Guests on this program were:

Steve Harvey

Dr. Drew Pinsky

Joey McIntyre

Garcelle Beauvais

Panel Discussion

Bill: I told her, "If you don't push 'em together it doesn't do anything for

me!"

Oh, hi!

Welcome to the first of our shows here at the playboy mansion.

Hef has graciously lent us his home for the week, and, we, in turn, are going

to paying tribute to the show that made me wanna do the show I'm doing,

"Playboy After Dark" -- the absolutely coolest show of the 1960s.

This, of course, is the beautiful and wonderful garcelle beauvais, who has

graciously agreed to help me throw this party.

In fact, she's been baking all day --

Garcelle: Yes, I have.

I've been slaving over a hot stove.

Bill: -- Out here by the pool!

I'm kidding.

Which, like everything else -- walk with me, darling -- is amazing up here at

the mansion.

You know, there's a hot tub here that seats 12 --

well, 11 if one of them is Jennifer Lopez.

Garcelle: Oh, that's cold.

Bill: Because she's got a big --

Garcelle: I got it!

I got it.

Bill: And the foliage.

You know, people talk about the animals here on the grounds all the time, but

it's the foliage that gets me.

It's the plant life and the playmates sun bathing without a stitch.

In fact, Hef, when he heard we were coming -- he's such a nice guy -- he had

all the bushes neatly trimmed.

Garcelle: I'm not touching that one at all!

Bill: Oh, my God!

Look who's here!

Joey: Hey!

Bill: Oh, my God!

It's Steve Harvey and Joey McIntyre and Dr. Drew and, oh, my God, it's

Garcelle Beauvais.

Why, it's just like a party!

Joey: Yeah.

Thanks for having us.

Bill: So, listen, we're trying to pay tribute to the old "Playboy After

Dark," you know that.

And one of the great things about that show is they're sort of debunking

myths.

And I thought that maybe we should start here by debunking one of the great

ones, as long as we're at the "Playboy" mansion, that sex is better left to

the imagination.

[ Laughter ]

I have never believed that.

Garcelle: Completely!

Bill: You know, rustling curtains and the shot of the fireplace and the

pounding surf really does nothing for me.

I like good, hard action right --

[ Laughter ]

-- On camera, and, Joey, you're a young guy.

Joey: Oh!

Bill: And an attractive man.

Joey: Thank you.

Well, I'll have to agree with you.

The pounding flesh, rather than the pounding surf, is what I'm talkin' about.

Dr. Drew: You know what, though?

There really is a difference between men and women, how they relate to these

things.

For women, they really need some of that sort of easing into an emotional

place where they can connect with another person.

Don't you agree?

Garcelle: Absolutely.

Dr. Drew: And men tolerate that and do that and sometimes derive some benefit

from that, but they don't need that so much.

Would you say?

Bill you don't need it.

Joey, you don't need that.

Garcelle: I need it.

I want it!

Steve: I'm old enough to be from the era of the pounding surf and the

curtains rustling.

I'm more of the -- I like to see just everybody just hammerin' at it until

the mattress bursts into flames.

[ Laughter ]

Dr. Drew: You're outnumbered.

Garcelle: I am outnumbered.

I wonder why.

But, I think, you know, it's nice to have the pounding and all that

sometimes, but, I think, for women, we wanna sort of be stimulated, we want

it to be romantic, we want foreplay.

And, sometimes, a little bit of suggestiveness, as opposed to just hardcore,

you know, sex.

Dr. Drew: It's a different function.

The physiology of how your brain responds to arousal is slightly different.

In order for it to happen sort of automatically, in order to get to the point

where these guys wanna be, you need a certain emotional place.

And that place is feeling safe, feeling cared for.

Bill: You didn't mean us together?

Dr. Drew: Well, whatever you --

Joey: These two guys.

One is --

[ All talking at once ]

Dr. Drew: Maybe there's something going here.

Joey: This is this perfect night.

Bill: There's a lot of nice-looking guys at this party.

