Author's Note: It should be no secret that I'm an incurable fan of Andrew and Colleen, and that as such, I loved the episode "Seeds of Doubt." My only regret was that it wasn't longer! So, here is my extension of it. It is written in first person with Colleen as the narrator, but it does go into Andrew's feelings and reactions. One thing - all the dialogue and many of the scenes are taken directly from the episode, so I have to give credit to the wonderful authors for that part of my story! Anyway, we start out in Colleen's dorm room in Denver, on a Friday night…
by
Claire Rouleau
With a tired sigh, I unlocked the door of my dormitory room, dropped my books, papers and handbag on my desk and stretched out on the bed without bothering to remove my hat or wraps. I remained motionless as the exhaustion of the week's classes, homework, and clinicals washed over me in a wave. Thankfully, we had the next week off due to quarter break. A few minutes later, my roommate and friend, Mary Agnes Compton unlocked the door and viewed me with an amused expression. "It certainly didn't take you long to get comfortable!" she commented. She put away her own books, removed her cloak and undid the ribbon tying her dark blue bonnet, brushing a few disrupted strands of curly blonde hair from her forehead. "Mmm-mmm," I muttered back. Finally, I rolled over and pulled myself into a sitting position on the edge of the bed. The room spun around for a moment as testament to the fact I must be getting sick. Judging from the weather, my lack of rest, my horrendous eating habits and my workload, I wasn't surprised. When the room was still, I took off my cloak, set my hat on the chest, and pulled a shawl around my shoulders. "My, you look awful," Mary Agnes observed cheerfully. I broke into a tired grin. "I know," I replied. "I am absolutely exhausted!" "Well, I was going to extend a dinner invitation, but are you too tired?" "Thank you, but yes. I need to pack and get to sleep early tonight. I'm taking the early train home." "All right, maybe another time then. So, are you planning on staying in Colorado Springs for the entire break?" Mary Agnes asked, her voice muffled slightly as she pulled her dress over her head. "Yes, I'll be back on Sunday afternoon." "We'll need to be sure and lock up then. I'm returning home myself." Mary Agnes lived in Northern California. "That's a good idea." When are you leaving?" "I'm taking the morning train as well." I settled into a wing chair and watched as she got ready for a dinner with, I assumed, her VERY GOOD friend, Stuart Harris. Mary Agnes was 19, a few months older than I was, and an English major at the college. She was slim and tall, with long, long pale blond hair that curled wildly around her shoulders in tight ringlets. The rioting nature of her hair was odd because it was completely different than her calm, even-tempered, quiet ways. Her eyes, a brilliant, piercing blue, seemed to read into other people's souls because of their intensity. Her temperament was quite different from my own, but we had gotten along wonderfully since the first day we met, nearly two years before. Mary Agnes changed from the dark charcoal gray dress she had worn to classes into a beautiful aqua green dinner gown that brightened her eyes and warmed her softly colored complexion. "Where are you going to dinner?" I asked. "Oh, over to the Harrises', I imagine. I think we're going to an early concert or poetry reading after," she replied. She was seated at our dressing table, brushing out her hair. She twisted and braided the springy strands expertly into a smooth configuration of golden coils was softer and prettier than the tight chignon she usually wore to classes. "Sounds nice." I said with a yawn. "Which ones?" Mary Agnes held up two pairs of earrings for me to inspect. "Mmm…those," I decided, pointing to a pair of cloisonné drops. She put them on along with a matching necklace and hair combs. Mary Agnes was putting things into her small purse when she glanced over to where I sat. Suddenly, she came over and laid her hand quickly on my forehead. "Colleen, you look positively ill! Are you feeling all right?" "I'm fine. Just very tired," I said. She looked doubtful. "Still, you feel feverish." "Really, I'm o.k." I smiled at her motherly concern. "Would you like me to have a dinner tray sent up for you?" she asked, pulling her tawny velvet evening wrap on and adjusting the matching hat. "That'd be nice. Thank you." "I'll see you later then," she replied. With a wave and a