We both went to the prenatal class and had all the lab tests done. At the first official check-up appointment when I was 10 weeks along they had wanted to do a sonogram. My husband was going to wait until I was done to come into the room. It took a while to locate the baby. When I could finally see the small outline of it, I could see the little heart beating I almost started to cry. The nurses said it looked real healthy. Then the doctor told me to wait a minute and to hold still. All he said was "yes, I knew it". The nurses were all looking at the monitor. Half started laughing, the other half started to cry. I asked if there was something wrong. He said"no, but you are going to have twins". I didn't know if I should laugh or cry. The doctor said that everything looks normal, he wanted me to get dressed and see him in his office. As I was getting dressed I remembered Ron sitting in the waiting room. Why didn't I have the nurse go get him? I guess I will never know. When I walked out of the office, I was trying to decide how I was going to tell Ron that we were going to have twins. Gosh, it seems so weird to be carrying twins.
When Ron saw me, he got up and came over. He asked if everything was ok. I just said " I think we need to talk". We went out to a small hallway. I told him that the doctor had said that I was about 10 and a half weeks along and that everything looked good. In fact, both babies looked good. He didn't even seem to notice what I had said. Finally he realized what I had said. I think that his mouth dropped to the floor. The first thing out of his mouth was " is he sure"? I told him that I had got to see them. I told him that they were fighting already because they were kicking each other.
We had gone and bought two cribs and we were going to garage sales to get clothes and blankets. The next day I saw the doctor, he said that twins are normally born early and it would be best if I go back to the U.S. to have them. The paperwork was being put in for me to come to the states to have them. By now I was 23 weeks along, I had no morning sickness, no swollen ankles, no nothing. I was beginning to feel both of them kicking me. It was the best thing I could ever experience. I made a promise to myself that I would not go to sleep until I felt both babies kicking. Believe it or not , they would.
On December 9th, we both had the day off work, so we planned on doing some Christmas shopping and put up our small, artificial tree. It was about 100 degree's that day and it was hot all day. That night, I went to bed early because the twins were very active and I was hoping to get some sleep. Around three o'clock in the morning I woke up to go to the bathroom like I had always done. Then I crawled back into bed. At five o'clock, it was bathroom break again. But this time something seemed wrong. When I got up I was dizzy and really hot. I went to the bathroom, there was blood all over the place. I took a shower and got dressed and walked out to the living room to get a book I had about pregnancy and childbirth. I read about the symptom I was having. I woke Ron up and told him that something was wrong with the twins.
We went to the hospital and they had us wait until one of the doctors came in. It seemed like we had been waiting for hours until someone could see us. The doctor asked what the problem was. He wanted to check and see what the twins were doing. He was doing his examination when he just looked at me and said I was going to loose both of them. He said that I was fully dilated and there was nothing he could do. One of the babies's head was already coming out. He wanted to admit me to the hospital to stop the contractions's and have the twins removed. All I could do was cry. Ron was there and he said he would stay there until everything was done. The nurses came in and put a monitor on me, to monitor my heartbeat and also the babies. That was the hardest thing I had to listen to. Just knowing that I would never get to see them play together, go to school, or dress them the same. My normal doctor came in and said that he was sorry for not wanting me to go back to the states earlier so they could have monitored me closer. They gave me a shot of terbutaline to slow the contractions down and possibly stop them. The doctors and nurses was coming in and out of the room, when they were gone Ron and I would talk about what was going on and how much we loved each other. I kept thinking about what I did wrong. I ate fruit and vegetables all the time drank water at every meal. I just wanted the twins together. A pastor came in and said a little prayer for the twins and that God would take care of them. My doctor came back in again and said he wanted to transport me to a civilian hospital about 20 miles away to deliver them. They prepared me to go in the ambulance for the trip over there.
When we got there they put me in a small 9x9 room. None of the nurses or doctors could speak English, only Spanish. They put a monitor back on me. I could still hear the heartbeats, I wish they would have just turned the machines off. I waited until the heartbeats would stop. When would they? The head doctor came in and said he wanted to go deliver the babies now. They took me to the operating room. My husband was not allowed in there. The had a lot of preparing to do before they began. I lay there and watched them prepare the instruments and machines. They wheeled in two warming beds. The doctor came over and said they were going to try to save the babies but with me only 23 weeks along there was not much hope.