I'm just saying right here, right now, that I think we're doing okay.

Um, yeah, but --

Garcelle: I think suggestiveness is nice.

I don't think you need to see it all.

I mean, it's great sometimes if you wanna wear a low-cut dress.

But, sometimes, if you have a dress that's just slightly sheer, where you

can't see everything, isn't that sexier?

I mean, because then your imagination can totally go there.

Right, Steve?

Bill: But, see, you know, girls can --

Garcelle: Steve?

[ Laughter ]

I lost him!

Steve: What are you asking me for?

I pretty much was a big fan of the Jennifer Lopez dress myself.

Garcelle: Were you?

Steve: Yeah.

Dr. Drew: But it speaks to how different men and women say you think about

women's lingerie.

Women do it so they feel sexy.

Men, it's not important to them, a lingerie, necessarily.

Bill: Because mystery is not important to us.

It's easy for women to say, "Mystery is great," because they know when

they're gonna get laid.

And we don't.

[ Laughter ]

Garcelle: But, how could you say "Mystery" --

Bill: What?

Garcelle: When you first see a girl, there's a little bit of mystery in her,

'cause you don't know what her body's like.

So is that --

Bill: That's another point.

That's true.

Women trick us with all sorts of do-hickeys and contraptions that push and

pull their body into a shape that has nothing to do with how they really are.

And, then, when they take their clothes off, and we get mad, then they get

mad at us.

[ Laughter ]

So, I mean, it's not about honesty to begin with, is it?

I mean, it really isn't.

Garcelle: Well, are you guys all what you seem to be?

Joey: Sure.

Garcelle: If you took off all your clothes off now, Bill, would everything be

the way I think it should be?

Bill: It would be way better.

[ Laughter ]

And that's the thing I've been fighting my entire life!

Joey: Take it from me, it's great!

[ Laughter ]

Bill: Joey, you're just --

Joey: The time is now, Bill!

Garcelle: I don't wanna know that.

Bill: Hey, that was once, I was drunk.

It didn't really mean anything, did it?

Joey: You do it once -- no.

Bill: But that is true.

Women do not see their body as it is.

It's just a starting point when they go out.

They're going to have butt boosters and miracle bras and --

you know, I mean, that, to me, is a much bigger --

Garcelle: No, ladies --

Bill: That to me is a much bigger lie than any lie we say with our mouth,

because that is a real -- you don't think that's a lie?

A miracle bra?

And, by the way, what's the miracle?

It's wire!

Okay?

[ Laughter ]

It's pushing a lot of flesh together.

Garcelle: It's just a little enhancement.

Bill: That's not a miracle.

It's just science.

Joey: It is nice, though, to have a little suggestiveness and a little

romance, because you don't wanna just get butt naked in a room.

Because, then, where is it?

It's freeing and it's nice but, it takes away some of the --

like what we're talking about.

You know, I'm a young guy.

I like to say that, drew, back me up here --

Dr. Drew: I'm listening.

Joey: -- Men like a little suggestiveness, too.

Dr. Drew: Oh, absolutely.

Again, these are issues of how humans respond to arousal.

How we sort of get into the arousal mechanisms.

And, for men, yeah, I mean, once the women get you there, if you're really

aroused, it may not matter quite so much exactly how different it is than

your original perception.

Bill: Okay, I know it's a party, but, for some reason, there's commercials

added!

[ Laughter ]

It doesn't seem right.

Joey: Hugh didn't have commercials.

---

> Hey, Hef, we all know that good girls go to heaven, but where do bunnies go?

Hugh: Well, I think some are going into the pool right now.

Into the pool?

Hugh: Take a look here.

Great Scott!

Hugh: Where would man be without his gadgets?

^^

Bill: It's all well and good, but then it grows back itchy.

Joey: Absolutely.

Bill: Hey, we're back here.

[ Laughter ]

Listen, "Playboy" magazine, which we're paying tribute to here on our show,

has always been about the good life.

