Just Not Sure - Chapter 5 - Anticipating

Erica sat in chris’s car, Doing nothing. hEr hands were folded on her lap and she sat up straight looking out the window. Chris however, was doing anything but that. " IMMA! SLLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEE FOR YOU!! I CANT DENY IT, IM NOT TRYIN TA FIGHT IT!! IMMA SLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEE FOR U!!" He half shouted, half yelled as 102.5 kissfm blasted Britney’s latest song. Erica couldnt help but laugh. She never thought she would see Chris doing this. "BABY DONT U WANNA DANCE UP-" Chris stopped singing and turned down the radio. "Ok, whats wrong.." He asked, noticing Erica wasnt enjoying herself as much. "What do you mean?" Erica asked, trying to play dumb. "Im not stupid, whats bothering you?" He asked again. "Nothing...just Lindsey and matt and stuff." She retorted. "DO you want to talk about anything? I’ll listen." Chris replied as he shut off his radio. It was silent. Then Erica turned around facing him in her seat. "Chris..do you like Heather?" She asked. "You mean Like Like her?" Chris asked, turning the corner. "Yea." Erica replied. "Well, sorta, i jus think we kinda click. Why?" Now he was the one with the questions. "Oh..i dont kno, jus askin," Erica stated, acting like nothing really meant anything to her. "So.. um .... do you think Matt will be ok?" She asked, changing the subject. "I dont kno man, i hope so, i’ll be lost w/o him, hes like a brother to me..i couldnt stand losing another person close to me..." Chris slowed the car down, realizing he was at the dorms. "I..lost my dad too." Erica confided. Chris looked at her. "You did? I didn’t know that..." He said. Erica opened the car door. "There’s a lot you don’t know Chris." and with that she walked out of the car. "Wait!! Like what!?" Chris shouted back. "Never mind chris! Thanks for the ride!" CHris sat back in his car seat. ’Girls....Hott, but soooooo complicated.’ He thought before turning on the radio and shouting the lyrics to ’Ride wit me’ by nelly.

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Erica wandered the halls of PPAS as her 2nd week of school rolled around. She was fitting in pretty good there. "Hey Erica!!" Maria yelled as she ran down the hall. Erica turned around to see her. "Guess what!!" Maria stated exctingly. "What?" Erica asked. "Theres gonna be a recital Friday!! Ya’know where you get to sing and stuff, and chris is gonna be there!" Maria yelled. "Your point?" Erica asked sarcastically. "Well...you can sing!! And u can make a song about Chris and how u feel! and when u sing it he’ll hear it!! and maybe....he’ll realize ur feelings!!" Erica actually was shocked by liking this idea. "Hey your right....I-" DING DING DING the 4th period bell rang. "Hey see you at lunch ok? lemme kno about it!" Maria concluded as she shut her locker and ran to her 4th period class. Erica headed towards the class she hated most. Math. Only because she had Heather and Chris in that class. She’d rather have a root canal then watch those 2 flirt. Reluctantly Erica walked into the math room and sat behind Chris. "Hey, what was with u yesturday?" Chris asked turning around in his seat. "What did u mean by ‘theres a lot you dont know’ ?" he added. "Nothing i said, i was just sayin that u should pay attention to more people u talk to." Erica replied. "Yea but I -" "Chris!!!" Heather interupted chris. Chris turned back around. "Hey heather." He said. Erica sunk in her seat. ‘Here we go with the flirting now.." she thought as she pulled out her notebook. "Are you going to the recital?" Heather asked Chris. "Yea, probably, if Matt gets better." He replied. "Oh yea, i forgot about what happened. That’s too bad, that’s the last thing you guys need." She said, sitting down. She looked over at Erica and then turned her eyes down to Erica’s black shirt that said "Player" in silver studs. "I have that same shirt, probably a whole different size but still, well, atleast you have good taste." Heather snickered. "Hey heather..why dont you hike up ur skirt a little." Erica replied back. Chris laughed. "That was good." He said Erica. Heather pulled down her skirt a little. She hated to admit that maybe her black mini was a little too high. Heather just glared at Erica and went back talking to Chris. "Soo Chris... you know that dance coming up?" Erica sat up, she didn’t know about a dance, she had to ease-drop on this conversation. "Well, i was wondering if maybe you would like to go with me." She added, twisting her blonde hair around her finger. ‘Please say no chris, please...’ Erica thought as she began to chew on the top of her pen. "Um, I guess, i really didn’t have anyone in mind to take." Chris replied. ‘noo..ugh!! i HATE Heather!’ Erica thought. "Great.." Heather looked over at Erica then back at Chris. "Pick me up at 8:30." She continued. "uh.. ok." Chris concluded. They turned their attention to Mrs. Laribee who was walking into the class when the bell rang.

