A Script in the Woods
Director and screenwriter Bryan MacAfee wrote the script to A House in the Woods in only one draft. The script was 14 pages long and was written using a 10-point Times New Roman typeface. Rather than having a title page with the film's name, there was simply a cast list. This is due to the film not having been named at this point in the production.
Presented here, in its entirity is MacAfee's script. But, since I only have my old printed copy, I had to retype the whole thing exactally as it's written. I even went and added all the typos I noticed, including double periods and the wrong usage of "they're". So you can thank me later for all the work I've put into this thing!
A HOUSE IN THE WOODS
original screenplay by BRYAN MACAFEE
retyped by JOSHUA GULCH
1 Collection of Pictures
Voodoo People by Prodigy begins along with the collection of pictures and opening credits (see the attachment for the credits list). The pictures stop and leaves "snow" as the credits are finishing up. The camera slowly begins to ZOOM OUT at the last credit. The song stops.
2 Int.- John's House
After the complete zoom out, only STATIC is emitted from the television and a Long shot reveals a lone boy walking down a hallway with a disgruntled look on his face. He is carrying a suitcase and is wearing a coat. He walks into the kitchen and begins throwing cans into a bag. He then walks down the stairs and out the door. This was John.
3 Ext.- John's House
A female meets John outside of his house. She is crying. John comforts her and they begin to walk. Camera stays just ahead of them, looking back at them as they walk toward a forest.
JOHN
We have to get going. I've arranged for us to be picked up on the other side of that forest.
They begin to walk.
KRISTINE
Why did we desert our parents like that? Why?
JOHN
Because I called you and said "Hey, we should desert our parents sometime." You said okay, so I made the arrangements.
KRISTINE
Oh yeah.
They fall silent as they approach the forest. Camera angle now shows the forest in its fullness. FADE OUT.
4 Ext.- Forest
This is a little music montage thing. The song playing is Halcyon & On & On by Orbital. Close-up of feet walking- Fade to black. Fade in. Close-up low angle shot of John. Close-up high angle shot of Kristine. Close-up high angle of John. Close-up low angle shot of Kristine. Long shot of the two walking.
5 Ext.- Forest: Nightfall
It is extremely cold outside. John and Kristine are walking and they're both really cold and Kristine is complaining about it. This is a medium shot of Kristine.
KRISTINE
John, it's freezing cold out here. How long is it going to take?
JOHN
Not much longer. Don't worry.
KRISTINE
Can we just stop and take a rest?
JOHN
If we stop, we'll freeze.
KRISTINE
We could always use our body warmth to keep warm.
Camera PULLS BACK and reveals the entire scene. Not a building in sight. FADE OUT.
6 Ext.- Forest- Pitch Black; Woman's House
It's really cold outside..
KRISTINE
John, it's freezing out here and heven's we passed this tree a couple times already?
JOHN
Come on. Let's keep moving.
KRISTINE
Admit it! We're lost!
JOHN
We are not lost now come on, let's keep going...
KRISTINE
Look! A house! Let's stop for a while. We can warm up and maybe they can help us find where we're trying to go.
JOHN
I don't think that's such a good idea.
KRISTINE
I don't care what you think, I'm stopping anyway.
She runs off. The camera now shows the house with Kristine approaching. CLOSE-UP on the doorbell. Kristine rings it, now a CLOSE-UP on her face. EXTREME CLOSE-UP on her widened eye. An extremely bright light engulfs the frame and she screams. LONG SHOT on John.
JOHN
Jesus. Kristine! Wait for me Kristine!
He runs up to the door. When he rings the doorbell, an elderly lady answers the door.
WOMAN
Yes?
JOHN
Hello. My girlfriend was just here a second ago. I take it you let her in.
WOMAN
No, I didn't, but perhaps my servant did. I'll go check. Oh, I suppose you'd like to come in.
She opens the door and John steps in. Camera does a 180 and we now see John from the front. The lady walks away and returns a second later.
WOMAN
Yes. He did, all right. Please come in and make yourself at home.
They walk into another room. LONG SHOT captures both of them in the frame.
WOMAN
You're not from around here, are you?
JOHN
We're in the middle of the forest.
They both fall silent. A second or two later a tall man walks in.
WOMAN
This is my assistant. I call him Torgo.
TORGO
How do you do?
JOHN
Hello.
A brief pause.
JOHN
Why do you guys live out here? I mean, what would possess anybody to build a house in the middle of...
WOMAN
That topic is not open for discussion! What possesses anybody to live anywhere?
JOHN
Sorry. I was just curious. About my girlfriend...
TORGO
Yes. The girl.
