(the following are real headlines taken from printed newspapers.....yet another example of the intelligence of American citizens)

-Include Your Children when Baking Cookies

-Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

-Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

-Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted

-Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case

-Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents

-Iraqi Head Seeks Arms

-Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

-Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms

-Eye Drops Off Shelf

-Teachers Strike Idle Kids

-Clinton Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead

-Enraged Cow Injures Farmer With Ax

-Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told

-Miners Refuse to Work after Death

-Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

-Stolen Painting Found by Tree

-Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years in Checkout Counter

-Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years

-Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One

-War Dims Hope for Peace

-If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While

-Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

-Deer Kill 17,000

-Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

-Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges

-Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

-Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge

-New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

-Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

-Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

-Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy

-Arson Suspect Held in Massachusetts Fire

-Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood

-Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

-New Vaccine May Contain Rabies

-Hospitals are Sued by Seven Foot Doctors




got a funny headline? send it to HEATHER!