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After school Erica headed towards the Hospital. She was deep in thought but was interupted by a car horn. She turned around. Then see saw Frankie in his red jeep. He slowed down when he reached Erica. Jesse and Maria were in the car too. "Are you going to the Hospital?" Frankie asked, turning off the radio. "Yea.. are you guys going too?" Erica asked. "Yea, we’re on our way now, we can give you a ride." Maria replied. "Ok, i guess, if it’s not too much trouble." "No, it’s gonna be a lot of trouble, that’s why we slowed down and asked you." Jesse said sarcastically. They all laughed and Erica got in the car. They arrived at the hospital around 5pm. They decided who would go see who once they met up with Greg and Chris. Chris, Greg and Jesse would go see Matt and Frankie would go see Lindsey with Erica and Maria and then they would switch. Frankie walked with Erica and Maria into Lindsey’s room. "Wow.." was all Frankie could say as he walked over to Lindsey. He never thought one person could have so many tubes coming from them. Erica sighed and sat on a chair next to Lindsey’s bed. "Did she look better yesturday?" Maria asked Erica. "Not really, she had more color though.... she didn’t look so.... dead..." Erica reluctantly replied. "She’s gonna be ok though.." Frankie re-assured Erica as he put his hand on her shoulder. Erica looked down. "She’s got to be ok.." . Maria sat down on the opposite side of Erica and Frankie squatted next to Erica since there wasn’t anymore chairs. Just then the doctor walked in. "Oh hello, i didn’t think there were any visitors." He said suprisingly. "Are we allowed to be in here?" Asked Frankie getting back up. "Yes, of course, I suppose you want to know how she’s doing right?" He asked. "Yea please." Erica replied. "Well, her blood count is back up, she’s having a hard time breathing though, we’ll have to do surgery tomarrow to repair her rib cage. She isn’t quit stable yet but she’s showing signs of recovery in places. I’m guessing tomarrow she should be stable to atleast sit up and watch TV or something." The doctor informed them. "Visiting hours are only till 6:30 though, so you guys came at a good time." "Oh, well thanks, i guess." Erica replied. After the doctor walked out it was really silent in the room. Erica sniffled, trying to hold back the tears. She couldn’t but think of when her and Lindsey use to embarass them selves and do all sorts of funny stuff together. She never thought, ever, that she would see her best friend like this. She looked so dead........ like all life was drained out of her. Frankie noticed that Erica was on the verge of tears. "Do you want to go for a walk or something?" He asked her. "No, it’s ok, I’ll be okay, do you think I could just be in here by myself for a minute?" She asked, looking up. "Yea sure, c’mon Maria, we’ll wait outside. Maria got up and looked at Erica. "Hey..... everything will be ok.." She tried to reassure Erica. "Yea..I hope." Erica said as she watched Frankie and Maria walk out of the room. Erica scooted closer towards Lindsey. "Hey lindz....um I hope you can hear me." She started to say. "..... Your going to get better, I know you are...you can’t go just yet, we still have to do so much." Just as she thought, there was no reply. "Um... I have a recital coming up, I don’t know if I’m going to be in it though, I mean, you know how i get infront of people, exspecially since Chris will be there." Erica touched Lindsey’s cold hand. "We had a lot of fun back home huh?" Tears started running down Erica’s eyes. She started to cry. "Oh Lindsey...please don’t leave me, I need you be here with me. I-I can’t make it w/o you..... ... I know you can’t hear me, but.... Losing my dad was bad enough, Your like a sister to me, please don’t leave. Hang in there. You’ll get better. Your strong enough." Erica sat in silence. After about 10 minutes she let go of Lindsey’s hand and got up. "Well, I’m gonna go call your mom, I bet she wants to come see you. I’ll see you tomarrow, Hang in there ok?" Erica wiped her eyes and opened the door to go out. In the waiting room was Jesse, Frankie and Maria. "Hey" Jesse said, noticing Erica was walking towards them. "Doing ok?" Maria asked scooting closer to Jesse, he put his arm around her. "Yea... I guess." She said, partly smiling. "Well, it’s 6:15, and visiting hours are till 6:30, I wanna go see Matt before we go. Anyone wanna go with me?" Frankie asked, he looked at Erica. "Yea, I’ll go see him I guess," Erica said, she turned to Jesse. "Does he look bad?" Jesse looked at the ground, then back to her. "Well, I’ve seen Lindsey, and let’s just say that he doesn’t look as bad as her, but, He still isn’t the best looking thing." Frankie sighed. "Alright, let’s go then." Erica and Maria followed him to Matt’s