WOMAN
Why don't you show the nice boy to his room?
JOHN
My room? I'm sorry, I can't stay.
WOMAN
Oh... take him to his girlfriend then, Torgo.
TORGO
Yes, my lady.
They exit the area.
7 Int.- Torgo's Room
We now see Torgo's room. It is a very interesting room- a lot of woman's clothing, some chains. etc. Kristine is in the corner, apparently asleep.
JOHN
Kristine! Wake-up!
KRISTINE
John? I'm awake. I'm awake. Aren't these nice people?
JOHN
Yes, they are very hospitable.
KRISTINE
Is there any chance of getting some food?
TORGO
Sure, follow me.
They walk out of the room and down into the kitchen. The old woman is down there baking a cake.
WOMAN
Hello children! I'm baking you this nice cake. I hope you two will enjoy it.
JOHN
That's very kind of you. Thank you very much.
WOMAN
Don't mention it. We don't get very many visitors out here. What brings you our way?
KRISTINE
Our parents hate each other. My father's in the FBI and his is in the GRAFIA.
WOMAN
What's the GRAFIA?
JOHN
The Greek Mafia. We're Greek!
WOMAN
I see.
JOHN
But, who's to say this "GRAFIA" even exists. (wink)
TORGO
They just explained it!
Woman smacks Torgo. Torgo whimpers and runs off. FADE TO BLACK.
8 Int.- Dining Room
The whole group is now gathered around a dinner table. The camera is zoomed in on a television set so that you can't tell it's a television set. On the TV is Eraserhead. The scene with the chicken. The camera zooms out and reveals a real dinner table. The old woman brings out a tray with a chicken on it. A small one.
JOHN
Are we all supposed to eat this?
TORGO
Yes.
JOHN
Isn't is a bit small?
TORGO
Yes.
WOMAN
Why don't you cut the bird, John?
JOHN
Okay.
John tries to cut the bird but, as he starts, the bird starts to move. They sit there silently, watching the bird for about 30 seconds. It's almost the same thing we saw in Eraserhead.
Torgo laughs.
JOHN
Interesting.
Kristine stands up and runs out.
JOHN
I don't think we should eat this.
TORGO
Nonsense.
Torgo picks up the bird and takes a big bite out of it. Yummy. John stands up and heads up the stairs. Torgo continues to eat. John is now upstairs. He walks into a spare room, where Kristine is lying on the bed, staring blankly at the ceiling. John walks in.
JOHN
Something strange is going on here.
There is a bright flash and Grandma Borg walks past in the background.
KRISTINE
(while pointing) John.
John turns around a second too late. Undaunted, he turns back.
JOHN
I suggest we get out of here as soon as possible.
KRISTINE
Iagree. Let's pack up.
They start to gather their things and then walk down the stairs into the kitchen, to retrieve their coats. Now there is a close up of Grandma Borg carrying a knife above her head. Now we see Grandma Borg over John's shoulder as he leans down picking up his coat. He turns around and she quickly brings down the knife.
GRANDMA BORG
Would you like a piece of cake?
JOHN
No thank you. We've got to leave.
GRANDMA BORG
So soon?
KRISTINE
Yes. I'm sure our parents miss us very much.
TORGO
You guys aren't going anywhere.
He then pushes them down and we see a bright flash.
9 Ext.- John's House
This is a long shot of John's house John's mother's voice comes in as we see an inside view of the house. There sit John's mother, John's father, and Detective Jakab.
(VOICE OF) JOHN'S MOTHER
About a week now. We're worried sick.
Cut inside.
JOHN'S FATHER
I had one of my men... er... friends waiting on the road for the two to emerge. He was supposed to bring them back.
DETECTIVE JAKAB
How did you know what they were doing?
FATHER
I had John's phone bug... er... I overheard John going over the plan with Kristine on the phone.
DETECTIVE
I see. I fear that they have been kidnapped. Have you contacted the friend John and Kristine were supposed to get a ride with?
FATHER
Of course.
DETECTIVE
Well, I happen to have records of a very similar case in which two children, brother and sister, went into that same forest and didn't return. There is a house in that forest. I believe that house may have something to do with it.
FATHER
I see. Well, do everything you can, please.
DETECTIVE
Yes. I will investigate the house and return to you with my findings in two days. Good day.
FATHER
Thank you.
Detective stands and shakes hands with john's father.
DETECTIVE
Don't worry, Mrs. Mantwan.
FADE TO BLACK
10 Ext.- Strange House in the Woods
The detective arrives at the very house John and Kristine are at. He cautiously approaches the door and rings the bell. Nobody comes to he rings it again. And again. Now he knocks. Once more. One last time. He is walking away from the door when Torgo answers it.
