She nervously tuned the strings on her guitar. The band had had hardly two weeks to perfect the new songs they were planning on playing.
"Hey, babe! Ready for the big day?" Sarene smiled. She looked good as a brunette. They say that blondes have more fun, but as far as Sarene was concerned "Brown's the only color to be!" It's amazing how the change of one tiny aspect of a person can completely alter them. Sarene had become more confident in herself, and her confidence spread to others. She shone with radiance, and when she smiled the joy could blind you.
"God, I'm so nervous."
"Don't worry." She grinned. "I got you a surprise."
Sarene danced like an overly happy mother does to her teenager. Trish rolled her eyes and laughed. "What?"
"Not what, but who." Sarene said mysteriously. "Follow me!" She bounded through the dressing room door into the mass of people at Kirsten Dunmire's party.
Trisha was completely uncomfortable. Scars could be seen on her shoulders and arms, and her ribs could were still visible from almost 20 feet away, protruding grotesquely out of her sides. "Sarene, please, can we hurry this up."
Grabbing Trish's arm Sarene broke into a run. Weaving through the masses, the crowd broke. Sarene flung Trisha as has hard as she could into his arms, and herself into someone else's.
"What?" Confused, she looked up. "Isaac!"
Sarene held Taylor joyously against her and they chattered continuously about nothing. "Hey." Isaac smiled. "Are you okay?" He took note of her thinness and lack of energy.
"Yeah, well, did Taylor tell you?"
"Tell me what?"
She glanced at Taylor and Sarene, holding onto each other. Being nothing but smiles. She blushed. "Oh, well, um, Sarene!"
Sarene tore herself away from Taylor, "What?"
"Don't we have to get back."
"Yeah, I was thinking that too." She grabbed onto Trish's arm. "See ya!"
The set went well. It wasn't even close to flawless. Sarene had switched two baselines, and Trish had gotten off on her strumming on one song. Kalli was nervous, so she drummed too fast, and Julia's voice was scratchy and unnaturally high from nervousness. But nobody noticed.
"Good job out there." Isaac slid his hands, casually over her waist.
"It wasn't even close to a good job. Couldn't you see how badly we played?" She moved away from his hands.
He kissed her temples. "Nope. You guys sounded great. And if you messed up, nobody noticed. Do you think anyone here is a serious musician?"
"You are." She sighed and ducked to avoid another kiss.
Undeterred, Isaac's hands moved over hers. "And I didn't notice."
Self-consciously she moved away from him.
"Trish, what's the matter?"
She tried to laugh. "Nothing's the matter."
He cocked his head to the side. "Liar. Come on, tell me what's wrong." He looked straight into her eyes, which averted him. He pulled her against him and noticed the thinness of her body.
She rested her head against his shoulder. "I've been through some hard stuff."
He kissed her forehead. "I know."
"I don't feel like I'm ready for this, so fast. Can we take it back down?"
"Back down?"
"Not so, so, touchy-feely? Just, like we used to be."
"For now, or for forever?"
She looked up at him, which was it? Did she even know herself? "For now. Just for a little while."
He smiled. "Good."
"Tay, you have no idea how glad I am that you and Ike came."
"I don't?"
He laughed as she threw herself into his arms again. "No, you don't." She smiled. "I've been so worried about Trish, and Ike really seems to help her."
Taylor nodded. "What exactly happened?"
She took a deep breath. "I don't exactly know. All I know is that she stopped eating. I'm not sure for how long, but long enough so that she was half as thin as she is now."
"Woah."
"You can still count her ribs." Sarene sniffed. Trish was her friend, she hated her friends having to go through that kind of stuff, and doing that kind of thing to themselves. "And I know that she tried to kill herself."
"What?"
"She…she…" She gasped for breath. "She took a knife and she was cutting herself when you called. Because you called is the only reason that she's alive right now." She held on to him, and he let his own arms embrace her. "She told me, she had every intention of taking her life."
Taylor was speechless. He held onto Sarene until her sobs had subsided. What was he supposed to do? Should he tell Ike? No, Isaac would over react, flip out and do something drastic. Taylor knew, from experience, that when people had suicidal thoughts the last thing they wanted was someone freaking out at them.
She wiped her nose and eyes clean of tears. "So what is new in the 'Taylor Hanson World'?"
"Well," he laughed a little. "Sean."
"Who?"
He nervously picked at his finger nails. "I only tell you this kind of thing because I trust you. I want you to know that."
She gently took hold of his hand. "Yeah. You can tell me anything."
