Shumi-Shumi Man VI: Draft 4.
Well, some stuff happened (and it wasn't my fault, believe it or not) after Draft 3 had been written, and before Production began. Andy and Stephanie went their own ways, and Stephanie was out of the film because she'd fallen out of favor with everyone. So, once again, our script had a hole in the same place it had one before! (This must be a hard spot to fill) So the script sat for a while, and then I got word that Annie wished to rejoin us, so I gladly reinstated her role of Pyro, as if she'd never left in the first place. Draft 4 of the script was began on 2 April 2000 and finished up a few days later, all set to go. What's notable about this script is that it's the first not to feature Grace, who had been written out. Her role was transformed a bit and given to Harley Mavis. Also joining the cast this time around was Felicity Powers (Who, along with Harley, had been considered to replace Pyro back in September 1998). This meant having to write alot more original material for the script, making this the biggest rewrite since Draft 2. But it all worked out well. I was pleased and ready to grab the camera and hike out to the woods to begin principal photography. Naturally, things had to go bad. And that leads us to the upcoming Draft 5. So enjoy Draft 4 of Shumi-Shumi Man VI!
SHUMI-SHUMI MAN VI
Original motion picture script
1 INT. FIELD - DAY
Open over a field or clearing on a nice, sunny, warm day. Pan camera up to wooded area ahead. Opening titles play.
2 INT. WOODS - DAY
Pan through woods until we find a picnic. People can be identified around picnic: Andy, Felicity, Harley, Josh, Pyro, and Pee. MacAfee cannot be seen yet. Pokey is sitting next to the picnic basket. Andy is smeared with cake, Felicity is eating cake, Josh is stalking cake, Pyro is burning cake, Harley is pondering the cake, and Pee is doing the Pee Shuffle. It's Andy's birthday party, and there is a small pile of gifts nearby.
ANDY
It's my birthday. Now give me presents or I shall strike you down.
JOSH
Here's my present for you.
Josh socks Andy in the stomach, and then kicks Andy when he keels over.
ANDY
(Choking) Thanks, Josh. Who's next?
PYRO
Me! Here's mine!
Pyro picks up a BIG (HUGE!) box and chucks it at Andy. It hits Andy and he flies backwards. He eventually gets up and opens the (BIG) box only to find a pair of unmatching socks inside.
ANDY
Socks. How nice.
HARLEY
Yo Andy!
Harley hands shoebox-sized package to Andy. And carefully opens it and peers inside. With a look of sheer terror he screams and drops the box.
HARLEY
Careful! You'll let it out!
ANDY
What was that?!?
HARLEY
Only pure evil straight from the clutches of Hell.
ANDY
(Pause) How... nice of you.
Happy with Andy's response, Harley gives a big ole thumbs up.
FELICITY
I have something for you, Andy.
ANDY
Yeah? Well ya better or else I - -
Andy doesn't get a chance to finish as she grabs him and presses their faces together, forcing him down to the ground, out of sight of the camera. Pan around the faces of those standing about. Their expressions convey a sense of awe, disgust, and shock. MacAfee checks his watch and shakes it. They stay out of sight for a full 50 seconds before popping back up, Felicity smiling brightly and Andy a bit confused and disoriented.
ANDY
Well... that was nice, but I sure woulda liked to get a cousinart. But I guess that's life, eh?
Felicity rolls her eyes. Andy turns to Pee.
ANDY
Pee, you dork. What did you get me?
PEE
I thought you'd never ask. Hit it!
With a burst of Can-Can music, MacAfee cha-chas into the picnic. He is wearing a dress, and is happier than ever. What a fool. Pee rushes up to MacAfee, and the two of them dance. Pee is doing the Pee Shuffle, and MacAfee is still doing the Can-Can. It is an intriguing sight.
ANDY
(With a look of utter disgust) Take it back.
PEE
(Stops dancing) What? NO!
ANDY
Well I don't want it.
PEE
Me neither!
MacAfee continues to Can-Can while the whole exchange is going on.
ANDY
You won't take it back?
PEE
No. It's yours. I gave it to you. You can't give it back.
ANDY
Fine. (Pause) Then you die.
PEE
What?!?
ANDY
DIE!
Andy sticks his arms straight out in front of him and aims at Pee, almost as if he were to shoot lightning at Pee through his fingertips, but instead he makes a swift gesture to MacAfee. He gets the hint and dances over to Pee.
MACAFEE
Pee! Come dance with me!
PEE
Huh? What? (Incoherant mumbling)
MacAfee grabs Pee and begins to Can-Can with him. Pee is getting thrown and tossed about the whole time. Then MacAfee lets go and Pee is thrown several meters. Pee gets up and shakes violently over to the group, trying to aviod MacAfee. His shaking continues to get worse all the time.
JOSH
Macafee! Your wild dancing has shaken Pee so much he's having a chemical imbalance! He's gonna blow!
MACAFEE
Oops.