It seemed like every doctor in the place was doing different tests and examinations on me. After a while I didn't even care who seen me. They were going to try to deliver the first one natural since it was already coming out anyway. All he told me was to push, so I did. It really hurt because the baby was in a ball and that is how it wanted to come out. They had to cut a little. I was just pushing and screaming at the same time. Finally, I felt the umbilical cord against my leg and I felt my water break The nurse walked over and said that I did a good job. In Spanish I asked her if that was one or two babies? She held up 2 fingers. I was so relieved that it was all over. I didn't hear a baby just a lot of moving around. I knew that they were unable to save them. All of a sudden the anasthealogist came over and said he was going to put me to sleep because they were going to do a cesarean section to get the other baby. I just started to cry. I kept looking at the clock when he was putting me under. It was 12:25 p.m.
I remember waking up and shaking like I was cold but the nurse in the recovery room had put a heating blanket on me. Then they wheeled me to the maternity ward. When I got into the room, I had to switch beds. I was in a lot of pain. Pain from the first delivery, pain from the second delivery or just pain from everything that had happened. When the first nurse, I had forgotten to ask the sex of the babies or if they were alive. I asked but I was afraid of the answers. She said " you have two beautiful boys and they were doing good. " Wait did she have the right room, the right person? My babies were supposed to be gone. The doctor walked in then and said his congratulations. He wanted to talk about their conditions. The first baby A, was on life support and had already had a blood transfusion. He is the stronger of the 2 and has a better chance of making it. He weighed 486 grams 1 lb. 1 oz. The second baby B was also on life support but he is very small. He is about 22 weeks in size and development. He weighed 400 grams, about 14 oz. The doctor said that we need a miracle to happen to have both boys survive. The second he said is just too small. He doesn't have any good veins so the nurses can give him any medications. They will try their best but he probably won't make it through the night. I didn't know if I should be happy because they were both alive or cry because they might die. So I was happy.
Ron came into the room right after the doctor left, I just smiled and said "Two Boys". He got the biggest smile on his face. That is what he had wanted. He got to see both boys. He told me the first one was bigger and looked healthier. He was moving his arms and legs around. Ron then looked out the window and said the second one looked really bad. He had his back turned toward the window and Ron couldn't rally see him. I wanted to go to see them but I was to stay in bed for 24 hours. We then started talking about names. It was strange how we just said one name and we were set on it. The first one we named Joshua Alen. His middle name was taken from my fathers name, who was very important in my life. The second one we named Tyler John, the middle name came from my grandfather. The name John had been placed down from generation to generation. Ron stayed in my room for a few hours and then went home to get something to eat and sleep.
At 8:30 p.m. the doctor came in and said that Tyler had past away. They tried everything they could but but he just wasn't strong enough. I was very sad but I couldn't cry. I didn't want to call Ron and tell him over the phone so I will just tell him in the morning when he comes to see me. When Ron entered the room the next morning, I said I was glad to see him because I wanted to talk with him. I told him that Tyler had past away last night, he didn't say anything. We both knew he wasn't going to make it but it still hurt. The nurses came in to change the bed sheets and take the IV out of my arm, so Ron went to do the birth certificates and death certificate. It felt good to take a shower and to change clothes.
Ron came back in so the doctors could talk about Joshua's condition. They said that he only had a 3-5 % chance of survival. He is the smallest and youngest baby they have ever had. He needs a blood transfusion every few hours. The hospital requested that we have friends and family donate blood for Joshua and resupply the blood that Joshua was using. He only needs a little at a time. The doctor said that Joshua wants his mommy to come and see him. It was a shock to hear it put that way. It must have taken me 5 minutes to walk to the nursery which was only 100 feet away. The nurses had put a robe on me and I walked over to wash my hands. When I was done the nurse pointed to a small bed in the corner and said that was my baby. I walked slowly over to itbut when I saw Joshua lying there and kicking his feet, I almost started to cry. He was beautiful. He had a small towel across his face but the nurse came over and took it off. She was always calling him Baby A. I told her what his name was and she said that the name fit him perfectly. Ron came over and we were touching his soft skin. He was moving his arms and legs like he was happy that we were there. He had blonde hair and very red skin. I held his hand for a few minutes and then we left. We went for a walk down the halls of the hospital. Every room that we had passed, we could hear newborn babies crying and the parents all happy about their new arrivals.
