Tears welled up in her eyes, and the sound of her own rapid foot falls rang harshly inside her throbbing head as she dashed across the parking lot to her car. The harsh silence inside the car was broken only by the sounds of her ragged breathing and occasional sniffles. Even now, in the safety of the dimly lit automobile, she kept the tears at bay. A single sob escaped, shattering the remaining silence. The sound seemed to echo in the solitude of the empty parking lot. The streetlight didn't quite reach her corner of the lot, but at the moment this was a welcome relief. She took a deep, shaky breath and after a moment managed to compose herself enough to start the car and drive away, leaving the painful scene behind her, but not the pain it had caused.
She just drove for a few minutes with no particular destination in mind. Her head was still reeling with everything, and she knew she couldn’t just go home. She needed someone to talk to, so she could pour her heart out and finally release the tears that were building slowly behind her eyes. She pulled put her cell phone and instinctively dialed Chelsea’s number. She had always turned to her in times of trouble. She could depend on her to be her support and her rock when she needed it most, and above all not to judge her. Rachel knew Chelsea would go to hell and back twice for her, but at the moment she couldn’t be reached. Rachel hung up, cutting off the answering machine’s cheerful invitation to leave a message with a soft curse, muttered more out of despair then anger.
She thought of just showing up at Liz’s house, where there was always Chinese food and a shoulder to cry on, but then she remembered Liz mentioning some blonde guy and assumed she was out with him. And if she wasn’t she was out with Matt, her on again off again boyfriend since forever. Rachel couldn’t remember if they were on again, but if they were she really didn’t feel like having to explain to Liz’s older brother who was visiting from college at the moment.
She briefly considered calling Justin. Where the thought came from she had no clue, but she couldn’t help wishing he would appear right then and just hold her, tell her everything would be okay..... But it wasn’t going to happen. She couldn’t bring herself, wouldn’t allow herself, to break down in front of him. She was just too proud to let him see her that vulnerable. However she desperately she needed someone to talk to before the tears came on their own. Suddenly, she knew exactly who to go to. She turned the car around and headed in the opposite direction, dialing her phone once again.
“Lance?” her voice shook slightly, “its me.”
“Rachel?” he asked, worried immediately by the way her voice sounded.”Are you ok? what's wrong?”
“Nothing, well, everything. I really need to talk to you. I’m on my way already, is that ok? I know you guys are filming till late.” She suddenly sounded hesitant. As much as she need him, she definitely didn’t want to pull him out of filming.
“no, no, come on by, We’re almost done for the day anyway.”
“ok,” she sniffed and angrly pushed away a lone tear. Dammit, why was she breaking down this way?
“hey rach, you want me to come get you?” His voice was gentle, laced with concern.
“naw, I’ll be alright.” She paused for a moment, “Lance...”
“What?”
“thanks”
When she got there she ran past the football field and straight over to his trailer, tears blurring her vision for a moment before she blinked them away forcefully. She knocked softly, not wanting anyone else to know she was there. He opened the door, and silently opened his arms to her. She stepped into the embrace greatfully and without hesitation, as the tears finally fell. Somehow they ended up on the couch, Rachel with her face burried in Lance’s chest. For the life of her, she couldn’t have said just how she made it in there, all she knew was that too many things had happened to her and she couldn’t hold back her emotions anymore. No words were needed. Lance just sat there, rocking her gently, and letting her release all the pain and anguish that she had so painstakingly held back. Slowly, the sobs subsided into sniffles and the tears slowed. She wiped her eyes and greatfully accepted the tissues Lance handed her.
“Hey, you wanna talk about it?” He asked softly. She noddded, as a single tear escaped to trickle slowly down her cheek. Lance reached up and slowly wiped it away. Hurt was etched clearly on her face, and Lance’s heart broke to see her, his best friend, look so unsure of herself. She was the sweetest, most understanding person he had ever met. How could anyone cause her this much pain?
“I, I don’t even know where to begin.” She laughed helplessly. She attempeted a smile, but it faltered, and only made her look more defenseless. She took a deep breath, attempting to collect her thoughts. There was just too much going on in her head to make sense of, but talking to Lance would make everything just a little bit clearer. Even if it meant reliving events she would rather just forget.
As the minutes turned to hours, she spilled the whole story to Lance. She managed to get through the entire story with only a few tears. She had already shed more then she would have liked. Lance just sat and listened, offering silent comfort and support, and an occasional comforting word or muttered curse. He definately had a few choice words for Bryan the next time they met. Rachel didn’t even realize how long they had been sitting there until,she caught a glimpse of the sun rising.
“God Lance, I’m so sorry.”
