Welcome to the genesis of perhaps the greatest guest column to ever grace the world of Professional wrestling in one "The RubberRoom" exclusively at StrictlyNMW. I fully intend to show the world why I am the Verdii of Verbosity; the Picasso of Profound Prolixity; the Rembrandt of Recalcitrant Ruminations; the Monet of Monology; and the Dean of the Downtrodden.

NMW and upstate New York are primed and stoked for NMW Spring Beatings being held at the NMW Arena, located in the smokefilled partyzone known as The Ukie, located @ 1970 Empire Boulevard off of Interstate 590 North in Webster.If you aren't smart enough to figure out how to get there, e-mail http://www.nmw2000.com, and maybe someone there will be smart enough to help you.

My stable of minions will be going up against a mystery tag-team that will anonymously be chosen by NMW Commissioner Adam Sullivan.Adding some spice and interest to the match is the stipulation that should said mystery team find themselves fortunate enough to be victorious, the FDE will never ever be seen around an NMW venue again.But when my boys are done thumping the chumps that Sullivan sends to slaughter, I get an ironclad norelease contract for life with NMW as long as they exist.

Why is someone who is battling NMW pushing them so much? I'm not pushing NMW.I'm pushing the fact that me and my FDE will be there raising as much hell as we can before either the 5-0 or the whitecoats take us away. Also slated is NMW Champ J.P.Black, coming off an appearance on WWF JOBBED-I mean JAKKED- defending his strap in a taped fist match against number one contender-Mayhem. This dude is one big and bad mohambe. Now all he needs to do is shed about 260 lbs. of useless fat in one LapDog Bobby Rogers. New champ. NMW Television champ Gigolo Johnny Walker will defend his tube strap against another alumnus of WWF JOBBED-Eric Everlast.Everlast is one of those guys who just won't go away. He sure doesn't know how to take a hint, as the NMW office has consistently attempted to run him from the roster unsuccessfully. Look for the Gigolo to retain. In the most anticipated match of the night-a hardcore Rochester NY street fight for the coveted NMW Cruiserweight championship goes down between Ian Decay,Masturbating -I mean Devastating-Kevin Dunn,Former CW champion and favorite NMW office hooker Raptor,and current Cruiserweight champ-the evil turtle himself, Oman Toruga. Look for Craptor to once again schmooze his way back into the office's graces and get his starp back.

NMW newcomer Troy 'the boy' Buchanan makes his live debut against another newcomer in one Jeff Liabolt.I don't know enough about either of these losers to predict who wins.I can however state emphatically that anyone named 'the boy' has to be too in touch with his feminine side, therefore I pick Liabolt. The tag team belts are hung out when Team 4:20 defends in a three-way elimination against the formidable team of the Canadian Thrilla/BigPoppaChill, and the young combo of BigCat/MeanMarkos. As I think Bigfat and Markos cheat, and just can't stomach the Thrilla taking it off,I go with the sellout champs to retain. Only an absolute braindead idiot or someone from Rochester would choose the ??? team to go over my stable of Chameleon;Cowboy Don Adams;and IB Green. I intend to garner victory via any means necessary and that spells gloom-and-doom for the mystery team as well as Sullivan and NMW.

I don't care if you liked the cherry installment of the RubberRoom with me.I can however promise that it will only get better.Thanks for cruisin' the CrazyTrain smokin' down railway 4:20 bound for NMW offices and revenge. Until further notice, I remain your hero and role model, and proof that the medicinally altered can function as halfassed members of society. As always-if you're lucky enough-SEEYA!!!