room. Matt sitting up looking at the TV. He looked really bad though. Blue/black bruises consumed his body. He was very pale and ghostley looking. He turned and saw Frankie. Matt smiled a little, that was all he could manage. Frankie sat down on the chair left to matt’s bed. "Hey, how are you doing?" Frankie asked, concern sounded in his voice. Matt went to go reply but he coughed, Hard and painfully. "I’ll take that as not that good then." Frankie said, trying to make a little joke. Matt smiled. "How.... I-Is .... Lindsey?" Matt managed to ask. "She’s um...not too good. She isn’t even responding to us." Maria said, walking over to the bed. Erica followed. "A-are you in a lot of pain?" Erica asked. She felt stupid asking that. I mean of course he was in a lot of pain. She didn’t even know why she just asked that. "Sort of... I cant....breathe... that good...." Matt tried to respond. He looked un-reassuringly tired. Maria looked at Frankie. He looked so upset, like he was losing a parent. Tears could almost be seen forming in his eyes. "Hey Erica, um..... why dont we go see how Mrs. Ballinger is doing... um .... Matt, i hope you feel better, i’ll see you tomarrow." Matt smiled and raised his eye brows to her. "But I-" Erica tried to say before being interrupted. "NOW.." Maria said taking Erica’s hand. Frankie just looked up and watched the 2 girls walk out of the room. "Hey...um....F-frankie?" Frankie looked back at Matt. "Yea.." Frankie responded. "D-do you ... th-think... i’m... going to..... die?" Matt asked, coughing somewhat. "OMG matt no!!, Your going to be fine!!" Frankie half shouted back. Realizing that he jus semi-yelled at matt, Frankie calmed himself down. "I mean- of course your not going to..." He said. Matt sank back down in his bed. After a few minutes of silence went by frankie heard un steady breathing and turned to see Matt sleeping. Frankie smiled. Matt looked so peaceful and painless. He just hoped that his sleep wouldn’t be permanent.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXNeXt DaYXXXXXXXXXXXXX Erica tapped her pencil on her desk un patientaly, waiting for 12pm to come around. 12pm was recital rehearsal, she couldn’t wait to show Maria her new song she wrote. She looked up at the clock. ‘ugh, 11:55, 5 more damn minutes.’ She thought grumply. Finally the bell rang. ‘omg its about time!’ Erica thought excitingly. She ran down the hall to room 207, where Maria was. "Hey!! Are you going to practice!?" Erica asked as she caught up w/ Maria walking out of class. "Yep! I’ll meet you there, I gotta go to the office first, I’m probably in trouble... AGAIN." Maria joked. Erica laughed. "haha ok, c-ya there, you gotta check out my song!! It’s really good!" She reminded Maria. "ok! ok! I’ll check it when i get there! Go on! your gonna be late!" They went their ways. Erica walked into the practice room. She scanned the seats to see who she knew... there were a few girls from her gym class, a few 11th graders, but not Chris. The Erica’s heart dropped. She spotted Heather, sitting there filing her nails. ‘Oh no, she’s here...oh god.’ Erica thought, ‘Great..’. Erica walked down to the seats. Just her luck to find the only empty seat was behind Heather. Erica slid threw the Aisle and sat in the red cushioned seat. "Well, well, well, look who’s here." Heather snickered and she looked at Erica. "Hey Heather, just leave me alone." Erica said, taking out her song. and re-reading it. Heather snatched it out of her hand and read it. "OMG, WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!? THIS SUCKS." Heather said as she threw it back to Erica. Erica grabbed it. "To you it might, but then again you have no taste at all." Erica replied back to Heather. "Listen girl, you have no clue who your dealing with, i’d watch it if i were you. You have no idea how miserable i can make you life be. If you think me getting Chris is bad, that’s just the beginning. So why don’t you go home to your daddy." Heather yelled. Erica looked the other way. Heather paused. "Oh wait, you can’t.... your dad is DEAD, wow, he probably killed himself because she couldn’t take you." Heather added. Erica’s eyes filled up with tears. "HE DIDN’T KILL HIM SELF!!! HE DIED OF CANCER! THERE! HAPPY!? YOUR WRONG!" Erica shouted. Everyone in the room looked at her. She grabbed her stuff and ran out of the room. On her way out she ran into Chris who was walking into the room. "Hey Erica, what’s up?" He asked grabbing her arm to keep her from tripping over him because she almost ran into him. Erica tore her arm from his grip. "Leave me alone!" she shouted. She continued running. Chris stood there puzzled. Then noticed Erica dropped a piece of crumpled paper. He picked it up. "Hey Er-" He noticed she was out of sight. He decided to just open it and see what it said. He opened the note and read it:

