Jordan dropped his head into his hands. His shoulders slumped as he realized there was truly nothing anyone could do to help him. "Why me, God? What did I ever do to deserve all this pain?" A tear slipped down his cheek as memories of the past two years raced through his head.
The day he had met her hadn't felt any more special at the time, but soon led to a whirlwind of days full of love, laughter, and pleasure. He sighed as the last three days of their time together flooded his mind.
"Jordan, there is something I haven't told you. Something you have to know." Her words had felt like ice water in his veins as he wordlessly urged her to continue. She sat down beside him, taking his hands in hers. "Before I tell you, you have to believe that I love you with all my heart and soul. You have made me the happiest woman alive. You have been patient and loving and tender and oh so understanding." Jordan gulped. He didn't like where this was going. "You have been my best friend." Those words always felt like a slap in the face. He had wanted more with her. He had wanted to be not just a friend, but her lover as well. He couldn't imagine loving anyone as much as he did her.
He started to speak, but she gently laid a finger on his lips. "Let me finish, Jordan. Please." Jordan nodded and she took a deep breath. "I know how you feel about me, and I wanted you to know that I feel the same. I would love nothing more than to be your wife."
Jordan's eyebrows rose at her admission. She had turned him down just two days before, when he had proposed. "But..."
"Please, Jordan." He bit his lip, anxious to hear what she was leading up to, but dreading it as well. Tears filled her eyes as she gazed at him. "I can't marry you, Jordan. Not now, not ever. I just couldn't do that to you." She dropped her gaze to their clasped hands and drew a ragged breath. "I'm dying."
At first, the words made no sense to him. As the realization hit him, he gasped and stared at her. "What?"
"I'm..." Jordan covered her mouth with his hand, not wanting to hear it again. Her emerald eyes sparkled with unshed tears at the pain she saw on his face.
"Don't say it again, baby. Don't." He replaced his hand with his mouth, his tongue dancing with hers as he tried to erase those words from his mind and her lips.
She pulled away, placing trembling hands on his cheeks. "Jordan, I need you to listen." Her eyes searched his, looking for his permission to continue. Satisfied with what she saw, she continued. "That is why I would never let you get too close. I thought you would hurt less when I was gone. I realize now that it was useless. I'm sorry now that I wasted so much time. There is nothing anyone can do. I've seen every kind of specialist there is, and it's inevitable." She ran her hands lovingly through his short dark hair, trying to find the right words.
"I have a very rare disease that ravages the heart. The doctors have no clue what caused it, let alone how to fix it. And I don't want to be in a hospital being poked and prodded. I want to die peacefully, with no heroics." Tears were streaming down both of their faces now. "Do you understand everything now?"
"How long," Jordan croaked, his voice catching in his throat.
"Not long. I'm so sorry for hurting you, Jordan. I also want to thank you for making these last two years the happiest of my life." He hugged her to him, kissing the top of her head as he cried, for her, for himself, and for the loss of his dreams of their future.
"I do want to ask you something, and I will understand completely if you don't want to." Jordan pulled away enough so he could look down into her beautiful face. "I want you to stay with me, until ... I just want to feel your arms around me when I go to sleep at night."
Jordan kissed the tip of her nose. "I want that too, baby." He cuddled her against him.
Jordan shook the memory out of his head as he gazed up at the crucifix on the wall. "Why, dammit? WHY? I never got to love her the way she deserved to be loved. I never got to show her how much I wanted, no, NEEDED her. Why did you take her from me?" His voice had risen to a shout in the empty church as his pain and anger burst forth. "Why," he whispered, sliding back down into the pew, sobs ripping through his body.
A low humming noise seeped through his anguished cries. He slowly turned around and his mouth fell open in amazement. A brilliant light had filled the back of the church and he could almost make out movement. The humming grew louder, taking on a sensual tone. As the light began to dim, Jordan gasped. A feminine form in a long, flowing white gown was swaying to the music. Her flaming hair shimmered in the glow, crackling and sparkling as if it was on fire. Jordan was mesmerized. The figure dipped and swayed, arms and hands moving in rhythm with the music. He was hypnotized by the sheer beauty of her dance. As his eyes traveled up from her bare feet which occasionally peeked out from under the wispy gown, to her provocatively undulating hips, he found himself getting aroused.