And that's true, but it's also been about, let's face it, guys getting off on

their own, because, you know, they're not actually living the good life, so

they need the magazine.

I mean, when you find one in the stall at the "USS Kittyhawk,"

the guy wasn't reading the interview with Gore Vidal, let's be honest!

So, let me ask you this.

Now, doc, I always love it when you're here, because he can answer all of my

medical questions.

Don't you think in any relationship that masturbation has to be brought into

the relationship?

That a man's masturbation life has to be a line with his real life?

Steve --

the look on your face --

[ Laughter ]

Garcelle: I can't wait to hear what he's got to say!

Bill: Because we have -- come on, two different lives.

Our fantasy life and we have our real life.

I mean, you're married.

Okay.

Steve: So now let me clean it for you.

Not only can you not align it with your regular life, you can't ever mention

it.

To anybody.

Listen, it never happens.

Bill: No.

It always happens.

Doc, am I right?

Dr. Drew: Virtually.

Yeah, it's very, very common for men to do that.

It's actually common for women to do it, too.

Garcelle: Yeah.

What's up with keeping the men separate?

What's happening with that?

Women masturbate as well.

Bill: Keep talking.

In fact, speak slower!

Garcelle: I think that everybody does.

I think it's healthy.

I think it's also healthy for you to, you know, maybe fantasize about

somebody else, because it might get you even in a better mood for your mate.

I don't think you should do it all the time, or while you're with your mate,

but I think --

Bill: But what I'm saying --

Steve: That ain't a good idea.

Bill: A person has a real life and they have this fantasy masturbation life.

Don't you have to, at some point, bring them together or else there's going

to be trouble?

Dr. Drew: I don't know of any evidence that that's the case.

Bill: Are you kidding?

You don't think that a guy who's reading "Playboy" and dreaming about being

Hugh Hefner, and then coming home from the canning plant --

Dr. Drew: That's his fantasy outlet, that is never gonna be his life.

And that's where he needs to go sort of nurture himself and feel good about

himself.

And sort of explore those --

Bill: Feel good about himself?

Dr. Drew: I mean if he feels --

Bill: He feels bad about himself that he's not having that.

Dr. Drew: Is he ever going to have it?

How's he going to bring it into his life?

Bill: Well, maybe if his wife --

Joey: Open a canning factory and move to L.A.

Dr. Drew: There's nothing wrong with discussing their fantasies and sort of

exploring them together.

I don't have any problem with that.

But I think part of the problem is there's a lot of defensiveness in couples.

As has been mentioned, women don't want to hear about men doing this.

They feel that somehow they must be ill-serving the guy or inadequate.

And they feel it's like the guy's almost cheating, because he's sort turning

away from his primary relationship to engage in this solo activity.

Which he's not.

I mean, almost all guys do that at some point or another.

Steve: Let me ask you something.

Are you married?

Dr. Drew: Yeah.

Steve: You and your wife sit around and talk about it?

[ Laughter ]

Dr. Drew: It's come up.

Bill: It's come up?

Interesting.

Steve: Come up?

Y'all sit around and talk about it?

Dr. Drew: Not at the dinner table, no.

Steve: Just driving in the car?

I mean, what I'm trying to get from you, since you married and I'm married,

what's the best time to bring it up?

[ Laughter ]

[ Applause ]

Dr. Drew: Let her bring it up.

Okay?

Let her bring it up.

Garcelle: That's good.

Joey: I think the best time to --

I mean, not the best time.

I wouldn't say best time --

Bill: They're all good times for that, aren't they, Joey?

There's never a bad time for masturbation.

Joey: But I think that's the most intimate time.

Bill: Hey, everybody!

[ Laughter ]

Never a bad time for that.

Go ahead, kid!

Joey: But the -- you know, it's very intimate, and it's --

Bill: It's just you!

[ Laughter ]

Can't get more intimate than that.

Joey: What about -- what about, maybe, bringing those worlds together?

