Shumi-Shumi Man VI: Draft 2.
On 23 May 1998, I took our short little ditty of a script for , and I did a major renovation of it. A project that began as little more than a rewrite of the beginning and maybe a little bit later on, quickly evolved into a near-complete rewrite. While the original script is more or less there in its entirity, so much more has been added on top of it. Broken up and wedged between mew segments of dialogue, Draft 1 can be picked out only if you actually go and read Draft 1 first. Otherwise, it flows seamlessly into the Draft 2 segments. This script is pretty much what we still have today, and was used for the Draft 4 rewrite instead of Draft 3 do to it being closer to our desired result (Annie was returning). So here it is, Draft 2 of Shumi-Shumi Man VI.
SHUMI-SHUMI MAN VI
Original motion picture script
(Opening titles)
INT. FIELD - DAY
(Open over a field or clearing on a nice, sunny, warm day. Pan camera to locate picnic. People can be identified around picnic: Andy, Grace, Josh, Pyro, and Pee. MacAfee cannot be seen yet. Pokey is sitting next to the picnic basket. Andy is smeared with cake, Grace is eating cake, Josh is stalking cake, Pyro is burning cake, and Pee is doing the Pee Shuffle. It's Andy's birthday party, and there is a small pile of gifts nearby.)
ANDY
It's my birthday. Now give me presents or I shall strike you down.
JOSH
Here's my present for you.
(Josh socks Andy in the stomach, and then kicks Andy when he keels over.)
ANDY
(Choking) Thanks, Josh. Who's next?
PYRO
Me! Here's mine!
(Pyro picks up a BIG (HUGE!) box and chucks it at Andy. It hits Andy and he flies backwards. He eventually gets up and opens the (BIG) box only to find a pair of unmatching socks inside.)
ANDY
Socks. How nice.
GRACE
Open mine next.
(Grace hands shoebox-sized package to Andy. And carefully opens it and peers inside. With a look of sheer terror he screams and drops the box.)
GRACE
Careful! You'll let it out!
ANDY
What was that?!?
GRACE
Only pure evil straight from the clutches of Hell.
ANDY
(Pause) How... nice of you.
(Happy with Andy's response, Grace smiles.)
ANDY
Pee, you dork. What did you get me?
PEE
I thought you'd never ask. Hit it!
(With a burst of Can-Can music, MacAfee cha-chas into the picnic. He is wearing a dress, and is happier than ever. What a fool. Pee rushes up to MacAfee, and the two of them dance. Pee is doing the Pee Shuffle, and MacAfee is still doing the Can-Can. It is an intriguing sight.)
ANDY
(With a look of utter disgust) Take it back.
PEE
(Stops dancing) What? NO!
ANDY
Well I don't want it.
PEE
Me neither!
(MacAfee continues to Can-Can while the whole exchange is going on.)
ANDY
You won't take it back?
PEE
No. It's yours. I gave it to you. You can't give it back.
ANDY
Fine. (Pause) Then you die.
PEE
What?!?
ANDY
DIE!
(Andy sticks his arms straight out in front of him and aims at Pee, almost as if he were to shoot lightning at Pee through his fingertips, but instead he makes a swift gesture to Pyro. She gets the hint and walks over to Pee.)
PYRO
Pee, because you wouldn't obay Master Andy, I'm gonna have to set you on fire now, okay?
PEE
Yeah! That'll be cool! (Incoherant mumbling)
(Pyro sets Pee on fire. Pee giggles then explodes, throwing little bits everywhere. People wipe the Pee bits off their faces.)
GRACE
That was neat. Can we do it again?
PYRO
Nope. No more Pee.
GRACE
Oh.
JOSH
Hey! Pokey has something to say!
(Claymation Pokey walks in [Film sequence beforehand].)
POKEY
Where's my leg?
(A large 16-ton weight falls and squishes Pokey.)
(A pause.)
MACAFEE
I like beans.
(Everyone nods their heads in approval.)
WEE
Beans are cool.
