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Chapter 21 - Notebook

Taylor awoke hearing the muffled sound of music being played. He sat up slowly and looked at his hand. A white bandage was wrapped around it. He held it close to his chest and looked around the room. Suddenly he realized the music he was hearing was his own. Confused, he got up out of the bed. He looked over at Andrew's desk and saw him sitting there, listening to the music, looking through the CD jacket. Andrew looked up when he heard Taylor.

"Well Taylor! You're awake. How is your hand feeling?" Andrew asked, putting the CD jacket back into the CD case. Taylor quickly walked over to the desk, snatching the CD case. He looked at it, then looked back at Andrew.

"Where did you get this?" Taylor asked, ignoring his question.

"I found it in Ron's office. He has all of your albums and many things about you in there." Andrew answered. Taylor looked up at him.

"That's creepy. But at least you know I wasn't lying to you now." Taylor said pulling out of the CD jacket. He hadn't actually seen the finished product of the CD. He smiled looking through the jacket.

"You certainly weren't lying. What are you smiling about?" Andrew asked curiously.

"Oh I just never got to see this finished. We had it recorded and everything, but the album cover wasn't chosen yet and I didn't know what the CD jacket would look like. I'm also glad that they decided to release it...despite everything that's happening." Taylor said, letting his smile fade.

"Is that you singing?" Andrew asked. Taylor listened to the song that was playing. It was "Save Me." He nodded his head.

"Yeah, it is."

"You seem like a very talented young man."

"Thanks."

"How is your hand feeling?" Taylor looked down at his hand. He had almost forgotten about it.

"Oh..it seems ok." Taylor said, rubbing the white bandage.

"That's good. Come on, I'm supposed to take you back to your room now." Andrew walked over and tried to take the CD from Taylor. Taylor held on to it tightly.

"Can I please keep this?" Taylor asked, looking up at Andrew with pleading eyes.

"No Taylor, I'm sorry. Ron can't know I have this and I don't think you'd like the consequences if he knew you had it." Andrew pulled the CD from Taylor. He sadly watched him set it on the desk, "let's go back to your room now."

Andrew led Taylor out the door and they walked down the hall to his room. Andrew took out a key and unlocked the door. Taylor walked in and noticed his bed was made and the glass he had thrown against the wall was all cleaned up. He walked over and sat on his bed looking up at Andrew.

"I'll be in to check on your hand in a few days." Andrew said, turning around to leave.

"You know this is wrong." Taylor said. Andrew turned around and looked at Taylor, wrinkeling his forehead.

"What is wrong?"

"This whole thing. Me being here. I can tell you don't want to be a part of this anymore." Taylor said bravely. Andrew shut the door, not wanting Ron to hear their conversation.

"You don't know anything about how I feel." Andrew said. He started to feel angry about this kid questioning him like this.

"You're the first person to treat me like a human being since I got here. You're not like them. You actually know this is wrong. In a way that makes you worse."

"How does that make me worse?" Andrew asked. He was starting to feel annoyed. Taylor stood up.

"You know this is wrong! You know keeping me here is wrong! You know what I'm going through and you allow it to happen. You don't do anything. That's what makes you worse than them!" Taylor yelled. Andrew stepped closer to Taylor, getting in his face.

"You do not know anything about how I feel, kid. You, you're nothing to me. You're just a kid. All I'm in this for is the money and that's it. I don't want to hurt you." Andrew yelled, then he turned around to leave again, putting his hand on the door knob.

"I don't buy that" Taylor stepped closer to him "I hope the guilt eats away at you!" he yelled. Andrew stopped for a few seconds, not turning around to face Taylor. Then he opened the door and left. He stood outside of Taylor's room, letting what he had just said to him sink in. He wasn't supposed to like this kid. He was supposed to do as Ron told him, get paid, and get out. He couldn't let this kid get the best of him. With that, he locked Taylor's room from the outside and went back to his office.

* * *

Taylor laid down on his bed and looked at the ceiling. He wondered if he could get anywhere with Andrew. He knew that Andrew did honestly seem to feel sorry for him, he could just see it. He took his left hand and rubbed his face. He suddenly got the urge to write and he felt like working on his song. He got up off the bed to find his notebook. He looked on the floor where he had left it and saw that it wasn't there. He began to look through one of the drawers when he heard someone enter the room. He turned around to see Ron.

"Looking for this?" Ron asked, pulling Taylor's notebook out from behind his back. Taylor's eyes widened when he saw it. He didn't want Ron to read the things he written in there.

"Yes." Taylor answered him quietly. Ron reached into his pocket, pulling out the letter Taylor had written to Isaac. He took a few steps closer to Taylor and held the letter out so he could see it.

"What is this?" Ron asked angrily. Taylor looked at the letter. He had completely forgotten he had written that. He sighed and looked away.

"It's a letter." He answered.

"Why are you writing letters to your brother, Taylor?" Taylor looked at him nervously.

"Just something to do. It's not like I could mail it."

"Then why did you write it?"

"I just did. It made me feel better."

"I don't want you writing letters like this."

"I just wrote it because I felt like it. Did you even read it? I wrote in there a million times that I'd never be able to mail it." Taylor said, almost yelling.

"You also gave out exact details of where you are."

"So? What if I..."

"Shut up!" Ron yelled. Taylor jumped, taking a few steps back. He wasn't expecting Ron to yell like that. "This cannot go unpunished, Taylor." Ron continued. Taylor rolled his eyes.

"Here we go again" Taylor said under his breath.

"No Taylor, it's going to be different this time." Ron put the letter back into his pocket and held the notebook out. Taylor watched him attentively, wondering what he was going to do. Ron opened the notebook and pulled out one of the pieces of paper. He then ripped it into a bunch of pieces and let them fall on the ground. Then he pulled out another piece and did the same thing. Taylor's mouth dropped open watching Ron destroy all the songs that he had spent so much time on.

"Stop!" Taylor yelled. Ron didn't listen. He pulled out the paper and ripped it up at a faster pace. Taylor almost couldn't speak watching all his hard work crumble to the ground.

"Stop!" he repeated. Anger came over him and without thinking he ran over to Ron and with his hands in fists he started pounding on him with no effect. Ron pushed him away hard with his left arm. He hit the wall, but ran back at Ron and continued to hit at him. Tears poured down his face as he hit Ron with all his strength. "Stop it, Stop it, Stop it!" he yelled. With his blows taking no effect he fell to the ground, grabbing onto the pieces of paper that fell there, unsuccessfully trying to piece them back together. Ron finished the last piece of paper in the notebook and dropped it on the floor. Taylor gave up on trying to piece the papers back together and sat there with his hands over his ears, letting the tears pour down his cheeks. He looked up at Ron, who was staring at him coldly.

"I hate you." Taylor said, gritting his teeth. Ron said nothing, then he turned around walked out of the room, slamming the door. Taylor sat there, looking down at the floor seeing the ripped up pieces of everything that had kept him sane. He quickly tried to remember the lyrics to, "Believe."

He wiped his face and rubbed his eyes. He saw the pen he had been writing with laying on the floor next to the wall. He crawled over to it and picked it up. He snapped it in half and let the ink spill onto the floor. With one of the ends of the broken pen, he dipped it in the ink and wrote on the wall a verse to "Believe" that just came to him.

I will believe
I'd love to believe
I can believe in something
I will believe
I'd love to believe
I can't believe in nothing

 He set the broken pen down and stared at the words he had just written. He closed his eyes and scooted himself into the corner and let the tears fall out of his eyes.

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