The big white house stood out on it's street. Not only because it was so huge but because in your heart that house held so many wonderful memories for you. Clearing your head you pull into the driveway and get out of your car. You didn't know if he'd be there or not but you hoped that he was. You raise your hand to ring the doorbell when the door flings open and there stands Joe.

"Joe," you say.

Joe looks startled to see you. "I was just leaving," he says. He tries to side step you but you block his path.

"Please," you put your hand on his arm, "talk to me."

"I don't have anything to say to you, Mary. Please, let's just move on with our lives. You made your decision a long time ago about our future and so now live with it." Joe jerked his arm out of your grasp and continued down to his car.

You turn to watch his back. "Joe, don't do this. Please, talk to me," you beg him. Tears form in your eyes but you refuse to cry. Your pride won't let you show him your weakness.

Joe looks back at you, "I didn't do this, Mary. YOU are the one who decided our fate. You left me, I didn't leave you. Remember that." He got into his car and speeded off.

You stand on his porch long after he has gone. You know that you should leave. He had given you the answer you had come for. You now know that he may have said that he still loved you but he didn't. If he had loved you, he would have listened to you, you think. But you couldn't make yourself leave. Sitting on the step, you try to collect yourself enough to drive back home. You loose yourself in your thoughts and don't realize you aren't alone any longer until you feel a hand on your shoulder.

"What are you still doing here?"

Your eyes go up and meet Joe's blue ones. You shake your head that you don't know why you are still there.

Joe seems to be contemplating what to do next for a few minutes. "Well," he says finally, "you may as well come in."

Your eyes are still locked on his and he can see your hesitation. You want to go in with him and work things out with him but you don't want his anger and cruelty threw at you again.

"I know I was mean to you earlier and I'm sorry but it shocked me when I opened the door and seen you there. Mary, please, come in and I promise that I won't jump down your throat this time."

You get up and follow him inside his house. He leads you down the hall and into the den, where a fire is blazing in the fireplace. Memories of other nights spent in this room fill your senses. You try to shake the images because it hurt too much to remember.

Once you were both settled in chairs across from each other, Joe tries to break the ice between the two of you a little. "It was good seeing you the other night."

Memories of him walking away from you that night come rushing back to you but you don't mention that. You nod in agreement with him.

"I didn't know that you still talked to Trish."

"I do," you answer.

"Dammit, Mary, I'm trying here but it's hard to carry on a one sided conversation!" Joe wasn't really angry with you, he was mad at himself. You had every reason to be treating him the way you were. You had humbled yourself to him at Trisha's party and he had walked out on you. You had come back to him like he had spent all those month dreaming that you would and what had he did? He belittled your effort and walked away. He had been kicking himself ever since and had thought that he had blown the one and only chance he would ever have at getting you back and then you had been on his doorstep tonight. Joe was sure that he had been dreaming when he had opened that door and seen you. It had startled him to see you and his shield had instantly went up. He didn't want to be hurt again. You were the only one with the kind of power that could hurt him. You had meant and still meant a lot to him.

"What do you expect me to say, Joe?" you ask. "I should just go. I guess we can't be around each other any more without fighting." You get up and go to leave.

"NO!" Joe jumped up. "Don't leave just yet."

Your eyes burn into his. "Why? Why shouldn't I leave? Are you going to take up where you left off before you left earlier or maybe tell me again how much you love me and want me but won't ever be with me again?!" You hadn't meant to say that but it had come rushing out before you could stop the words.

"No, I'm not going to say anything like that," Joe answered in a calmer voice than he had been using.

"Then what are you going to say?" your tears are getting stuck in your throat and your words were slurred by them. You hated yourself for letting him see the kind of effect he still had over you.

"Don't cry, Mary. Please I can't stand to see you cry. I never could." Joe crosses the room and is in front of you. He puts his hand out and let his fingers trace the trail a few lone tears had made down your cheeks.

"I can't do this, Joe. I had the courage once to come to you and try to fix the mess that I made but I don't have to strength to try again. Please, I have to leave." You turn and start to leave the room. Joe grabs your arm though and you don't get far. He pulls you back to him and twirls you around to face him. His eyes study you for an instant before his lips come down on yours.

It was a kiss the held so much promise. It was filled with regret from what had happened in the past. And you could almost swear that it was filled with love if you didn't know better. You wanted to pull away from him. To make him stop this before you kidded yourself into believing that he did love you. You pull away from him and out of his reach.

"Tell me you didn't feel something with that kiss. Tell me, Mary," Joe said.

