A Fire Inside - Chapter 21

Benji and Rylann crept into the silent apartment early the next morning. Benji set their things by the door and went to the kitchen as Rylann, completely against waking up before noon, headed toward the bedroom. As she walked past Billy's room, she peaked her head in to see if Amy was awake. Rylann felt guilty for not being able to spend time with her when she arrived, but the night with Benji was very important to her. She opened the door slightly, just enough to stick her head in. Rylann blinked a few times, as if to adjust her vision, at the sight of Amy asleep in Billy's arms. A slight smile crossed Rylann's face briefly before the realization set in. A relationship between them could never work, not with Amy's past. Not to mention, Billy has been lonely, he would probably latch on to any female by this point. Rylann quickly pulled the door shut and turned to walk back toward Benji. She walked into the kitchen and saw Benji sitting on the counter with a bowl of cereal and the morning comics.

"Hey Benj…." Rylann said, with obvious uneasiness.

"Yea babe?" Benji looked up just realizing Rylann's presence.

"I was going to check on Am, and I found her in bed with Billy…"

"Whoa!?! Billy's already working that?" Benji cut in.

"NO! They didn't sleep together like that…they literally slept together."

"Well that's innocent enough right?" Benji sensed Rylann's tension.

"Yea, I guess…it's just that, you don't think they would ever have a relationship do you?" Benji set his bowl beside him and hopped off the counter and took Rylann's hand leading her to a seat at the small table. He sat across from her and wondered where the deep concern of a relationship with one of his best friends and his fiancé's sister would come from.

"I don't know really. I mean, is it a problem…" was all Benji could come up with.

"No, yea, I dunno. It's not a `problem' persay…I just know Amy, and how she was brought up, it's scary Benj, she's just like me, maybe worse. I've told you before, we weren't raised like most people. And that has and will affect all aspects of Amy's life. Plus, you know how Billy's always commenting on how lonely he is…you don't think he's just latching onto Amy because she is the first girl to come along, do you?" Rylann glanced in every direction but that of Benji.

"I know Billy would never just latch onto anyone. And, I somewhat know what Amy must be like, only through you. I still don't know anything about your past, so I don't know how to help. Besides, they were just sharing a bed…no one said they were starting a relationship or anything like that…maybe you're just jumping to conclusions…" Benji said somewhat disheartened that he couldn't fully help with his lack of knowledge.

"I know, just last night…Billy was looking at Am with `those' eyes. I didn't really think of the consequences until now. I just know it could never work…"

"Babe, don't worry about it. Amy is an adult, Billy is an adult…they will make their own decisions and will face the results of those decisions." Benji rubbed his fingers over the top of Rylann hand.

"I know…but I can't help but be the big sister, I haven't always been there for her, I at least need to look out for her under my own roof."

"It's not your fault you haven't always been there. You have done the best you could to protect her from whatever protecting she needs… at the same time, you have to let her grow up and make choices for herself, it's the only way she will learn…it's how you've learned everything that you have. For the two years you didn't speak, she was out making her choices…"

"No, she lived with Lennon, there were no choices to make…they were made for her." Rylann pulled her hand back from Benji.

"Ry, don't do this. Don't let this fuck around with us. Nothing is or has happened yet…maybe you should talk to Amy about this, after all she knows more about this than me." Benji stood up and started walking out of the kitchen.

"I'm sorry Benj…your right. I will talk to Amy, and I am over- reacting. Just please don't resent me for not always telling you everything, you know it's hard…"

"I understand Ry…but you have to know where I am coming from. You know everything about my past, all the things I am most ashamed of. You have met my family. I love you and am going to be your husband, but I just feel like this part of your life has played such a huge role in your life and I can't be apart of it. I feel like I am missing out on part of you…" Rylann stared looking down at her feet. She didn't know what she could possibly say to him. She felt so guilty for not being able to tell him everything about her. She had opened up to one person in this world and paid dearly for it. Rylann rose her head to speak, but was saved from the painful words by a stumbling Amy. She held her hand on her forehead and squinted her eyes. She passed the two and walked toward the sink. Not bothering to get a glass, she threw in her mouth the pills that were clenched in her palm and stuck her head under the faucet allowing the water to flood her mouth. Benji nodded his head at Rylann and smiled weakly as he turned and left the sisters alone. Rylann walked toward the table where Amy was seated. She sat opposite her sister and stared at her intensely.

