before asking Adam to repeat what he said. His dark eyes snapping, Adam said fiercely, “I said, give me time.”
Declan shrugged. “There are far better things to aspire to than that.”
Adam knew Declan was right. He just hated to give in. But worse, he hated to lose. Losing sucked.
Sey knew without Declan saying a word that he was furious. It was his fault that Declan was forced into a role that he didn’t want to play. But perhaps a little TLC would not be remiss right around now. Make-up sex could be so hot.
It was going to be a long night, and it didn’t look like anyone was going to be sleeping.
“You did this on purpose, didn’t you, Declan?” Adam demanded to know.
“Did what?” he responded, an innocent smile wreathing his face.
“Put me in the same bedroom as Luc,” Adam ground out between clenched teeth.
“You like your half-brother, don’t you?”
“Of course I do!” Adam all but shouted.
“So what’s the problem?” Declan asked, wearing an expectant expression.
“I—no problem. Never mind,” Adam mumbled.
Declan hid a smile. There wasn’t a great deal that Adam could say about the sleeping arrangements without revealing his intentions towards Jazz. If he thought that Declan hadn’t already guessed what he was up to, Adam could think again.
They had a suite with several rooms. Besides the living room and kitchen/dining area, there were two bathrooms and four bedrooms. Declan and Sey planned to sleep in the master bedroom, which was admittedly on the other side of the suite. However, thanks to some judicious planning, there would be little chance for the older teenagers to get into trouble. With all three smaller bedrooms laid out in a row, Declan simply put the girls into the middle room, creating a natural barrier between Adam and Jazz. As an added precaution, however, Declan put Luc in Adam’s room, knowing that the adolescent would be hard put to sneak past the littlest Samuelle.
After an initial flurry of activity in the bathrooms, complete with a water fight that needed to be broken up, things settled down. By midnight, everyone was in bed except Declan and Sey. Collapsing onto the obviously expensive sofa, Declan sighed wearily. Sey lay his head on Declan’s shoulder. Glancing down at his partner, Declan asked, “Think we’ll have this much trouble with Sasha and Emmy when they get a bit older?”
Sey yawned and snuggled under his lover’s chin. “God, I hope not.” Declan wrapped an arm around Sey’s shoulder and rested his chin on the top of his head. “You tired?”
“Oh, yeah.”
“I should be mad at you for pushing us into this in the first place, y’know.”
“Yeah, but you’re not.” Sey chuckled softly and added, “And I didn’t even have to get down on my knees once.”
“You cheeky little bastard. You’re just toying with me cause you know we’re both too tired to do anything.”
“Dec, if I ever get *that* tired, I’ll let you know.”
“Mmm,” Declan said, nuzzling Sey’s neck. “I’m afraid to kiss you. If I close my eyes, I might fall asleep.”
Sey drew back, laughing, a sleepy smile in his dark brown eyes. “Guess we’d better head to bed then. We’ve got a full day ahead, herding kids—“
“Cracking the whip of responsibility….”
“It’s tough being a role model,” Sey quipped.
“Aye, it is. So much easier just to love you,” Declan murmured against his mouth, kissing him tenderly. His fingers played with a strand of Sey’s long brown hair as they kissed. When they broke apart, Sey gazed up at his lover, nothing but adoration in his eyes now.
“Bed?”
Declan nodded, not trusting himself to speak over the lump that suddenly appeared in his throat. Sometimes his feelings for Sey were so intense, they defied being put into words.
They rose as one, holding hands as they slowly made their way through the living room, switching off lights. The room darkened behind them, there was only a sliver of light visible as they opened, then closed, the door to their bedroom.
Adam watched the sliver of light dwindle to nothing from his hiding place in the hall. What he wanted wasn’t anything more than what *they* had. Though how they managed to keep their hands off each other as long as they did amazed him. There was something beautiful, even transcendent, about the way Declan and Sey loved one another. Why couldn’t it be that way for him and Jazz?
“What are you doing?” piped the little voice beside him.
“Luc! What are you doing out of bed?” Adam hissed.
“Had to go to the bathroom. What are *you* doing?”
“Nothing. Go back to sleep.”
“’kay.”
The fact that Luc acquiesced so quickly should have warned Adam. But Adam was too preoccupied with finding a way to wake up Jazz without alerting the others.
Suddenly Chris poked his head out of the bedroom door. “Luc!” he called in a fierce whisper. “Get back in here!”