HARLEY
Hit the deck!
Pee's shaking gets much worse. He's vibrating everywhere. Everyone throws themselves to the ground. Then Pee explodes, throwing little bits of himself in all directions. Pee rains down over the group of people. They all wipe the bits of Pee of their faces in disgust.
FELICITY
That was neat. Can we do it again?
PYRO
Nope. No more Pee.
FELICITY
Oh.
JOSH
Hey! Pokey has something to say!
Claymation Pokey walks in [Filmed seperatelly].
POKEY
Where's my leg?
A large 16-ton weight falls and squishes Pokey.
A pause.
MACAFEE
I like beans.
Everyone nods their heads in approval.
WEE
Beans are cool.
ANDY
Who are you?
MACAFEE
Didn't I kill you?
WEE
I'm Pee's twin brother, Wee.
ANDY
Oh. Hey, Wee.
WEE
Hey.
MACAFEE
So, where were we?
PYRO
Beans.
MACAFEE
Oh yeah. I like beans.
WEE
Beans are cool.
ANDY
(SCREAMING) MEXICAN JUMPING BEANS!
WEE
Yup.
PYRO
I like to burn beans.
Silence. Everyone freezes and stares at her, speechless.
A pause.
WEE
Yup.
Andy smashes more cake into his face.
ANDY
Wee, what did you get me for my birthday?
WEE
Well, I didn't know what to get you, so I bought you a cheese log.
ANDY
(Mouth agape) WEE! My new best friend!
WEE
Buddy!
Wee and Andy embrace.
MacAfee turns to Josh.
MACAFEE
(Mouth agape) JOSH! My new best friend! (Opens arms for a hug)
JOSH
(Struggling) AAAHHH! Get away from me! (Hides behind Felicity)
FELICITY
Bad MacAfee.
MacAfee frowns and sulks away.
JOSH
(To Felicity) He's evil.
HARLEY
(Walking past) Hey! So am I!
JOSH
That you are, Harley.
HARLEY
Ricola!
JOSH
Don't get to excited, now.
HARLEY
I'm okay now.
PYRO
Do we have anymore Pop-Tarts?
Pyro walks to the picnic basket, but trips over a rock on the ground. Pyro's lighter falls from her and hits the ground. She gasps and collapses to the earth.
PYRO
(In a weak voice) Need... butane. (Outstreaches arm for lighter) Must... get...
Pyro collapses just inches away from reaching the lighter. She lets out breath, which indicates her death.
ANDY
(Looking down upon Pyro's dead body) That's to bad.
MacAfee smells his armpits. Harley looks at Pyro's dead body.
HARLEY
You're all a bunch of Amazonian Indians.
JOSH
Huh?
HARLEY
Indians. I'm gonna kill 'em all.
On saying that, a whole bunch of arrows shoot into Harley's chest from an unseen source.
HARLEY
You ain't no real Indians. Real Indians don't look and act like a crazy fool.
He gurgles blood and then falls over dead. Felicity reacts in shock and stumbles into a tree, where either a spider or a snake bites her. She screams.
FELICITY
Ouch! Something bit me!
Her eyes get really big, she twitches once or twice and then falls over dead. Andy walks over to Felicity's limp body. He looks down at it. He nudges it with his foot.
ANDY
Nifty.
Andy hears a growl, and looks up. Josh charges him, with his jaws open, bearing teeth, and letting out a shrill Raptor scream. Andy steps aside when Josh gets near. Josh runs right past... and right off a conveniently placed cliff. A Raptor roar can be heard, getting fainter and fainter, until a THWUMP! is heard.
ANDY
Well, MacAfee. Now that everyone is dead, I guess that--
WEE
(Interrupting Andy) Hey, Andy. I'm still here.
ANDY
(Strained) Oh, yes. Wee. How could I have forgotten?
WEE
I'm your best friend.
ANDY
Yes, and I have something for you.
WEE
Really? What? Is it a puppy?
ANDY
Better.
WEE
OOOOHHHH! WHAT?!?
ANDY
Close your eyes.
Wee closes his eyes tightly. REALLY tightly.
ANDY
Here it is.
Andy pulls out a gun and shoots Wee. Wee dies.
ANDY
Well, who wants cake?
MACAFEE
I do!
Andy and MacAfee eat cake. Andy, in a very messy manner.
MACAFEE
I poisoned the cake, but I'm immune to the poison.
ANDY
Neat. (Eats some more)
Andy eats a little more, then he falls over dead. MacAfee laughs.
MACAFEE
(Looking around at the dead bodies)Wow.(Stands up) I'm going home, now. (Leaves)
MacAfee begins walking away. The camera stays put as MacAfee moves from it, leaving the carnage behind him, to begin adventures anew. After a while...
Fade out.
3 BLACK SCREEN
End Titles play.
BACK TO SCRIPT LIBRARY
This page engaged 29 October 2000.
Last updated 16 November 2000.
©2000, JG Enterprises, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