As she danced slowly up the aisle, still humming, the light all but faded, making her fully visible to him. Jordan shook his head quickly, not believing his eyes. "Jaide? Is that you?"
She rocked and twisted, not answering, communicating solely with her body. Jordan stepped out of the pew and followed her up to the front of the church, unable to tear his eyes from her. It was Jaide. It had to be. But she was dead. She had died in his arms! Yet, here she was. Dancing suggestively, taunting him with quick glimpses of flesh beneath the filmy robe.
He gulped as she turned to him and wrapped a leg over his hip. His hand automatically grasped her thigh, holding her in place. His other hand slipped behind her, pressing her against him. She continued her erotic dancing, rolling against his groin as her hands fluttered over his shoulders, into his hair, down his chest.
Her movements and her light caresses were driving him wild. His mouth captured hers and their tongues danced along with the humming she continued even as they kissed. The vibrations in that kiss sent waves of heat throughout his body. Suddenly, she was gone. Jordan turned around in circles, dazed. The humming had filled the church, yet she was nowhere to be seen. As he glanced toward the confessionals he felt the lightest touch on his hips. He spun around and breathed a sigh of relief. She was here. She ran her tongue lightly across her lips. Her hands ran up through her fiery hair, then down her neck and over her breasts. His eyes followed their descent as they skimmed her slender waist and trailed over her hipbones.
As she ran her hands back up her body, Jordan noticed that her gown was also rising. She slipped it over her head and let it fall noiselessly to the floor, revealing her nakedness. The humming had again grown louder, taking on a throbbing undertone that echoed his rapidly increasing heartbeat.
She invited him with her eyes, tempted him with her seductive dance. Jordan's breath caught in his throat as she reached for him. Without a word, she instructed him to remove his clothes. He quickly shed his pants and shirt, forgetting where he was. All he wanted was to make love to her. He didn't care where or how, but he was going to finally have her.
She led him up to the front of the church and sank to her knees before the altar. Holding a hand out to him, she drew him down in front of her. His hands caressed her silky skin, as her mouth devoured his neck and chest. He could smell carnations as she brought every nerve ending in his body to a frenzied peak. Her favorite flower, he thought.
He gasped as she slid down his body, her mouth encircling his throbbing erection. Her tongue traced his swollen head and her teeth gently scraped down his shaft as her hands stroked his balls. He moaned at the sensations she was causing. She seemed to have a million hands and a hundred mouths as she licked, touched and rubbed him everywhere.
She placed her hands on his shoulders and lowered him onto his back. His fingers gently grasped her hips as she straddled him. He guided her over his face, wanting to savor her taste. Her hands tangled in his hair as he plunged his tongue inside of her, probing and licking her core. Her hips bucked as he sucked on her engorged clit, nibbling lightly.
The humming never faded, even as sighs of pleasure rose from her throat. Her cry of pleasure was music to his ears, as he lapped up her juices. Lifting her slightly, he moved her down his body, moaning as he felt his dick slide deeply inside of her.
Their movements quickened, as the music continued swelling and throbbing around them. She rode him to the beat, throwing her head back as she came. Jordan couldn't tear his eyes from her as he continued thrusting. He felt his climax begin and he grabbed her hips, pulling her tightly against him as he felt himself explode inside of her. As the throbbing of the music slowed, his shivers began to subside. His eyelids drooped as he felt her move off of him. Unable to protest, his eyes closed.
"Remember, I'll always be with you, Jordan," she whispered into his ear before kissing him lightly on the forehead. "You have much to live for." She stood and turned towards the altar. Raising her arms above her head, she glanced back at him lying there just once before a swarm of light beams enveloped her. The lights flashed and she was gone.
Jordan slowly opened his eyes and looked quickly around. People were slowly filing into the church, some lighting candles, others kneeling in pews, praying. He gasped, glancing down at himself. He was fully clothed and sitting in the pew once again.
"There is no way I dreamt that," he mumbled, rubbing his forehead. He dropped his hand to the seat, searching for something he had brought with him. His fingers closed over a flower, a white carnation. He lifted it to his lips and smiled. His gun was gone. "I don't know who sent you back to me, if only for a moment in time, but I thank them." Jordan slowly stood and walked out of the church, glancing once over his shoulder and saw a candle flare up then wink out. "I'll never forget you either, Jaide."
The End