Awhile back, I remember writing a post on a message board I frequented. In it I talked about how alien I seemed to have become to myself. At the time I was going through a rather lengthy 'dark night of the soul'. I didn't know who I was anymore. Then one day I was walking up my block and spotted a tulip. I actually stopped to admire it...it was SO BEAUTIFUL!. "That does it!", I thought. "Now I KNOW I don't know who I am anymore. I don't even like tulips! What the hell is going on?! Who AM I ?!"
Just then, a curious thing happened. It was one of those 'lightbulb' moments. The answer came. 'This is you...the real you. The you before everyone began telling you who you were, who you should be, who you weren't, etc, etc. This is why you have been feeling empty all these many months. Spirit has given you the greatest of gifts for your personal 'Croning Ceremony'. She has wiped away all the labels and pretenses you adopted on your journey and has left you with You. You've been pretty filled up with other people's ideas of you, so naturally you are feeling a bit empty at the moment. But that will change.'
"Life really does begin at 50", I thought. (ok, most say 40, but I always was a little slow on the uptake :) Here I was feeling lost and alone, bemoaning this emptiness inside, when in fact I'd been given a wonderful gift. Now, instead of feeling lost and alone, I felt this great sense of adventure... rediscovering ME! How cool is that?!
Well, since that day, I've discovered that life does not really begin at 50, or 40 or 21 ... it begins NOW... or more precisely, it doesn't begin or end at all. It always is. And is always being created NOW. I can go back to recreating my life based on other people's definitions and labels, or I can create it according to my own. Oh, I still slip from time to time and carry around someone else's baggage for awhile, but I find it's much heavier than it used to be and don't keep it for very long.
Midlife is turning out to be quite interesting!
Ok, if you've managed to read this far, you're probably wondering... 'Isn't this supposed to be an About Me Page? Well, all that I just wrote was to let you know that 'me' is being rediscovered and changing all the time. So this will be a kind of a running journal of 'me'. Actually the entire website is, but this will be a little more specific, I guess. At least that's the plan. Of course, that could change too. ;)
For now, here's the stats:
I was born in 1951. That makes me 51 at the time of writing (March 01, 2003).
My given name is Terri (well, Theresa, actually, but you'll only see that on my Driver's License and Birth Certificate). My chosen name on this site and some message boards is Spiritsong... on another it's Alarina. I used Aradia and Selene as magical names when I walked the Wiccan path. Had an English teacher who called me Michelle all semester, a seminar leader who called me Tracie for 6 weeks and a customer who calls me Cathy. I'll answer to just about anything (lol!)
I'm a Scorpio with Sag rising and an Aquarian moon. The rest of the chart is a rather balanced blend of planets and elements. In Chinese Astrology I was born in the year of the Rabbit. In Native American cosmology, the totem of my birth is the Snake. Make of any of that what you will.
I was born in Brooklyn, New York. During most of my early childhood I lived in a 2-family house my grandparents owned. The top floor was rented out. The first floor was divided. We lived in one part, my grandparents in the other. In the (finished) basement lived my Aunt(mom's sister) and Uncle. There was still a sense of 'extended family' back in those days.
My grandparent's house was sold some months after President Kennedy was assasinated, and from there my family's adventures would fill several volumes, so I won't bore you with the particulars. Most of my life I lived in California. Was a 'hippie' even before the word was coined, and to this day consider myself a 'forever flowerchild'. My happiest years were probably the 13 years I lived in Monterey. Somehow, with the bizarre twistings of life, I ended up back in Brooklyn in 1990. Since then I've continued a rather long love/hate relationship with this city. I've made a few attempts to leave permanently, but something always seems to draw me back. Guess I'm supposed to be here, for some reason. Still, my soul aches to be surrounded by woods and water.
In my life I've wanted to be a nun, a ballet dancer, an artist, a fashion designer, a lawyer, an engineer and a healer. I've ended up being a clerk typist, an Insurance Underwriter, running a Private Investigator's office, and spending 11 years as a homemaker. At the moment I manage a health food store. Funny how life turns out. Still, all those wants have been incorporated into all that I eventually did do in many ways. Nothing's ever lost.
Favorite Book: Lord of the Rings. I first read them, (and the Hobbit, Silmarillion, and anything else Tolkien I could find) over 30 years ago and have never been without a copy. I re-read them at least annually and am always totally blown away by the genius of this man. The story of Frodo and the fellowship in itself is timeless and beautiful, but the fact that he created an entire world with its own cultures and history and languages puts Tolkien in a literary league all his own as far as I'm concerned.
What Else I Read: I love mythology and have read nearly every spiritual writing from orthodox to metaphysical. Adore Shakespeare and my favorite poet is probably Walt Whitman, though I love all poetry. I'm a great fan of the Harry Potter series too.
Favorite Movie: Probably a toss up between 'To Kill A Mockingbird' and 'Harvey' ...oh, and 'An Affair to Remember (the original!) ... and the first 'Godfather'...oh dear...too hard.
Favorite Color: Lavender...though even this changes with my mood.
Favorite Music: Well, anything by Loreena McKennitt and Deva Premal, Bruce Springsteen, and I still love Led Zeplin and the Beetles and most of the 60's stuff (like I said, a 'forever flower child'). Guess my tastes run the gamut, but I am a HUGE country/bluegrass fan.. and an absolute Keith Urban Junkie!
Well, that's about all of the subject of 'me' I can stand at the moment. I hope it didn't bore you to tears....quite nearly put me to sleep! :)
Ok, so that's my 'About Me' page so far, for all (2) of you that asked for it (lol!) If you really want to know about me, visit the rest of my site. It actually tells you a more complete story.
Oh, and by the way, the pictures I have up here? They rather nicely hide the 'life lines' my face seems to have acquired with a vengence the last few years. In the hard light of day, I look every bit my 51 years. I'm trying really hard to age gracefully, but so far I haven't quite 'made friends with my wrinkles'. ;)
