How can you stand to have all those pictures on your walls? Doesn't it creep you out? It's like they're staring at you."

Then I was creeped out, for like a month. I couldn't even change in my room because I thought they were staring at me. Then I thought, Hey, they're all smiling and they don't complain so what do I care?

It's strange, I could have sworn the fervor would never end. The beads of sweat that broke out as soon as their name was mentioned. The incredible adrenaline rush just at a word's breath. Ready to defend or make friends. We were life long friends, each one of us woven into a tight community making oaths to one another to support and stay true. All the while we were jealous, and coniving each of us hoping to come up on top. When did the fervor end?

I'm taking down my posters. Each and every smile. Each face, frozen in time. Taylor pretending he's more than a cute thirteen year old, practicing for the teenage sex icon he would become in the eyes of teenage girls. Zac's crazy stunts held in air on the wall. Isaac looking always awkward and comfortable all at once with a lazy eye in all of the earlier pictures. When did it end?

In my CD player sits This Time Around, Live from Albertane and a christian mix CD from my church. I find myself skipping my Hanson CDs more and more often. What happened?

Everytime I hear the song, everytime I sing along I know I still enjoy the music. I know I still enjoy the band. But when did the fervor end?

When did I stop screaming in my room just because I was that excited? When did I stop writing fantasy stories where in each one I gave myself a different name and made myself the love of their lives. "Go ahead and fight over me boys. It makes a better story."

When did I start like to play their songs more than listen? I play guitar and piano for the record. When did I start to like to play praise songs more than their songs. When did that fire which consumed and conquered my spirit disipate to the embers that flickered now? Is it bad?

I can't even think of how many people I know I drove crazy. My parents, my friends, my boyfriend. I can't think of how many people don't even know I still like Hanson. I can't think of any people I know who still have that fire. That fire that's genuine.

Don't get me wrong, I am at every single concert here. And I'm crazy when I'm there. The fire ignites in the atmosphere. But that happens to people who aren't even fans. It's just the energy, and the atmosphere.

But I don't know anybody who really has that fire. I know people who act like they do, but they're faking it. And if you look close enough you can tell. But I'm just a little confused. When did it end?

Was it really there? Or some weird figment of my imagination?

Not that I don't still like Hanson. Not that I won't by the next CD. But I think next time, I'll sing along instead of screaming. Afterall, what good is the screaming if you don't have the posters to go with it? I've thrown mine away. When did the fervor end?



E-Mail