Benji sat in silence for a moment, starring blankly at Rylann. She kept her head low, avoiding his gaze at all cost. Benji slipped two fingers under her chin, gently lifting her soft face.
"Are you sure…I mean, this is what `you' want, right?" he asked sweetly.
"Yea…I am ready. I guess after everything this morning, and then talking with Amy, I just realized I have so few people in my life who love me, and I don't want to risk anything with you…you deserve to know." She finally allowed her eyes to meet his. He smiled briefly before kissing her lips softly.
"I'm glad you trust me enough to talk to me about this, you have no idea what it means…I love you Ry, I always will…" he held her close. He smiled against his bare chest, feeling luckier to have him than ever before. She laughed to herself, and then sat up to look at him.
"Why don't you put some clothes on," she grinned, "I'll order us some Chinese food, then we'll start talking…sound good?"
"Sounds great, I'm starving." He smiled and kissed her forehead before wrapping a sheet around him and getting up in search of clothing. Rylann walked out into the kitchen and searched through her stack of menus for some good Chinese restaurants. She grabbed a few of the menus and her cordless telephone and headed back to the bedroom to place the order. She was making her way down the hallway and was startled when a pair of hands reached out and grabbed her arms.
"Jesus Am…you scared the shit outta me!" Rylann sighed.
"Sorry…I just wanted to tell you that me and Billy kinda talked, and… worked things out." She grinned.
"I kinda know. I was coming to talk to you, and sorta walked in on you, uh, `working things out'…" Rylann smiled sheepishly.
"You did?!?" Amy playfully slapped her sister's arm. "Well…just so you know, `we' aren't a `we'." she watched the expression on her sister's face change. "No, things are fine…we just decided to be friends for now, friends with benefits actually. I mean, we just met…"
"I think that's a great idea. I have plenty of experience on this topic…hell, me and Benj skipped the whole dating thing completely, and not that I regret anything, it is still awkward to think about… you're being smart about this that's all I could hope for." Rylann hugged Amy quickly. "Are you guys hungry…me and Benj are gonna order some food…"
"Thanks anyway Ry, but Joel called Billy's cell a little bit ago, we are gonna go meet up with him, Paul, Jayde, and Zandria for a while… they just figured Benj wouldn't want to, uh, with Bil-"
"No, it's cool Am…we are gonna hang here and talk about some stuff anyway…Have fun and behave…" She kissed her sisters forehead and continued back to her bedroom. Rylann locked the door behind her and spotted Benji as he pulled a wifebeater over his head. She plopped onto the bed and sat Indian style spreading the menus in front of her.
"Your choice babe." She smiled to Benji as he walked over and situated himself behind Rylann, wrapping his arms around her. The two decided on a restaurant and placed their order. The laid together on the bed silent, just holding each other, until the food arrived. They made their way back into the bedroom, and stretched out on the bed with their meals. Rylann sighed deeply and then looked back up at Benji.
"Ok…gesh, where do I even begin…"
"Just start talking…it'll all come to you as you start opening up." He held her hand tightly. Rylann began as far back as she could remember, back to when she still considered her life normal. She remembered everything positively up until the time she was seven. Rylann's eyes welled up with tears as she painfully relived the car accident that had killed her father and older brother. Every word that came from Rylann was something new to Benji. He sat in awe as she spoke.
"They were on their way home from Joel's baseball game, it was raining…the truck that hit them was driven by a man who was completely plastered…I miss them both so much…sometimes, I get jealous of you, because you have your Joel, but I don't have mine…"
Again, these were things Benji never knew…only one person outside her family had known, Jace. Rylann told Benji the reason she had been so fearful of telling him because after Jace knew everything, things were never quite the same between the two. Rylann talked for several more hours, opening her heart and soul to the man she loved.
"You know…I wasn't a virgin when we met, right?"
"Yea, I mean, you were with Jace for so lon-"
"No…believe it or not, in the four years that I was seriously with Jace, I never made love to him." Benji looked thoroughly confused. "I know what your thinking, and no I was never with anyone else…when I was 14, one of my mother's several abusive boyfriends, Joe, he…raped me. That's when my relationship with my mother fell apart…she knew what happened, allowed it, even encouraged it. Eventually, after having his way with me for so long, I become pregnant. He was infuriated and blamed me for everything…at the time we discovered it, I was nearly five months along. Joe took matters into his own hands and beat me so badly I was lucky I survived, let alone a fetus. Needless to say, I miscarried. I thought that would scare Joe away for a while, but I was wrong, he was back to his old ways of treating me like a whore. I didn't know for sure, but I prayed he didn't touch Amy…she was only 11 at the time…Surprisingly, though I thought there was no way it could happen twice…I became pregnant again. And again, Joe took care of the situation. After I bleed for days, my mother finally took me to a doctor, and lied out her ass of course. She made up ridiculous lies about me sleeping around and then falling down the stairs, unfortunately the doctor believed her. I was told the damage done to my system would ensure me I would never have children…" Tears streamed down Rylann's cheeks as Benji held her in his arms and rocked her. For several moments, both stayed silent, calming themselves after everything they had just discussed.
"That's why, I think of you as my first…you were my first lover…" Rylann continued to inform Benji of her teenage years, the hell she went through with the different boyfriends her mother had, the addictions her mother couldn't kick, the constant fear and protection of Amy. She told Benji every detail of her and Jace's relationship…about how every time they attempted to make love, she would brake down in sobs, and guilt would torture him, knowing everything that had happened to her… Benji listened intently to every word she spoke. Things he had never imagined had happened to her. He felt so horrible for the way she had been brought up, for everything she had to go through in her life. He did all he knew to do, held her as tight as he could. He cried for her, wrapping his emotions and love around her. Around 5am, Rylann's voice was hoarse and she and Benji were both exhausted from the emotional all- nighter. They settled back in the bed, arms wrapped tightly around each other, as if they were holding on for fear of loosing the other.
"I love you so much Benji, I hope you know that." Rylann whispered into his arms, resting her forehead against his chest. "I do know, and I love you too Baby…thank you so much, for being you, for loving me, for everything. I promise to spend the rest of my life correcting every wrong that has ever been made to you…" He kissed her lips sweetly, yet hungrily. Rylann quickly fell asleep, relishing in the awe that love and comfort like this existed. Benji too fell asleep; holding his love with all his being and planning all the ways he would keep his promise to her………