March 30, 2002: Guest Rant - Cleveland Wind
This is yet another guest rant from the Disco Jon. So enjoy the insite of my brother in rum.
Some may think that a door is a good nemesis, but my most hated enemy is something far more dangerous and evil than any wooden door. My nemesis is a malevolent force that stalks me as if I were its prey. My nemesis is the Cleveland wind. Even now, I can hear it blowing outside my window, taunting me with its might.
You may laugh at such a thing and say "but you can just go inside and the wind can't get you." Or maybe you would say "wear a coat. It'll keep the wind out." I would call you a fool for saying such a thing. The wind in Cleveland is far more powerful than flimsy door windows or coats of man-made materials. The few times I have found respite from the wind by going in doors, it has howled at me from outside and waited until I ventured outside again. And no coat is air tight. The wind can find even the smallest hole in my clothing and chill my very innards.
The wind is quite insidious. No matter which direction I walk in, the wind blows in my face. This would not be a problem if it were not for the things wind brings with it, such as stingy, hurty hail or bitterly cold rain, or blinding snow.
Some days, I try to spite the wind and walk with my head high, my chest out, all the while pretending that there is no wind. It is at these times that the wind becomes most enraged and will often blows water or snow from some nearby structure into my unsuspecting eyes. At these time I have no recourse but to shake my fist at the wind and curse it will all my soul. But I know that my nemesis will only laugh at my feeble curses and blow harder to spite me.
This was written, as all good rants should be, while whacked out of my mind on DayQuil. The war on drugs should really be focusing on above the counter medicines.
Well, I hope you all enjoyed this insight on the wind in Cleveland, and I hope you all never decide to move to the midwest. Ricky out.
March 28, 2002: Spring Has Sprung
Well, its officially spring as of last week. No more of that shitty ass winter bullshit. Except for one little thing, upstate New York sucks.
Its been fucking snowing and shooting freezing rain from the heavens since I got back from spring break. Now, if you ask me, spring break should be in spring, not winter. Especially in this fucking state.
But anyway, its springtime, and today was actually rather mild out. Birds are tweetin', flowers are bloomin', and love is in the air. Wow, that was a cheesey sentence. I suppose thats all I have to rant about at the moment. So later all, Ricky out.
March 3, 2002: Al Key Hall
Now there are a lot of problems in the world, which is bad. And then theres alcohol, which is good. Alcohol lets you forget about these problems for a few bucks, which is good. But, it sometimes just makes more problems, which is bad. So weighing all those bad and good things together, we come out with a fairly nuetral force of nature. The ancient firewater that ruined the civilization of native americans. The potent absinthe that finished off a variety of writers, painters and other alcoholics. This is alcohol.
Now that all sounded pretty bleak, I mean technically there are a lot of good things that could fuck you up too. Like if you drank 47 cups of coffee. I don't know if that would kill you but I'm sure you would be legally insane for a while. And steak, steak is good, but what gives fat people heart attacks? Steak. So alcohols killing spree doesn't make it evil. Satan is evil, ice cream men are evil, ninjas are evil, alcohol is nuetral.
But anyway, I've had my experiences with alcohol. Some of them were really good. And some of them sucked some ass. Its not like I drink all that often, so I suppose if I continue the rate I'm at I'll be fine. Unless I try absinthe or something, which I doubt I will as its illegal due to the high amount of wormwood inside. If any alcohol was to finish me off, it'd probably be Captain Morgan. I've really never had a bad experience with it, but he was a pirate, and we all know pirates can't be trusted. Good ol' Captain Mo. I know I can't trust him, but I'll try my luck with him, cuz hes the best thing out there.
And that ties up my rant. It was a pointless rant yes, but I needed at least one rant for March. Ricky out.
March 19, 2002: Spring Break
Well spring break is over. Boy does that suck. Not that I had a very exciting spring break, just chilled with my homies saw a few movies, and got lots and lots of sleep. Mmmmmmm sleep. I'm going on 20 hours without sleep at the moment so don't count on this rant being anywhere near intelligent.
But anyway, this is supposed to be about spring break.... but I don't think it will be. I think I'll just type til my arms fall off. Random things that come to mind, that sort of shit. Heres whats on my mind right now:
Applebee's has mythical cheeseburgers, or so the menu says. I must say the burger was of epic proportions, but wouldn't mythical mean it doesn't exist? Legendary may have been a more appropriate term...
Most of the people I haven't seen since high school have gone insane, become crack whores, had oodles of children, or some combination of those things.
All comic book store owners are, as a rule, exactly like the guy on the Simpsons. I don't know why they're like that, they just are, and they can tell you the exact date that any Pez dispenser was made. Even the ones not available in the US. Its kind of scary.
Lobsters are funny.
Well thats it at the moment... Ricky out.