“For what?”
“I spent all night here, cryng to you, and you have to go to the studio in a couple hours. Oh, I feel aweful now.”
"Don't. You would have done the same for me, and we both know it.”
"Okay fine,” she smiled slightly for the first time since she got there. “next time you feel the need to come bawl your eyes out into my shoulder, its there.”
"I appreciate that. You better come by later too, cause I will wanna see you.”
"You mean you aren’t sick of me yet?” she asked, only half joking.
“never.” he smiled broadly and hugged her. She disentangled herself and headed to the bathroom in hopes of washing the tearstains off her face. Once she was satisfied that most if the red was gone from her eyes she turned off the tap and grabbed a towel. A little bit of makeup and no one would ever guess she had been crying. She walked back out still drying her face.
“At least I figured out one thing from all of this,” she told Lance. “I’m not as upset about loosing bryan as I am at how I lost him. Thats gotta count for something right?” She said it flatly, but the question betrayed her front of indifference. She was a little lost right now, but she’d bounce back. She was strong like that. She’s stronger then she thinks she is.
Rachel saw the crooked half smile cross Lance’s face. “Penny for your thoughts?”
“I was just thinking, Rachel is single, America watch out!” She had to smile at that.
“oh yea, they’ll never know what hit them.” She smirked. Lance glanced at her one last time, noting that the familiar sparkle had returned to her eyes, and decided she was fine. He hugged her goodbye before playfully kicking her out of his trailer.
"Hey Rach, wait up." She turned around, wondering what he wanted. "Don’t return your dress." She looked curiously at him, but didn’t say anything, letting him finish. "You’re going to Homecoming."
"I already told you, I don’t want to go by myself." she sighed.
"You don’t have to. What I mean is, I would love to take you, if you’d let me?" He spit it out before he had time to think about it and back out. The question had caught her off guard. She definitely wasn’t expecting that. She sat there for a moment, trying to comprehend what had just happened exactly. He had just asked her impulsively, but now he found himself terrified that she would turn him down. Then she looked up at him and smiled so warmly that it erased all his fears and it would have been impossible not to smile back.
"I’d really like that, Justin." She mentally shook herself when she realized that she was still grinning stupidly. "You know, if your free Friday night."
"Well I’m not anymore." He winked. "What time should I pick you up?"
"Well, I think we were gonna go out to dinner, so probably around 8?"
"Sounds good. I got to run, but I’ll talk to you later, k?" He hugged her, and when they stepped apart his hands trailed down her arms and his fingers found hers. They stood like that for a second before he took another step back, finally separating their hands. He shot her one last smile before tuning around and walking off. She stood there watching him walk away for a bit before turning around and sauntering off towards her own trailer, too lost in her own thoughts to see the curtain of Lance’s window drop back in place. He smiled smugly to himself. And Liz thought it would take us another month to get them together.....
He was interrupted by one of his assistants, who motioned that he was needed on the set. He gave his young nephew an apologetic glance, before turning and following the assistant over to where the next shot was already being set up. It was then that Josh noticed the girl who was leaning against a wall off to the side. She was small, but had an athletic figure, and blonde hair that was only a few shades too light to be considered brown. Her mysterious brown eyes only intrigued him more. He walked right over to where she was standing, flashing her a sexy smile. She just crossed her arms and looked at him in mild amusement, lips pressed together in what stopped just short of being a smirk. Her face screamed sarcastic indifference, but her body language told him he might just have a chance. Hmm, this one should be a real challenge, but that only makes the game more fun.
Chelsea looked up to see someone headed towards her. The arrogance in his walk was just begging for a verbal beat down.
"Josh Harnett, right? What are you doing here? Decided to star in Blair Witch 3?" she asked.
"How did you know about that? Its supposed to be a secret!" He obviously didn’t catch the sarcasm of her last question.
"Its ok, it can just be our little secret."
"Thanks." He smiled and she felt herself melt a little.
Joey sat, watching the two through the window of Lance’s trailer. "Huh, I thought she was all sarcastic with everyone, but I guess its just us. Should I be honored?"
"What do you mean?" Lance asked, joining Joey by the window.
"Well look at her talking to that guy. His name is Josh, I think. Anyway, just look at the way she is talking to him. She’s being all sweet and almost...shy. It’s very strange..."Joey looked totally lost. Lance just smiled as he watched Chelsea’s indifferent front crumble around her.
"So, our little Chelsea is all bark after all." Its about damn time, he thought to himself; but said only, "Hmm, her and Josh Harnett, huh." He mused. "Stranger things have happened."
"I don’t know if I like that idea. He has sort of a reputation." Joey said, looking worried.