We made it back to our room, my lunch had arrived which was beef broth and jello. Ron went out with some friends to lunch. After they left, I decided that I should call my parents and let them know what was going on. I called and my brother was the only one home. I told him what had happened. He said that he was very sorry about the whole situation. He said that he was happy to be an uncle for the second time. I asked him not to tell mom and dad, that I would call them later. After lunch and a short nap, I tried the call again, they were home. The first thing I said was congratulations gramma and grampa. She was silent, so I told he a little bit about what occurred and she was crying, but happy Joshua was still hanging in there. I told them I would call them later when I knew more about Joshua's condition.
I wasn't able to see Joshua for the rest of the day and night because the doctors were always working on him and doing tests. On Sunday, it was my sisters birthday. I called her to wish her a happy birthday and to let her know that for her birthday she got to be an Aunt for the first time. She was very happy, she even started to cry for joy. Chris was a medical technician when she was in the air force. She understood everything that was going on with Joshua.
I was discharged from the hospital on Monday afternoon. When I got home, the apartment seemed empty. Ron went outside to walk the dog while I unpacked my bag. I went to the spare bedroom where we had put the two cribs and all the homemade quilts and blankets that my family had sent us. I looked at all the double outfits that we received. I think that is when it finally hit me that Tyler was gone and Joshua was just hanging on.
That night we received a phone call from the hospital telling us that Joshua was going back to the States in the morning. The Air Force had sent down a team of neonatal doctors to med-evac him to Wilford Hall Medical Center in Lackland, AFB, in Texas. This was the first time that we had heard that this was going to happen. They wanted one of us to go with him as an escort. It didn't take much talking to decide that I was going to go with him. We had to do a fast packing job. With the temperature in Texas being about 50 degrees, I had to pull all my clothes out of boxes that were packed up. We got everything done and went and waited at the passenger terminal for the aircraft to prepare to depart. Joshua was going to be arriving by ambulance and go straight to the plane. It was Ron's turn to go in the ambulance and say goodbye to Joshua since he needed to stay back and get the birth and death certificates done.
Joshua was wheeled up the back of the C141 and then I was taken up to him to see him before we took off. He looked so tiny lying in the middle of the isolette. One of the doctors stayed by Joshua's side the entire flight. I went and saw him a few times throughout the flight, but I was so tired it was hard for me to stand up. Half way through the flight one of the crew members came over and told me that he had a little girl that was 3 months premature and she is doing fine today. He reached over his arm and grabbed the aircrew patch that was on his arm. He handed that to me and told me to hang it up in Joshua's nursery so he will know about all the people that were praying and helping him through the rough time.
We arrived in Texas about 5 hours later. We went by ambulance to the hospital and they took him into the neonatal ICU right away. They asked me to stay outside while they got him on a warming table and took some blood tests. I went down the hallway to call my sister to let her know that we made it here O.K. She only lived about 30 minutes from the hospital. When she arrived it was a relief for me. Finally I had someone that I could talk to. The doctors came in and said that I could go in and see Joshua now. My sister and I got all dressed up in blue paper robes and washed our hands. When I walked up to Joshua, he wasn't moving at all, the nurses said that it was better for Joshua to be sedated because it was putting a strain on his heart. With him moving around he was burning a lot of energy doing nothing, and he needed that energy to grow. When Chris walked up to him the first thing she said was " He's so cute but I think he needs some hair." We both started laughing until tears were coming down our faces. We then went to dinner and got caught up on each others lives.