Adam’s head whipped around at the sound of Chris’ voice. Chris’ expression was carefully blank. Adam couldn’t tell if he was aiding the course of true love or just trying to keep his brother from getting into trouble.
After Luc disappeared, Adam crept past the girls’ room and stood outside the room where Jazz slept. All at once the door opened and Sasha stuck his head out. “What are you *doing*, man? Are you crazy? You’ll be grounded for—for—life!”
“It’d be worth it,” Adam said with real conviction.
“No, man, it’s not. It *feels* that way, but trust me, it’s not.”
“You don’t know that, Sasha. You’ve never had sex before.”
“That doesn’t mean I don’t get the same urges you do,” he whispered back to the older teenager.
“Then you understand.”
“I understand that if you do this, you’ll regret it. Maybe for the rest of your life.”
Adam sagged back against the wall, almost ready to give up. His head knew that Sasha was right. But he wasn’t thinking with his head right now and he knew it.
“Get Jazz for me. Please?”
Sasha’s eyes flickered over Adam’s face, reading the pain as well as the desire there. He closed the door. Adam could have howled with anguish, but there was nothing he could do.
He was just about to move away from the door when it opened again. This time it was Jazz who came over the threshold. “Adam?”
“Jazz…” The name was little more than breath escaping Adam’s lungs.
“What do you want?” Jazz whispered.
“What do you think? You started this. I can’t think about anything but you. It’s like I’m fucking obsessed or something.”
“Take a cold shower?” Jazz offered helpfully.
Adam shoved the younger teen against the wall and kissed him. It was an ardent kiss that left absolutely no doubt in the minds of either one that a cold shower wouldn’t help.
Jazz looked slightly stunned. To have his love reciprocated was his dream. To ask him to walk away from the realization of that dream was folly.
Adam took Jazz by the hand as he led the way to the living room. Unwilling to risk certain discovery by turning on a light, he somehow managed to find the sofa, pulling the younger adolescent down on top of him. Adam sat back against the cushions, his legs spread, Jazz a willing captive in his lap. His hands sliding up and down Jazz’ back, he plunged his tongue inside Jazz’ mouth, his kisses no longer tender but possessive.
Because Jazz was wearing only a pajama top and a pair of shorts, access to his bare skin was easy, a fact that was not lost on Adam. Not even aware of what he was doing, Adam shifted so that his knee rubbed against the hardening ridge that was Jazz’ arousal. This was the closest that either of them had gotten to touching each other intimately. It was heady stuff.
They were dangerously close to losing control. Jazz’ harsh pants barely penetrated Adam’s conscious mind. He was lost in a sensual haze that was almost impossible to navigate.
"I don’t know what to do, Jazz. Tell me what to do,” he whispered.
Jazz sighed, Adam’s inexperience somehow ringing a warning bell in his head. He wanted to come so bad. The thought of coming at Adam’s hand made him hotter than he had ever been in his young life. He wasn’t sure he had the strength to resist. Adam’s kisses alone were like a drug that he craved, merely to exist.
Framing his lover’s face with both hands, Jazz kissed him hard, hoping that it would alleviate some of the strange tension filling his body, pushing him towards climax. Adam’s murmured “I love you” only made things worse. Jazz wanted to belong to him. He didn’t think he could stand it if he *didn’t*.
Suddenly a voice rang out in the darkness. “It’s not the loving that’s the problem, boyo. It’s the wanting.”
“Fuck.”
“Not if I can help it,” Declan commented dryly.
Adam was afraid that he would disgrace himself by crying. His emotions had never run so high before. With a barely audible whimper, he wrapped his arms around Jazz and buried his face against the younger boy’s neck. He felt Jazz kiss his temple. Instinctively defending his lover, Adam said softly, “This wasn’t his fault.”
The indistinct shape that was Declan moved closer. “I know whose fault it is, Adam, and it’s not yours either.”
When his eyes completely adjusted to the darkness, Declan could see how closely entwined the young couple was. Not really interested in the details, but duty-bound to find out anyway, Declan asked tersely, “Did you finish?”
Startled, Adam broke away from Jazz. “No! We didn’t—I mean—I never even touched his—“
Declan held up his hands. “I get the picture.”
Kneeling next to the sofa, Declan said, “Jazz, I want you to go to the bathroom and take a shower.”
“But I don’t need—“
“Take one anyway. I need to speak to Adam alone.”
