JG Enterprises, Inc.
Earth Exploration
In the footsteps of Magellan, Vespucci, Balboa, and all the rest of the explorers of yesteryear, JG continues in Earth Exploration. Sure, we're not charting the coastline, trying to find the edge of the world, or looking for another route to the Indies, JG's contribution to the field of Earth exploration is still a helpful effort. Exploring those little nooks and crannies of the world and trying to figure out more about the things that make the planet tick are just some of the experiments done. Listen, my children, and you shall hear...
The World's Largest S'more.
About six years ago, seven of JG scientists came to the conclusion that the center of the planet must be molten chocolate. They didn't have any sufficient evidence of this data, but JG gave them the funding to prove themselves anyway. Three of the scientists bought shovels and began digging a hole to the Earth's core out behind the JG compound, near the toolshed. Two others went out to find two giant graham crackers, and the remaining two set out to get a bunch of marshmallows. They decided that once they hit the Earth's cocoa core, that they would then put together the universe's largest s'more. As of last report they were still digging the hole.
The Two Non-Polish Poles.
JG's exploration of Earth's North and South Poles have had their ups and downs as they went up and down. Many different missions have gone to the poles. Those that are unclassified are listed below.
Operation: Santa
Operation: Santa was JG's quest to find Santa Clause in 1994. The mission was a failure at first because the team and equipment were sent to the South Pole. After everything was worked out, they were sent up to the North Pole to begin their search. After a year's work, the mission was declared a total loss and they came home. They had found no traces of Santa Clause, however, they did locate a secret Soviet missile base, and a fellow who looked kinda like Professor Jakab Norton, only he was four feet, six inches tall. The team is still being treated for frostbite.
The Arctic Explorer Test Project.
In 1995, JG developed a vehicle capable of polar exploration, the Arctic Explorer. It could be used in the Antarctic, too, as the first tests had it sent there. Captain Bryan MacAfee was placed in command of the single-occupant vehicle and was flown to the South Pole for a week of testing. Unfortunatelly, the Explorer stalled and MacAfee was trapped inside with sub-zero temperatures outside and a limited food supply. In the end, MacAfee was left eating Twinkies for the last three days before he was picked up by a rescue team that flew in at the end of the week. MacAfee quickly recovered, and the Explorer was modified to include heaters and radiators that would keep the engine from freezing up.
The Great JG Snowball Fight.
During the Summer haitus in 1997, the entire JG team was taken to the North Pole for a little R&R. The Great JG Snowball Fight quickly developed, as the crew began building snowforts and hurling the snowballs at one another. The JG team was sent home after a day for treatment of frostbite from the subzero environment. 73% were lucky and got away with having only one body part needing to be amputated.
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This page engaged 8 July 1999.
Last updated 10 October 2001.
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