ANDY
Who are you?
PYRO
Didn't I kill you?
WEE
I'm Pee's twin brother, Wee.
ANDY
Oh. Hey, Wee.
WEE
Hey.
MACAFEE
So, where were we?
PYRO
Beans.
MACAFEE
Oh yeah. I like beans.
WEE
Beans are cool.
ANDY
(SCREAMING) MEXICAN JUMPING BEANS!
WEE
Yup.
PYRO
I like to burn beans.
(Silence. Everyone freezes and stares at her, speechless.)
(A pause.)
WEE
Yup.
(Andy smashes more cake into his face.)
ANDY
Wee, what did you get me for my birthday?
WEE
Well, I didn't know what to get you, so I bought you a cheese log.
ANDY
(Mouth agape) WEE! My new best friend!
WEE
Buddy!
(Wee and Andy embrace.)
(MacAfee turns to Josh.)
MACAFEE
(Mouth agape) JOSH! My new best friend! (Opens arms for a hug)
JOSH
(Struggling) AAAHHH! Get away from me! (Hides behind Grace)
GRACE
Bad MacAfee.
(MacAfee frowns and sulks away.)
JOSH
(To Grace) He's evil.
GRACE
As am I.
JOSH
As are you.
GRACE
Yay.
JOSH
Is that all a happy Grace can say?
GRACE
Ricola!
JOSH
Now that's more like it!
PYRO
Do we have anymore Pop-Tarts?
(Pyro walks to the picnic basket, but trips over a rock on the ground. Pyro's lighter falls from her and hits the ground. She gasps and collapses to the earth.)
PYRO
(In a weak voice) Need... butane. (Outstreaches arm for lighter) Must... get...
(Pyro collapses just inches away from reaching the lighter. She lets out breath, which indicates her death.)
GRACE
(Looking down upon Pyro's dead body) That's to bad.
(MacAfee smells his armpits.)
(Grace pulls a safety pin out of her pocket, and goes to pin it to her clothes, but she accidently pricks herself with it. She holds the wound up to the light for inspection.)
GRACE
Wow. Gangrene. (Keels over and dies)
(Andy walks over to Grace's limp body. He looks down at it. He nudges it with his foot.)
ANDY
Nifty.
(Andy hears a growl, and looks up. Josh charges him, with his jaws open, bearing teeth, and letting out a shrill Raptor scream. Andy steps aside when Josh gets near. Josh runs right past... and right off a conveniently placed cliff. A Raptor roar can be heard, getting fainter and fainter, until a THWUMP! is heard.)
ANDY
Well, MacAfee. Now that everyone is dead, I guess that--
WEE
(Interrupting Andy) Hey, Andy. I'm still here.
ANDY
(Strained) Oh, yes. Wee. How could I have forgotten?
WEE
I'm your best friend.
ANDY
Yes, and I have something for you.
WEE
Really? What? Is it a puppy?
ANDY
Better.
WEE
OOOOHHHH! WHAT?!?
ANDY
Close your eyes.
(Wee closes his eyes tightly. REALLY tightly.)
ANDY
Here it is.
(Andy pulls out a gun and shoots Wee. Wee dies.)
ANDY
Well, who wants cake?
MACAFEE
I do!
(Andy and MacAfee eat cake. Andy, in a very messy manner.)
MACAFEE
I poisoned the cake, but I'm immune to the poison.
ANDY
Neat. (Eats some more)
(Andy eats a little more, then he falls over dead. MacAfee laughs.)
MACAFEE
(Looking around at the dead bodies) Wow. (Stands up) I'm going home, now. (Leaves)
(Camera pulls back off of MacAfee and up into the sky. It pulls back through the atmosphere, off the Earth, past the moon and the Sun, out of the solar system, out of the Milky Way, and past some other astronomical features until the Milky Way is nothing but a speck.)
(Fade out.)
(End Titles)
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This page engaged 29 October 2000.
Last updated 16 November 2000.
©2000, JG Enterprises, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