smile, she left. When she left, I took a moment to look around our room. The dorm was quite a comfortable size - small enough to be cozy and warm, but large enough so that two girls would not be tripping over one another. On the wall opposite the door were two beds separated by a nightstand. A lamp was anchored above it. Across from the beds were two desks, and along an adjacent wall were two small chests flanking an armoire. Across from that, by the window, was a table and two wing chairs. The floor was wood, with a bright rug between the beds. Each bed had a Dove-in-the-Window quilt done in different shades of blue and edged in thick white lace. A blue pillow sham with the same lace adorned the head. The furniture was cherry wood and simply made. Overall, except for a few pictures on the whitewashed walls and the lacy blue curtains, the room was austere but comfortable. Finally, I decided to drag myself out of the chair and start packing. Into my satchel went my books, papers and notes first. Then boots, stockings, underpinnings, and a nightdress. Some older calicos that needed to go home anyway, a school dress and hat for church, a shawl and I was done. I set out another dress, hat, gloves and my tan cloak to wear on the train, and was just about to go and change when I heard a knock at my door. "Come in?" I called. The door opened and one of the housekeepers, a large, lovely black lady named Minnie Houston swept in with a swish of her calico skirts and crisp white apron. "Miz Colleen, Miz Mary Agnes said you was feelin' poorly," she said, placing a covered tray on the table, "so I broughts yer supper. You haven't been eatin' proper, that I can see! No wonder you is gettin' ill!" "I know, you're right," I replied sheepishly. She smiled. "That's a good girl. Now, come here and lets me unbuttin ya'." I went over and turned around so she could unfasten my dress. I stepped out of it, and she unlaced my corsets. I took them off along with my chemise, petticoats, stockings and shoes, and slid the nightgown she handed me over my head. While I stepped into my slippers and fastened my robe, she arranged my supper tray. "Now, you eats all yer dinner ain' get to bed early. I don't want you gettin' any chills or nothin', you hear me?" she told me. "I will, thank you, Minnie," I said. "No problem, sugar," she replied with a smile. She left, closing the door behind her. I unpinned my hair, setting aside the combs and pins, and sighed with relief as the silken tresses fell around my shoulders. Unlike Mary Agnes, who had fair hair and rosy peach skin, my own hair was a fiery auburn, and next to my freckle-smattered, light ivory skin, it appeared very dark. It was thick and straight, and fell to waist-length when unbraided. I brushed it out, and tied it back with a blue silk ribbon. The smell of my supper was slowly permeating the room by the time I sat down to eat. I had several slices of beef roast, a baked potato and some vegetables. A roll, a small dish of custard and a cup of tea rounded it out. I had only eaten a ham sandwich for dinner and I was famished! After I ate, I debated whether or not to take my bath. I finally decided to do it in the morning, so I simply turned down my bed and said my nightly prayers. After putting my robe over a chair, I settled down to read. I only got through a few chapters of "A Tale of Two Cities" when I must have dozed off, because the nest thing I knew, I saw Mary Agnes standing over her bed in her nightdress and robe, packing. "Hey, Mary Agnes," I murmured. "Oh, Colleen, did I wake you?" she asked quietly. "No," I replied sleepily, pulling myself into a sitting position. "How was dinner?" "Nice. I had a pleasant time with the Harrises." Usually she said more about her outings, but because it was so late, she didn't elaborate. Instead, she finished packing, blew out the lamp and settled into bed. "Night, Colleen," she said with a yawn. "Night," I replied. I turned over, fully intending to go back to sleep, but I found myself thinking about Mary Agnes and Stuart. Stuart Harris's family was an acquaintance of Mary Agnes's father. He was 23 and worked in shipping management for the family company. She had known him all her life, and they had been courting for quite some time. It was so sweet to watch them together. Their personalities were almost identical, although Stuart tended to be a bit more outgoing than Mary Agnes. I was almost positive that they would announce an engagement very soon. I was very happy for my friend, but at the same time, I was