The room was devoid of all light except that from the muted television. Benji sat at one end of the sofa in the large living room, with Rylann's head resting in his lap. His fingers ran through her long hair, relaxing her with each stroke. Both were silent, but intently thinking of the other. Benji ran over the conversation he had with Joel earlier that night. He kept thinking about what Joel had said…he wanted so badly for her to know how he felt. He knew what he had to do, though, he couldn't keep `breaking' himself the way Joel had said..and he didn't want to hurt Rylann for the world. He leaned forward, to see Rylann's eyes shut and her sleeping so contently. Little did Benji know, Rylann was thinking about the evening's conversation as well. She would give anything to be with Benji for the rest of her life…they had known each other for such a short amount of time, but had grown so close. She feared that he was happy the way things were, and not that she wasn't, but she needed more. She sat up, and looked intently into Benji's eyes. She opened her mouth to tell Benji everything, but before she could, Benji's lips were pressed against hers, kissing her passionately. When they parted, after several moments. "Does this mean…?" Rylann questioned. Benji nodded his response and started kissing her again. He picked her up, her legs wrapped around his waist, and moved towards her bedroom, never breaking their kiss. He laid her down on the bed and moved over top of her. He kissed down her neck, chest, and stomach… he whispered an "I love you" and continued his kissing path. They made love like it was both their first time…slow and meaningful. Benji situated his panting mouth in the nape of Rylann's neck and kissed her softly. Rylann shifted her body, and quickly sat up. She looked around, noting her surrounding's. She was still on the couch, but Benji was gone. "It was a dream," she said to herself facing reality. She got up and walked to the coffee table where there was a note. Rylann picked up the smudged paper and situated herself on the couch, flicking on a lamp.
Ry,
I'm sorry I left without saying goodbye, you looked so
peaceful sleeping, I didn't want to wake you. I was thinking about a
lot of things tonight, and this is really hard for me to say to you,
but…I think it will be better for both of us if maybe we don't see
each other for a while. I know this is all very sudden, but it's
something that has been inside of me for a while..Just something
tonight made me realize that I can't continue this. I want you to
know I love you how much I love you, because I love you with all my
heart. I just can't hurt you, and I feel that by staying around I
would hurt not only you, but myself too. I just need some time to
think, but I promise I will call you soon. Thank you for a wonderful
day and evening, and for a wonderful 4 months…I promise to talk to
you soon…
I will always love you,
Benji
Rylann wiped a tear from her cheek. She was completely lost, shocked to say the least. For the past 4 months she has been the happiest she has ever been..even when he was on the road, she knew she could talk to him at any time. She was ready to tell him how she felt, she knew that maybe he wouldn't feel the same, but at least he would know…now she's lost him and he doesn't even know how she feels. Or maybe he does…maybe he talked to Billy or Paul and got freaked out and left. She headed to the bathroom and opened the medicine cabinet. She pulled out the transparent orange bottle. She hadn't needed these since she met Benji. She wasn't depressed at all…since she had left her boyfriend of 4 years, she needed the anti- depressants..then Benji came along. She stopped taking them the third day she knew him…he was her magical cure. She starred at the bottle in her hand, she quickly dumped its' contents into her hand and swallowed the fist full of pills.
*Meanwhile *
Benji quickly walked the streets towards his hotel. He could hardly believe what he had just done…he left the woman he loved more than anyone else in the world behind, without even having the guts to tell her how he felt. He was beating himself up…'coward' he scolded himself. ` you couldn't even explain to her why, just left some sissy note…' Benji quickly walked into the suite he shared with Billy, not realizing he had slammed the door.
"Dude, you ok? Did you and Ry have a fight or something?" Billy questioned.
"No, we didn't have a fight…I…I told her I couldn't see her anymore," Benji choked back tears.
"Benj, why would you do that? Joel was in here earlier, he told Paul and me about what happened in the bathroom, you love her, like really love her…why would you tell her you can't see her anymore?" Billy was utterly confused.
Benji was obviously crying by this point. " That's just it…I can't handle being around her anymore, Joel made me realize…I am breaking myself apart, I want her as so much more, but can't have her…she wants to be friends…."
"DUDE!! Benji, Rylan…she likes you too, man, she loves you!!" Billy jumped at Benji.
"Yea, I know she loves me…as her best friend…"
"No man..you don't get it..we were talking to her tonight at dinner..she loves you the way you love her…she wants more than a friendship too! She was scared to tell you because she thought you wanted just a friendship…we were about to tell her, when you guys came back to the table."
Benji blinked past the tears…he starred at Billy, "What…what are you talking about, Bill, man are you serious?"
"YES! Now get back over there before it's too late to fix things!!"
Benji jumped up and quickly hugged Billy…"Thank you so much man, listen I want you to tell Paul and Joel what's going on, and then meet me over there in a half hour, hopefully things will go good, and we can celebrate!!" Benji said excitedly as he ran out the door and towards Rylann's apartment.