January 28, 2002: Paul and Brett's Door
Now there are a lot of doors out there in the world, doors help you get in and out of buildings, rooms and various other locations. Some doors are good, some doors are bad. Brett's door is the epitome of evil. If Satan was to get bored and craft a door out of sulphur and brimstone, it would be the door to Brett's bathroom. I took it upon myself to declare this door my nemesis. Only Justin Resnick, the mattress guy, qualifies as being a bigger force of evil.
Now, last semester this door had the nerve to fall on my leg. It started out a normal evening, hanging out with our forties, straight thuggin' it in Brett and Paul's room. Now a friend of mine had drank a tad too much, so I decided to help her by keeping the door, which lacks hinges, up. Now you'd think this would bring about good karma. But this is not the case. You see, no sooner had she left that I decided to break the seal myself. Big mistake. I got in alright, but on the way out, the door decided it would be fun to throw itself upon my shin, scarring it up and being quite the buzzkill. I simply stood there in awe for a few seconds, dumbfounded by the sheer hatred I had for that door.
But alas, the story of the door continues. Because over winter break, my nemesis was hinged. Yes hinged! The Door to Hell was at last held captive by the chains of justice. Thats what it gets for fucking with me I guess.
January 27, 2002: What's Wrong with Good and Evil in Movies?
Alright, there are a lot of movie out there which include the central theme of good versus evil. Now this seems all cut and dry right? Theres a good guy, a bad guy, and numerous supporting cast members who kinda stand around and talk shit. But Much like Randal and Dante tried to figure out what was wrong with Return of the Jedi in Clerks, I found that a lot of movies leave me wondering why the bad guy gets so much shit. Who really does have the most honor and sportsmanship? The majority of the time the two nemesises make it their driving goal to destroy their opposition. But the bad guy never tries to fuck up the good guy once hes been shot, he just dies. Theres a few exceptions, but The good guy half the time gets shot and then fires at the bad guy when hes not looking. Now generally a duel consists of fighting until you get wounded or killed, now isn't that bad form to shoot your opponent once you've been shot? The bad guy won already, what the fuck? It just seems wrong. I suppose you could argue that the good guy believes hes doing it for the good of humanity, but thats kinda weak. What if the bad guy thinks the same thing, generally if he isn't killed in the initial wound he just kinda lies there and talks to the good guy congradulating his opponent for winning. Then he takes the shit and gets carted of to jail or whatever. Doesn't complain, doesn't fire off weaselly vengeance shots. Just takes it and the movie ends. So even if the good guy was doing what he was doing for a good cause, hes still a whiney little punk.
January 26, 2002: Weird shit I got in the mail
Okay, well first things first, I don't get much mail. I'm the standard unloved college student with friends and relatives who choose to send e-mails instead of pay the 30 something cents for a stamp. Well, my bank does like to send me mail... but this is the dilemma. But most banks send you what, like a copy of your balance every month or so right? Not my bank, my bank makes sure I get mail every fucking day, no matter what crap they're sending me. Recently I recieved an application for accidental death or dismemberment insurance. Sounds good right? If I get killed or dismembered (uh...) I get money. But the exclusions are just weird... really really weird. So I've taken it upon myself to point out the weirdest ones. I'm not entitled to recieve money if any of the following things happen:
Self inflicted injury while sane or insane (So if I go crazy and chop my arm off I don't get shit... blowbacks...)
Suicide (for some reason this doesn't apply in Missouri...)
Nuclear War (Darn, you'd think they'd cover you for shit like that.)
War between the following nations: US, any of the former USSR, China, France, or the UK (why only those countries? I'm thinking of declaring war on Belgium, I'm safe with that one.)
Active Participation in a Riot (If I can't collect for that whats the point of having the insurance anyway?)
So anyway... those are the weird ones, there's more stuff, most of it fairly reasonable... but I'm still confused about the war stuff... It leaves me free to declare war on so many countries, yet disallows me from declaring war on pathetic nations such as France and Kazakstan.