Benji's hand shook as he picked up the phone. It had been awhile, it had been too long. Even though he swore he hated the man more than anything, there was that one bond that held them together: blood.
For a few months after he had left them all high and dry, Benji tried to release all the blood from his body. After realizing it could never be accomplished, he let go of the blade, the hate, the pain, and tried to get on.
For years he was doing fine just getting by. For years he went from job to job, couch to couch, bar to bar. Every morning he'd look in the mirror no longer lonely for the man who gave him life. Benji was turning into his father; a man he feared and loathed more than the devil.
He could remember looking out into the crowd at graduation, seeing his mother and twin brother who was also graduating. No one else, the family didn't have enough money for tickets to the graduation. They barely had enough money for the cap and gown for the both of the boys. It came to no surprise that college was out of reach.
Still Benji, striving to pull away from the image of his father, tried out junior college. After a few weeks of studying and working, he dropped out and back down to the level of his father.
His fingers danced across the numbers on the phone, no. He couldn't do it. He set it down on the reciever.
The wounds were still fresh in his mind. It had been three years or so since Benji had spoken to or seen the man, and it felt too soon. He knew where his twin, Joel, stood on the subject. Joel hated the man and hoped to never see him again.
That was why Benji never talked to Joel about the whole thing. That's why Benji never told anyone that he was going to try to merge the family back together. Make everything alright again.
His fingers felt the cold metal of the cross that hung from his neck. His mother always told him that God was watching over him. Benji figured that God was probably the only one.
The envelope sat just a few feet in front of him. The envelope that contained the letter that sealed their destiny. After more than a year or so of basement gigs, there were breaking out of Waldorf, out of poverty. The way Benji was thinking, that letter was the ticket for their father to come back into the family.
With new hope, he reached over and picked up the phone and dialed the numbers. He had found the name, number, and adress of his father two days ago. He was living somewhere in North Carolina. Deep inside his mind, Benji always hoped the man was living in squalor.
His ears heard the incestint ringing of the phone. He listened carefully, breathed heavily, and hoped for the best.
"Hello?" A mans voice echoed in his ears. It was him. It was his father.
"Hi," Benji's voice was raspy and soft. The phone slid in his hands, which were wet from his anxiety.
"Who is this?" His father asked.
"Umm, dad..." His voice quavered over the line. His heart quickened and he wondered if the man with whom he was speaking with even remembered him.
"Josh?"
Benji looked down, disappointed that he didn't even remember his voice. "No, Benji. This is Benji, dad."
"Oh, Benji. Why are you calling here?"
"I just was wondering if, maybe, we might be able to settle scores. You know I'm nineteen now."
The man heaved a heavy sigh over the phone. "I hope you don't want money. I don't have any to be giving away. I've got things to be doing for myself."
His hopes fell again. It wasn't money he was after. It was a relationship. "No, dad, I'm not after your money. Although we could all use it."
"Tell your mother to get a job."
"She has one. It's just not paying enough. Joel and I have jobs, though."
"Good. I'm glad I taught you something, a good work ethic."
All I learned from you, dad is to never be like you. He thought. "I was thinking, maybe, some weekend, we could get together...have lunch. Like old times, or something."
Another sigh from North Carolina reached his ears. "No." The answer was short and sweet. Benji felt warmth driving into his eyes. He feared the warmth would soon make its way down his cheek. "I just want to start over. Things are finally shaping up for me, you know. I'm managing my own store, now. I just don't want to mess things up for me."
Benji choked down a sob and tried to make sure his tears weren't perceved in his voice. "Alright." He whisped and set the phone back on the reciever in slow, sober movement.
He sat there for awhile after, ashamed to realize that the man he always thought was a hero, a father, didn't even qualify for a human.