He waited expectantly for Denise to come barging into the den. He could
hear her situate the rest of their “ guests” into their places for the night and
he chuckled at her kind tone. He had pushed it a bit when he got to her
place at ten, after everyone had finished their coffee, but what had gotten
to her was the fact that she had specifically requested he tone down his
appearance and he showed up in a wifebeater, tattoos not covered, hair
still bleached, earrings in place and carrying the strong odor of tobacco.
He had greeted Ken’s family civilly enough but had made an ass of Ken on
his way to the kitchen for food where his Mom had intercepted and told
him she’d bring something down for him. The door opened and shut and
he heard her footsteps on the stairs. He had his back to the stairs and she
paused before walking in front of the tv and turning it off.
“ Where’s the food?” He inquired.
“ Alexander James, I told you to be here at seven,” She said, practically
seething.
“ I had car trouble...” He fibbed, not caring especially how lame that
sounded.
“ Funny, the car was fine yesterday,”
“ No, it was working perfectly it was just I couldn’t find the keys,” She
looked at him in disbelief.
“ What on Earth is your problem, Alex?” She asked in the same tone.
“ You’ve barely been here long enough to cause trouble and yet
catastrophe arrived when you rang the doorbell yesterday,” He felt his
slight guilt change to rage almost immediatly.
“ What are you saying? Were you better off without me?” He snapped,
trying to calm himself, not in the mood for an argument but not doing a
good job of avoiding it.
“ That wasn’t what I-”
“ Gee, Mom, it’s so good to know that you missed me.” He muttered,
exhaling loudly.
“ You were being a jerk to Ken, Alex. You show up late, do everything I
told you not to-”
“ Oh, I’m sorry. Did I make you look like a failure in front of his family?”
“ I don’t appreciate the tone of voice you are using with me-”
“ And I don’t appreciate the fact that you lied to me,”
“ Lied to you?”
“ When were you going to tell me about your wedding? And I thought it
was so very thoughtful of you to send your SON an invitation,”
“ Why? So you could have thrown it in my face?” She demanded.
“ Nothing’s changed at all,” He said sardonically, a sneer on his face.
“ Yes, Alex, everything has changed. YOU have changed. There used to
be a time when you were reliable, when you actually cared-”
“ I cared enough to come back, didn’t I?” He said heatedly, his voice rising.
“ Why did you come back, Alex? To make a mockery of everyone? I
wanted you back, just not the way you are, the way you used to be before
you dated that whore-”
“ Enough!” He yelled, getting too much for her to be involved.
“ I’m glad you feel that way, Ma. So fucking glad that I can stay here and
not get into an argument with you on the first full day! It doesn’t matter
anyways. I’m not gonna be here long,” He spat, stalking past her to his
bag.
“ What do you mean you’re not gonna be here long?” She demanded.
“ I’m leaving. I never came to stay, just to see how many options I had and
obviously Florida isn’t one of them. I’m gonna be here for a few more
days, and then you can return to your dream husband and perfect
daughter you never had and forget all about your bastard mistake of a son
all over again.” She had no reply, just watched as he ripped through his
bag, spilling clothing onto the ground.
“ What are you doing?” She asked hesitantly.
“ Making a mess,” Sarcasm ruled his voice again and she felt something
stir.... regret.
“ Alex, I’m-”
“ Sorry now that I tell you that I’m leaving for good this time? Sorry that I
hate being around that fag you call your husband? Sorry that I hate being
near even you now? What are you sorry for, Ma?” He said wildly, not
looking up from his search. Deja vu struck her as she watched his temper
slowly burning, an angry look still livid on his face.
“ Are you drinking again?” She asked suspiciously, studying his reaction
closely. He gave a derisive chuckle and shook his head, finally pulling out
what he was looking for. Denise paid no attention, just waited for his
answer.
“ What do you want me to say? If I tell you the truth, you’re still gonna
think I’m drunk, despite what I say,” He slipped his wallet in his pocket and
reached for his old house keys, a scrap of paper in his hands.
“ Where are you going?” Denise inquired again.
“ To get something to eat. I’m assuming there’s nothing to eat here and
even if there was, I don’t want Kenneth’s company,” With that, he walked
past her and out of the glass doors leading outside...
*****
“ I swear, I’m getting to know the city’s cabbies better than my
stepdad,” AJ muttered, hailing a taxi after he had walked through town
enough to burn his energy and dissolve some of his anger. And again, he
was left alone with hurt and his nemesis; his thoughts. Try as he might to
push them away, the images of his mother kept prying into his mind.
Months ago, he would be at some club or random girl’s house, trying to
find a one-night replacement for Samantha, drunk outta his mind. Sure
quitting had made him proud and feeling stronger, but only when his mind
wasn’t crawling with the insects of his past. Sighing, he got in the cab and
directed the driver to the diner, which was already beginning to feel like a
familiar nook to him. The scenery passed and he saw nothing, wishing he
felt nothing also.
“ $5.83...” Paying the guy and getting out required more concentration than
what he held at the moment but he walked into the diner, glancing around
and seeing most of the same lonely people as he had the last time. He
searched for Alyssa but saw the diner lacked her presence. Dissapointed,
he sat down at one of the far booths. The waitress handed him a menu
and he surveyed it. Hunger had long ago disappeared when his temper
peaked but his craving for a drink had increased by multiples. He rubbed
his temples as he waited for the waitress to come back for his order.
“ Would you like anything, sir?” Came a tired voice and he opened his
eyes.
“ Uh, yeah. Cup of coffee, no sugar, no milk...And could you make it decaf
too, please?” She scribbled on her notepad and left with his menu. He
waited until she brought his coffee before lighting a cigarette and taking a
deep inhale. He should have expected something like what happened
tonight. But of course he hadn’t. He had been too adamant on leaving
before so coming back was a problem too. He sipped his coffee, gazing
out of the window at the streets. He wasn’t sure how long he sat there,
just watching the world go around him but when he sipped again at his
coffee, it was cold, and the diner had almost completely vacated. He let
his forehead rest on the tabletop, a fresh Marlboro in his fingers as he shut
out the soft sounds of people talking, mainly the waitresses amongst
themselves. He finally looked up in surprise when his cigarette, almost
gone, was tugged out of his hand. Alyssa was seated in front of him,
taking a deep drag and looking frazzled.
“ It’s been another long night for you too, huh?” She asked, taking in his
overall appearance.
“ Yeah,” He answered when the waitress come by.
“ I want whatever he’s having,” Alyssa said before the waitress said
anything.
“ Just coffee?” Alyssa made a face and added a sandwich to her order.
“ How long have you been here? You’ve got your handprints on your
face,” He shrugged.
“ Since around 11:30,” He replied and she studied his face again before
starting to relay her troubles to him animatedly. She finally stopped and
chuckled, picking up her sandwich and taking a first bite.
“ Your turn,” He sighed and fiddled with his lighter.
“...Coming back...Hasn’t been as easy as I thought...” He started
thoughtfully, looking at his fingers...