a little…envious. It seemed that all my friends, at least my close ones - Mary Agnes, Lydia Smith (another pre-med. major), Kiersten Johns (a math major), Cassie St. Germane (a teaching major) and Laura Rosston (another English major)- had steady beaux. Granted, they were a little older than I was, but they at least had some ideas for relationships! Usually, things of this nature didn't bother me. I had my studies, my family and my girlfriends to keep me occupied. There were always a string of young men at the social functions I attended, and I did socialize in a group, but it wasn't the same. At certain times, I felt very confused and alone, such as when we talked of such subjects, or when I saw all my friends paired off at dances. And right at the center of my confusion was a certain Dr. Andrew Cook. Andrew had come into my life almost two years earlier. He was from Boston; a family friend of Ma's. I still remember the first time I saw him, staring up at me sheepishly from where he had just slipped and fallen in a mud puddle. In two years, we had gone from acquaintances, to friendly acquaintances to friends. And as friends, we had seen each other through many transitions. I had helped Andrew through his first solo operation, his first days in town, his first time on a horse. He had been there when I had been accepted to college, the first time I left I left on my own, and the first time I returned. We had been through the terror of a train wreck with people we knew in danger; the uncertainty of an unusual, deadly outbreak at Ma's clinic; the joy when he won his first award from the AMA and when I got my first good marks in college and many other trials and tribulations. I had sat with him and held his hand when he had spotted fever, I had laughed with him when he told of the strangest of patients at his hotel clinic, and I listened while he adjusted to life in Colorado. And it had been Andrew who protected me and Katie when Indian renegades ran rampant through town, Andrew who understood what it was like when Ma had gotten shot a few months earlier, and Andrew who held me sobbing when my best friend, Becky, died of diphtheria. We had been through so much together as…friends? I had always thought that description of our relationship was fine, but lately it didn't seem to be adequate. Were we more, or was I just reading into what we had too much? I didn't know. I didn't know at all! Things were so confusing sometimes. With a muffled groan, I rolled over again, fluffed my pillow, and tried to go back to sleep. This was a subject that needed more concentration, something that I was much too tired to do at the moment. Finally, I fell into a dreamless sleep. The next morning, I woke up feeling refreshed and rested for a change. I took my bath, dressed in a dark blue and green plaid-two piece dress with lace trim at the collar and cuffs, and put my hair up into an oblong braided coil at the back of my head, with the sides twisted around it. Tiny gold earrings finished the outfit. By the time I was ready, so was Mary Agnes, looking quite pretty in a brown dress with plaid trim that complemented her hair nicely. We ate breakfast together in the dining hall, and left for the train station. Since my train left first, she stood with me while I waited. When it pulled into the station, we hugged goodbye, and she waved as the train pulled away from the platform. The three-hour ride home passed uneventfully; I read a bit, dozed a little, and looked out the window for awhile. At around noon, the conductor announced that arrival was in fifteen minutes. I put away my book, put on my cloak, adjusted my hat and picked up my things. When the train pulled to a stop, I was the first one off. I immediately spotted Ma and Katie. Ma waved and came over as the conductor helped me onto the platform. "Colleen!" she said, hugging me awkwardly. "Hey Ma! Hi, Katie!" I cried as I kissed my little sister's cheek. Katie looked up at me with a bewildered expression. "I'm afraid Katie's not feeling too well. She came down with croup last night," Ma said as she gently stroked Katie's back. Katie made a small noise and reached out for me. "You want Colleen to hold you?" Ma asked, passing her to me. "Where's Pa and Matthew?" I asked as we walked toward the clinic. "Matthew's helping Daniel this morning, so they'll be home later. Sully's at home, looking over some papers. He's leaving tomorrow to take a Senator… Dinston on a tour of the Rockies in hopes of perhaps creating a national park," Ma replied. "Oh." "So, are