“Okay,” Jazz agreed, reluctant to leave his lover. He didn’t want Adam to take the blame. He was just as much at fault as he was. He could have stopped him. But he wanted it. Too much.
Jazz trailed a hand over Adam’s knee as he stood up unsteadily. He couldn’t tell Adam he loved him. Not in front of Declan. Oh, but he wanted to.
After Jazz left, Adam closed his eyes, awaiting Declan’s certain reprimand. Tears threatened behind his eyelids, but he refused to let them fall. He wouldn’t show that kind of emotion in front of anyone but Jazz. He wouldn’t.
Declan said quietly, “You know why this can never happen again, don’t you?”
“Yeah,” Adam whispered.
“You were *this* close to fucking each other.”
“Don’t,” Adam protested with something akin to a sob. “It wasn’t like that.”
“It was *exactly* like that, Adam. If you think it wasn’t, you’re just fooling yourself. And that’s bloody dangerous.”
“You don’t understand,” Adam lamented. “I love him.”
“I do understand, boyo. Do you think I’ve never been where you are?”
“What’s going to happen?” Adam whispered.
“I don’t know. That’s for Michael to decide.”
“Does he have to know?” Adam was more afraid of disappointing his father than anyone else.
“Aye, boyo. He does.”
“What do you think he’ll do?”
“Maybe he’ll send you away to school. Maybe you can go away to college early. I’m not sure.”
“But I don’t want to go away. I want to be where Jazz is. Even if I can’t be with him.”
“But Adam, don’t you see? You gave your word and you broke it. Now I know you meant to keep it, but if you can’t even trust *yourself*, where are you?”
Adam couldn’t take any more. He broke down, crying silently, helplessly, and Declan, who hated to stand between two souls who seemed destined to be together, pulled the teenager into his arms. “Ssh, ssh. You’ll get through this somehow.”
Jazz, his hair wet from the shower and spilling all over his shoulders, wrapped his arms around himself and wept.
Sey, who was sorry he had rubbed the sleep from his eyes only to see this, closed his eyes.
Jazz crept back to his bedroom without waiting to speak to Sey or Declan. He felt too fragile, too vulnerable to talk about what had just happened. Despite the darkness, Jazz managed to find his way into the room and then his bed. Just as he slipped between the sheets, however, the light came on.
Sasha stood over him, both hands on his hips, looking for all the world like a younger, more indignant version of his father. “So what happened?”
Jazz glanced at Connor, who was no more asleep than anyone else. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
Sasha noted Jazz’ red-rimmed eyes and tearful expression, immediately dropping to his knees by his bed. “Jazz, I’m your best friend, man. If you can’t tell me, who can you talk to?”
Jazz buried his face in his pillow with a choked cry and pulled the covers over his head. Sasha pinpointed where he thought the back of Jazz’ head would be and stroked his hair through the bed linens. “Jazz…come on, man, it’s me. Nothing could be *that* bad. Right?”
Reluctantly lowering the covers, Jazz stared at his best friend with tears in his eyes. “Your Da caught us—“
“Shit,” Sasha swore.
“He’s going to tell Adam’s Dad.”
“Oh, man.”
“And he—and he—“ Jazz broke down, cupping his hands over his eyes, as if he couldn’t bear the light.
“What? What, Jazz? You’re freaking me out here!”
“Adam’s Dad is probably going to send Adam away to school,” Jazz whispered.
“Oh, Jazz.” Sasha knew how Jazz felt. To have risked everything to love someone at last. To have that love returned. And now to face losing it.
“I’m sorry, Jazz,” Connor said, abruptly calling attention to the fact that Sasha and Jazz were not alone.
“Maybe it won’t happen,” Sasha offered with a weak smile.
“You know Michael. He gave us a chance, Sasha, and we blew it. Bigtime. Adam broke his word. His Dad will never forgive him for that.”
“So…” Sasha cleared his throat. “Did you do it? Did you guys really make love?”
Jazz shook his head sadly.
“Oh, man.” Sasha was torn between feeling compassion for his friends and disbelief that they couldn’t see how narrowly they had escaped disaster.
“Maybe it’s better this way.”
Jazz flinched as if he’d been struck, all color suddenly leaving his face. Once again burying his face in his pillow, Jazz shut his eyes tightly, the hot tears now squeezing out from underneath dark brown eyelashes.
