We find ourselves becoming panicky because we can think of nothing but the loss. We try so hard to get our minds off the subject, and perhaps for a moment or two we can be distracted from our worries, but soon we are right back again where we started. Naturally, this hinders our effectiveness in anything we are trying to do. We find that our work shows we are not producing the work of which we are capable. We get worried about our mental health. When people ask us questions, we have to ask them to repeat so often that they wonder what is wrong with us. We simply cannot concentrate. Inability to concentrate, in time of grief, is just as natural as it can be. It would be stranger still if we could easily put aside our grief for routine matters. When something has been terribly important to us for a long, long time and it is taken from us, we cannot be expected to do anything but be constantly drawn to the lost object and suffer daily as we struggle with the gradually dawning realization that it is gone forever.

When a person begins worrying about losing his mind, he often panics. He becomes almost paralyzed with fear. It is often fear of the unknown, or fear or something we do not understand that throws us into this panic. It is important that we understand something about the grief process in advance of the crisis, so that we may eliminate the panic that accompanies fear of the unknown. When we have been briefed about some of the tricks which grief plays on our minds, then we are not overwhelmed by the disturbing thoughts that seek to take over. It is the panic of thinking we are going through something wholly abnormal that throws us deeper into despair. But it is not abnormal, it is normal! It is comforting to know that even panic is normal.

To help ourselves through such a period when we can think of nothing but our loss, we must be open to new and different human relationships. At a time like this all we want to do is run away from life. The last thing we care to do is to try anything new. We can think of a hundred different reasons why we prefer to stay home and be gloomy rather than go out and be forced to be nice to people and think new thoughts. Such an attitude is natural, it is to be expected. We must not, however, wallow in our gloom, for it will only prolong our grief work. And to work through grief is very hard work!