"FROM SHARON'S HEART"
POETRY WRITTEN BY:
~SHARON JEAN BRYANT~

~POEMS & STORIES OF INSPIRATION~
 
 

I recently wrote this article.  I wonder how many others are in the same situation......that we have another child after the death of a child........and how that child feels knowing he has a sibling he or she never knew...........

Someone recently told me that my remaining son said something to them.....and that was, "I think Mom loves Andy more than me."

I was shocked when I heard this and decided to talk to him about it.
First, I had time to think about what I was going to say, and secondly, I didn't have any idea what he would reply, yet I wanted to know why he felt that way.

He told me that all his life, he wished he could have known his brother.  But since Andy was born 9 years before him, and died four years before his birth....all he knows of his brother is things I talk about.  Or seeing photos in the albums.  Or looking at the large portrait that hangs on my living room wall.

I sat down with this son of mine, whom I love so much and tried to tell him that his brother was my first child.  A baby I waited years to get and a child I loved very much.  I tried to tell him how much both of their births meant to me.  Because this son now is the one doctors told me would never happen.  He knows he was a "surprise", but I told him he was a wonderful surprise.
He told me that he feels funny because of so many stories I can tell of things Andy and I did.

I explained to him those are all I have left, my memories of my life with his brother and I cherish them.  He said he understood, as he is almost 21 years old himself, but I wondered.  And then something happened.

Just recently he came to me and told me a friend lost their brother in an accident.  My son knows the family very well.  He told me how when he went to the friend's house, the mom had changed.  She no longer greets him and laughs, she's sad and crying a lot.  He told me he felt awful for seeing her like that.  I told him, that is a mother, who has lost a child, and who is suffering.

He came home the other day and said, "Mom, you might be getting an email or a phone call."  I said "From whom?"  He said he told his friend's mom about me, about his own brother and about how it's been many years since I lost my son.  He said he told her "My mom can help you, she helps a lot of people."

I looked at this child of mine whom I Iove so much, who looks a lot like Andy and I said,"I'm proud of you for what you've done."  He told me he's glad he wasn't born when Andy died now, because he wouldn't want to see me like he is seeing his friend's mom.
He then admitted to me he was once "jealous" of Andy, because I speak of him so often.  But he also said he thinks he knows now I need to do that.......to survive. 

I explained to him how when it's my turn to leave this earth, he will have memories of our life together and that through his lifetime, he will be able to smile over things we've done, making those precious memories.  I told him when I'm gone, it's the memories that will carry him through.  And then I gave him something I've been hanging on to all my life.  A cross my grandma gave to me when I was a young teen.  I told him to carry it always, that it's been something I've treasured all my life.  He looked at it, held it in his hands and said, "Mom, I'll never lose it, ever, I promise."  I smiled for I think it will be to him, what is has been to me. 

It made me think of so many others out there who have had children after a child has died.  And how those children think as we talk about a child they never knew.  Never being in that situation as a child, I can only imagine what it would feel like.  To know my mom had another child that she loved, but one I never saw or knew.  To know my mom talked about that child.......and to perhaps question, as my son did, did she love him more than me? 

I told my son I loved both him and Andy.  I told him I loved his sister, who is in between my two sons.  I told him a mother's heart is very big with a lot of love for many.  I told him maybe one day when he marries and has a child of his own......perhaps he will understand more about being a parent who loves their child.  And how big a parents heart can really be. 

I saw him standing looking at Andy's portrait the other day.  He caught me watching him.  He turned and said, "Mom, I wish I had known Andy."  I wish he could have lived."

"So do I", I replied.  "So do I."

~©SHARON JEAN BRYANT~

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PLEASE DO NOT TAKE WITHOUT PERMISSION
 

 

 

PLEASE VISIT SHARON'S WEB SITES

  ~IN MEMORY OF ANDREW FRANK DUNBAR~

~AN ANGEL'S PATH TO HIS MOTHER'S HEART~

 ~ANGELS REMEMBERED~

 ~TANNEHILL SWEET SHOP~

"IN GOD'S HANDS"

 ~ANDREW FRANK DUNBAR~
~GOD'S LITTLEST ANGELS MEMORIAL SECTION~

 ~A TRIBUTE TO ANDY~
~ON THE WINGS OF ANGELS MEMORIAL SECTION~
 

~WE'RE NOT ALONE~

~I WASN'T ALONE ON MOTHER'S DAY~