*****
Natalie watched as the cab pulled to a complete stop next door before AJ slowly got out, oblivious to the rain. Glancing at the clock, she saw it was 2:30 am and probably not a good time to go over and apologize. He sluggishly got his luggage and walked up to his front door without a glance over and Natalie couldn’t help but wonder if he was curious as to how the dinner went. Her spirits sank even lower as yesterday floated back in mind. It was a nightmare. So many pauses in the conversation and when there was some sort of talk, she felt left out because it was about something that had happened amongst themselves. She felt like such an outsider, even in her own home. She was envious of anyone who had shared a laugh with her dad, the laughs completly foreign to her. Well, at least she had slightly opened the door of communication, if anything...She looked out at his dark house again before getting up off the sofa and walking up to her room. She perched at the window seat with her John Grisham book after changing, hoping some reading would lull her to sleep. After about ten minutes, she saw AJ’s sliding door open and he walked out and stood under the porch’s roof for protection against the rain as he lit up a cigarette. Hoping he’d glance up, she pretended to be absorbed in her book. Five minutes passed and she heard the door open again and shut as he went inside. Diappointed a little, she sighed and pulled on a robe over her pj’s. She should go over and say hi. She slid open her terrace doors and took the stairs down quickly, not liking the coolness of the rain. She knocked hesitantly on the glass door and it opened almost immediatly. He glanced at her before returning to the stovetop where he was scrambling eggs. “ Expecting someone?” She inquired in reference to his quickness in opening the door. He gave no answer in return but finished cooking the eggs before putting it on a plate. She was perched uncomfortably on the edge of the stool, as if he was gonna chase her out at any second. He sat across from her. “ Well, the dinner went terrible,” She stated as he swirled his fork on top of the eggs. “...Are you gonna ask me about my grandfather or did you come here to bitch about your life?” He asked coldly, staring directly at her. “ I was getting to that,” She cleared her throat. “ How’s your grandfather?” He gave a derisive chuckle before replying. “ Been better, thanks for asking,” She was uneasy about his attitude. “...I’m sorry...” “ So’s he, said my mom made a big fuss over nothing...” “ That’s not what I meant,” She looked at him but he just stared down at his plate. “ I’m sorry for being such a bitch about everything...” She sighed, running a hand through her hair. “ Hey, it’s not your fault you’re self-centered...” He gave a shrug, still lost in thought. “ I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that. Of course your family is more important than some stupid dinner at my house,” Natalie said guiltily, tugging at the sleeves at her robe. “ I don’t even know why I cooked this shit. I hate scrambled eggs,” He muttered, standing up and dumping the plateful in the trashcan before placing the plate in the sink. “ How is he really doing?” She asked quietly when he sat back down. “...He’s doing okay...Doctor said he should watch out for the red meat,” Natalie nodded. “ Yeah. My Grandma went through the same thing,” “ Is she okay now?” “ Yeah, she’s doing really good, actually...” The room fell silent. “ She’s the only one who really stuck through with me after all this,” She said with a sad laugh. “ How did dinner go?” AJ asked, still slightly pissed but basically getting over it. “ Terrible. Awkward...” “ I’m sorry...How did things get like that?” He marveled, not expecting an answer. She looked at him, her eyes unusually bright as she bit her lip. “ Things...They fell apart after my mom died...” She said, going back to tugging at the sleeves. He stood up, pretending not to see the tears for her sake. “ Want some tea?” “ Yes, please.” She nodded and regained her composure as he poured the tea and placed a mug before her. “ She was in a car accident...Drunk driver hit her on the way over from the airport to come visit me...” AJ felt his insides turn as he realized that her whole family must have blamed her for it. “ That’s horrible,” “...Yeah...So it’s basically a family thing to bring forth to my eyes that it’s my fault she’s not here...” She once again wiped away a stray tear. “ Why?” “ Because I had an audition the day she was coming...I couldn’t pick her up so she took a cab...” “ That’s a huge thing to be carrying on your shoulders, Nat,” She stayed quiet, watching the steam float up from her tea. “ You do realize it’s not your fault, right?” He prompted when she didn’t look up at him. “ AJ, if I had gone to pick her up instead of working, she’d be here right now. My family wouldn’t be so torn apart and I wouldn’t be so alone...” “ Listen, Natalie...Everything that happens happens for a reason. If you weren’t working that day, something else would have happened to end your mother’s life. It’s not in your power,” He insisted. She shook her head. “ Maybe that’s true, maybe not...Depends on what you believe in; what God you pray to...” She gave a derisive chuckle. “ And which do you believe in?” “ Me? I don’t believe there is a God, AJ...If there was, why would he let his people suffer? There’s a million and one ways to die out there and if there really was one creator, why would He make his people go through it?” “ So how exactly did we get here?” “ Like I said, depends on matter of belief...” “ Well what about your belief?” “ I’m not a scientist, AJ, just an evolutionist,” “ Aha. I see. So you’d rather believe that we come from monkeys as opposed to us being ‘special creations’?” He asked, amused. She met his gaze and cracked a smile. He chuckled and looked at his own mug of tea, taking a small sip to test the heat. “ What brings you here, Natalie. Honestly. You’re a multimillionaire, you’re sucessful in what you do, you’re gorgeous, so why exactly are you alone?” He asked seriously. “...Coupla broken relationships, my career, my family...