"You ok Am?" Rylann asked with genuine concern. "Don't yell!" Amy said hushed. "I'm fine, Billy took me out last night…"

"And got you trashed?" Rylann said irritated with her lack of information.

"No…well, not exactly. Yea, we drank…but he didn't get me `trashed'." Amy said trying to open her eyes to look back at her sister.

"And where did you two get alcohol, underage?"

"CBGB's…Billy knew the bartender…but I'm fine. Billy took good care of me." She smiled.

"Alright Am…actually, do you think we can talk about that?"

"About what?"

"You and Billy…" Rylann said hesitantly.

*Several Hours Later *

" Are Amy and Rylann home yet?" Jayde called to Zandria from the sofa in the living room.

"Not yet…they said they would be back by the time the guys got home, around 8ish."

"Okay." Jayde said shortly.

"Why? Is everything ok?" Zandria asked sensing Jayde's distance.

"Oh, yea. I guess Benj was talking to Joel earlier, and Joel just asked me if I could talk to Ry for him…nothing important." Jayde finished with a tone that let Zandria to basically let it go.

"Well I am gonna go shower…Paul is taking me out tonight, so…" Zandria called as she walked toward the main bathroom. Jayde just `um-hum' ed in response and sat leafing through the latest "Guitar World" waiting for someone to come home. Shortly after, Billy burst through the door with Joel, Paul, and Benji trailing. The sudden opening startled Jayde. Billy walked past her, obviously pissed off and she waited for someone to give her answers. Joel walked in sighing, and walked to where Jayde was sitting. Benji walked to the armchair and sat down, too many emotions to sort through plastered on his face. Paul stood behind the couch for a moment before taking the silence as a hint to leave so they could talk.

"What was THAT all about?" Jayde finally asked to the brothers.

"THAT was Billy reacting to Benji going off on him." Joel answered.

"I did not `go off' on him! I just told him to back off…"

"Whoa, back off what?" Jayde said, feeling uninformed.

"Am…" Benji started, when Joel cut in.

"The reason I asked you to talk to Ry was because apparently Amy and Billy have been getting kinda close and she doesn't think it's a good idea." He finished, much more calm than Benji.

"And so you said what to Billy?" Jayde directed toward Benji.

"Just that if he had any idea's of starting anything with Amy to drop them, for the sake of mine and Rylann's relationship. And he got all pissed off, and told me I had no `control' over him and his life. Which brings us to now. I am not `controlling' anything, I just don't want this worry that Rylann has to take over her mind and cause stress between us…"Benji stopped short when Billy came into the room.

"Don't fucking talk about me like I am not around. If anyone wants to know what happened, you need to hear both sides and not make me sound like the complete ass! Besides the fact that it's nobody's fucking business!" Billy screamed before storming out of the apartment.

"Well this has gone well…" Benji mumbled as he stood and walked toward his bedroom.

*Outside the apartment *

Rylann and Amy stepped off the elevator laughing, having cleared up everything that worried Rylann earlier. Amy held several bags in her arms while Rylann sifted through her messenger bag looking for something. Rylann looked up just in time to avoid Billy as he nearly ran into her.

"Whoa, Billy you ok?" Rylann asked, seeing the angered expression on his face.

"Just peachy…" he replied sarcastically as he continued to rush past them.

"Billy?" Amy questioned worried. He didn't answer; he turned quickly to look at Amy but turned away after meeting her gaze. `I can't be hooked this fast?!?' Billy thought to himself as he made his way to the stairwell and left. Rylann opened the unlocked door to be greeted by Jayde and Joel's exasperated faces.

"What was THAT?" Rylann asked as she and Amy walked into the apartment.

"Here we go…" Joel sighed.

Chapter 22
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