Sasha stood up shakily and returned to his own bed. Sometimes there really was no way to make someone feel better.
***
Things were not much improved by morning. Breakfast was a silent affair. No one really had an appetite. Those who knew what happened understood why. Those who didn’t know sensed the unusual undercurrents swirling around the table and wisely kept their own counsel. Except for Luc.
“How come nobody’s talking?”
Faith looked daggers at her little brother. She knew it wasn’t his fault that he didn’t understand. But she really wished that he hadn’t noticed the silence. Luc was *not* one to leave things alone.
“Is this about Adam being up late?”
When there was no answer, Luc shook his shaggy brown head and continued. “Chris said Adam was going to get in trouble. But I said, uh-uh. Adam wouldn’t get yelled at just for staying up late.” Cocking his head to the side, Luc asked, “Did he, Uncle Dec?”
Adam set his cup of coffee down with a precision that Michael would have envied. “May I please be excused?”
Declan nodded.
Surveying the rest of the kids over his coffee cup, Sey said, “We’re going to leave for the museum in about a half hour. If you need to use the bathroom, better do it now.”
As if a bomb had been hurled into their midst, virtually the entire group dispersed. Luc munched happily on his cereal, oblivious to the tension that permeated the room.
Sey whispered to Declan, “Are you going to call Michael now?”
“It’s a little early.”
“You’re putting it off? Is that wise?”
Declan rubbed his forehead with two fingers. He was getting a headache. Partly from lack of sleep. Partly from lack of resolution of the problem they now faced.
“He cried in my arms, Sey. You could prolly count on the fingers of one hand the number of times that kid has broken down, Sey, but he cried in *my* fucking arms.”
“You think Michael will send him away?’
“I dunno what to think, acushla. I’m afraid of what’ll happen if he doesn’t. But I think…I’m even more afraid of what’ll happen if he *does*.”
“You don’t think Adam would—“
“Hurt himself? I dunno, Sey. He was so broken-hearted.”
“That’s it, then. Dec, you have to call Michael now.”
“Didn’t you hear what I just said, Sey?’
“Didn’t *you*? If that kid hurt himself, you would never get over it, Dec. I know you. Michael has to know. It’s his responsibility. Not *yours*.”
“You’re right. I know you’re right. I just—“
“Da! Daddy! Come quick!” Sasha shouted, interrupting Declan.
Declan shot to his feet and sprinted after his son, Sey close behind him. “What? What is it, Sasha? Dammit, tell me!”
“Jazz is gone.” Sasha pointed to Jazz’ carefully-made bed. The room was empty.
“He can’t be gone. How did he get past us?”
“I don’t know, Da.”
“Sasha, this is important. Did he say anything? Anything at all that might be important? Think.” Declan grasped his son by the shoulders, resisting the urge to shake the information out of him.
“N-not really, Da. I sw-swear.” Sasha could feel his father putting pressure on him, but there was nothing he could tell him.
Luc ran as fast as his little legs would carry him, stopping in front of Declan and Sasha, completely out of breath. “Uncle Dec!” he gasped.
“What’s wrong, Luc?” Declan imagined that the youngest Samuelle was reacting to the charged emotional atmosphere, but he was wrong.
“It’s Adam!”
Oh, God. Sey’s words came back to haunt Declan with a vengeance. Please let Adam be all right, he prayed. Please.
“Adam’s not in his room and…and…I can’t find him. Anywhere.”
Shit. He obviously wasn’t going to get what he prayed for. Would it help to ask God to keep the two of them *together*?
“Adam! Where are we going?” Jazz finally stumbled in his effort to keep up with the older teenager, forcing Adam to stop. Adam bent over, his hands on his thighs, breathing hard. They had run almost three blocks in an effort to put some distance between themselves and what would surely be a search party.
“We…have…to keep going,” he choked out.
“But where? For how long? Adam, this is crazy!”
“No, it’s not, Jazz. I have money.”
“Sssh, don’t say that too loud. The streets are full of thieves. *I* should know.”
“You were never a thief, Jazz.”
“Close enough. You don’t know what it’s like to live hand to mouth, Adam. You probably think this is all some romantic adventure.”
“Isn’t it?” Adam smiled. “I love you. I want to be with you.”
“I love you, too, Adam, and I don’t want them to send you away. But we’re not fucking Romeo and Juliet here.”