( SHE SHRUGS) Take your pick...” “ Well what’s the real reason? I have to repeat every question before you answer, huh?” He said, half-teasing. “...Well...It’s a long story...Starts with a guy named Aidan...You know, the whole deal. To make a long story short, fall in love, breaks my heart, I come here,” She shrugged again. “ Nice story. You’re an actress. Give me details...” “ Details...The whole story?” He nodded. “ Okay, fine...We met a few years back, at some family gathering. He was my cousin’s friend and he introduced us. We exchanged numbers and he didn’t actually call me until two weeks later and I found out he lived a few neighborhoods away. Well, we went out a few times. This is all before my mother’s death. So we got pretty involved and I was just...So in love with him, AJ...I thought it’d be us against the world, that he would be there for me through all the ups and downs of my career, of everything...I didn’t even think for a second I could make it without him...You could say I became almost completly dependent on him and I thought we were in love...Well, we had been together for two years; my longest relationship at that time, and then things were kinda coming apart with my family...I guess this started even before my mother’s death...I assumed that since we were dating and even living together, it’d be okay for me to complain to him, you know?...So we’d have these long talks, just basically all my feelings on how things were and him nodding...I guess it got to be to much for him after my Mom’s death....He was fed up, and his life wasn’t going the way he had planned. See, he was an aspiring screenwriter and he wasn’t doing that well so it didn’t help for him when his famous actress girlfriend comes home everynight and complains and is all gloomy and depressed all the time...So he got fed up and basically said I had way too much emotional baggage and that our relationship was too emotionaly draining...He packed his stuff up in a matter of minutes and left...” Natalie finished, clearing her throat uncomfortably. “ Wow...You do have a lot hanging over your head...” AJ said several seconds later. “ Okay, well now that I’ve scared you away too, I guess I should get going...” She moved to get up but he stopped her. “ No...Stick around, keep me company...I’ve got too much on my mind to be alone...And you didn’t scare me off. Everyone’s got their own skeletons in their closets...” She hesitated but there was something about his tone that made her sit back down. “ You said a couple of broken relationships. What about the others? Same scenario?” She shook her head. “ No...I don’t know what I meant. Aidan was the only real relationship I had. We were together for almost five years...” “ Damn...And you didn’t get married?” “ We only talked about it...” Silence settled around them once again. “ Tell me about your past relationships.” She said, glancing past him at a picture of him with Marielle that was on the refriderator. “ Ugh...You don’t even wanna hear about mine...” He chuckled, shaking his head. “ Well...Where do I start?...Okay, I might as well tell you about the main one in my life...Her name’s Marielle...And yeah, that’s her picture on the freezer...Anyways. Our relationship is fucked as hell. We’re constantly getting back together and breaking up all the time...And it’s stupid too cause she’s no good for me. Terrible influence if you could believe it. Lemme tell you, that girl threw some wild parties when we were together. And I guess that ties into the whole ‘not good for me’ line cause I’d have to be there to clean up after and there was a lot of bad shit involved. I swear, she had all the drug sellers and boozers over at my house...So our relationship was a stupid one. No intimacy, nothing substantial. And I don’t know why but I always always always go back to her. It’s crazy. There’s just something about her. I can’t explain but she’s sooo...bewitching if I could say. You sit and talk to her and she makes you feel like you’re the luckiest man in the world to talk to her. And she makes life so...intresting. But she’s a user. Definitly. I never see how I let her conn me back into a relationship with her...” “ You make it sound like you were just with her. When was the last time you saw her?” “ Last week.” He admitted. “ But this past month is the first time we’ve been talking for the past several months.” “ So you two are an item yet again?” He shook his head, negating her statement. “ No, not really...I’m craving a real relationship, you know with all the mutual love and all that...Not Marielle. With her it’s all fun and games, booze and sex...” “ I’d think you’d like that,” She tossed lightly. “ After the first week, it gets tiring.” She laughed and glanced at the picture again. “ She’s pretty,” Nat commented. AJ nodded bemusedly. “ I’ve got a question, Natalie...” He paused, uncertain of how he could put it without her taking offense. “...Okay...Answer me honestly. How many times a month do you hang out with your friends?” He swerved cautiosly. “ Maybe once...” “ And that makes you lonely, doesn’t it? Not being able to see or have people who care about you?” He asked lamely. “ I guess...What exactly are you trying to ask, AJ?” He sighed. “ Natalie, I see you by your bedroom windows almost every single night. And trust me, I’m no stranger to insomnia, I’ve been up all odd hours of the night...But I see you awake every single night. And another thing...I always wonder why you’re so sad...Nata-” “- So you’re a Peeping Tom?” She asked smoothly. “ What? God no-” “- AJ...I’ve got my reasons for being sad. And I thank you greatly for letting me know in your own way that I can talk to you...” She said appreciatively. “ You know this business is a lonely one...I have no one to talk to around here, no true friends of mine live in Los Angeles so all I have is my driver and my maid or the guards...Yeah, I get depressed over it. There’s something about the night, the hollowness, that just makes me think about all that’s been destroyed in my life, everything that’s fallen apart. Don’t tell me you never get that way,” She inquired. “ Of course. It’s human nature, isn’t it?...It just tugs at my heart that...I don’t know. Just remember that I’m up when you are and you can head over here whenever you want, allright?” “ Thanks,” She smiled gratefully. “ No problem...” “ It’s nearly 4:00...I’d better get going, I’m beat...” She said, standing up. “ You could share a bed with me if you want?” He joked, poking her as he stood up also. “ Right...” She gave him a hug. “ Goodnight...” She said, pulling away. “ ‘Night...Think you’ll fall asleep?” “ Actually, yeah...” She smiled before heading next door in a much better mood than she had been in when she first walked in...My Favorite Things About Angelfire
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