Benji sat back in his seat after everyone had left. "I can't believe she's...gone." He couldn't say 'dead'. She wasn't dead. Not in his mind.
"I know, Benj," Joel acknowledged and patted his brother on the back.
He sighed. "I wonder how Ashton is holding up." It was like Benji knew just what Joel was thinking about. That was all he had been thinking about since the conversation earlier that week. Ashton. Once again she clouded his mind and twisted his thoughts.
"Yeah," was all Joel could muster. He didn't want to come out and just tell his mourning brother about his feelings for Ashton, it just wouldn't be right.
"Yeah?" Benji leaned in towards Joel. "We are identical twins."
Joel ruffled his brow, "Yeah..."
"So, Joel, I know almost everything you're thinking. I have since, since, since always. I know how much you love Ashton, how much you want to see her. I know you, Joel."
Joel hung his head down. "I feel like such a prick." He sighed. "I miss Kai, I really do, but...Ashton..."
Benji nodded, letting bit of a smile seep through his peirced lips, and stopped Joel's search for words. They really did know exactly what the other was thinking.
Benji stood up and walked into the house, leaving his brother outside to wander in his thoughts. He pulled the phone book out from the junk drawer in the kitchen. Under 'hotels' in the business pages he looked up the number of where Ashton was staying. He figured he'd talk to her, see how she was, see if she was still the same unattainable Ashton or if she had come down to Joel's level.
He picked up the portable phone and walked into the next room. He dialed her number and found himself getting nervous. He never got nervous about anything. 'So this is why Joel never had the guts to call her.' he said to himself. The clerk answered and he asked to speak to Ashton. He tapped his foot, trying despretly to release some nervous energy. It didn't help too much, all he could hope for now was that he'd remember what to say.
"Hello..." Her voice answered, quavering as she picked up the phone. She sniffled and said, "Hello..." yet again.
He shook his head and pulled himself to talk. "Ashton, hi, this is...uh...Benji..." He waited, hoped she would remember him, but understood if she didn't, she was so far above him.
She paused. Her breath left her body. "Benji? Joel's brother?"
He laughed. It was weird, he was pretty sure she wouldn't remember him, but he couldn't belive that she had remembered Joel. "Yeah, that Benji." His nervousness drifted away slowly. "I heard Aaron ran into you today."
An exasperated sigh seeped through the phone. "So he's already talked to you, huh?"
He nodded, then realized she couldn't see him. "Yeah, he told me the bad news. I'm sorry to hear."
"You're sorry? You were the love of her life, Benji! I was just a friend."
"Sometimes friends are better than boyfriends." He paused. "Love of her life? I think thats a bit of an over statement."
She laughed. Kai always kept her feelings to herself, never let someone she loved know too much, that way she thought no one would get hurt. "She loved you."
"I know that. She must have had better guys to love than me."
"She never did, though. You were the best thing that ever happened to her, I mean treated her nice, never acted like you owned her, you were probably the only guy who ever cared about her. Not even her dad treated her like a person, you did though. Everyone else considered her a prize, you actually loved her." The popular girls were always the girls who were considered tokens and game pieces in getting to that high school nirvana of popularity. No one ever really cared for them, and if they did they were always to afraid to just come out and say it; like Joel.
Benji sat back in his seat, not knowing what to make of it. He found out he was the love of someone's life, but that someone would never know how much he loved her back.
Ashton Benji sat and chatted a little longer about Kai and life. Benji had to get off the phone, but asked Ashton to meet him at the coffee shop across the street, My Brother's Place, where Good Charlotte had their first show and where Ashton had first talked to Joel.
Benji figured he'd try to create something in place of that which had died. He'd go, meet Ashton, but he'd bring Joel. He knew how much Joel thought about Ashton and how great a couple they'd make; he just had to make it happen. Benji also knew they'd never get together on their own devices.
Tomorrow, they'd meet at the coffee shop to talk. Maybe something would happen. He stared at the phone for a moment after he got off and smiled at his creation. Setting the phone down, he walked outside to see if Joel was up for some coffee tomorrow.
"Maybe Someday" The Cure
No I won't do it again, I don't want to pretend
If it can't be like before I've got it let end
I don't want what I was, I had a change of head
But maybe someday...
Yeah, maybe someday
I've got to let it go and leave it gone
Just walk away, stop it going on
Get too scared to jump if I want too long
But maybe someday
I'll see you smile as you call my name
Start to feel, and it feels the same
And I know that maybe someday's come
Maybe someday's come...again!
So tell me someday's come
Tell me some days come again...
No I won't do it some more, it doesn't make any sense
If it can't be like it was, I've got to let it rest
I don't want what I did, I had a change of tense
But maybe someday...
I'll see you smile as you call my name
Start to feel, and it feels the same
And I know that maybe someday's come
Maybe someday's come...
If I could do it again
Maybe just once more
Think I could make it work like it did before
If I could try it out
If I could just be sure
That maybe someady is the last time
Yeah maybe someday is the end
Oh maybe someday is when it all stops
Or maybe someday always comes again...