"Who has a reputation?" Rachel asked. The guys hadn’t heard her come in. She walked over to the window and caught sight of her friend. "Ooooh, she likes him." She cooed.
Joey chanted, "Chelsea and Josh, sitting in a tree!"
"Way to go Chel, he's a cutie." Rachel muttered to herself. She smiled at the two, who still hadn't realized they were being watched, before dragging Lance and Joey away from the window and forcing them to help her run her lines.
"So, you don't look too busy, you wanna ditch this scene for a bit?"
"Um, I guess.." She considered it for a moment, unsure.
"C'mon, I'll show you my Harley." He pleaded.
"h...h...harley?" she stammered. Then she smiled,"I'm so there babe."
He lead her out to the lot where his motorcycle was parked, and handed her the extra helmet before jumping on. She climbed up behind him, wrapped her arms around his waist, and they were off. They raced around for a while, not headed anyplace in particular. The sound of the wind flying past them eliminated any need for conversation. They got back almost an hour later, and found Rachel, Lance, and Joey were hanging around at the edge of the parking lot, trying not to look conspicuous about waiting for them to return but not doing a very good job. Joey whistled under his breath as she shook her hair free of the helmet.
"damn, I never should have let him get to her first, what a fine piece of ass!"
Rachel and Lance both turned and smacked him at the exact same moment.
"Ow! What was that for" he complained. they both shot him looks. "that'll teach me to stand in between you two! you're brutal. I was joking! I have no desire to spend 8 to ten in a cell with a guy named Bubba. Jeezee......" Lance just shook his head in amusement while Rachel muttered under her breath about the hopelessness of the male species.
"We’re really going to watch them record?" came the shrill yell from the other end of the line.
"I don’t know why, I’m sure I’m deaf now." Rachel said, wincing.
"Sorry, sorry, I’m just sooooooooo excited, I mean its *nsync!" The eternal teenybopper, Christi had immediately reverted to the age of 12 upon being given a chance to watch her idol’s at work. It was hard to beleive that buried underneath all the squeals was the kind, sophisticated friend Rachel had come to trust. The irony of it made her smile.
"Christi, Christi!! breathe sweetie."
"Oh, right."
"I’ll be by with someone to pick you up in about 20 minutes, k?" A car horn went off in the drive way just then. "That’s my ride. see ya!" She waited for Christi to say goodbye before replacing the phone in its cradle, grabbing her purse, and dashing out of the house. She opened the door to see Lance’s Escalade in the driveway. She climbed in, Lance pulled out of the driveway, and they attempted to find Christi’s house from the directions she had given.
Lance shifted uncomfortably in his seat for the third time in as many minutes. He finally gave up and just pulled out the hard, square object that had been poking him from his jacket pocket. It was a cassette tape. He slid in into the car’s tape deck, wondering what was on it. He was surprised when an unfamiliar, melodic voice filled the car. The voice immediately grabbed his attention. Smooth, but with a raw, edgy quality to it. It weaved in and around the notes, creating a beautiful melody.
"Rachel, this isn’t the tape you gave me, is it?" He asked. He had no clue who this mystery voice belonged to. She simply nodded, just a hint of a self satisfied smile gracing her lips.
"I just can’t place the voice. Its too smooth to be Britney’s, and not aggressive enough to be Christina’s. But it just doesn’t seem innocent enough to be Jessica...I give up. Who?" She answered, as she was so fond of answering, with another question. And one that was equally as baffling.
"Why don’t you ask Christi?"
"Wait, hold up. You told Christi before me? She’s a sweet girl, but what does the makeup girl know about music? I mean..." He finally stopped when he realized Rachel was still giving him the same bemused look as when he had started his rambling. She coughed, and he suspected it was to keep from laughing. She gave him that tight lipped, sardonic smile, and arched a single eyebrow lightly. It was a look he had seen repeated by her more times then he could count, and he had come to associate it with her. There was no mistaking what it meant when aimed at you.
"Thats not her singing, is it?" he asked incredulously. "All this time, right under my nose..." he muttered. His face turned thoughtful, and the rest of the trip was made in silence. After no little searching, they arrived at Christi’s. When she got in, Lance looked her over carefully, as if really seeing her for the first time. But he didn’t mention anything about the tape. Poor Rachel was about ready to explode with curiosity and frustration, but she held her tongue.
Lance was walking down one of the many dimly lit corridors of the studio with Liz, JC, and Erica trailing along behind him, under the pretense of giving them a tour. He reached a small recording booth, just barely larger then a closet. Lance and Liz exchanged conspiratorial glances, unnoticed by their companions, and Liz launched into the second part of their plan to get JC and Erica together -also known as the plan to get JC’s head out of his ass long enough to realize they were perfect for each other- using all the persuasive skills that youngest born children seem to be born with.
