Chapter 14
Ashley sat back on Justin's plush white couch and sighed.
"It feel's so good, to sit!" She said happily, taking a bit of chinese food. Justin smiled at her.
"You have no idea..."
"You're right I probably dont." She smiled at him and placed her empty plate on the table. "That was delicious, thank you."
"No problem." He simply replied, placing his plate on the table as well. Ashley threw her head back and looked out the big window behind Justin's couch. She looked at the stars and closed her eyes.
"I love stars..." She said quietly. Just then, Justin got and idea.
"Come here..." He said, grabbing her hand. She looked up startled, but allowed him to lead her through the house. He took her to some franch doors that led outside. He opened the door and they we're instantly met with a rush of crisp, Florida air. He continued to lead her out past his pool, back into an open back yard. He sat down in the open field and pulled her down with him.
Ashley sat down next to Justin and looked at him confused.
"Now you can stare at the whole sky..it's much better than through a window." He said, lying back in the grass looking up at the stars. Ashley sighed and lied down next to him.
The two sat there for a while, not talking, just staring up at the stars, Ashley silently sending out a prayer to her father and the rest of her family. Justin shifted on the ground, not able to get comfortable. He then turned and placed his head in Ashley's lap. She sat up and loked at him, but his eyes were closed, denying her access to the two things that would answer her questions. his eyes.
She sighed and her hand incoherently ran over the soft bristle that covered Justin's head. He sighed with pleasure at the feel of her touch.
"Justin?"
"Hmm?" he asked, in a daze.
"We need to talk about our realtionship..." She said weakly. He opened his eyes for a brief second, but then closed them again. Her hand still rythmically rubbed his head.
"what about it?" He asked softly, not wanting to disturb the peace of the still July night.
"Well, where do we stand? I mean...I don't want to lead you on. I do find you very attractive, but I'm not ready for anything serious. But I couldn't have just a fling with you. I...I might..." She stammered, and Justin caught on to her unease.
"You might what....it's OK Ash...it's only me." He said, coaxing her.
"I might fall for you...." Was all she said. Justin sat up as he felt the weight of her words.
"What's so wrong about that...if it's meant to be, then it's meant to be."
"Justin...I don't go about relationships lightly. I give all or nothing."
"So..."
"So...I'm scared. Last time I gave away my heart Justin, the guy raped me and left me in the middle of the road. I then get home to find out my father had been killed..Love doesn't leave very fond memories." She said with a sigh.
"Then it wasn't love. If all you remember is heartache, it wasn't true love....Love will be when the moment you wake up in the morning, that person is what you think about. When you go to bed at night, it's with dreams of them. Love will not make itself known by flashing a big, eletric sign announcing it's arrival. You will fell it in your heart, and tingle at every thought." He was quiet, but passionate as he spoke.
"How do you know this?" She wasn't questioning his deffinition, but it was so poetic.
"That's how I imagine to feel when I first fall in love." He was sitting up now, Looking at Ashley's blue eyes intently. He could see her soul, and it was pure and clear. Her eyes held something..something he wanted to figure out realy badly.
"That's what it should feel like." She said breathlessly as their faces drew closer together, without either person thinking about it.
Justin smiled as he leaned in. Ashley's eyes fluttered closed and soon their lips touched.
Ashley felt her knees go weak, even though she was sitting. He heart raced and her mind was filled with thoughts of only this man infront of her. For some odd reason, she thought she cold see a bright flashing sign.
Justin hadn't expected the feeling he was getting. Never before had a simple kiss set his body on fire or his senses to kick into overdrive. He could feel every part of her being, every inch of her soul collided with his as they shared their first true kiss....together.
Ashley pulled back and Justin looked at her startled.
"What's wrong." He asked, silently hoping it wasn't his breath.
"Justin....I can't. I'm so sorry...I didn't mean for this to happen." She said starting to get up.
"What...what are you talking about?" He askec, pulling her back down.
"Justin, I'm not ready yet. Please understand that it's not you. But all I need is a friend right now, I'm sorry if I let you think anything else, but I just can't..." She searched his eyes helplessly, hoping he would understand.
Justin felt his heart ache at those words, he'd heard them not 2 months before from someone else he thought he loved. He understood where Ashley was coming from, and he would try with all his heart to make her know that, but it was hard for him.
"I...I don't know what to say..." He said, stuttering.
"Just tell me that you understand..." She said helplessly. Justin loked in her eyes and saw the heartache that eminated from her soul. He sighed.
"I understand completely. I'm sorry too...I shouldn't have done that."
"Justin, you have to understand...I am very attractited to you, but I haven't known you for more that what? 3 weeks? I just need more time to feel this out, it's so new to me...God, why is this so hard?" Ashley looked at him. His head was turned to the side, so she could see his profile. It was so strong and she wanted to trust him, but she needed more time.
"I understand completely...Ash. If what you need is a friend, than you'll have the best friend you never knew...but you'll have to understand too that this will be hard." He tried to explain, and he prayed that she understood.
~*~
Justin took Ashley home a bit later. They had come to an understanding that neither of them was ready for a relationship. Both had confessed feelings for the other, but decided that they weren't going to react on them.
The ride to Ashley's was quiet and a bit awkward. Even though they had straightened out where they were headed with eachother, both were still a bit unsure of how things were going to work.
Justin pulled up to Ashley's appartment and said a quick goodbye, he longingly watched her climb her steps and go inside. He drove off, with a sense of regret that he had let her go.
Inside Ashley leaned against her door and slid down until she reached the floor. She needed someone to talk to, but she didn't know who. She looked around and then got an idea. It was only 8:30, she still might be able to catch him. Ashley ran back outside and down the stairs across her lawn towards Chris' house.
Chapter 15
Back to ITSK home
E-mail me