"Sean is this guy I met at a party. He's really nice, and you'd like him a lot if you ever met him."
"Taylor, are you telling me you've got a boyfriend?"
Julia stopped in mid stride. Her mouth hanging open, just about to call Sarene's name, when she's heard. "Taylor, are you telling me you've got a boyfriend?"
Taylor began to stammer nervously. "Well, not really, it's not quite like that. It's just that, I really like him, and he really likes me. We just really like each other, that's all."
"It's alright, Tay, it's okay. Don't worry. I'm not judging you, or hating you." She smiled. "You can tell me anything." Oh my god, please tell me this isn't true. I cannot loose Taylor to a guy! I, I, oh my god! I love him. Shit! What am I going to do? And with that she touched her lips against his. Softly at first and then adding pressure. She felt his lips press back. His hands grasped her waist as their tongues explored one another's mouths. After the kiss had ended she rested her head on his shoulder.
"Oh my god." He whispered.
She peered into his confused eyes. "Please tell me you enjoyed that. Because it felt like you enjoyed it to me."
"I-I, I did." He stammered.
She scooted away from him and bent down her head. "Did you enjoy it more than Sean's kiss?" She said, almost inaudibly.
Taylor was silent. Then, after a while, "Yeah, I did."
The two were silent. Sarene stared at the ground. Unsure of what to say or how to say it, and Taylor sat in shocked confusion.
"Sarene?" She turned to face him. "I'm really confused."
"I know."
"Why did you kiss me?"
"What do you mean, why did I kiss you?" She was defensive. His words had come out ruder than he had meant them to, and hers were returned nearly hostile.
"That's not what I meant! I just, well, did you do it to try and prove something to me, or to yourself?"
She shook her head. "I did it because I like you."
His eyes got large.
"Why did you kiss me?" She asked.
"I didn't!"
"Yes you did. You kissed back, therefore you kissed me too!"
He pouted, and then frowned in shame. "I did it because I wanted to prove to myself that I wasn't gay."
"Oh."
"I like you, Sarene. You're a great, a great…"
"Friend." She spat the word. The very formation of it in her mouth was disgusting.
"Yeah." He was quiet. "But I am attracted to you, for what that's worth."
She moved farther from him. "But not enough to really like me."
"I do like you!" She stared at him, then turned away. He'd hurt her, she really felt something for him, and he wasn't sure he felt it back. He knew he valued their relationship, but he also knew it felt awkward. He was at ease with Sean. However, he was excited when he was around Sarene, both sexually and emotionally, while he was nothing more than afraid while he was with Sean. "I'm scared to be gay."
"You are whatever you are, Taylor." She stood up and turned her shoulder. "If you're going to be something, don't be afraid of it."
"Hey! It's not like any of this is easy on me, so don't give me that shit! It's not like I can choose how I end up. Things just happen. It's not like I meant to be gay, or to want you!"
She sniffed. "You can choose. And if you listen to yourself, and what you really want, then you'll know you already have." She smiled to herself, her back to him, and began to walk away.
Julia sucked in a deep breath. "Holy shit! Taylor Hanson's a fucking homo!" She began walking back to the stage. She wasn't sure she could properly digest what she'd overheard. She sat on the edge of the stage. "Oh my God."
"Sarene! Wait!" He made a desperate grab for her arm.
"What?" She tried to look un-amused.
"You're right."
"About what?"
"Listening to myself."
"Huh?"
"I like you." He stared into her eyes, seeing the shock he'd expected.
"I thought you liked Sean."
"I did, but then you kissed me, and…"
A fire lit up in her, "So why did you give me that whole thing about you being gay?"
"Kissing you just confused me even more." He put his head into his hands. "I thought I had everything figured out, and then you showed me I was just all messed up, but it was easier to pretend that I was sure about things anyway."
She nodded. "So what do we do now?"
He smiled, then he kissed her lips. "We go get ice cream!"
Trish packed her guitar away and looked forlornly at the drum set. "Ugh, cleaning up is such a pain."
"So don't worry about it."
"Huh?" She looked up to see Julia smiling. "Why shouldn't I worry about it? It's my responsibility."
"I'll do it. Me and Jon."
"You and Jon?" Trish smiled and winked.
"SHH!" She rolled her eyes. "Now go away."
Trish closed her guitar case, which Julia offered to pack away, and turned to Isaac. "So what do you want to do?"
He shrugged and reached for her hand. "Who's Jon?"
"The new roadie." They walked away as Julia and Jon began to pack the equipment.
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