I fell into a routine with visiting Joshua, I would go and see him three or four hours in the morning and go and see him for about four hours at night. I stayed in the billeting rooms right next to the hospital. Joshua needed to have surgery the second day there to repair his PDA tube in his heart. He had good days and then there were bad days. After a week and a half went by, the doctors said that Joshua's left lung had collapsed and that Ron should come in to Texas as soon as he can. My parents and brother were coming in to see him too. We first had to go shopping for a Christmas tree and decorations for Joshua. I wanted to make my parents feel more comfortable around him, but I guess decorations aren't going to do the trick. Everyone arrived on Dec. 20th Ron and I met them in the lobby and explained what was going on with Joshua and his condition. I really didn't seem like they wanted to listen to me talk, they just wanted to see him. I took my mom and dad in at the same time. I thought that it was only fair. My mom started crying, she was smiling and kept saying that he is beautiful. My dad said that he is tiny but he is a fighter and will make it through. On Dec.23rd, in the evening the doctors said that Joshua had gotten worse. He might not make it through the night. I didn't want to see Joshua die so close to Christmas. Every Christmas would be hard on me and the rest of the family. We all started walking down the hall when Michael, my sisters 3 year old son, said that he wanted to see the babies. My dad lifted him up to the nursery window where a little girl was lying in a crib. He pointed and said " Oh look, there's baby Jesus". This was the first time that we could all laugh together.
My parents and Deron left the next day heading back to Minnesota, Joshua had made it through the night. The Christmas decorations came down and up went the valentines day hearts and cupids. Joshua was gaining about 1-3 ounces a day. We were finally starting to see a small fetus turn into a baby. He was getting hair like my sister had wanted. Finally he was able to start to wear preemie clothes.
Ron and I went back to Panama to take care of Tyler. We had left Chris in charge of Joshua. I decided that I wanted to see Tyler. My mom had made a small white sweater, hat and blanket for him. The pastor had put it on him so I would feel more comfortable about seeing him. We went into the room, he was lying on a small yellow. He looked a little like Joshua, but he was smaller. He had a small button nose and little flat ears. I held him close and told him about his big brother, Joshua. We had taken some pictures of him and said our goodbyes. I told him that I would tell Joshua all about you when he got bigger. We then went to get the death certificate while he was cremated. We took his remains to the beginning of the Panama Canal. We wanted Tyler to be with us where ever we are. Ron took the cover off the container and together we poured the ashes into the water. I had gotten 4 red roses. The first one was from Ron's side of the family. He said a prayer and tossed it over the bridge. The second one was from Chris, Deron and Michael. They lived Tyler dearly. It was tossed over the bridge. The next one was from my mom and dad and my grandparents. They will never forget him. The last one was from me, Ron and Joshua. I think about him every day and let Joshua know that he is alive because of him He is my baby and always will be. Ron tossed the last one over the bridge. We looked down and the was a rose on each side of Tyler's remains. We looked at each other and smiled and walked away.
On March 17th, Ron's birthday, the doctors took Joshua off the respirator and was putting him an a nasal canula . I finally got to hold him with no tube in his mouth. I would rock him for hours at a time just waiting for him to go to sleep. Ron and I would take turns holding him and taking care of him. The nurses after a while would just sit back and let us change, feed and rock him, it made us start to feel like parents.
We had put in paperwork for us to be transferred to Travis AFB in northern California. The base had the facilities that Joshua would need and the jobs for both of us. On March 26th, we flew out to med-evac to Travis. The doctors here said that Joshua should be able to go home in 2 weeks. We still had to find a place to live and get Joshua a crib. Since our furniture was coming from Panama, it was going to take a while until we would have something to sleep on. We went and rented a couch, chair and bed. Joshua came home on April 6th.
Today Joshua is a very active 5 year old. He weighs 40 pounds and is 36 inches tall. The only medical problems that he had is his vision and he has an oral aversion. He had his second set of laser surgery to reattach the retina. He also will be having surgery to correct to placement of the muscles in both of his eyes. He wears glasses but his vision is limited. Joshua had a gastronomy tube placed in his stomach. He refuses to eat anything by mouth. He receives his nutrition at night time. He goes to a special education preschool 4 days a week for 4 hours. Joshua was evaluated and is at a 3 and half year old level.