TORGO
What do you want?
DETECTIVE
I just need to ask you some questions. Mind if I come in?
TORGO
Yes I do. There, I answered your question. Please leave.
DETECTIVE
I'm sorry, I can't do that.
The detective pushes his way past Torgo.
TORGO
Now please ask your questions so you can leave.
DETECTIVE
Why do you want me to leave so bad? Are you hiding something?
TORGO
Of course not.
DETECTIVE
Where's your master? The old witch?
TORGO
She's busy.
Detective moves up in to Torgo's face.
DETECTIVE
I couldn't get on the sibling case, but rest assured that your ass is mine this time. I'm leaving here with the two teenagers.
Torgo laughs.
TORGO
Come see the two young lovers and ask them if they want to leave.
DETECTIVE
I knew you had them here! I'm going to radio for backup and arrest you and the woman!
TOGRO
Wait... come with me and you'll see that they're not harmed. In fact, they're quite happy.
They walk upstairs and Torgo opens the door to his room for the detective. They walk in and we get a nice high angle shot of them from across the room with John and Kristine standing in the foreground.
DETECTIVE
Hello. Are you kids all right.
JOHN AND KRISTINE
We're fine.
JOHN
In fact...
KRISTINE
we're great.
DETECTIVE
What happened to your eyes.
They're eyes are screwed up as the camera now shows us.
JOHN
Torgo...
KRISTINE
helped...
JOHN
us.
DETECTIVE
I'm taking you kids out of here. It's not safe.
JOHN (in a distorted "Voice")
No, you're not.
The detective moves in for a closer look (close-up). John has a very evil expression on his face as he slams the detective up against the wall. Grandma Borg emerges and places her tubes in the detective's neck. He gasps for air and john releases him, allowing him to fall to the ground. Torgo drags him out of the room. FADE TO BLACK
11 Int.- Bathroom
There is a man with a bathrobe on searching through the medicine cabinet. He then bends down to get something out of the cabinet. He opens the door and peers in. CUT TO MAN IN BEDROOM. The man in the bedroom turns his head and stares at the man who apparently just disturbed the man's reading. The man in the bathroom shuts the cabinet door. He reopens it a second later and the little man is still there. He shuts it one more time and this time when he opens it, there is a normal cabinet. he takes out a hair brush and brushes his hair. He leaves the bathroom and enters the room right next to it, where there is a man on a bed reading just as the man in the cabinet. The shower man leaves the room and re-enters the bathroom and once again opens the cabinet door to find the reading man staring him right in the face. He closes the cabinet door, puts on his clothes and walks outside, onto his deck. He looks down at the man watering snow covered ground.
FRED
Bill! The television's actin' up again!
Water suddenly drenches Fred. he turns his head and the camera cuts to reveal Bill, the same man who was watering the snow covered ground spraying Fred in the face.
BILL
Oh.
FRED
We need to call the cable guy again.
BILL
Oh.
FRED
I'll do that right now.
He enters and picks up the phone. He dials and realizes that there is no dial-tone. He turns and looks into the kitchen. The camera pans and Bill is standing right there.
BILL
Have you heard from Torgo?
FRED
Torgo?
BILL
Yes. Torgo.
FRED
Yes.
They stare blankly at each other for a few seconds. The doorbell then rings.
FRED
I'll get it.
He ventures down the stairs and opens the door. It's Bill. Bill enters the house and ther two of them walk upstairs. In the kitchen stands John, Kristine, Grandma Borg, Detective Jakab, Torgo, and Bill.
BILL (to Fred)
Have you completed your mission?
FRED
Yes.
BILL (to Torgo)
Have you completed yours?
TORGO
Yes.
BILL
Let us go.
Cowgirl by Underworld starts. Everyone begins to walk down the stairs, except for Bill. The open the door to leave and Bill is standing right there. They all start walking down the street (leaving Bill behind) and end up at another house. They enter and go down into a garage/basement. There, Bill stands. He lifts up his arm to his mouth and begins speaking into it.
BILL
We are ready to leave. We have successfully captured five humans.
FRED
Five? But there are only...
BILL (to Fred)
Five! Hansel and Grettle have already been beamed aboard. (to watch) We are ready to board. Begin transfer now!
FADE TO BLACK. Music continues. Roll end credits. Pictures of each member of the cast appear as their name appears on the screen.
©1997, Bryan MacAfee. All Rights Reserved.
RUN BACK HOME!
This page engaged 11 December 2000.
Last updated 11 December 2000.
©2000, 2001, JG Enterprises, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
