Jimmy Joe and the BOX
Jimmy Joe and the BOX: The Poem
Back in March of 1996 my eighth grade Language Arts teacher gave me and the rest of the class a fairly easy assignment: We had to write our own original poem on any topic. I don't remember why exactly she made us do this, but I guess it was for some important reason. I needed something quick. After some failed attempts at trying unsuccessfully to rhyme words with Chernobyl, I turned to my all-reliable buddy and creation, Jimmy Joe. This was back when Jimmy Joe was still in its infancy and few people had actually heard of him, but there were enough for me to feel confident enough to write a poem about him.
But anyhoo, the poem was written in two drafts. Draft one was written March 19, 1996. The final draft is dated March 21, 1996.
Anyway, here it is, without further adieu, the long lost part of the Jimmy Joe series, Jimmy Joe and the BOX: The Poem!
JIMMY JOE AND THE BOX:
THE POEM
There was a kid named Jimmy Joe who fell into a box,
He was wooshed away to a far off land with more gold than Fort Knox.
At that land he ran around and exploited cheese,
But when he was discovered, he was beat up by a family of McGees.
After having the snot beat out of him he was taken to the hospital and placed in a sick bay,
He stayed there for nine years, when the pain went away.
He went and bought a new house, somewhere near Denver,
But to pay his property tax he had to save his money forever.
He wrote a letter to his parents explaining the new house,
And how a small fluffy animal lives with him; it is a mouse.
After living there for twenty years he jumped into a large 27" color television box,
The trip through the dimensions went so fast he lost his Mickey Mouse socks.
He landed home in New York City, where he was mugged for two pennies,
And on the way home he got hungry, so he stopped off at Denny's.
He now lives at home with his family and dog,
And a Chia Pet named Glog.
THE
END
Well, that's it. I turned it in, and then got it back about a week or two later. On the top of the paper, in the margin, the teacher had written
"You have a unique way of looking at the world."
I got a B on the assignment.
Now, I have a few confessions to make. Looking back from today's point of view, I'm really unhappy at this poem, and only included it here because I want all of Jimmy Joe to be available to the world. This poem has so many inaccuracies in it it's not even funny. I mean, Jimmy Joe's earth-bound home had already been established as being Kokomo, Indiana, not New York City. And Jimmy Joe's not supposed to be writing to his parents. Jimmy Joe and the BOX II: Return From the BOX establishes that more than a year had gone by between his capture and his return to home, and that he had never communicated with his parents in that time. But then, Jimmy Joe II was written a year after this poem, so I guess it's sort of excusable. But having Jimmy Joe move to Denver? DENVER IS NOT INSIDE THE BOX! I was just pitifully grasping for rhyming words, and not caring how it turned out. Jimmy Joe, if you're reading this, I apologize wholeheartedly, and promise you that I'll never make such an inconsistent story again. I vow to it.
And for those reasons I've fully decided that Jimmy Joe: The Poem is not canonical. It's not official. It's just a dream that's best not to be taken literally.
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This page engaged 26 February 2001.
Last updated 26 February 2001.
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