“I can take care of us, Nicky,” Adam said, his voice unconsciously softening as he used Jazz’ real name. He leaned forward, his body swaying towards the younger teenager, his hand reaching out to stroke Jazz’ face. But Jazz stepped back before he could touch him.
“You can’t do that out here, Adam. Do you want to get us killed?”
“For what? This is Paris, isn’t it? The City of Love.”
Adam’s uncharacteristic openness concerned Jazz. Adam was right. Paris, in general, was more tolerant of alternative lifestyles than countless other places. But he was also wrong. There were people everywhere, even in Paris, who targeted gays. Just for being different.
“The City of Straight Love,” Jazz hissed. “Now tell me the plan.”
“What plan?”
“You don’t have a plan?”
“I—I got us out of there.”
“But where are we going?”
“I’m not sure.”
Jazz looked like he was ready to cry. “You took me away from my fucking family, man. How can you not have a fucking plan?”
“Nicky, don’t. I can do this. Just give me some time.”
“We don’t have time, Adam. How much time do you think Declan’s going to waste before he tells your Dad?”
“Oh. Shit.”
“Yeah.”
***
How long? Not long. Declan bit his lip as he called the Chateau. Sey reluctantly took the rest of the children to the Louvre, as planned, but no one’s heart was in it. Sey didn’t want to leave Declan alone to deal with the aftermath of Jazz and Adam’s disappearance, but he had no choice. An Irishman in an uncertain mood convinced him that it was better to go.
“Nikita? I need to speak to Michael.”
“What do you mean, he’s not there?”
“He’s on his way? *Here*?”
“But—“
“Aye, I can pick him up at the airport.”
After Declan hung up the phone, he cursed under his breath. That man had an unerring sense for trouble. Sometimes it was fucking annoying.
***
“What are we doing at the airport, Adam? We can’t afford a plane ticket! We need to save whatever we have to live! “
“Nicky, I told you I’ll take care of you.” After checking to see if anyone was watching, Adam kissed Jazz lightly on the cheek. “It’ll be okay,” he mouthed. “Trust me.”
When they approached the ticket counter, the gentleman behind the counter looked askance at the two teenagers. “Traveling alone?”
Adam nodded. Jazz was miserable, consumed by thoughts of never seeing James or Smoke or Sasha again.
The ticket agent glanced at Jazz sympathetically. “Is he all right? Is he sick?”
“No, no. Death in the family. That’s why we’re going…um…to—“
“Rome. That’s where you wanted to go, right?”
“Right.”
“Well, there’s been some bad weather. Everything’s grounded till tomorrow morning. I’m afraid you’re going to have a long wait.”
Adam’s face fell. “I’m sorry, Nicky,” he whispered. “I wanted things to work out better than this. I swear.” Jazz rubbed his lover’s arm. “That’s okay. I’ve slept in the airport before.”
The ticket agent shook his head. He should know better than to get involved with passengers and their problems, but he couldn’t help it. They seemed like nice kids.
“Hey,” he said, lowering his voice to a conspiratorial level. “We’re not supposed to give these out to just anyone, but—here.” He handed Adam a slip of paper. “We keep rooms at the hotel for emergencies. When people miss flights and such. Give this to the clerk. He’ll give you a room for tonight.”
Jazz had never been the beneficiary of such generosity before. It touched his heart that there were still kind souls like this in the world.
“Thank you.”
***
By the time they reached their room, they were both tired and hungry. Adam closed the door behind them and flipped the lock into place. Jazz looked at the lock long and hard, as if he were memorizing it.
“We should get something to eat,” he said to Adam, never taking his bright green eyes off the lock.
“Yeah, we should,” answered Adam, his mind on nothing but Jazz.
Suddenly Jazz’ eyes met Adam’s. “Why are you staring at me like that?”
“Cause I just realized something.”
“What?”
“There’s absolutely nothing to stop me from kissing you.”
Jazz couldn’t smile. He felt overwhelmed by the depth and breadth of feeling that surged through him all at once. “I love you.”
Adam didn’t respond right away. He simply drifted closer, a little at a time, until his lips touched Jazz’ cheek. Jazz shut his eyes, awaiting Adam’s kiss, but for the longest time, all he could feel was the restless flutter of Adam’s eyelashes against his cheek.
The kiss, when it finally came, was so tender, it surprised both of them. Adam’s fingers caressed Jazz’ skin almost reverently, as if he couldn’t quite believe this was happening. “I should feel guilty,” Adam whispered.