Chris stared at the note. So this is how Erica felt towards him. This is why he could see the hurt and jealousy in her eyes whenever Heather talked to him or even came near him. How could he have been so blind? Chris folded up the note, put it in his pocket and walked into the rehearsal room. He sat behind heather(the only empty seat.) "Hey, I saw Erica ran into on the way out." Heather said to Chris, turning around to face him. Chris looked a little worried. "Yea, do you know why she was so upset?" Heather gave him an innocent look. "No, maybe she’s just in a bitchy mood for no reason." She replied. Chris looked down, "Oh.....ok."

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Erica walked down into the halls. She couldn’t believe what she just did. ‘I shouldn’t have yelled at him...... He really didn’t do anything wrong’ She thought. Her thoughts were interrupted when she Maria call her name. "Hey Erica! Aren’t you supposed to be somewhere right now!?" Maria reminded Erica, looking in the direction of the rehearsal room. Erica stopped to let Maria catch up. Maria saw Erica’s blood shot eyes which meant she was crying. "Uh oh.... what happened?" Maria asked, looking concerned. "I’M DOING THAT DAMN RECITAL, AND I’M NOT GOING TO REHEARSAL. I HATE IT HERE. I WANNA GO HOME..." Erica shouted. Continuing to walk. "Wait wait wait, hold up. What happened EXACTLEY?" Maria asked one more time. Erica proceeded to tell Maria what happened. "OMG THAT BITCH!" Was the only Maria was thinking and could say. "Yea.." Erica replied. They both walked to the dorms. Maria had been in enough recitals so she decided to not participate in this one. They reached Erica’s dorm and went in. As soon as they walked in the phone rang. "Great.." Erica proclaimed. She picked up the phone.

"Hello?"

"Is this Erica?"

"Yes..."

"Hi, I’m doctor Stout, Lindsey and Matt’s doctor."

"Yea...." Erica was getting nervous.

"Well, we have some news for you."

"Go on..."

"Lindsey went into surgery today and she is going to be fine. We’re keeping here for 2 more days to make sure she’ll stay as good as she is. Matt is doing well too and we’re giving him actual food to eat. You can come visit them tomarrow, they’re in recovery right now. If you could, please tell the others that were here."

"Oh my god....that’s great, I’ll tell them. Thanks!" Erica sighed relief.

"Your welcome. Goodbye"

Erica hung up the phone. Maria was right behind her, she looked really worried. Erica turned to her. "That was the doctor..." Erica started to say. "OMG!! What happened!!??" Maria’s voice was mixed with nervousnes and anxiety. "THEY’RE GONNA BE OK!!" Erica was probably as happy as she could get at this point. "OMG!!! WOOO!!!!!!!" Maria jumped up and down. "OMG!! I GOTTA-WE GOTTA CALL EVERYONE!!" Maria called Jesse’s cell. She couldn’t stay still, she paced back and forth in the room. Finally Jesse picked up.

"Hello?"

"OMG GUESS WHAT!?" Maria yelled.

"What!?" Jesse sounded suprised.

"MATT AND LINDSEY ARE OK!!! THEY’RE DOING GREAT!" Jesse was silent.

"Are you there?" Maria asked.

"ARE YOU FREAKEN SERIOUS!?" Jesse sounded excited.

"yea!! The doctor just called Erica!! He said we could visit them tomarrow ‘cuz they’re in recovery from surgery now!"

"Damn.... it’s like a miracle.... I gotta go tell the rest of the guys, they’ve been a reck all day. Hey, meet us at the Pizza Parlor at 8. It’s 7 no ok?"

"Aight, see u at 8!"

"K, love you bye"

"Love you too, bye"

Maria told Erica about how they were meeting them at the Pizza Parlor. The girls got ready and headed out. When they got there they met up with the guys and found a booth to sit in. On the left was Maria, Jesse then Greg. Then on the opposite site was Frankie, Chris and Erica. Everyone was chatting about how they were really happy that Lindsey and Matt were going to be ok. Then Chris whispered into Erica’s ear. "Can I talk to you for a minute..... outside?" Erica looked at him. "Sure..I guess.." Chris told everyone that he had to go discuss something with Erica. The 2 walked outside and Chris turned to Erica. "Hey Chris, Sorry about snapping at you I was Ju-" Chris interrupted her. "No don’t worry about it. Listen, when you bumped into you dropped some papers.. and you note to Maria.... and I sort of read what it said." Erica’s heart stopped. ‘Oh my god..’ She thought.