"Ooh!" she squealed, mentally cringing as she realized just how much like the stereotypical cheerleader she sounded. "Ohmygosh JC, you actually know how to use one of those?" She made her eyes widen as she glanced at all the assorted dials, knobs, and switches, before looking up at him with what she hoped looked like admiration or awe.
"No way! You just have to show us, right E?" she hurried on. Erica nodded, and wondered in. Her hands glided over the boards, hovering mere inches above the controls themselves, as if she wanted to touch them but didn’t dare. A few steps brought her to the farthest corner, where she was all but hidden in the shadows. I bet she'd like some company Liz laughed to herself.
JC was too preoccupied making ditzy faces at Lance over Liz’s shoulder and twirling an imaginary strand of hair to notice, but Lance did. He shoved his friend into the dark booth without a word of warning, and in the next instant heard the door close behind him with a slam. JC heard a lock click into place and swore under his breath.
Erica couldn’t believe it. She was locked into a small dark room with JC, and they were very much alone. For a moment, she found it quite hard to breathe.
He was hesitant, certainly and had tried more then a little to avoid her, but even then she could tell that JC was attracted. She sensed it in the way the singer was carefully looking to one side or the other, but never directly at her, and the way JC was avoiding even an accidental touch.
Yet JC wouldn’t do anything!
What’s the matter with him? Erica asked herself, afroth with frustration. Or is it me? No, it can’t be me. Or is it? Maybe he’s not sure of me. Maybe he’s not sure of himself....
The darkness, along with the close proximity to JC’s intoxicating aftershave, was going to Erica’s head with a vengeance, making her bolder then she might have otherwise been. So when JC reached blindly for the doorknob, Erica reached for it too, and their hands closed on it at the same time. Erica’s hand was atop JC’s - and as his frightened gaze met her own, she tighten her hand on his.
JC’s ears grew hot, and his hands cold. He couldn’t look away from Erica’s eyes, startled and tempted by the bold invitation he read there.
No, dammit. No. Girl, child, you don’t know what you’re asking for.
Never in his life had JC had never been so tempted to throw over everything he’d pledged to himself and just do what he really wanted, so very badly, to do.
Not that there hadn’t been seduction attempts before this. Young, impressionable children overwhelmed by his reputation and perfectly willing to give him everything he wanted from them.
And that’s what’s going on here, he told himself fiercely, the back of his neck hot, his hand beneath Erica’s icy. That’s all that’s going on. I swore by everything I consider holy that I was never going to take advantage of my status and fame to seduce anyone, anyone at all, much less impressionable children who have no notion of what they’re getting into. No. It hasn’t happened before, and I’m not going to permit it to happen now.
***and so my crime spree comes to an end. The writing from here on is, sadly enough, entirely my own.***
Without warning, he leaned in, his lips closing the distance between them in an instant. He kissed her fiercely, but pulled away just as swiftly before she could attempt to deepen the kiss. He looked into her eyes for a moment, before hastily dropping her gaze. For a moment, she could have sworn she saw something deep within those intense, swirling eyes. And they were such beautiful, enchanting eyes. Now silver, now the clearest of blue, now the color of a stormy sea, she recognized something floating in the depths that told her maybe, just maybe, her attraction had not been all one sided. Maybe she had read him right, and his attraction to her had not been created by her imagination out of pure wishful thinking. But in the next moment, he dropped her gaze like he’d been burned and she saw that little flicker of something dim down and disappear. And in that moment she realized it was yet another false hope to add to list of broken dreams.
"Erica, you know we can’t do this..." his voice was little more then a whisper, but it still managed to tear at her heart just a little bit more as it trailed off into nothing. The silence bounced of the walls, and all at once the small room became confining, an unbearable prison. Her hand silently slid off of his as she looked away. She was suddenly grateful for the darkness of the room, hoping it was enough to hide her face. JC quickly turned the door handle, too dizzy with the thoughts and what if chasing each other around inside his head to wonder why it was suddenly unlocked, and hastily made his exit.
JC walked stiffly down the hall, not running exactly, but talking much larger strides then necessary, and didn’t stop until he turned into a dark, unused side hall. He leaned up against the wall, his breathing still ragged, struggling to get control over himself and his warring emotions. Slowly, he traced a single fingertip over his still tingling lips. He closed his eyes, and he could still feel the warmth of her lips, sooth and tantalizingly soft, against his own.
God help me, that felt good.