“For what?”
“For stealing you away so you could be with me.”
“No…” Jazz breathed. “You saved me.”
“We saved each other.”
The hush that followed was suddenly broken by Jazz’ stomach growling.
Adam chuckled softly. “Maybe we really should eat something.”
***
Stripped down to their T-shirts and shorts, they sat cross-legged on the floor like the children they no longer were. They fed each other chicken nuggets, taking turns licking the dipping sauce off each other’s fingers. There was nothing holding them back. Still they hesitated, their movements awkward and shy.
Until Adam took a chicken nugget, dripping with sweet and sour sauce, and smooshed it into Jazz’ mouth. And Jazz giggled.
“What the hell did you do that for?”
“Just felt like it,” Adam said with a grin.
Jazz licked his lips, his pink tongue slipping through his straight white teeth to capture the sauce deposited there. Adam was mesmerized. When Jazz was finished, he leaned forward on his hands and brushed his mouth against Adam’s.
“What the hell did you do that for?” Adam echoed.
“Just felt like it,” Jazz retorted.
Adam crept forward on his hands and knees to meet Jazz, stopping only when they were face to face. Fairly breathless with anticipation, he kissed him, struggling to keep his eyes open, but failing because the feeling was too overpowering. Jazz opened his mouth and Adam’s tongue slid inside, turning it into a far more intimate kiss than the one they shared earlier.
They kissed like that for several moments, drawing back only when the need for oxygen grew too great. Speech deserted them and inarticulate noise took its place.
Adam pressed forward until Jazz had to give way and fall back. He lay on his back, gasping for breath, his pupils dilated, his verdant eyes a darker shade of green now. Whether it was instinct or loss of control, it led to the same thing. Passion. Fueled by love.
Adam settled atop Jazz, his knee pushing his lover’s legs apart. His hands moved restlessly through Jazz’ long golden brown hair as he suckled a spot on the side of Jazz’ neck. But Jazz was not one to lie there, passively accepting. He returned each and every kiss he received, his arms wrapped tightly around Adam’s neck.
Incoherent moans turned to groans of pleasure as their bodies thrust together in an erratic rhythmic dance. Carried away by the sheer joy of having Jazz in his arms, to touch, to taste, Adam came, sighing his release into Jazz’ open mouth. Jazz shuddered, his own climax upon him before he realized what was happening.
Adam rolled over onto his back, taking Jazz with him. Still shivering in the aftermath of their near-explosive lovemaking, Jazz clung to his lover, rubbing his cheek against Adam’s flat male nipple. “I love you.”
Adam couldn’t speak. He could only kiss the silken hair beneath his lips and pray that they would not be torn asunder.
“We’d better take a shower.”
“Do we *have* to move, Adam?” Just to make things more difficult, Jazz snuggled even more tightly against the older teenager’s body.
Adam lightly brushed his lips against Jazz’ mouth, one arm still wrapped around his lover’s waist. Breaking away with a loud sigh, he said, “Well, unless you want to wear those shorts for the rest of your natural life…yeah.”
“Yuck.”
“Exactly.”
***
Peeling off what remained of their clothing, they quickly bolted for the bathroom. “I go first.”
“Not if I can help it.”
They continued to vie for rights to the shower, Jazz laughing at Adam’s curious stubbornness. “Hey, I like to be clean. Is there something wrong with that?”
“Not if you’re a cat. They’re always licking—“
At the word “licking”, Jazz stopped abruptly, his attention captured by the heated look Adam was giving him. “Why don’t we shower together?” he asked huskily.
Adam nodded mutely.
***
The water grew cold, their shower long forgotten, as the two lovers kissed. This time it was Jazz’ turn to be the aggressor. He made the most of this rare opportunity to take advantage of the older adolescent. “Stay there,” he commanded, indicating that Adam should not move from where he stood, his back against the wall, his muscular legs spread wide for balance.
“I wasn’t planning on going anywhere.”
Lowering his head to Adam’s chest, Jazz licked, then suckled the tiny buds that sprouted there. Eventually he looked up, admiration mixed with love in the heartfelt glance he gave his lover. “You are so perfect.”
“Nah, that’s my line. About you.” Adam bent his head and quickly kissed the younger teenager.
As the more slender of the two, Jazz felt the cold penetrate his body long before Adam did. A visible shiver passed through him, alerting Adam that it was way past time to get out of the shower. “Nicky, you’ll catch cold for sure, if we don’t get out right now,” he said, reaching behind his lover to turn off the water.