You doing your thing, she doing her thing --

Dr. Drew: Oh, simultaneously.

Bill: I'm talking about in the mind.

And then you build a bridge to the 20th century -- 21st century, rather, of --

Garcelle: And you're saying we should be discussing it?

Bill: I'm saying you should be aligning it.

I'm saying as long as a man has a whole life, that the wife, the woman, the

girlfriend is not privy to, that he's really living in, and he's fantasizing,

and it's a way better world, because in that world, she's doing anything.

She's never saying the wrong things.

Garcelle: Right.

She's never said "I got a headache."

Bill: Exactly.

Never.

Not even close.

Unless you somehow find a way to align those worlds, there is always a

dichotomy in your life.

Dr. Drew: Yes, if there's a huge distance between what one is fantasizing

about and what one is able to achieve in real life, that is a problem.

I agree.

You should try to create your life in the way you see fit, the way you want

it to be.

Let me say one thing about masturbation in women.

Because the interesting thing --

women somehow feel they are not -- can't talk about it.

Do you have that feeling?

Garcelle: No, not at all.

I'm very open.

Shut up!

Dr. Drew: Most women do, in fact, talk about it --

Bill: Boy, I hardly mentioned the word and she's like, "Hey, chicks do it,

too!"

Dr. Drew: Do you think there's a language out there that helps women

understand that function in themselves?

It's so much about how men function that way.

Do you think --

Garcelle: I think now that we're in the 21st century, we're a little bit more

open, and I don't think -- I don't think we should be that uptight about sex.

I really feel that the United States of America is very uptight about sex,

which is why we have a number of perverts, but I think we should be open

about --

Bill: Hey!

Garcelle: Let's say I'm married to bill.

I'm not gonna say, "Honey, I was fantasizing about the pool man."

Would you want to hear that?

Dr. Drew: No.

[ Laughter ]

Bill: You know, I had the one fantasy, we were married, then you took it

right away with the pool man.

All right.

Steve: Pool man!

Dr. Drew: It's not so much we don't talk about it in this country, it's that

we don't make a distinction between healthy and unhealthy sexuality.

And there is a distinct difference between what is healthy about sex and what

is unhealthy.

Garcelle: I agree.

Bill: What is really not healthy is not taking a commercial.

I'm sorry, we have to take a break again.

It's itchy.

---

Announcer: Join us this week when "Politically Incorrect" goes to the

"Playboy" mansion.

Bill's guest will include --

actor Jeff Bridges, from "ER" Laura Innes, actor/comedian Rob Schneider and

Stone Temple Pilots frontman Scott Weiland.

^^

Bill: All right.

This really must be a great party, because, here at the bar is bif naked --

I love your record, by the way.

You have a great record.

Bif: Thank you.

Bill: Great record.

And Mr. William Shatner.

And I can't think of a more unlikely pair.

William: Of what?

Bill: And you're okay, too.

No, I'm just kidding.

And these are the people I was partying with over there.

I came over to meet you, because you know, you're William Shatner.

William: I know, but I was over there, and I was waiting and nobody came.

Bill: Well, here's the thing.

I thought of you the other day, 'cause I was reading this obituary --

not --

[ Laughter ]

William: Of this other young friend of mine.

Bill: Dr. Alex Comfort.

He wrote "The Joy of Sex" -- remember this book in the '60s?

William: Yes, yes --

Joey: Oh, yeah.

Bill: And, in the obituary, it said that he thought the Vietnam War was

fought due to uninteresting sex.

William: By whom?

Bill: By the Nixon and Johnson administrations.

They said they weren't, basically, having sex, so they started a war.

Now he's the guy who wrote "The Joy of Sex."

What do you think of this?

What?

What, do you think that's true?

Dr. Drew: No.

I think frustration, sexual frustration, certainly can create aggressions,

but I don't think they create wars.

William: Well, if they can create aggressions, they they can create war

depending on the mind it's working on.

But I would have thought that the sexual frustration would have come from the

Viet Cong!

