~ I Can See Clearly Now ~ Performed by Johnny Nash"
Let me explain normal guilt. When we lose a loved one through death, it would be hard to conceive of any of us who have lived closely with the departed one who would not feel guilty about some of the things we did not do for this person when they were alive, or the things we did do that hurt this person when they were with us. We know we have sinned against this person by thought, word, and deed, and our religious training says we should face up to our sin, and we ought to feel guilty about it.
For the mature religious person, guilt is not something new. In handling this stage of grief they have some advantage over a person who has never heard much about sin and grace. They have experienced the remarkable sense of release that comes when they admit their guilt in the prayer of confession. They know about the divine gift of forgiveness and acceptance, so they do not fear admission of guilt. They know that real guilt should never be glossed over, nor should it be repressed. They have learned to come to terms with it. And these terms include a sense of being alienated from God, genuine repentance, followed by honest confession. Contrite confession of real guilt is a part of every worship service. We all have need to say, "Have mercy upon me, O God. Create in me a clean heart. O God, and renew a right spirit within me."
There is also such a thing as neurotic guilt and it is often intertwined with real guilt. It is difficult never to separate one from the other completely. Every person has some neurotic guilt feelings. It is a matter of degree. Everyone ought to be aware of these neurotic tendencies in themselves, and not be lulled into thinking that it is only the other fellow who uses such mental mechanisms to escape reality.
An illustration of neurotic guilt might be a daughter who has stayed by her aged mother's bedside in the hospital for days and days without sleep. The doctor now orders her to go home and get some rest. This turns out to be the night her mother dies, and she will never forgive herself for not being there when it happened. She broods endlessly about this and builds it up out of proportion to the real situation. If only the daughter could talk over this whole problem with somebody who understands the deeper relations of which this guilt is but a symptom, she would begin to understand how to cope with her neurotic guilt, and not have to be so unhappy. If she does not work through these problems at this time, they may hinder her full movement back into life again.
Unresolved guilt and misunderstood emotions of this type can make us miserable for years or they might come out in a variety of physical symptoms of distress. It is important for us to face both our normal guilt and our neurotic guilt. We must not be afraid or embarrassed to talk about our feelings of guilt with those who have been trained to help us when the going gets rough.
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