you hungry? I was just headed over to the Café for lunch," Ma said. "Sounds great!" Ma smiled. "I'm so glad you're home!" she said as she patted my shoulder. "Me too," I replied. The rest of the afternoon passed. We had lunch, and later went back to the clinic where Ma saw patients for the rest of the afternoon. Brian stopped by on the way to the Gazette to say hi, and Matthew stopped in as well to have a splinter tended to. While I was cleaning the instruments, Ma said she was going to give Katie another methanol rub. I nodded, and finished putting things away. Just as I was drying my hands off, I heard a knock at the door. When I went to open it, I found Andrew standing on the stoop, hat in his hands. He broke into a surprised grin when he saw me. "Colleen! What are you…I mean…I wasn't expecting to see you here. When did you come home?" he asked as he came in. "This afternoon. I'm home until next Sunday. Didn't Ma tell you?" I asked with a smile. "That's wonderful. Yes she mentioned it, but for some reason, I thought you were coming home tomorrow! You'll have to come by the hotel sometime…if you can," he added quickly. "I'd love to." We stood there for a moment, staring at each other a little awkwardly, until Andrew finally spoke up. "Oh, the reason I stopped by is that I am out of willow bark tea, and I was wondering if I could borrow some from your mother. The guests at the hotel have taken quite a liking to it!" "Of course, Andrew," Ma said, coming down the stairs. She had overheard the tail end of the conversation. "Hello, Michaela. Thanks," he greeted. I went to get some from the medicine cabinet. "Andrew, would you like to come over for dinner sometime this week since Colleen's home and Sully will be out of town for a few days?" Ma invited as I gave Andrew the bag with the leaves in it. "Sure. That would be nice. I do get tired of the hotel dining room, and my cooking skills are…minimal, to put it nicely!" he replied. We laughed. "Well, I'd better be getting back to the hotel. Thank you again, and Colleen, feel free to stop by any time." "I will. Bye, Andrew!" I called. "Let us know when for dinner," Ma added, and Andrew said he would. As I closed the door, I saw Ma studying me with an interested expression. "Andrew seemed quite pleased to see you," she remarked. "Yes, it's nice to see friends when I come home," I replied, emphasizing the word "friends" ever so slightly. Ma didn't say anymore, but her statement got me thinking again. The same puzzle I had faced the night before continued to plague me as we drove home and all through dinner. After we ate, the family settled in the greatroom by the fire. Brian worked on homework, Matthew whittled, Sully went over papers at the table, Ma read some new journals she had received and I worked on some mending for Ma. Sewing was one activity that required very little concentration for me, so I let my mind wander a little as I darned socks, repaired a tear in one of Sully's shirts, and took the hem down on some of Brian's pants. When I was finished, I discovered I was very tired, so I offered to put Katie to bed. I took her up, washed and dressed her, and placed her in her crib with a pan of hot water next to her bed and a methanol rub on her chest again. After she was asleep, I went to my room, unpacked the few things I brought home, changed and settled into my comfortable bed with a sigh, immediately falling asleep. I opened my eyes the next morning to find the pale winter sunlight filtering through the drawn curtains of my room. With a happy sigh, I realized that I was at home, and that when I opened my window, I would be greeted with the pleasant sight of trees and hills rather than the facade of yet another building, as was the view I usually awoke too. It felt good to be home, even if it was only for a week. Home. The word sounded even sweeter now that I spent most of my time away at college. While Denver was a thrilling city, full of people and buildings and action, nothing quite compared to the peaceful smallness and slower paces of Colorado Springs. I got up, and noticed that I was humming as I went about my morning routine of washing and dressing. Not even the cold, dreary weather could dampen my mood today. After donning warm underpinnings and pinning up my hair, I chose a pretty green dress to compensate for the grey day, and tied a matching ribbon in my hair. I made my bed, hung up my nightdress and went downstairs. I was greeted by the welcoming smell of hot coffee. Sully must have put it on before