Bill: You know -- I don't even know what that means, but --

Garcelle: A man has to let his aggression out one way or another.

A man's gotta show his power.

Bill: Yeah, that's exactly --

Dr. Drew: Yeah, but, violence and aggression are different things.

William: Oh, now, that's it?

Bill: Yeah, but, when you suppress one thing, doesn't it come out somewhere

else?

William: Well, the politics of sex.

Bill: Look at the outside of an aa meeting.

They're drinkin' coffee and they're smokin' cigarettes.

Coffee and cigarettes -- because they've replaced the one addiction with

something else.

Dr. Drew: It's a different circumstance.

There's people who have difficulty regulating their emotional worlds.

They always are searching --

Bill: Oh, Nixon didn't have trouble regulating his emotional world?

William: I think, if you put a sexual deviate in charge of an Army, you'd

have a problem.

Dr. Drew: Yes.

I agree with that.

Bill: Well, do you think Patton was getting a lot?

Do you think any of these guys --

William: Well, look at his name!

Look at his name -- Patton!

Bill: They used to call him patent leather.

William: Yeah, I know.

Shiny!

Bill: But I thought of this because "Star Trek" was always a metaphor for

what was going on in the late '60s.

William: Is that a fact?

[ Laughter ]

Joey: Nice, nice.

Bill: Come on.

They were always fighting a sort of surrogate Vietnam War on another planet.

William: Well, that's true.

Yes, that's true.

Bill: It is true.

William: It was part of the context of the times.

Bill: Yes, they were making comments in a clever way about that.

And the Klingons were kind of the Russians.

William: Hey!

Is he mocking me?

Bill: No!

William: Go ahead.

I'm following your thesis.

Bill: Okay.

I'm just saying, everything is sex.

William: I agree with you.

Bill: Oh, you do?

William: Look at that.

Everything is sex.

And, therefore, none of our behavior can escape the sexual imprimatur.

Bill: The sexual what?

Garcelle: Ooh, nicely said.

William: Imprint.

Bill: Oh.

Joey: Lady Bird Johnson was an animal though.

Lady Bird Johnson was a nut in the sack.

That's what I heard.

[ Laughter ]

So I don't know about that Vietnam synopsis.

I'm just saying.

Bill: But, Joey, come here.

Now, how old are you?

Joey: I'm 27.

Bill: 27?

Joey: Yeah, yeah.

Bill: Oh, I shouldn't have revealed that.

[ Talking over one other ]

You're supposed to be 18.

William: Can you imagine saying lady bird's name in passion?

Can you imagine him saying "Lady Bird."

Bill: You mean Johnson, not Joey?

Garcelle: No.

William: Well, even Joey.

Bill: But, I'm curious how you even know that in your see-through shirt?

Joey: Um, well, actually --

what, we're not supposed to -- I watch your show.

How else am I gonna know that --

these things, about the Vietnam War?

Bill: The kids, they love me.

You know, they need role models.

I'm one of the few people that they can look up to.

William: I don't remember hef looking like this.

Bill: No.

On "Playboy after dark," he always wore a tuxedo.

William: Oh, he does.

Bill: Yeah.

That's what we're doing, I'm paying tribute to the man.

And he always, on the "Playboy after dark" show, he always wore a tuxedo.

And he brought people together, which is what I try to do on this show.

That's why I brought you together, because I thought, "William Shatner, Bif

Naked, what more perfectly appropriate coupling?"

Bif: And we are learning the metal side.

Bill: I mean, exactly.

Bif: See?

Dr. Drew: It's the beginning of communion -- Klingon signs.

Bill: "What is this Earth kiss that you speak of?"

Okay, I have to go away from this again.

We'll be here drinking and so forth.

---

Bill: We got to say good night.

Sorry, baby.

Joey: It's good night already, man?!

Bill: I guess we're almost outta here!

Tomorrow we have Richard Lewis, Carson Daly, Tara Reid, Karen Finley and

Aiesha Tyler.

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