Setting Limits

I often hear people talk of what their children "wont" be able to do. I used to be one of the talkers myself. Watching my son grow and go through all he has ...to do something most of us take for granted, to simply walk, has been the most uplifting experience in my life.

Hearing all the negative thoughts in the beginning did nothing but bring me down. I came to the conclusion one day that I wouldn't take this situation lying down and that if someone wanted to tell me how my son would fair 20 years from now then that person was a fool. Medicine may have come a long way in the last few decades but there is still no way to know for certain how anyone's life will turn out.

From the moment my son was born I was told he might have problems later in life. I was told he wouldn't participate in sports or any other strenuous physical activity. That is like saying the sky might fall tomorrow. What good comes from saying such things? None. These statements only serve to distress an already over stressed new parent trying to cope with the fact that yes his/her child has a birth defect that will in some way affect his life but in ways unknown to anyone other than God.

If a child is born mentally retarded it is not assumed he will have no purpose...at least not by most.  In general you wait to see what level of intelligence that particular child can reach before drawing any conclusions as to the severity of retardation. Yet, children with clubfoot , something so much easier to deal with than many other disorders and birth defects, begin hearing things that dampen their hope and weaken their dreams many times before they've even been given the chance to try. My sons future was mapped out by professionals who thought they were easing my distress by telling me he would only have a few setbacks. True, he may have a few setbacks... but don't you dare tell him that. 

As parents it is our duty to give our children a fair chance at life.  We struggle throughout our pregnancies with diet...getting the folic acid, calcium and various other nutrients that strengthen their chances at good health.  We do everything we are told and often take advice on many things we would never have even imagined talking about before conception. All in the best interest of our unborn child. Once they are born we sometimes assume that love, care, food, and a roof over their heads is enough.  Whoever stated first that Parenting is the toughest job you will ever have was putting it lightly.  Our children need so much more than the basics for survival in this ever changing world.

What I'm trying to say is that if we allow others to speak of things that our children will never do or conditions they may or may not have later in life as if we know for a fact what lays ahead then we are allowing that person to dampen the spirits of our children.  Our children may be young enough now to not remember what is said but if we allow these things to be said now we will simply overlook it and accept it as fact as they get older.  Old enough to both remember and understand.

Facts may come from years of research but always remember facts can sometimes be false and proven so with a single action.

A child's mind is very impressionable and these kind of statements can take root and grow leaving the child believing that he is somehow less.  Club foot is not a disability in my eyes.  It is an eye opener to many things in life.  The trials and tribulations of any disorder or disease that is overcome are worth celebrating with hope not despair.  Focus on what your children can do and let them grow from there. It is not a promise that they will do what you want but it is at least a promise that you will have one less regret.

~Kate

© October 17, 1998 club_foot@hotmail.com