Oh, you had felt something alright but you had too much pride to let him know that. "I didn't feel anything," you lie.

"Dammit, your lying to me again," Joe exclaimed.

"No, Joe, maybe I would have felt something had this happened two weeks ago at Trish's party but you made your feelings clear to me then that you didn't love or want me anymore and so any feelings that I may have had then I no longer have." You hoped that little speech was believable.

"Why do we keep doing this?" Joe asked running his hand through his curls.

"Doing what?"

"Playing this game of cat and mouse? We are both going to mess up if we keep going like this. I know you put a lot on the line at that party when you came to me and appoligized. I should have been a bigger man and accepted it like I wanted to but I wanted to hurt you like you hurt me. I'm sorry for that but don't stand there and tell me that you don't love me when I can see it in your eyes that you do. Don't let this happen to us again."

You're silent for so long that Joe begins to second guess himself and what has happened between you both so far. When you speak at last, Joe finds himself letting out a breath that he hadn't realized he'd been holding in.

"Joe, I don't know if I can do this again. I laid everything on the line once before and you practically laughed in my face. I can't take the rejection again." It had taken a lot for you to admit that to him and he knew it.

"I won't reject you again." Joe can see the doubt in your eyes and he wants to prove his words to you. "Mary, I swear it. I won't belittle your effort or your thoughts."

Taking a deep breath, you plunge ahead and tell him why you left him to begin with. "You were right when you said that something happened after you went on stage that night to start your show."

"I knew it," Joe said. "Tell me what happened."

Your eyes get a far away look as you mind goes back to that night. Your lower lip trembles and you bite it trying to get a hold on yourself. Joe takes your arm and leads you both to the couch in front of the fireplace.

"I'm with you this time. It can't hurt as much this time," Joe says softly.

You nod, "I know." Your hand grasps his and let your thoughts go back to what you had over heard after Joe had went on stage that night. You begin to tell Joe the story that you had tried to block out of your memory all these months.

"Joe has to be up early tomorrow to do his shoot for the video to his new single," Alex, Joe's managers assistant had said.

"Did you get the girls that I had asked for?" Tyler, his manager asked.

"Yeah, but I thought that Joe had decided against having that scene in the video."

"He only said that cause Mary was in the room. It was his idea to begin with."

"Oh, I didn't know that," Alex said.

"Yeah, she holds him back. He only keeps her around to satisfy his lust. And I heard that she's not too bad in doing just that, if you know what I mean." You heard the two men laugh at that statement and then change the topic of their conversation.

"It hurt so much to know that I didn't mean more to you than as just a good bed partner. I really thought that I meant more to you than that, Joe. I can't believe how naive and stupid I was." Your voice trails off and you lose yourself to the scene playing out in your head again.

"They said that?" Joe asked. "Mary, I swear that's not true. Dammit I loved you and I meant what I said before at Trish's party about me thinking about marrying you. And that scene in the video wasn't my idea and I never thought of you as just a good bedroom partner. It wasn't about that. Not with you." Joe brought his hand up and laid it against your cheek, turning your face to look at him. "You believe me, right?"

You study his face for a long time. Deep down you knew that Joe was telling you the truth but you still weren't quick to jump into this again.

"What can I do to make you believe me?" he asks.

"I don't know. I mean, I know that some of what they had said wasn't true but still why would they think it if some of it wasn't true, you know?"

"Look at me," Joe said softly. You bring your eyes to his face and meet his gaze. "None of what Alex and Tyler said was true. They resented our relationship. You knew this. They both knew that if our relationship leaked out that some of the fans and the label and stuff would be pissed and so they resented me for not ending it. I loved you then enough to not give a damn what they thought and I love you enough now to ask you to please let's try this again."

Tears fill your eyes as his words touch your soul. Instead of answering him with words, you bring your hands up behind his neck and pull him down to you for a kiss that expressed all of the love for you him you felt.

Joe smiled against your lips, "Does this mean you take me back?"

That question brought a giggle from you, "I suppose so."

"Gee, don't get too excited at the idea," Joe jokes.

Turning serious, your eyes catch his, "I love you, Joe."

Joe's eyes turned glassy from the tears behind them, "I never thought I'd hear you say that again." He ran his thumb over your jaw. "I love you, Mary.

"Now for your birthday present," you tell him standing up.

"You got me a present?" he asks.

"Uh huh," you smile.

Joe looks around the room, "Where is it?"

Your smile gets larger. "Right here," you answer, sitting down on his lap and running your hands down his chest. "Think you can handle it?"

Joe chuckles, "I'll sure give it a try."