he went out to do the morning chores, because Ma was still not down yet. I tied on an apron, and set to work making breakfast. One by one, the rest of the family gathered downstairs for bowls of hearty oatmeal topped with dried figs and ginger cake spread with molasses. Katie was unusually quiet that morning, having been up most of the night with a bad episode of croup. She sat in her highchair looking dazed and sleepy, and she showed little interest in the oatmeal I tried to coax her into eating. While Ma and I did the dishes, Sully spread a map over the table. He and Ma started talking about Senator Dinston's imminent arrival as I cleared the table and Ma helped me with the dishes. Brian was listening to the conversation intently, and finally asked if he could go along as well to help Sully. I was quite impressed with Brian's preparedness and apparently, so was Ma. She told Brian to "pack a warm coat" and let him go. He rushed off. I smiled at my little brother's excitement. He and Sully had really bonded, and I was glad Brian had found in him the father figure that Ethan had never been to us. Brian hurried to get the rest of his things together for the trip, Sully went out to saddle up the horses and hitch the wagon, and I put away the dishes and finished making Matthew's lunch. The gray morning had turned to drizzle by the time we were ready to leave for town. I pulled my tan cloak around my shoulders, tied my bonnet on and then got Katie bundled up in her little cape and knitted cap. While Ma put on her own coat and hat, I got an extra blanket for Katie so she would stay warm. Sully helped me up into the wagon beside Ma and passed me Katie. She settled herself with her head on my shoulder while I wrapped her up tightly. Ma drove and Brian and Sully followed on horseback. Katie fell asleep on the way, clutching her bunny and breathing wheezily. Once we got as far as the train station, Sully and Brian stopped and came up along side us. I could hear the train in the distance. Sully told Ma that he expected the Senator and his party on the train and that they would be leaving shortly afterward. Ma promised to send some basic medical supplies for them to take along. Pa kissed Katie, Ma and I, and we headed to the clinic. While Ma got things started downstairs, I got Katie out of her wraps and into bed in the nursery without waking her. I made sure that there was a fire in the hearth and the room was dark and comfortable before shutting the door. I came downstairs to find Ma laying out instruments and linen in the examination room, a crisp white apron covering her shirtwaist and skirt. "Katie is still sound asleep!" I said, going over to hang up my cloak and hat. Ma smiled. "She's such a little sleepyhead this morning." I was just about to put on my own apron when I heard someone at the door. I opened it, and was quite surprised at who was on the other side! "Miss Cooper," my visitor greeted with a smile. "Mr. Collins!" I stammered. Patrick Collins was a young businessman, an acquaintance of Stuart Harris. Mary Agnes had introduced us several months earlier, but I was not expecting to find him standing there! He smiled. "Not too unpleasant a surprise, I hope." "Oh, of course not. Um, Ma, this is Patrick Collins. Mr. Collins, this is my ma, Dr. Michaela Quinn. "Pleased to meet you," Ma greeted cordially. "I'm very happy to meet you too, Dr. Quinn," he replied before looking back to me with a friendly smile. We stood in silence for a moment until Ma spoke. "Aren't you going to invite Mr. Collins in, Colleen?" she coaxed. "Of course, please," I replied, finally coming back to Earth and remembering my manners. "I'm surprised to see you. What are you doing in Colorado Springs?" I asked as he stepped inside and I shut the door. "Well, I have a few deliveries to make in the area. Two deliveries, in fact," he replied. "These flowers…and these chocolates." He pulled a beautiful bouquet of roses, daisies and other assorted blooms and a foil-wrapped box of candy from behind his back. "They're for you, actually," he finished, handing me both items. "For me?" I stared back from the gifts to him in bewilderment. "Now, you may want to put those flowers in some water," he suggested. "It was quite a trick trying to keep them fresh on the train, I can tell you that!" "Oh, they're beautiful!" I said, breathing in the heavenly scent. The one thing I always hated about winter was a lack of flowers. "Well, than that means it was worth it," he replied, taking off his hat and smiling at my