Unable to Return to Usual Activities

"Memories" Performed by Barbra Streisand

Even though we may be quite well along in our grief work and trying to re-enter life again, for some unexplainable reason we are unable to return to our usual activities. Something holds us back. Why is this? There are many reasons for this, however, our way of life makes it difficult for us to grieve about any loss in the presence of other people. We are forced to carry our grief within ourselves.

This is particularly true in the loss of a loved one through death. Can you remember years ago when people grieved more openly? The men wore black armbands and the women wore black veils for six months to a year while in mourning for the loved one, so that everyone was reminded daily of their loss. One of the last public persons to wear a black armband was President Franklin Roosevelt at the death of his mother. In Europe today people still wear some symbol of grieving. Yet in our society today, we somehow have the impression that grief is out of place. We conduct a quiet conspiracy of silence against it. We try never to talk about grief and certainly never display it by any outward sign. We offer our sympathy to our grieving friends immediately after their loss has occurred, but from then on we say in effect, "Now, let's get back to business as usual."

In my case, yes Jenny was talked about for awhile after she died, however, unless I bring it up today no one talks about her. It is as though she never existed. People have to talk long after about whom they have lost ~ they played an important part in your life. A lot of people think that they must not reopen the wound, that they must be considerate of the person who has lost someone. But by not mentioning the person who has passed away ~ to me ~ does anyone even remember Jenny and what she did for us?

This is part of the task of friends and family ~ to help keep the memory of loved ones alive, to show concern for one another, and particularly when someone has suffered a great loss. Most people who are grieving are very considerate of others. They do not wish to force their troubles on other people. The quality of our personal interest in these people can demonstrate that we do not want to share their burdens with them.

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