His lips noticeably blue, Jazz trembled within Adam’s embrace. Only this time it wasn’t from passion. “Warm me up,” he begged.
“Nicky, if you get sick, I’ll never forgive myself,” Adam whispered, his dark brown eyes glistening.
“Neither will I. You promised me a honeymoon somewhere romantic,” Jazz said with a chuckle.
“Rome is romantic.”
“Too far away.”
“We haven’t tried the bed.”
“All this and we get to sleep together, too? I take it back, Adam, you *are* romantic.”
Suddenly the lightness of the mood was broken by the resurgence of the powerful love that bonded them together. Adam hugged Jazz, his arms holding him a little too tight for comfort. Before Jazz could protest, the desperate embrace ended as Adam buried his face in Jazz’ wet hair, murmuring, “I love you, Nicky. Don’t you ever forget that.”
“Adam? What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” Adam said with a shrug. He helped Jazz out of the shower, his manner gentle but impersonal.
Something was terribly wrong. Jazz could feel it.
***
Their shorts wrung out and hung over the shower rods to dry, they padded barefoot back to the bedroom. As they approached the double bed that was the center of the room, Adam stared at it, clearly transfixed by this obvious symbol of their commitment to each other.
“If we do this, there’s no going back, Nicky,” Adam whispered.
“I know.” Jazz followed Adam’s gaze to the bed. “Are you having second thoughts, Adam?”
“What would you do if I said yes?”
“Jesus, you don’t pull your punches. I—I don’t know what you want me to say, Adam. I love you, but if you don’t want to go all the way—“
“I do. More than anything. I want to make you mine.”
“I already am, man. Sex doesn’t have to be part of the equation.”
“But you want it to be.”
“Shit, don’t you? Adam, what happened between the shower and the bedroom?”
“Ssh,” Adam whispered, his hands smoothing and soothing the frown lines from Jazz’ face. “I want to make love to you.”
***
They lay down on the bed, side by side, facing one another, memorizing the expression in each other’s eyes. Adam’s fingertips grazed his lover’s shoulders, working their way down his body slowly, inexorably.
He kissed Jazz’ eyelids, one at a time, his lips warm and moist against their cool exteriors. “You are more precious to me than you will ever know,” he murmured.
Jazz’ eyes flew open, their bright green depths filled with pain and accusation. “You’re leaving!”
“I have to go back, Nicky.”
“Then I’ll come with you.”
“No, I have to face my father alone.”
“What if he sends you away?”
“Then I’ll have to deal with it. I was wrong to take you away from the only family you really care about, Nicky. I had no right to make that decision for you.”
“But it’s my decision, too.”
“I know. That’s why you were so miserable at the thought of never seeing James or Smoke or Sasha—“
“Stop…” Jazz whispered hoarsely, his eyes shiny with unshed tears.
“I had no right to make you choose between them and me.”
“I want to be with you.”
“I want to be with you, too. But we can’t start the rest of our lives with an act of cowardice. That’s what running away is.”
“They don’t want us to be together.”
“No, they don’t,” Adam agreed. “But we’ll find a way. I’ll make it happen.”
***
They held each other all night long. In the morning, they dressed silently, each of them too preoccupied with what was going to happen to voice their fears aloud.
Finally Adam said, “Here’s your plane ticket. You can cash it in, if you want, or you can…I don’t know…keep it as a souvenir.”
Jazz put the ticket in his jeans pocket and looked intently into Adam’s dark eyes. “I think I’m going to regret that we didn’t make love.”
“In our hearts we did,” Adam said, emotion clogging his throat.
“Will you be okay?”
“Yeah.”
“I wish there was another way.”
“I—I don’t expect you to wait for me, Nicky. If you find someone else, that’s—“
“I’ll never give myself to anyone but you, Adam. I swear.”
“Don’t swear. You don’t know what might—“
“I know plenty. I know I love you more than life itself.”
“Goodbye, Nicky,” Adam said softly.
“Goodbye, Adam.”
Their outstretched palms touched briefly, then their hands entwined, pulling them close enough to kiss. Their lips ached to come together, but still, they hovered, a fraction of an inch too far away. Their eyes filled with tears that they refused to let fall.
Jazz knew if he looked away, Adam would be gone.
But he did.
And he was.