gratitude. We locked gazes for a moment before he broke it, looking a bit flustered. "Yes, well, um…I'll be going now. My luggage is waiting for me…at the train station. I do want to get settled in at the…uh," he paused and pulled a card out of his waistcoat pocket, "Spring Chateau and Health Resort. That's where I'm staying," he finished. "How long will you be staying there, Mr. Collins?" Ma asked. "Well, I suppose that depends," he said, looking intently at me. "I hope I may call on you again." I was a little unprepared for that! "Um…I guess so…Sure," I replied. "Good….Yes, well the hotel carriage is waiting for me. I'll be saying goodbye. It was a pleasure to have met you, Dr. Quinn." I opened the door for him, and with a slight nod and a smile, he left. "He's a very charming young man. I'm surprised you never talked about him before," Ma commented, looking slightly amused. I was trying to make sense of the whole episode as I filled a vase with water. "I met him at a dance. He gave me some punch. We said hello a couple of times, but…" I smiled suddenly. "All the girls in my boarding house have a crush on him." "And what about you?" Ma asked. I shook my head in thought. "I don't really know him," I replied. "Well, you certainly seemed to have made quite an impression on him," Ma said, gathering together the last of the medical supplies for Brian and Sully. Mr. Patrick Collins came out of the clinic with a self-satisfactory grin on his face. Everything had gone perfectly. He started walking toward the train depot when he suddenly realized that if he stood on the porch of what appeared to be the town newspaper, he had a perfect view of the clinic, and Colleen. He watched as she placed the bouquet of flowers into a vase, first stopping to smell them. Suddenly, an older man walked by, and gave him an odd look. Quickly, he picked up a newspaper and pretended to read it. The man walked on, and Patrick returned to his watch of Colleen. He lingered a few moments longer, admiring his latest conquest and turned and walked away. Hopefully, the hotel would provide a bit more luxury than the primitive town he had just encountered. The things he did to win a girl's affections, he thought as he gathered up his things. The rest of the morning passed uneventfully. The weather was still wet and chilly when I went over to the Café to get some lunch for Ma and myself. While Grace put together the tray, I went over to the telegraph/mail office. "Hey, Horace," I said as I stepped up to the window. "Hey, Colleen. When did you get home?" he asked, looking up from a letter he had been reading. "Oh, yesterday afternoon. I'm home until Sunday," I replied. "That's nice. Well, I've got a few letters for Dr. Mike and Sully, one for Brian, and a package for you. Looks as if it's from Boston," he said, as he went to retrieve our mail. "From Boston?" I said in surprise. It must be from Grandma. I took the packet of letters and the package from Horace, thanked him, and turned to leave. I was staring so intently at my box, that I ran smack into someone coming up the stairs. "Pardon me…Andrew! I'm sorry!" I apologized sheepishly as I looked up and noticed who it was. "Oh, no harm done," he said with a smile, his hands still on my shoulders, where he had put them to keep me from falling. After a moment, he noticed that they were still resting there and dropped his arms, looking a bit embarrassed. I smiled. It hadn't bothered me at all! "So, what are you doing in town?" I asked. "Well, Preston ordered some new instruments for the clinic and asked me to oversee their delivery," he replied. "New instruments?" "Yes, apparently to keep up with all the…medically challenging patients I keep encountering in my practice!" he replied with a bemused smile. I grinned at his sarcasm. "Well, at least you have the opportunity to work with all the latest equipment," I pointed out. "That's true. Oh, Colleen, by the way, I am going to be in town early tomorrow morning, and I was wondering if you would care to join me for breakfast at the Café?" he asked. He had to ask? "I'd like that," I replied without a moment's hesitation. "Wonderful. Say around eight or so?" "Fine." He smiled. "Well, goodbye until tomorrow, then. Unless you need some help with that box?" he asked, studying the things in my arms. "Oh, thank you for offering but I should be fine. It's not heavy, just big." "All right, then I'll see you in the morning." "Bye, Andrew," I said with a wave as I went down the steps again. Breakfast with Andrew. I could hardly wait!